Animate Me (28 page)

She looks surprised by my declaration. “I’m not trying to change you, if that’s what you think,” she replies. “You just never seem to understand how attractive you are. I thought maybe wearing something special tonight would make you feel good. You were so confident at the Emmys in your tux.”

“Screw the clothes. What makes me feel good is when you look at me the way you did that night, and just now when I stepped out of the dressing room.”

She tips her head, considering what I’ve said and a look of worry shadows her expression. “I should be more careful. It’s just hard for me to hide my attraction to you.”

“But I liked the way you looked at me, it made me feel wanted…it felt good,” I argue.

“But I was going to start controlling myself. Until I get my situation straightened out, my attraction to you and our physical relationship just confuses everything.” She gently eases her hand out of mine and places it on the table, then fiddles nervously with the silverware.

I feel frustration fire up in me. I know this is Arnold’s influence. “But I don’t want you to stop being with me.”

She looks down nervously and takes a sip of water as I persist with my point.

“Remember when our friendship got off track and you wanted to stop touching me before? I couldn’t stand not seeing and being close to you and you missed me too…didn’t you?”

She nods solemnly.

“Well, that just didn’t work, and it won’t now either,” I insist.

I can’t resist asking the obvious. The timing of her new reticence about us immediately followed her getaway trip. “Is all of this because of Arnold? Did he say something to you while you were in Santa Barbara?”

“Yes,” she admits, her expression getting very dark.

“And…”

“Nathan, listen to me. I’m trying to work some things out and you can’t be in the middle of it. But meanwhile you need to stay as far away from Arnauld as possible. Promise me.”

“I wish you’d tell me everything and let me help you. I’m not afraid of him.”

“Well, you should be.”

“What’s he holding over you Brooke because frankly I don’t understand why you’re with him at all? What aren’t you telling me? Did you even want to go to Santa Barbara?”

“No, and I should’ve refused. We ended up arguing most of the time.”

“So it wasn’t romantic?”

“Hardly,” she huffs.

“You know Nathan, the honest truth is that since we’ve met, all I’ve done is distract you and pull you into my mess with Arnauld. Here things were moving along with you and Dani and suddenly I’m the one you’re spending time with, opening up sexually with. I’m comfortable for you, an older woman involved with another guy, showing you the ropes. But I’m not the type of girl you really want, the kind of girl who’d be good for you.”

I’m stuck on the idea that she thinks she’s just a distraction. I look at her bewildered.

“And as this progresses, I’m doing things without thinking of the ramifications for both of us. Ever since we made love, all I can do is think about when we will do it again. I swear, I wanted to follow you into that dressing room earlier. For goodness sake, I was thinking about you the entire time I was in Santa Barbara.”

I can’t even feel the thrill of her declaration because of the question lingering in my mind. “Did you tell Arnold that we slept together?”

“No, I just couldn’t. Honestly, the way things were going, I was afraid to.”

I look down, twisting the napkin in my lap. Everything is so simple to me; I love Brooke and she should be with me. But as everyone in my life points out, I need to not pressure her, because for Brooke, this is very complicated.

“Arnauld has also accused me of losing my edge at work. I really need to get my shit together.”

She looks stressed and it makes my heart heavy. I want to hold her and make it all go away, but I fear it will only make things worse.

“Can I ask you one thing, Brooke?” I say.

She nods, her eyes sad.

“Why are you so sure you’re not the right kind of girl for me? You’ve got to understand how much I care about you.”

“Because I know you Nathan, you want a girl, one special girl to split that little foil packet of Pop Tarts with. You want a nice, sweet girl who will always be by your side—a solid relationship like your parents have…a marriage and kids, who hopefully like cartoons more than soccer.”

“Am I that transparent?” I ask.

“You’re wonderfully transparent and so sincere. It’s one of the things I love most about you.” She smiles tenderly. “But you have to know, I’ve never been that kind of girl. I’ve never had a good relationship, and I’m not sure I’d even know how. Also, I’m so into my career I’d probably make a terrible mother, and besides, I’m selfish.”

“No, you’re not, Brooke,” I insist, refusing to let her say that about herself.

“If I weren’t selfish, Nathan, I wouldn’t have dragged you into my mess.”

I realize in that moment that I believe in Brooke more than she believes in herself. I want to shake her and make her see that these feelings she has for me are all sign posts pointing to the road she should head down…the road that I’m waiting for her on. But she isn’t ready yet—I’m not so completely dense not to see this. I need to calm and placate her and try to buy more time.

“What do you want from me tonight, Brooke? Just tell me.”

She looks at me with a twisted expression somewhat like gratitude, mixed with discomfort.

“Arnauld told me that you’re taking Dani to the party tonight.”

“How the hell did he know that?”

“He has his ways. He seems to know quit a bit about you and Dani.”

“What does he say he knows? Nothing has happened between us. He’s just messing with you because he knows I care about you too much.”

Brooke suddenly looks very tired and defeated. Something’s really weighing on her and I wish she’d tell me what it is.

“Will you just really try to have a good time with Dani tonight? Focus on her. Give her all your attention.”

My heart drops but I’m not surprised. Perhaps she thinks it will solve something if Dani and I actually get together, but I know it won’t because it’s never going to happen. I decide to lighten things up because I sense she isn’t going to tell me anything more today and she looks so defeated. “But I’m going to still talk to you tonight.” I insist. “I want you to show me your new fancy yoga pants.”

She smiles and shakes her head. “Oh, Nathan…”

The only thing I know when we finally finish lunch and get up to leave, is that tonight is going to be a test of not just my acting abilities, but my self-restraint as well. When I see Brooke on Arnold’s arm, it’s going to take everything I have not to go mad.

• • •

“Who are you, and what’d you do with my Nathan?” Dani exclaims after she sees me at her door.

“Very funny, Dani. Can you just let me in, or do you want to humiliate me a bit more first?”

“No, that was enough,” she asserts, opening her door wider.

“What?” I ask, getting irritated with her gaping mouth.

“It is pretty amazing how much you’ve changed. I wasn’t kidding about barely recognizing you. You’re kind of hunky now.”

“Hunky?” That is a word I was certain would never, ever be attached to me. I don’t even know how to process that idea in my geek brain.

“Yeah, and where did you get that outfit? Cause I know for a fact that they don’t sell Cavalli at Target.”

“Brooke took me to that Fred Segal’s place today.” I state matter-of-factly.

“You were shopping at Fred-fucking-Segal’s?” she exclaims.

Clearly that has significant meaning to people of the fashion persuasion.

“Yup,” I admit.

“Damn,” she grumbles. “I wish Nick loved me the way you love Brooke. You’d do anything for that woman.”

I let out a long, sigh. “Yes, I would.”

Looking at her sad expression, and knowing what I know about Nick, I can’t help but encourage her.

“Don’t be so sure Nick doesn’t feel that way too, Dani. You just have to give him a chance to show you.”

When we walk into the Palace, for a moment I forget that I’m a geek. To an outsider it could almost look like I’m a hip guy out with a hot girl, the night lying before me ripe with the promise of plenty of booze and hot sex. But when I trip on the way in, I am reminded to both myself, and the entire nightclub crowd, who I really am. You can wrap a package any way you want, but that doesn’t change what’s inside.

I pause to gather myself before we move into the main room for the party. I can’t shake the weight of worry knowing what’s at stake tonight. Frankly it’s a relief that Dani is searching to spot Nick as hard as I am looking for Brooke. She finds him first, and grabs onto my arm. His angry eyes pierce through me as he watches us walk in. Since he and Dani started talking again he seems to have lost his tolerance for seeing us together. But Dani isn’t going to stop this game until she’s at least kicked a field goal.

“Come on, Nathan,” Dani says, pulling on my hand. “Let’s go get a drink.”

Most of the Beaver gang is here already, huddled around a table close to the bar. It’s weird to see everyone all dressed up and in a party mode. Despite his threats of wearing a dirty T-shirt, even Andy’s wearing a relatively unwrinkled button-down shirt with no stains. Although I’m pretty sure there will be stains by the end of the evening.

Joel seems particularly animated this evening. He’s brought an outside girl with him and he introduces her as his new girlfriend, Laura. Who knew? Joel is quite taken with this new girl who is Japanese with long black hair and a beautiful face. She seems to have a nice low-key demeanor, which is a good balance to his frenetic energy.

Laura tells Dani that she works at a doctor’s office and met Joel while taking his blood. He almost passed out and she had to tend to him.

“With extra-special care,” he explains, smiling as he wraps his arm around her waist. She smiles at him in response.

How romantic.
Only Joel could hit on a girl while she’s draining him of his life force. But regardless, it’s rare we have non-toon people penetrate our covert little world so she adds some intrigue to the evening.

Despite my wandering eye, I still haven’t spotted Brooke and her absence unsettles me. Shouldn’t she be here already? Maybe Mojo has kidnapped her again and is sucking out
her
life force like he tried to do in Santa Barbara. Next time I see her she may be a zombie, devoid of any traces of the girl I fell in love with.

Unnerved, I push my way up to the bar to get my much-needed second beer. This is going to be a very long night.

I have rejoined the group with Dani’s Diet Coke, trying to ignore Nick’s glare as I hand it to her. I don’t know why the ass doesn’t just make his move with the girl he obviously loves. But then I reprimand myself:
Big talk from the pussy that can’t even come clean with Brooke
. I look down at the ground and try to drum up a Wayne-ism to pull me out of this funk I’m spiraling into.

But when I lift my eyes Wayne is the furthest thing from my mind. Brooke steps into the room, and she’s a vision. Never mind the fact that she’s with the monkey, her beauty outshines everyone around her. She’s wearing some very fitted black jeans, almost as good as yoga pants. Her fancy purple velvet-looking top is lower cut than I’ve seen her wear before and the long sleeves sweep down dramatically. I also notice a necklace sparkling around her neck.

Her eyes scan the crowd and when she sees me standing next to Dani her eyes flicker, and she smiles sweetly. Just when I smile back, Arnold wraps his arm around her waist and pulls her aside. Mojo fury flares up inside of me for messing up my moment. If I were Marvin the Martian, I would’ve blasted him with my x-ray gun without a second thought, leaving Brooke with much less complications in her life, and Arnold, a little pile of cinders on the floor.

I try to refocus on our group’s conversation as I down my beer. Andy keeps cornering the people carrying around trays of tiny food, and before we know it, we’ve eaten the equivalent of a meal. I finish off a third beer a little too quickly as I watch Brooke and Arnold work through the room.

In my overwhelmed and beer-edged stupor I notice the music get louder, and I get nervous as I see Dani start to bounce to the beat. She had her hard limits with our arrangement. Well, mine is dancing.
No, just no…it’s not going to happen.

Minutes later she shimmies up close to me.

“It’s time to boogie, Nathan,” she croons.

“I can’t dance Dani,” I insist.

“I’ll teach you,” she responds, forcefully pulling me toward the dance floor. For a small thing, she’s powerful and irritatingly determined.

She leads me to the middle of the floor so the non-dancing lookie-loos won’t notice us as much. She takes my hands and then has me mimic her, stepping side to side. She’s so enthusiastic that it’s hard to stay mad and before I realize it, she’s moving our arms together so it almost looks like I’m dancing.
What do you know? I guess I actually am dancing.
I’m no John Travolta, but I’m still moving in sync with the pounding bass. It must be the magic, butt-hugging jeans Brooke talked me into buying.

Once I get more confident, Dani lets go of my hands and let’s loose.
Damn, that girl can dance.
Her sexy moves are drawing a lot of attention, most notably from Arnold and Brooke, who I suddenly realize are dancing nearby. Never one to miss an opportunity, when Dani realizes that Brooke’s watching she begins to drape and grind herself all over me.

The whole thing sets off a scene straight from an episode of
Friends.
Brooke starts looking territorial, which arouses me, thereby making me dance funny. Arnold reacts by doing something akin to dirty dancing with Brooke (with an astounding sense of rhythm, I might add) which of course, makes me want to kill him. Meanwhile it’s pretty clear that Nick is getting ready to strangle me. Just when things look like they’re going to implode, the DJ shakes things up, and puts on a slow, romantic song. We all stop, stunned and try to quickly regroup.

Arnold takes the lead by pulling Brooke into his arms. Dani responds by wrapping herself around me, and Nick grits his teeth. I know this isn’t going to end well. I take a deep breath, place my hands on Dani’s hips and prepare for the worst.