Arrest-Proof Yourself (41 page)

where you’re going

WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO TELL THE COPS?

You have to tell them your name. The Supreme Court has ruled that police may ask you this and that you have to reply except in narrowly defined circumstances. Forget the narrowly defined circumstances. You’ve got to tell them your name—period.

So tell them. Use your real name; in other words, the name your mother uses. Do not give them a street moniker such as “Bones,”
“Carnicerito”
(little butcher) or “Howling Wolf.” You do
not
want a street name linked to your real name in police databases via a field interrogation (FI) report. Many street names are common, and whenever a crime is committed and a street name like yours is mentioned, the police will pick you up for interrogation. The whole point of this book is to minimize your contacts with police.

You always want to give cops your basic info: name, relatives, address, and where you are going. The reason not to dummy up completely when you have not committed a crime is that this appears suspicious to police. They will increase the psychological pressure by using legal inciters (touching, crowding, aggressive questioning) and even illegal and unethical inciters (racial and other insults) to get you talking. The cops might even give you a quick jab to the testicles or solar plexus with a flashlight or baton. This will not be seen by onlookers and will be denied by police, but it will leave you curled into a fetal ball and vomiting all over yourself. It will not leave a mark or bruise, so you will not easily be able to sue the city for damages or get the cops disciplined. Once the cops strike you, they will bust you for resisting arrest in order to justify whacking you in the first place. So stay cool, use your head, and do not be a smart-ass with cops. The proper venue for trying civil rights cases is the courts, not the streets.

“WHY ARE YOU HIDING?”

Trespassing is something boys do. It’s the nature of the male animal to wander, patrol territory, and take risks. This means that boys are likely to be caught trespassing on private property, where they do not belong. When police patrols pass and you’re trespassing, naturally you’re going to duck and hide. Remember, if you’re hiding when police pass,
stay hidden
. You might get lucky. Once police have you in the spotlight, however, you’ve got to give it up. When police find you hiding on private property, they suspect two things.

You’re casing the place for a burglary.

You’re a Peeping Tom and are looking at women through a window and masturbating.

Regardless of what you
^’
re doing, you
^’
re going to get asked,
^“
Why are you hiding?” You need to have an answer. I suggest the following.

“Because I’m afraid of police.”

This reply has advantages. It’s true, it’s easy to remember, it’s submissive, and it lets the cops start winning the psychological contest from the get-go. Once you’ve said these words, give the cops the basic information they ask for. If you avoid being arrested, take a huge hint and stay off private property and places you don’t belong. Do your wandering and exploring in public areas where it’s legal.

PEEPING AT WOMEN

If you are a peeping tom and get pleasure from looking at women through windows, it’s time to do some serious thinking about sex. By peeping, you’re training yourself to experience sexual pleasure only by doing things that are illegal. To put it bluntly, you’re becoming a pervert. If you continue to train yourself to enjoy illegal sex acts, you face a lifetime of arrests and incarcerations. Here’s some unsolicited advice. Have faith that there is someone who will love you and have sex with you one day, no matter how dumb and ugly you are. God is merciful in these matters.

ABOUT SHUTTING UP

When you
stop
talking and just stand quietly and politely (even if doing so is making you crazy), the cops will be subtly pressured to
start
talking. They can’t help it. On the street they’re the bosses, and one of the perquisites of dominance is doing the talking. As long as they’re telling you what they’re up to, they’re not interrogating you. This is a good thing.

The police may ask you if you have any knowledge of a crime that was committed nearby. If you know something, say so,
briefly
. Do not guess or babble. If you don’t know anything, just say that, then
shut up
. Act natural and friendly. Do not act arrogant by using too few words. The goal is for you to say the fewest words possible in order to avoid lying, acting out, fleeing, and getting arrested. You can’t suck up to cops, so don’t try.

WHAT TO DO WHEN THE STUFF HITS THE FAN

If police really lay it on heavy, now what? You’re getting crowded, pressured, and blasted with cop breath perfumed with garlic and onions. The questions are coming thick, fast, convoluted, and inside out. “What are you doing?” “Are you lying?” “Why are you lying?” When this happens, and the questions come
faster than you can think
, you have to stop the interview, but in a manner that is respectful and will have the greatest chance of keeping you free. Here are the magic words. The first version is for youth living at home. The second is for adults.

YOUTH VERSION:
“Officer, I’d like to answer your questions, but my mother told me that in a situation like this, I should not say anything unless she and our attorney are present.”

ADULT VERSION:
“Officer, I’d like to answer your questions, but my attorneys told me that in a situation like this, I should not say anything unless they are present.”

Obviously you should make adjustments in accord with your situation. If you’re living with someone other than your mother, for example, use the name of your legal guardian. So you might say, “My aunt told me that . . .”

Note that these statements are
respectful
refusals. They are better than yelling, “I want a lawyer,” because they tell police that you
already have
a lawyer. How to do this without spending a lot of money is covered in another chapter. What you’re also telling police is that you’re not clueless. You are not meat for the criminal justice sausage grinder. Last, you’re telling them that, if they arrest you to score a point, it will not be an easy point.

At this juncture in the interview, you have not been arrested or searched. Because you have stopped the interview, the cops are on the spot. They have to arrest you or let you go. If you’re not carrying drugs or guns, have not admitted to committing a crime, and have not lied or assaulted the officers, they cannot make a good arrest. You have a reasonable chance to go free.

WHAT TO SAY IF YOU’RE GUILTY?

Nothing. If you’re caught with drugs, guns, or stolen merchandise, or if you were caught in the act of committing a crime, nothing you say will help you, so say nothing. You are going to be arrested. By saying nothing, you will make it more difficult for the prosecutor to make a case and convict you. The most common advice that criminal attorneys give clients is to
stop talking to police
. You have now received valuable legal advice practically free. This is Uncle Dale’s Golden Rule #3:

GIVE COPS YOUR NAME AND BASIC INFO, THEN SHUT THE HECK UP!

MUM’S THE RULE WHEN YOU’RE IN SCHOOL

No doubt you have been taught since childhood to respect teachers, deans, and principals. Nevertheless, I want to remind students of an important matter: school officials are
not
police. They are
not
part of the criminal justice system and they cannot arrest you or put you in jail. If you get grilled by teachers or principals about a criminal matter, you have no legal obligation to answer their questions. School officials are not required to follow any rules when questioning you, or even to be fair. Inquisition without rights is allowed. Thus you should remain silent, say nothing, and exercise
your
options to keep yourself free. But first you should quickly use the magic words found on page 181, merely deleting the word
officer
.

Many city school districts have their own police forces. School cops are sworn officers with the powers of any police. Act with them as you would with any cop. School officials themselves can suspend you or expel you from school, but that’s it. Neither of these is a good thing, but neither is half as bad as going to jail and getting dumped onto the plantations. Public school teachers and principals are government employees, but they generally have more limited sovereign immunity than police officers. They work in sensitive, political bureaucracies and are vulnerable to lawsuits when they trample your rights. So when they quiz you about a criminal matter, tell them your name and basic info, then . . .

» SHUT THE HECK UP!