Arrest-Proof Yourself (54 page)

WEED AND BOOZE STENCH.
If you
^’
re smoking weed or drinking, the vehicle will reek. Open the windows and try to air out the heap before the cops get to you. Keep your head back from the window if you stink of alcohol. This is a last-ditch technique, but it’s worth trying if you’re likely to get hammered anyway. Dope and booze odors encourage cops to look for—what else?—dope and booze. Liquor in a closed container is legal, but liquor in an open container is not. Some definitions are in order. “Closed container” does not refer to a booze bottle with the cork shoved back in or the cap screwed back on after you’ve had a few swigs. It means that the bottle was never opened and, specifically, that the tax seals, the paper seals over the top of the bottle, are intact. If you live in a city where dirty cop tricks are practiced, you should lock all liquor bottles in the trunk so cops cannot pop the seals and charge you with an open-container violation.

ARE YOU FEELING LUCKY?

This is the immortal line uttered by Clint Eastwood in the famous movie
Dirty Harry
¹⁸
as he points a .44 Magnum pistol at the head of a robber. Is there a round left in the revolver, or is it empty? This is similar to the situation you face when a police officer pulls over your car for a routine traffic stop and asks to search the vehicle. What to do? Should you say yes—and risk arrest due to dope or contraband in the car that you may not know about—or no? What happens when you say no?

You have an extremely limited right to privacy for your car, and protection against unreasonable search and seizure. Generally this extends only to locked containers (briefcases, safes) in the trunk, to which vehicle occupants do not have direct access. The expansions of the power to search are referred to as the Carroll Doctrine, by which judges have ruled that, since automobiles are inherently mobile and can easily disappear along with any evidence of a crime they contain, the owner has limited privacy rights.

When cops ask to search your car, you’ve got a metaphorical gun to your head, just like Dirty Harry’s robber. Should you say yes or no? Will the gun go
click
or
bang
? Let’s review the famous questions, how they will be asked, and the possible answers and options.

THE FAMOUS TRICK QUESTIONS

The cops have already practiced asking these questions many times. You need to practice your responses now. There won’t be time when the blue lights are in the rearview mirror. Cops always ask the questions in a casual, offhand manner, in a conversational tone. They go like this.

Question 1

COP:
“By the way, you don’t happen to have any guns or narcotics in the car, do you?”

DRIVER:
“Who, me? Uh, hmm, uh, why, no!”

Answers to Question 1 (“Do you have any guns or narcotics . . . ?”)

1. If you say yes, you have just confessed to a crime. You have also given the police probable cause to search the car, find the illegal stuff, and arrest you. Not a great choice.

2. If you answer no and a subsequent search or inventory discovers dope, unregistered guns, bongs, or stolen property, you’re toast.

Regardless of your answer to question 1, cops will immediately take their money shot and ask question 2.

Question 2

COP:
“Then you won’t mind if I make a search, will you?”

DRIVER:
“Uh, well, er, hmmm, uh, why, no!”

Answers to Question 2 (“You don’t mind if I make a search?”)

1.
If you’re innocent and know your car is clean, do not refuse a search merely because you’re angry at the cops for annoying you, making you late, and treating you like a crook. Always lose the psychological battle in order to win your freedom. When the car is clean, get it over with and drive on in freedom.

2.
You can decline nicely with just the right amount of citizen indignation. You must rehearse this in advance, however. Without practice you will never get this right when cops are standing in your window shining flashlights in your eyes. It goes like this:

“Officers, I apologize for the traffic violation. I have answered your questions and cooperated with you in every way. However, I am late and urgently have to be going. __________________ (Fill in the blank with a truthful reason). Are we finished? May I go now?”

You fill in the blank with the reason you have to go. This must be plausible and, preferably, truthful. It must realistically fit in with your personal circumstances. Remember, many things you say can be
verified
by police. For example, if you say, “I need to get home to take care of my mother, who’s sick,” the cops may call your mother on their cell phones to check. The following are some typical reasons cops should let you go on your way.

I’m diabetic (asthmatic, have heart disease, etc.), and I have to get home to take my medicine.

I need to go to the bathroom. If I don’t go soon, I’m going to pee in (or crap) my pants.

I have a business appointment and can
^’
t be late.

My mother (father, child, relative, friend) is sick and I need to go take care of them.

My kids are hungry and I have to feed them.

I have tickets to a concert (movie, play, etc.) and I’m going to be late.

Saying no nicely can avoid the search and get you released. It also leaves your options open. If cops persist and look like they’re going to arrest you, you can always agree to the search if you know the car is clean.

3.
You can just say that you
do
mind. Once you say no, the police cannot search your car without a warrant or probable cause.

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU SAY NO

When you say that you
do
mind, this puts the cops in a quandary. They will do one of the following.

1. SEARCH FOR PROBABLE CAUSE.
Cops may call on the radio for a K-9 unit. When the dog arrives with its handler, it will sniff around your vehicle. If it “alerts,” usually by scratching the vehicle, the cops have probable cause and can search your vehicle without a warrant and without your permission. When they find the stash, you, of course, are in the doghouse.

Cops may also call a supervisor to discuss whether they have probable cause. Both calls, to the supervisor or to a K-9 unit, require that the cops stay out of service by the side of the road. As long as the cops remain on the side of the road, they are out of service and can’t respond to calls. They are at risk of committing a serious cop screwup called annoying the sergeant. However, if you have a high A-Q, i.e., you look like a suspicious, high-value target, cops will wait it out to get a clean bust. The sarge may even join them to get in on the fun.