Arrest-Proof Yourself (51 page)

EASE THE GAS TO GET A PASS.
If you were speeding, ease off the gas
without
touching the brakes.

DON’T EVADE IF YOU WANT TO FADE.
Make no sudden turns or lane changes that make you appear to be evading police.

SLOUCH DOWN AND BE A CLOWN.
Straighten up—slowly. Ease those hands up onto the steering wheel where cops can see them. You don’t want to look like a crook.

BLEND IN TO HIDE OUT.
Wild paint jobs, Confederate flag plates, football team flags, bumper stickers, nation-of-origin flags, fuzzy dice, CDs, baby shoes, stuffed Garfields on sucker feet,
^“
baby on board” signs, plastic Jesus statuettes, custom rims and pipes, fog lights, rear bumper propellers, and undercarriage neon lights all make you stand out in traffic. By removing these vehicle identifiers, you can hide in plain sight by blending in.

DON’T DARE WITH A BIG STARE.
Don’t stare at cops in the rearview mirror or from the windows. Why attract attention? Besides, you look ridiculous rubbernecking and twisting your head around.

TOSS THAT ROACH FROM YOUR WORKDAY COACH.
If you have to carpool to work with other guys, search the vehicle and get rid of dope, roaches, bongs, and residue. (See car search info in chapter 29). If other passengers insist on smoking dope or drinking, get another ride at any cost. If you work construction, have one of the guys wear a hard hat so cops will know you’re workers, not crooks.

CLEAR GLASS WILL SAVE YOUR ASS!
Avoid vehicles with darkly tinted glass or the dreadful, aftermarket tinting film that bubbles in the heat. If cops can’t see into your vehicle, they may stop it just to check. Often they will want to use a handheld meter to measure the degree of the tint. This is done from
inside
your vehicle. Once you have agreed to this, guess what else you’ve agreed to—a search!

LACK A LIGHT? DON
^’
T DRIVE AT NIGHT!
Modern vehicles can have a dozen or more bulbs in the front and rear lights. Many of these are in sealed units that can be expensive. In the meantime, if any one of these lights is out, you can be stopped and ticketed. If you drive only during the day until you can get the lights fixed, cops are unlikely to notice you’ve got a light out. Get a clue here.

DON’T BE A BOOB. TURN OFF THE TUBE.
Many new cars and vans now come equipped with flat-screen monitors. Some are connected to sophisticated, real-time traffic reporting and mapping systems that guide you through traffic jams. Others connect to DVD players and television tuners. Here’s the problem. If you actually
look
at the things while at the wheel, you’re guilty of unsafe driving. If you get pulled over and cops see a Hollywood feature flickering on your dashboard, expect tickets to rain upon you like delicate flakes of snow. A thorough search may be in order as well.

YOU CAN
^’
T SKATE WHEN THE PAPERWORK’S LATE.
Until recently, police had to radio in to run a license plate and wait on the air while a dispatcher checked the computer and read back the information. This meant that police ran plates sparingly so as not to overload dispatchers and tie up police radio frequencies with low-priority traffic work. The installation in police cruisers of dashboard computers with high-speed wireless connections now makes running license plates a snap. Expect police to slide in behind you more frequently as they randomly check license plate numbers.

CROOH WHEELS ARE BAD DEALS.
Cops know far more than the average person about cars. It’s their work, and frequently their passion. They know all the makes and models, and what equipment comes standard and what’s extra. They know about aftermarket equipment, custom paint jobs, custom upholstery, tires, etc. They know what things cost, and what types of people drive what sorts of cars. Most important, they know which cars are in fashion with bad guys. If the Mafia dons have switched from Cadillacs to Lincolns, the cops know. They know the wheels the drug dealers, gang leaders, and pimps are rolling in. This can be a problem if you’re a car-crazed guy. You have to do some careful thinking if your current passion is for the same type of rides the crooks like, since this will get you stopped. The current crook craze in my city is for Doves, extremely expensive ($4,000 per set) wheel rims. These snazzy add-ons have to be paid for up front and in cash, since no bank will finance them. Hot chicks love Doves, but so do cops. When cops see you riding around with these rims, they get curious about where you got the money. They may think you’re into drugs or illegal street racing. So they check you out.