As Autumn Leaves (8 page)

The screen went blank.

The girls sat in silence.

Chantelle finally broke it, loud and impressed. “
Damn
, that’s freaking amazing.”

The other three broke into laughter, Kayla’s coming from her in relief.

Hannah held out her hand to Chantelle for a high five. “We are getting As, no doubt about it.”

“No kidding,” Althea said. She elbowed Kayla. “What the hell are you worried about? You’re amazing!”

“Seriously,” Hannah said, “your dancing is beautiful.”

“Okay, okay,” Kayla said, holding her hands up to stop the comments. “It turned out fantastic. I’ll put it all on you guys, with the music and the recording and the editing—”

“Hey!”

Kayla rolled her head side to side slowly, then broke into a huge grin. “And, okay, me too.”

“Yeah, you too,” Althea said, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and pulling her into a side hug. “All of us.”

They spent a couple minutes more praising themselves, and then worked on the final touches of the presentation as to what they would say to the class. Each of them had the essay parts written already, and they were officially done preparing their project. All they had left to do was show the class and the oral presentation portion, and answer any questions Mr. March or the class wanted to pose to them. They were ready. And, for the most part, they were done.

At this realization, a shot of sadness spread through Kayla. They were done with their project. Or would be as of Monday. It might mean neither Althea nor Chantelle had any reason to spend time with her anymore. She’d developed feelings for Althea, a crush that wouldn’t or couldn’t go anywhere, but she liked Chantelle as a friend too. She got along with both, and she planned on supporting them on their sports teams, but maybe this was the end of them hanging out.

“Okay,” Chantelle said, “we’re done. This project is done. Let’s reward ourselves by watching a movie.” She flopped back on the couch, and Hannah copied her movements.

It seemed they weren’t going anywhere. Kayla hoped that was true in a number of ways.

The girls watched a movie, and neither Kayla nor Althea’s friends said anything about how the two of them were practically cuddling on the couch. Content and wishing it could always stay this way, Kayla was being selfish too because she shouldn’t be leading Althea on. She liked Althea, but would never be able to
be
with her the way two girls who liked each other should.

When Mr. Ritter arrived home after picking up Darnell and bringing them all pizza to eat, Kayla and Althea moved apart. Not that they could much on the little love seat, but they made it look less obvious. Hannah winked at them and Chantelle obviously tried not to laugh, but Althea rolled her eyes and flipped them the middle finger when her dad looked away. They all settled in to eat and watch another movie, and it was fun and comfortable. Darnell obviously had the biggest crush on Chantelle, who tolerated his joking around without being encouraging, and the rest of them got a laugh out of it. With the second movie over, Mr. Ritter offered to drive the other two girls home, as it was getting late and chilly and so they didn’t have to bug their parents for a ride. Darnell volunteered to go with them, claiming it was so his dad didn’t have to drive back alone, but Darnell’s adoring gaze at Chantelle explained it all. It was pretty cute.

After everyone else left, Kayla and Althea stayed sitting on the love seat. They leaned against each other again. A sitcom played on the television, but neither of them paid much attention.

“Kayla?” Althea’s voice was soft and quiet, but sounded a little hesitant. Enough to draw Kayla’s concern, she sat back so she could see Althea’s face. Her eyes were downcast and she nibbled on the corner of her lip.

“Yeah?”

Althea sighed and leaned more against Kayla’s shoulder, maybe in an attempt to hide her face. Kayla tipped her head so her temple lay against Althea’s buzz cut, the hairs of her fauxhawk tickling her cheek.

Kayla thought perhaps that was the end of an attempted conversation when Althea spoke again, as quiet as before. Kayla heard it perfectly.

“I like you.”

Kayla nodded against the top of Althea’s head. “I kind of figured that out.”

“No, I
like
like you.”

“I do too,” Kayla said. “I mean, I
like
like you too.”

Althea leaned back so she could look at Kayla. “I thought maybe, but I wasn’t sure. You never said—”

“You never said either, not for sure.” Heavily implied, maybe, but it wasn’t like Althea ever said the exact words. And Kayla wasn’t exactly sure what to say about herself, so she offered, “And I’m still figuring it out. But I do like you.”

Althea smiled, big and wide and so sweet, as if Kayla had said the best thing she’d ever heard. It wasn’t. It was awful because Kayla was confused over what to do next. What would she say? How could she explain?

She didn’t get the chance before Althea leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Kayla’s mouth. A quick brush of lips, as if testing if it was okay. Kayla’s mouth quirked in a half smile, because she knew what kissing meant to some people and to Althea it must really mean she liked Kayla. It seemed to be enough for Althea, because she leaned forward again, and this kiss was firmer and longer lasting. Still chaste, and Kayla could handle it.

Kayla had never much liked kissing Jason, because she never got anything from it other than it weirded her out, but she found she didn’t dislike kissing Althea. Maybe the difference was she liked Althea more than a friend, and she wanted to be with her if she could figure out how, and kissing was another way to be close to her. Kayla didn’t think she felt turned on the same way other people did, because it could stay the same or even be over soon, and she’d be happy in not needing it to go further.

Althea probably didn’t mean anything by it, other than attraction and interest, but one of her hands came to rest on Kayla’s side, on her rib cage. Kayla tensed but she was distracted by the sweet sound of interest Althea made. Althea’s hand moved up, mostly innocent and probably on the way to Kayla’s back, but her thumb brushed along the underside of Kayla’s breast.

Kayla tensed.

“Sorry,” Althea said, “I didn’t mean to push—”

“I have to go,” Kayla said, jumping off the love seat. “I shouldn’t have—I’m sorry, I need to go.”

“Kayla, wait, we can just watch the show.”

“No,” Kayla said, stepping away and getting her book bag from where she’d dropped it in the corner of the room. “We can’t. We can’t do any of it. This is a mistake.”

“I’m confused. I thought we liked each other.” Althea sounded hurt, and Kayla hated being the reason. She couldn’t be again.

“We did. We do. But we can’t do—” Kayla waved her hand between them “—this. It’s not going to work.”

Althea stepped closer, but flinched when Kayla stepped back. “We don’t know unless we try.”

“I know it, okay, I
know
. You won’t want to be with me because I can’t give you what you want.”

“Kayla, I only want you—”

“And I can’t give you that!” Kayla couldn’t contain the emotion bubbling up in her, upset she let herself get this close when it wouldn’t go anywhere. “Those rumors about me? They’re true, okay? It’s all true. No one will want me like this.”

Althea’s eyes widened with surprise, and then sympathy poured over her face. “Don’t say that,
that’s
not true.”

“You don’t get it,” Kayla said, frustrated. “I wouldn’t sleep with Jason, and I’m not going to sleep with you, because I’m
broken
and that
is
the truth. I need to go. Leave me alone. It’s what’s best for both of us. Move on.”

She hurried from the apartment, slamming the door behind her. She rushed down the stairs to her floor, not bothering to wait for the elevator in case Althea followed her into the hall. When she got home, she quietly called hello to her mother but went into her room, hoping she didn’t cause any suspicion. She crawled into her bed, as lonely as she used to be before she met Althea.

She cried herself to sleep.

THE WEEKEND
was long and boring. Lonely.

On Saturday, Kayla kept from her mother how messed up she felt. It wasn’t difficult. Her mother had a busy weekend volunteering with various cheerleader booster activities and wasn’t around much. Kayla passed her time by hiding in her room, ignoring the few text messages pinging on her phone until she decided to turn it off completely, and binge watched some television.

By the time she woke on Sunday, she was caught in a spiral she didn’t want to be in. She wanted to feel better, a little spark of happiness in a cold, lonely weekend. She decided to trudge to the vintage store with her allowance, dig around and see if she could come up with any finds.

She hadn’t expected to find her friend Ernie there.

“Hey,” she said when she went around a rack and almost bumped into him.

He blinked in surprised, and then shuffled his feet. “Oh, hi, I didn’t—what are you doing here?”

“Shopping. Probably the same as you.”

“Oh, right.” Ernie ducked his head sheepishly. It was like he didn’t want to get caught in the secondhand store, but she didn’t care.

Trying to lighten the conversation, though she didn’t feel particularly sociable, she asked, “Looking for anything in particular? I could help you.”

He finally brightened. “Oh, uh, a suit jacket for my Halloween costume. And I guess black dress pants too.”

“Nice. What are you going as?”

“Zombie James Bond.”

She burst out laughing. “Creative.”

He joined in. “I guess so. Hannah suggested it after we watched one of the old Bond movies on TV last night, that I should go as James Bond but it would be boring on its own so I should spice it up. What’s cooler than a zombie?”

“Not a lot.” She grinned slyly at him. “Watching a movie with Hannah? The two of you alone?”

He shuffled in embarrassment again. “It’s not what you think… we texted you to join! You didn’t reply.” He looked like he’d done something wrong, as if hanging with her bestie without her broke a friend’s code. It didn’t. Kayla could tell Ernie liked Hannah, and hoped he would make a move soon. It’d help Hannah’s confidence to know there was someone out there who truly liked her as she was. Besides, they’d make a cute couple.

“I had my phone turned off. I wasn’t in the mood for… people. But I hope you had fun.”

“Um, I did, thanks,” he said. His cheeks started to go pink underneath his freckles, and he coughed. He adjusted the way his glasses sat on his nose, despite being perfectly straight already.

“Let’s find you the best James Bond suit ever.”

They searched through the racks of men’s clothes. As fancy as James Bond was, Ernie didn’t have the cash for a brand-new suit—which he planned to shred for the zombie effect anyway, so they didn’t worry too much about finding something high-end.

“I’ll probably end up looking like any old zombie,” Ernie said, holding a suit jacket. Older and dated with a stain on the sleeve, it could add to the overall effect. “And I don’t know about wearing other people’s clothes.”

“Wash it first, it doesn’t matter. Even if you were any old zombie, you’d be a fancy one, which is unique enough.”

“It is,” Ernie said. “My sister is pretty good with makeup. She said she’d help because I’m clueless.”

“Cool. So you’re going to go to the dance, then?”

“Yup. According to Hannah, with her and you, and hopefully Althea.” He grinned as he pushed through the rack for some dress shirts. “We could make it a double date.”

They both froze.

“Um, I mean—” He stammered, pushing his hand through his shaggy hair. “Me and Hannah aren’t—or you and—I don’t know why I said that.”

Kayla tried to remain calm. “Because you like Hannah.”

“I never said—”

“You do.”

“Okay. Yes. I do.” He looked terrified. “I don’t think she likes me like that.”

Kayla had tried to stay out of it, so she couldn’t confirm one way or the other. Hannah didn’t believe anyone liked her, so dating Ernie probably never crossed her mind, for all she liked Ernie as a friend.

“You should talk to her about it,” Kayla said, trying to sound wise. “Then you’ll know for sure.”

“But if she doesn’t like me? Or doesn’t think it’s a good idea? What happens to being friends, then?” He snorted. “
Awwwww
kward city.” He paused and raised his eyebrows at her. “And what about you?”

Kayla sighed. “Already in awkward city.” She paused too, eyes widening.

“It’s okay,” Ernie said quietly. “If you’re worried about losing your friends over it… you won’t. Not the two of us. But you should take your own advice and talk to Hannah about that, because I know she’d tell you the same. It’s fine. And then talk to Althea about the other thing. Make it not awkward.”

“I don’t know if that’ll work.” She reeled over the fact he had figured her out—in one way, at least, and Hannah probably knew too. Perhaps she shouldn’t have been surprised, given how she’d acted around Althea for weeks, even though she’d only recently realized it herself.

It was too late. The least she could do was apologize for her outburst and hope Althea didn’t hate her for it.

“I’ll talk to Althea if you talk to Hannah,” she said. A challenge since she wasn’t sure what to say or do about Althea, but if he could manage the courage to talk to Hannah, then she could do the same.

He considered it. “Okay. Deal. And then maybe our double date can happen for real.”

She smiled sadly. That wasn’t going to happen. He patted her on the back and she focused on lightening the mood to help finish finding his costume.

“KAYLA! KAYLA,
wait up!”

Turning around in the hallway at hearing her name, Kayla saw Hannah making her way amongst the crowds to get to her. With a bright red face and shining eyes, Hannah was short of breath when she stopped in front of Kayla.

“What is it?” Kayla asked.

She had a suspicion. She’d received a text from Hannah while she walked to school that morning, Hannah saying she would catch up with her later because Ernie wanted to talk to her. If Ernie was brave enough to pull through on his end of the deal Monday morning, it meant Kayla had to be too.