As Autumn Leaves (9 page)

“I have a date,” Hannah said. She spoke in a whisper, eyes darting around at the crowds, as if she didn’t want anyone to hear. “With Ernie. He asked me out.”

“He did? Exciting! What’s with the whispering?”

“I’m in shock. If other people hear, it might ruin the spell and turn out not to be true.”

Kayla laughed and pulled her dramatic friend into a hug. “Not going to happen. That boy is gone on you.”

Hannah pulled away. “You knew!” she squawked indignantly. “You never told me!”

“I suspected,” Kayla said. “It’s not like he and I talk about stuff like that usually, and I didn’t want to get in the middle of it. But I’m glad he talked to you!”

“He told me you guys ran into each other yesterday and you told him he should take the chance and talk to me and I’m so happy you did. And that he did, obviously.” She launched at Kayla for another hug, and Kayla laughed and squeezed her back. For all her sadness and loneliness over the weekend, she couldn’t help but be happy for her friend. Hannah deserved it.

When Hannah let go, she gave Kayla a serious look. “He said you had a part of a deal to do too, but he was secretive. He wouldn’t give it away, not even to me, the girl he likes and asked on a date.”

“Ernie is good people,” Kayla said. “And, yes. I should tell you something.” Her mouth snapped shut, the words not coming forward. Hannah waited patiently, and as Kayla worked up the courage, a cough from behind interrupted them.

It was Althea, looking unsure. It didn’t stop her from speaking. “Kayla? Could we talk?”

“Yeah, but—” Althea’s face dropped, so Kayla hurried along to reassure her. “Later. After school? Can we please put it aside for now and get through our presentation? And deal with the rest later.”

Althea remained somber. Kayla’s insides burned with embarrassment and shame that she let them get to this. She would try to fix it. She’d never be able to give Althea what she wanted, but she could try to be a friend. Hopefully.

“Okay,” Althea said. “I’ll see you in English.”

“It’s going to be awesome!” Hannah said enthusiastically, overly so, like an attempt to break the ice.

“It is,” Kayla said firmly. “We’ll kill it.”

Althea’s face relaxed a little more, and she turned away, disappearing into the crowd of students. The bell rang, and Kayla hugged her books closer to her chest, watching where Althea had gone rather than hurrying off to class.

“Okay, yup,” Hannah said. “I totally know what your end of the bargain is.”

“It’s not what you think.”

“It’s probably exactly what I think.” Hannah looped her arm through Kayla’s and tugged her along, but didn’t let go of her as they headed to their first class. “And it’s okay by me, you don’t have to worry. You let me—and I’m guessing Ernie—know how you’re handling this… whatever this is. Once you get it figured out. That’s what’s happening, right?”

Kayla nodded, but she also sighed deeply. Apparently, her two best friends were okay with her being with another girl. But there was a problem—Kayla didn’t see how it could happen, not with how things were.

Hannah continued, soft and so sweet. “You can talk to me about this, okay? I’m trying not to get offended you haven’t yet, but… I get it. And you’re not alone here.”

Kayla wanted to burst into tears. That’s exactly what she felt—alone, and scared. Broken in a way her friends weren’t going to be able to fix. Hannah didn’t get it, but maybe Kayla had someone she could at least talk to about all the overwhelming problems she dealt with.

But there was someone she should speak to first.

FOR ALL
the mixed-up feelings she was having, Kayla knew she had to temporarily push them aside. For her group project partners, her friends, today was too important to dwell on her insecurities and the fragile friendship with Althea that might break apart. She had to focus.

The group project had to be completed.

It was one way she could make it up to them, making sure she didn’t fail. Giving it her all.

It was their day to present to the class. Theirs wasn’t the first project to be scheduled, and the couple of other groups that went the week before had done well. They’d been interesting and diverse. But Kayla knew in her gut that their project was going to top them all, as long as they didn’t bomb on the oral presentation.

Mr. March had a television and DVD player available, and Althea had come to class early to make sure their copy would work properly in the equipment. They had a backup on a flash drive and one on a tablet with the right cables to hook to the TV in case they needed it. They had thought of everything.

When it was their turn, the four girls—Kayla, flanked by Hannah, Chantelle, and Althea—made their way to the front of the classroom.

Althea introduced the video. “We decided to combine our talents to make a music video based on
The Tell-Tale Heart
. Um. Well, this is it.” Someone in the back of the class tittered, but at a sharp glance from Mr. March, it ended. Kayla took a deep breath, and smiled at Althea encouragingly. Althea smiled back, and pressed play for the video while Chantelle turned down the lights.

The eerie music filled the classroom, and Kayla’s face appeared on the screen. Kayla couldn’t take watching herself again, instead glancing around the room to gauge reactions. Everyone was watching. Jason and his crew in the back tried to look bored, but other students paid attention. Some intently. There was even a gasp as the music made a crescendo, and then it was down to the beating heart and the tell-tale heart falling to the ground, Kayla’s red hair spilling over the leaves.

The television screen went black, and the room was deathly silent for seconds too long. But as Chantelle got up to turn on the lights, applause started. First from one student, and then another, and then it quickly filled the room, a much warmer tone than the eerie music. As the lights flickered on, the applause quickly ebbed away, but Mr. March was grinning broadly and still clapped. Kayla looked at her partners, and saw they all looked as bashful and surprised as she felt. Usually presentations got a polite clap when it was all over, but they hadn’t even finished yet.

Kayla was used to performing in front of crowds, with cheer and dance. Speaking in front of her classmates was something else altogether, but their reaction bolstered her confidence. With a steady voice, she spoke her piece about how they brainstormed the project. Then Hannah and Chantelle took over to talk about recording the music, what they picked and why, and how it added to the atmosphere. Kayla interjected with a couple small notes on her choreography. Althea rounded it up to talk about the setting, how it had changed during the course of their project, and about the editing and how it all tied together. She wrapped it with speaking to the themes of the short story and how they came through in the video.

When they concluded, Kayla asked if there were any questions. The students didn’t often come up with anything, but Mr. March usually had one or two things to ask. This time, he did not. When no one had a question, he smiled at them. “Well, I think you covered everything. Thank you for your presentation, girls. It was a treat.”

Althea gathered the DVD and the final, neatly put-together report and handed it over to Mr. March so he could grade it. Kayla walked back to her desk with a pounding heart, adrenaline rushing through her now that it was over. Her cheeks felt heated, and she couldn’t look at any of her classmates. She was relieved it was finished, and confident they would get a good mark.

It was hard to concentrate on
Frankenstein
after that, but she listened to Mr. March’s lesson. When the bell rang, she gathered her books and followed Hannah into the hallway. They hung back and waited for Althea and Chantelle.

When their partners exited the room, they all stood in a circle and smiled giddily at each other, not saying anything at first. It was like they were all too stunned with how well it went to know what to say. Hannah broke the silence. “That was amazing!” She then launched at Althea, throwing her arms around her in an enthusiastic hug. Althea burst out in surprised laughter but hugged her back.

“Well done,” Kayla said to Chantelle. She gave her a hug too, but with the warning it was coming, neither of them nearly fell over.

When they broke away, Chantelle turned to Hannah for a hug. It left Kayla standing uncertainly next to Althea. It did not scare Althea off, though. Althea pulled Kayla into a gentle hug, and Kayla went willingly. Her heart squeezed with want at being so close to Althea, and she did all she could to not get too emotional. They still had to work out whatever it was they were going to be.

“Great job,” Althea said quietly into Kayla’s ear.

“You too.” Kayla didn’t want to let go, but she stepped back and gave a small smile. “Well done to all of us.”

“Definitely.” Her smile was uncertain. “I’ll see you later, right?”

“For sure. Promise. We’ll talk.”

“Cool.” Althea backed up and then fell in step beside Chantelle, who glanced over her shoulder with confusion. Kayla had a feeling Althea hadn’t filled her friend in on everything. Kayla wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not.

“Yup,” Hannah said, watching their new friends walk down the hallway. “You definitely need to fix that. All these sad pining looks. It’s heartbreaking.”

Kayla sighed. “I’ll see what I can do.”

“Okay. But until then, I’ll give you something positive to think about.”

“What’s that?”

Hannah threw her arms up in the air. “We did amazing!”

Kayla laughed and gave her a double high five. “Yes, we did!” She wouldn’t take this away from her friend, and Hannah was right—she could use something good to think about.

KAYLA TOOK
a deep breath and knocked on the apartment door. After receiving a text from Althea asking her to come upstairs for a talk, it’d taken a few minutes to build the courage, but she’d done it. Waiting outside to be welcomed in was difficult and the most challenging thing she’d had to worry about all week. All month. Maybe all year.

The door opened. Mr. Ritter stood there, tall and imposing, save for the kind look on his face. “Hello, Kayla,” he said, voice deep but soft. “Please, come in.”

“Dad, I could’ve—” Althea hovered at the end of the hallway, cautious smile on her face as Kayla toed off her flats. “Hi, Kayla.”

“Hi.” It was the most timid she’d been with Althea ever since their run-in at the laundry room that felt like the beginning of it all.

“Dad, we’re going to my room.”

“Sure,” he said. “Keep to the rules. Door open.”

Althea huffed. “We have to talk about serious stuff, and Darnell is going to be a jerk and eavesdrop!”

“I will not!” Darnell’s voice came from the living room.

“You already are!”

“Darnell,” Mr. Ritter said, loud enough he’d be able to hear from where he was eavesdropping, “and I are watching the game, so you’ll have time. He will be in the living room for half an hour before he wanders away.”

“What if I have to piss?” Darnell asked.

“Then go right now!” Althea yelled back.

Kayla watched the family in amusement, Althea faked punching the air as Darnell hurried by the end of the hall to go to the washroom and Mr. Ritter rolled his eyes. She liked this family so much, and it saddened her she may not be able to spend much time with them anymore, depending on how Althea decided she wanted to deal with having Kayla as only a friend.

“Come on.” Althea gestured down the hallway. “Let’s go talk.”

“Right,” Kayla said, the nervousness piling inside her. She took a deep breath, and gave Mr. Ritter a shaky smile as she passed by.

They made their way to Althea’s room, awkwardly gawking at each other while they waited for Darnell to pass by and go back to the living room. When he’d gone by, giving them a thumbs-up as he passed by, Althea flipped him the middle finger, which started another yelling match until Mr. Ritter told them all to shut up and go about their business. With the game on in the living room and the guys settled in to watch, Althea swung her door around but didn’t shut it completely, leaving it ajar a few inches.

“Close enough.” She shrugged, and then pointed at the desk chair. “Sit, if you want.” She plopped onto the edge of her bed.

While Kayla appreciated the offer of leaving space between them, Kayla sat on the bed too, though she left room between them.

“I want to apologize,” Kayla said.

Althea shook her head. “No, you don’t have to. I think I get it.”

“No, I need to,” Kayla said. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I freaked out on you the other day. But mostly I’m sorry if I led you on. I didn’t mean to, not like I did. I didn’t think we’d get past being friends.”

“Is it true?” Althea picked at a thread on the comforter, but looked at Kayla. Today her eye shadow was electric blue. “What you said? About liking me.”

Kayla swallowed nervously, but she nodded. “I do like you. But we can’t be together. It’s not fair to you.”

“Because of the other stuff you said.”

“That’s also true.” Kaya wrung her hands before settling them on her lap. This was the hardest part, the part she’d tried to keep private for so long, but Althea deserved the truth after all Kayla had done. “I don’t like the physical stuff. That’s not for me. Like I said, I’m broken.”

Suddenly, Althea slid along the edge of the bed to sit closer to Kayla. Kayla tensed, but she didn’t move away. Althea put her hand lightly on Kayla’s forearm. “Stop,” Althea said fiercely. “Stop saying that about yourself. You’re not.”

Kayla flinched away. “You don’t understand—”

“
You
don’t,” Althea said. “You know this part of yourself but you think it’s bad. That it’s wrong. It’s not.”

Kayla blinked rapidly, trying to keep away the tears. “You don’t know anything about it.”

“Do you think I’m broken?” Althea asked. “Because I’m a lesbian? I mean, I’m not like all the other”—she made air quotes—“‘normal’ girls, am I?”

“What? No!” Shocked Althea would say that, Kayla shook her head vehemently. “No, Althea, of course I don’t think you’re broken. That’s not—you don’t think so, do you?”