Ascending Darkness (Shattering the Darkness) (18 page)

Breaking his in the process…

I saw the look on his face the day I kicked him out. He was as broken as I. All he ever did was try to support me and protect me.

I
did
read that talking about traumatic events helps the healing process.

I
never
cared about healing before…

I
never
cared to be more than what I was…

I had escaped that hell
… In a way, I knew I was torturing myself by not talking about it.

I felt I had to keep the world balanced
…

W
alk a fine line of good and evil…

A
nd that was the way to do it. I was atoning for my sins… by constantly having to relive my past.

It never occurred to me that I had already suffered enough.

Once Nikko found me… it was my chance for happiness; that finally my debt had been paid to the universe.

Even when Breccan entered my life it never occurred to me that he was my forever
… I always thought he was too good for me…

And he still is… but…

I am good
enough
.

Better than how I was treating myself. 

I’m not a bad person because of the way I lived before.

“How much do you want to know?” I ask searching his eyes for any sign that he is apprehensive about hearing this truth.

“As much as you are comfortable with.” His hand comes up, his fingers lightly trailing along my cheekbone and down to my jawline.

I take a deep breath before I begin, letting it out slowly. I look off to the side and down as I remember…

I was fifteen years old and Stevie had just t
aken me in off the streets. I had been living by a dumpster with a group of other homeless men and women. Some of them were okay; they would share food or a coat here and there. They couldn’t share a lot though…

But they gave me what they could. They were probably the
nicest people I had ever met during my youth, giving me something for nothing… though I didn’t know it at the time…

Stevie had given me new clothes… a roof over my head… and a warm bed. I thought he was some kind of angel. He cared so much about me… and he didn’t even know me. I was amazed that someone could be so kind to a complete stranger. All I had ever known was anger and abuse; spending as long as I did under Frank’s rule.

I remember thinking that the clothes he gave me were rather revealing, but at the same time I thought they made me look so grown up. He bought me makeup and had a woman named Daisy teach me how to apply it. She was kind of the mother hen to us all.

There were a lot of other girls there; nearly twenty
of them. Most were older than me. And they all seemed so miserable; I couldn’t understand why. Stevie and Daisy were amazing.

I remember thinking that ‘they don’t know what true torture is if they think this setup is bad.’

Until I had been there for two months…

Stevie came home one evening drunk. All the other girls ran to their rooms and hid. I, of course, loved
it when he came home. He always talked to me and told me of these amazing plans he had for all of us to be rich and live ‘the good life’. He told me that someday soon I would have to do my part to help make that dream come true.

I was more than willing to pull my share around the house. I had already been cleaning up after everyone; making sure the house was dust free and scrubbed from top to bottom.

Well that night I found out what he really wanted…

When he discovered that no one was around and I was standing in the hallway smiling at him, he smiled back and came stumbling over to me.

“Well, little H,” Stevie always called me ‘H’. He said it would make it harder for Frank to find me. “I reckon’ it’s time for you to start earning your keep.”

“Of course, Stevie,” I nodded eagerly. “I’ve already been cleaning, and doing the dishes and the laundry. What more do you need me to do?”

“Well… you’re gonna have to do a bit more than that.” He put his arm around my shoulders and led me further down the hall; towards his room. “Now, we have to all do our part to make money. What all of these girls do,” he nods his head back down the hall towards the closed doors, “is go out and make money every night. When they come back home, I take part of that money and put it in a big locked safe hidden in my room so that it will accumulate and then I’ll be able to get us all out of here.”

He pauses as we reach his room and he opens the door, signaling for me to go in ahead of him. I do and take a seat on the bench at the foot of the bed.

“The girls keep what I don’t take of that money and they can use it however they want. That sounds fair doesn’t it?” he asks me as he sits down close beside me. I nod my head wondering what my job will be. “And now it’s your turn to help out,” he says and then his eyes roam over my gray tube top and down to my very short distressed mini skirt.

I know that look in his eyes all too well and my heart begins pounding in my chest. His eyes are hungry… like Frank’s. I swallow hard trying to push the lump in my throat down.

“Stevie…” My voice is scratchy and I sound like I am choking. “No…” I shake my head slowly.

His eyes flash with momentary anger, before he composes himself and pats my hand that is resting on my knee.

“Harper,” he says softly but firm, “I can’t afford to feed everyone and it’s not fair for everyone else to pay for you to stay here for free. Is it?”

I bite my lip as I think about what he is asking me. I’ve been living with being forced into that for the last five years. And Stevie isn’t really forcing me. He’s giving me the choice. I can stay here, but I have to help out.

I’ll have money of my own and nice people around. People that treat me good. Which is more than I had. And I definitely don’t want to go back to digging through trash. It’s the lesser of two evils, really. Also, Stevie is so nice that I know he wouldn’t hurt me or hit me like Frank did.

I look up at Stevie and nod my head, taking a deep breath, “Okay,” I answer him.

His face breaks into a big smile and he hugs me close to him.

“Thank you, H. Thank you,” he whispers into my hair; running his fingers through it.

His hand travels down and pulls my top down as he goes. He gently lifts my breast up and runs his finger over my nipple. It actually feels… good. I gasp in a breath at the surprising pleasure of it. His hand keeps going further down until he gets to the hem of my skirt, then it travels upward, underneath it. He moves my panties aside and runs his fingers along my vagina. I feel wet down there. It feels… right. I let out a moan.

“Yeah, baby…”he says against my neck as he starts to kiss it. My hands grasp onto his arm holding his hand against me where it feels so good. Being with Frank was never like this. “That feels good doesn’t it, little H?” he asks me.

“Yes,” I answer as I gasp again. He pushed on this very sensitive part of me… down
there.

“Let’s do this a bit more comfortably, baby,” he says. “Take all of your clothes off. It will feel better.” I immediately do as he instructs and he does the same. “Now crawl up onto my bed, baby.”

I love the way he calls me ‘baby’. It’s so sweet and romantic. He crawls on the bed and lays on top of me. He continues to torture me in this amazing new way that I never knew existed before. He rubs his fingers on me, spreading my wetness around… telling me how amazing I feel. He even licks it, which feels
so good.
He rubs what he informs me is my ‘clit’. I love my clit, now. He runs his hands all over my body telling me how amazing I am. How perfect I look. How delicious I taste as he puts his fingers in my mouth. It tastes funny, but it makes me even wetter down there.

When he finally puts his penis in me it actually feels good. That night I had my first ever ‘orgasm’. As Stevie called it. He said I was such a good girl. And I felt so proud. He made me feel amazing.

We made love over and over again that night. And all day the next day. And the next night.

I remember thinking this was not a bad way to ‘earn my keep’. We stayed in bed for a week, just pleasing each other. He taught me a lot and I thought I was the happiest I would ever be.

Until the end of that week…

Then I learned what he meant by ‘earning my keep’.

And my life turned to complete and utter hell…

My eyelids flutter open as I come back to the present. I look to Breccan and notice him keeping a carefully blank face.

“Do you see now?” I ask him, ashamed of myself. “How can you want to be with me? I
liked
it.”

I’m disgusted with myself.

“Harper…” he chokes the word out.

Humiliation flows through me and I break eye contact with him; looking to my glass
I bring it to my lips and take a big swallow of it. I feel his touch on my jaw pulling my eyes back to him.

“
Harper,” he shakes his head sadly, slowly blinking, “you didn’t know…” His brows furrow and he searches my eyes. For what? I don’t know. “You were a victim… even then. Compared to what you knew… for your whole life… that was kindness.” He reaches out to me and pulls me closer to him, laying my head on his shoulder. “He used all of it… everything you went through with Frank…” I feel his lips on my hair. “He used it all against you.” He takes a deep breath and bites out, “I will fucking find him, Harper. And I will fucking
end
him.”

My head comes up, my eyes shining with fear.

“Breccan… no.” I shake my head at him. “Don’t…”

“It’s the only way all of this will end, dove.” He says to me softly.

“Blame me,” I beg him. I can’t allow him to take a risk of going after them and… and… My nightmare plays in my mind’s eye, making me panic. “Life is about the choices you make. I made those choices.”

“Based on lies,” he growls. “You didn’t have all the facts, nor were you old enough to make a decision like that; something that life altering
...”

“Breccan…” I plead.

“No, dove. His time controlling your life is over. He’s had it for years.” His voice drops to a whisper and he cups my face with his hand. “It’s our time now.”

My heart swells a
t the conviction in his voice. I want a life with him. It
is
our time now. It is
my
time… my turn… to finally stop being scared. I want… him. Forever. One life will never be enough with him.

I
am
scared, though. Scared that he will find Stevie and something awful will happen. I can’t lose him. A world without Breccan in it, is no world that I want to be a part of. I love him so much and losing him would end me. It would kill the person that I am finally beginning to become…

The person I should have always been.

I nod my head at him anyway, conceding his point; knowing that I won’t be able to talk him out of it.

“I love you, dove,” he whispers, sending a thrill through my body. “And we are going to have a life together.” His fingers trail along my bare thigh, slowly moving inward and up. “I am going to give you the life you deserve.” His hand brushes my hair off my shoulder and his head drops. He begins to tenderly kiss the side of my neck. “I will make you happy every day for the rest of our lives.” His fingers reach the top of my thigh; the
y spread of their own volition to give him better access. I let out a low moan as his fingers caress around my opening. “That’s it, dove,” he murmurs against my skin. “Let me hear you, baby.”

He moves his hand and grasps my hips, turning me so that I am straddling his lap. My arms wind around his shoulders to hold on while tipping my head back so that he can continue to kiss my neck. His hand goes back between my legs where he continues to flick and rub me. My hips rock back and forth, causing more friction. My
breathing becomes heavy as my skin heats up and I become even more wet.

“Hold on,
beautiful.” He trails his tongue along the pulse in my neck causing it to become even more erratic.

I lean forward and grip my arms more firmly around his body. His hands slowly slide up my thighs and onto my hips. I moan at his erection pressing into me as he stands.
He walks us back toward his bedroom. Before we make it to his bed, I reach down and rub my hand on his thick, hard cock through his cotton pants. His hands squeeze my ass firmly and he pushes me hard against the wall in the hallway.

“You want it rough tonight?” he asks as his eyes flash with hunger, making me a little breathless.

“Yes…” I pant out.

“Alright, baby…”

His mouth quickly covers mine and he devours me. My hands lock on his hair; keeping him from pulling away. His hands travel under his shirt that I am wearing until his fingers latch on to both of my nipples and he pinches and pulls them hard. I arch my back in the limited space I have, breaking contact with his mouth.