Atonement (The Atonement Series) (27 page)

“Listen, remember last night when we were talking and I told you I was too good to be true?” Colin finally wondered out loud.

I was on my second glass of wine and eating slices of Comté cheese as I adjusted my position so we could look at one another with out me turning my head. “Yeah. So what?”

“Well, I meant it, Deirdre. I know you think I am a gentleman and I respect you for that but I have a lot to atone for and I don’t know if I tell you everything about me if you’d look at me the way you are looking at me now and that is what scares me.”

“How am I looking at you now?”

“You’re gazing at me with those gorgeous hazel-green eyes of yours and they absolutely glow with happiness. I would have never thought I would be able to inspire such light in your eyes and sometimes, I think I can keep all my secrets to myself and we would be just fine. I don’t ever want you to look at me any different.”

My smile slightly faded and I chewed the cheese in my mouth down to paste before I swallowed and washed the remnants down with wine. “Colin, you’re starting to scare me. What are you trying to say?”

He looked away from my face and stared at the lake. “Liam and I did something so deplorable…we should both burn in Hell. Granted, I am not a huge believer in The Man upstairs—if you know what I mean—but…we should have known better and it was so stupid. Why do we do such foolish things as human beings yet at the time, it seems like a good idea?”

“Depends on what you did,” I replied before I finished my wine and set the plastic cup down. “We all do foolish things, Colin. It’s called growing up and learning, becoming an adult, rebelling, testing our limits and trying to find out what we can get away with and what we can’t. Sometimes, when we do something crazy like drink and drive and we get home safely, we thank our lucky stars we weren’t stopped by the police or better yet, we aren’t sitting in a jail cell at that moment. We managed to get home safe. I’m sure the feeling would be completely different if you ran someone over…you know, like what happened with my dad, and drove away.”

I pulled my sweater coat closer to my body as the wind had picked up. “I don’t know. Maybe the person who did that felt big and bad too because they got away with something and they were never caught. The file’s been closed and it goes down as an unsolved homicide. The police did all they could but there wasn’t enough evidence left at the scene. It was as if…perhaps the people involved didn’t realize they’d run over a person. There weren’t any tire tracks or indications they tried to slow down or stop. The detectives involved in the case at Seattle PD said it was one of the weirdest cases they’d ever been involved with and they couldn’t understand how there wasn’t evidence of the make and model…”

“Have you ever tried Bath Salts?” Colin inquired after an interminable silence.

“What do you mean? The drug? God no…drugs aren’t something I do. I have had my fair share of marijuana and nicotine over the years but hard drugs and doing well in an Ivy League don’t exactly go hand-in-hand. Then again, you already know that so I’m not telling you anything new.”

Colin poured himself another plastic-cup full of wine. “Well I have tried them…Bath Salts, I mean…and…they’re okay in small doses. I’d heard the horror stories about people becoming zombie-like…remember that homeless guy who had his face bit off by some freak? Turned out the guy was on Bath Salts. It started off as a European phenomenon a few years ago and it finally worked its way to the States about two years ago. A lot of the incidents have been ‘hush-hush’ so to speak but it’s only because there is no way to detect it. Drug dogs can’t smell it and usually it is smuggled in with fertilizer. It can be smoked, snorted, injected or just dropped into one’s drink and you wouldn’t be any wiser. It’s tasteless, odorless…it’s a drug that could cause a lot of problems in the near future or perhaps it will be like ecstasy and kind of go out of fashion.”

I lay down on the blanket though my eyes never left Colin’s. “So what are you trying to tell me?”

“Well, the whole experience was intense. I didn’t realize I had tried Bath Salts at all until Colin told me the next day. I honestly only remember just a few fleeting memories of the night and the problem is…it continues to come back to me in bits and pieces. For a long time, I honestly didn’t remember that night until Liam told me and over the months, the night has come back and I wonder if we…I don’t know…if we passed the point of no return?”

“I still don’t understand what the hell you’re talking about. You did Bath Salts that were slipped in your drink and you had a crazy night. Something happened and it’s haunted you all this time. How bad could it have been, Colin? What did you do?”

“I didn’t
do
anything…that’s the problem, Deirdre. I was messed up but I was less fucked up than Liam and I should have driven. He claimed I passed out so he had to drive but as the night comes back to me, I remember being sober enough to think Liam shouldn’t have been driving. He’d done Bath Salts too but he was out of it and he was a danger not only to himself but everyone around him, including me.”

I crawled to Colin and sat on his lap before I kissed him passionately. “You don’t have to tell me. I know something bad happened and it’s killing you to tell me so don’t…not now. Not here while we are surrounded by all this lush scenery. Look where we are, sweetheart. Look at the view. We have a lake in front of us and behind us is Versailles Chateau. Let’s go for a walk.”

We both stood at the same time. A group of French people who were from the local chapter of Couchsurfers were hosting a picnic of their own and I kindly asked a pretty blonde, Magali, if she would watch our stuff while we took a walk around the lake.

The whole place was shrouded with large trees and overhanging branches but there was a wide, clear path for walkers, joggers and bikers alike. We walked to the right and held hands as we slowly made that large round circle around the lake at a leisurely pace.

“Listen, just because we have been going out for a few weeks doesn’t mean your life has to become an open book. I know you have skeletons, just like I do, but I don’t expect to hear them all in the first few months. You’re allowed to have secrets and just know that when you are truly willing to share them I will be here for you. That’s all you have to know, okay?”

Colin squeezed my hand in his and pulled my arm closer to him before his lips met my hand. “You are too good to be true. Tell me, what did I do right in another life to deserve a woman as beautiful and perfect as you?”

“Ha!” I exclaimed out loud. “Perfect? Are we talking about the same chick here? In case you haven’t noticed, I had a slight weight problem when I was a young girl. We were able to get a handle on it before puberty and since then I’ve had no issues but if you look close enough, I have cellulite.”

He rolled his eyes in an exaggerated tone. “Few women don’t have a cellulite. Once it occurs, it’s impossible to get rid of and it’s not obvious. Not unless I take a microscope to your body. What’s next? Are you going to fill me in on the fact that you have bowel movements and periods too?
Quelle horreur!
”

“You’re a regular Cheech and Chong, aren’t you? Okay, so I admit, there is nothing abnormal about me except the whole ‘Wendy’ complex but you knew about that already. When we go back to Seattle, I start working for uConnect and that should be an interesting experience none-the-less. I’m sure your brother will be a lot more professional since he is dating my sister.”

“One can only hope he’s learned the error of his ways though he isn’t exactly the apologetic type,” Colin responded as we continued our leisure walk.

“What does that mean? Should I expect to be a victim of sexual harassment because Liam knows what I look like without any clothes on?”

“I would hope not unless he wants uConnect to have a major lawsuit on their hands. You can already get him for sexual harassment. He seduced you after he hired you and no way can he prove you did it because you were strictly attracted to him. You could argue you were scared he might fire you if you hadn’t slept with him and there isn’t a damn thing he can say to the contrary.”

I squeezed Colin’s hand. “I’m not going to sue your brother for having a one night stand with me. For one, I don’t need the money and I certainly wouldn’t want the publicity. It was hard enough avoiding the press after my dad died. I try to avoid them at all costs. Not easy when your parents are wealthy and your father dies in a hit and run.”

“Yeah, I noticed your sister and you both try to keep a low profile. Must be kind of hard with a cousin like Aubrey.”

“Not really. We don’t have the same last night and I wasn’t raised with my real mom due to her death so most people just assume we’re friends. Most people don’t realize we’re cousins which is probably a good thing,” I replied.

“Well it’s good you’re so blasé about your relationship with her because I got a call from Drew. Seems like you can have your old room back as she’s moved out of it,” he said in a quiet voice.

We stopped walking and I faced Colin fully. “What do you mean? Where has she gone?”

Colin looked around before he stared into my eyes. “No where but Drew’s room. Seems like she finally manipulated your best friend into a relationship. He wanted me to let you know he really likes her and although he wishes she wouldn’t take her clothes off for a living, they are working on her prospective future career choices. She did tell him she would stop stripping when he actually got a proper job himself and stopped working in the coffee shop and bar so I’m not the only one who is being forced to grow up. So we talked about it and he’s going into the venture with me. That’s fine with me because at least it is a joint effort and I won’t have to put up all the money.

“Aubrey has agreed to go to Bartending School and get her certificate so she can officially serve drinks. He would rather her half-naked working at the bar then naked at one of the most notorious strip clubs in Seattle and I can understand where he is coming from. I wouldn’t want my girlfriend to be a stripper, regardless how bangin’ her body is.”

We began to walk again and I wrapped my arms around his waist. “Speaking of bangin’, you wanna go back to the apartment and practice some horizontal moves? We might as well take advantage. I think that is, without a doubt, one of the best apartments we have rented this whole trip. It’s so art deco and cute. I love it and the bed is
very
comfortable.”

“Agreed.” He kissed my forehead. “Let’s gather our stuff and go back to the apartment.”

Colin and I made it back to our picnic set-up in record timing before we cleaned up. He wrapped up everything while I disposed of our trash and recycled the wine bottle. We walked to the closest RER station where we caught a commuter train to the main hub and transferred to the Metro and took the line that would drop us off a mere five blocks from where we were staying.

As soon as we arrived to our designated stop, we got off and walked home without incident. It didn’t take us long after that before we were inside our apartment and Colin soon found himself inside of me.

Chapter Eighteen

THE REST OF
our time in Paris flew by. We managed to get a half day at the Louvre in along with trips to Montmartre and the Notre Dame Cathedral. I also fit in a little retail therapy and managed to purchase an Hermès Birkin that was almost as much one year of the salary I would be making at uConnect, several pairs of Yves Saint Laurent Tributes and a couple of pairs of Christian Louboutins. I also stopped by Hervé Leger and picked up several cocktail dresses I would never find in Seattle so in one afternoon, I blew more than one hundred thousand dollars. Not that it would make a dent in my trust fund but it was sure to get back to my mother because I’d charged everything to the family Centurion American Express Card and she would be less than pleased.