Atonement (The Atonement Series) (28 page)

Although we shouldn’t have, Colin and I spent that last night at one of the most exclusive nightclubs in Paris and had a blast. It was his belated birthday present to me and I loved him for truly going all out. Most of the time, my birthday was a low key affair but he was determined to make this year different. Club Silencio was a members-only club before midnight but I didn’t ask Colin how we managed to get in shortly after eight in the evening.

We enjoyed drinks in the very Hollywood atmosphere which didn’t surprise me since the club was owned and designed by avant-garde director David Lynch. The club was busy and the music terrific. I couldn’t say anything bad about the place but I truly thought Colin brought me here just so I could wear my brand new sequined, navy blue one-shoulder bandage dress and black spiked patent-leather Christian Louboutin five-inch heels. I’d wrapped my hair up in a messy French Twist which fit my clothes perfectly and as usual, my makeup was extremely understated thanks to my flashy wardrobe.

He leaned over and kissed my neck. “Have I told you you’re the most beautiful woman in the room?”

I smiled as I sipped from my vodka tonic. “I’m sure you say that to all the women you spend an evening with,” I teased slyly.

“If you don’t believe me, look around.”

I tucked a loose lock of hair behind my ear and did a surreptitious glance around. More than a few men were checking me out in a not-so-subtle way.

“Shit.” I grabbed his hand on the table. “They probably think I’m famous or something. How many people wear a dress like this except to a premiere of a movie, a night out in Vegas or perhaps to the Last Supper Club in Seattle?”

“Who cares
why
you have that dress on? You look smokin’ hot tonight.”

“I should as my dress and shoes cost more than thirty six hundred dollars total.”

He shook his head. “You women and your clothes…”

“Would it make you feel better if I told you I’m usually a department store girl? It’s just…well, when in Paris I might as well do what all the wealthy Parisians do.”

“Would you like to dance?” Colin inquired after a short smile.

“As long as it’s a slow song. I don’t think I can actually groove in these shoes. I am certainly not Aubrey in that regards. That girl can dance something awesome whether she is in a pair of flats or seven-inch heels. It is definitely an acquired skill and one I don’t have yet.”

It was a slow song the DJ had chosen and the sound was terrific. The singer, obviously a French pop artist, had a great voice though I couldn’t quite place if it was Shy’m, Vitaa or perhaps Sheryfa Luna. I was actually surprised a David Lynch bar wouldn’t play Mylène Farmer non-stop or even David Guetta.

We both stood and I grabbed my vintage little black bag courtesy of Chanel. It was the kind of slow song that was perfect for me to slip my arms around Colin’s neck as he wrapped his arms around my waist and held me close. I thanked God his dress shirt was black as it wouldn’t show any makeup stains if I accidentally ventured too close and rested my head on his shoulder.

Time seemed to stand still as we rocked back and forth in one another’s arms and the whole experience was too perfect to describe. In his arms, I realized I didn’t want to know all his secrets because I feared the one he wanted to tell me most could cause a schism in our relationship and I wasn’t ready for that.

If someone had asked me how I knew, I couldn’t tell the person but I had a gut feeling and usually my gut never steered me wrong. It was capable of telling me so much about a person or a situation, like the night when my mom called to tell me about the accident with my father. She didn’t have to speak, didn’t have to say a word as somehow I already knew it wouldn’t be good news and how do you respond to something like that?

I wanted my relationship with Colin to stay exactly as it was now and I knew that sounded foolish and immature but I didn’t care. I could afford to be frivolous in my private life because my life outside that had become so ugly and public. Now, I would have a real job and hopefully make my mother as proud as she was when she spoke of Caitlyn. That is what mattered at the end of the day. Those ordinary relationships turning into something extraordinary and beyond one’s wildest imagination and I didn’t ever want that feeling to end.

The slow song changed into yet a dance song by David Guetta and although I’d insisted to Colin it would be difficult for me to dance on five-inch stilts, somehow I managed and we continued to dance and I lost myself in the music and found myself singing along with him.

“
All the crazy shit I did tonight…those will be the best memories…I just wanna let it go for the night…that would be the best therapy for me
,” we both sang at the same time and it felt great.

The chorus started, he twirled me around and we continued to dance and sing, “
Hey, hey…yeah, yeah…hey, hey…yeah, yeah!
”

It was turning out to be one of the best dates we’d ever had and my head began to spin in a pleasant way from vodka tonics and the musky scent of Calvin Klein’s Contradiction, which I loved to smell on him.

“
It’s gettin’ late but I don’t mind…it’s gettin’ late but I don’t mind…it’s gettin’ late but I don’t mind…it’s gettin’ late but I don’t mind,
” we sang together and continued to dance.

We stayed on the dance floor for several more dance tunes before we walked back to our table, I finished my vodka tonic in one swallow and Colin ordered us more drinks.

“You see, you always underestimate yourself. You can tear up the dance floor, high heels and all. You are an amazing woman and I thank God—even if I admit to not being a true believer—that you were allowed to come into my life and change it. You have brought me out of a dark tunnel of loneliness, sadness and despair. Baby, don’t you ever feel bad about that. Meeting you has been the single best thing that has ever happened in my life,” Colin said as we waited on our drinks.

I grabbed his hands and held them in my own. “Baby, what do you expect me to say? You brought me back from the brink. I was the walking dead before you came along and I can’t thank you enough for bringing me back to life. I love you more than I have ever loved any man in my life and that says a lot. I want to be with you always and you better fucking feel the same about me.”

He leaned into me and whispered in my ear, “That goes without saying. I am so fucking in love with you I would die if you left me. You said I am a gentleman but I’m not. I want you to be with me always and you better say yes.”

The answer to his statement was on the tip of my tongue when the waitress brought our drinks and set them down in front of us. I sipped from my vodka tonic with its three pieces of ice cubes while Colin drank a whiskey sour. He swigged it down in several swallows.

“You know I want to be with you more than anyone else, sweetheart. Why you have to ask that question at all though I realize it wasn’t a question but a statement and the answer to your question is yes, I want to be with you always.”

“You mean that? I know we probably have had more than our share to drink and I don’t want to force you into something you’re not ready for because we have moved very fast. I know that and so do you but I still believe what we have is very real and I know you do too.”

“I know but some romances aren’t meant to take months and years to develop. Sometimes, feelings are too strong and the attraction is just so powerful, our hearts open without our permission and we have to go along with it.”

Colin grabbed my hands and looked at me with gorgeous crystal eyes. “You’re perfect.”

I smiled in return. “We both know that isn’t true but it’s nice to hear it never-the-less.”

BY THE TIME
we arrived back to our apartment, both our engines were revving into the red zone and all we could think about was sating our lust for one another by burying one another in each other’s arms.

The feeling was absolutely addictive and although I often wondered if it would ever happen, so far, devouring each other sexually had been, without a doubt, one of my most cherished memories about our trip.

If I could narrow it down to one feeling alone, it would have been contentment. Colin always made me feel special and unique, like I truly was the only woman in the world for him and I, in turn, responded to every kiss and caress. That night was no different. We could make love hundreds of times and never did it feel like we were going through the same old routine. Our love life always felt fresh and new, like the first time without all the awkward feelings and emotions that came with the initial experience of sex with a new partner.

I didn’t have the best track record mainly because I’d only shared myself sexually with three men. Although not adverse, I had never gotten around to trying out a lesbian relationship so sharing my body with someone wholly familiar was not a concept I was overly familiar with. The most recent time it had happened other than with Colin had, ironically, been his brother, and strangely, that hadn’t been awkward at all. True, it was ultimately lust and little else but sleeping with Liam felt like coming home to familiar territory, not an entirely new and alien experience.

Perhaps that’s what made it so easy to be with Colin. They were brothers after all and although I could admit there was a real feeling of love and compassion between us, he never felt like a stranger. His scent, the warmth of his body took absolutely no time for me to get used to at all. He was perfect and that made our relationship thrilling and unique but all the more exciting and real.

We kissed with a burning passion as he barely fit the key into the lock and opened the door. I slipped the key out and threw it on the sofa as he slid the deadbolt on the door. He’d barely gotten me to the sitting room when I threw him against the wall and ripped the buttons off his classy dress shirt as I began to kiss down his standing body. His hands immediately began to rummage through my hair as I bent down on my knees and undid the button to his pants before I slid the zipper down.

“Wait,” Colin began as breathed hard. “Don’t you think I should do you first?”

My right hand grabbed his manhood which was hard as the proverbial rock and I caressed him seductively as I murmured, “No.”

It was so easy to tease him and as I ran my tongue up the length of his cock from underneath, his face grew scarlet with desire and he tried to control his breathing.

Before he had come along, I could comfortably admit I hated giving head to guys. I hated the way they tasted in my mouth and I despised how they always insisted on choking me half to death by trying to shoving their length fully into a mouth that obviously was not going to accommodate. Not all women had attended the Linda Lovelace School of
Deep Throat
; most of us had more important issues to worry about like getting a good education and hopefully finding a decent job after our schooling was finally over.

However, Colin had changed my mind about the whole activity and I loved to have him in my mouth. Perhaps he never expected me to do anything I wasn’t ready to participate in and I respected that about him. I’d learned to deep throat him on my own and although it took some getting used to, it was actually pleasurable and exciting with the right guy. There was something deeply erotic about bringing him to orgasm in my mouth and I adored the look on his face as he came.

I slid his cock into my mouth and slowly worked him all the way inside. I could smell the musky scent of his skin and the cologne he wore but the most wonderful sensation was feeling him as he filled my mouth and my throat. I learned to control my breathing and gag reflex as I worked him in and out at a snail’s pace and he moaned out loud.