Attachment Strings (13 page)

“Consequently, that means there’s no reason for you to stay here,” Alex said. His grip around my waist tightened.

I turned to face him. He swallowed, hard, and I asked, “Do you want me to stay?”

“No.”

I raised an eyebrow. We stood in a close embrace, neither of us letting go of the other. I repeated, “Do you want me to stay?”

“Hell no!” Alex replied fervently.

The corners of my mouth twitched. Alex dropped his eyes, groaned, and rested his head on my shoulder. I pulled him flush against my body, not leaving any space between us. Alex’s frantically thumping heart stumbled a beat when I confessed, “
I
want to stay.”

I
STAYED
.

Alex took my hand and towed me to his bedroom. We undressed in a hurry and slipped into the single bed and under the covers. The sex that followed wasn’t the best I ever had nor was it the worst. Alex and I simply weren’t in sync at the beginning. I wanted to take it slow, to explore, whereas his movements had an urgent, rough edge to them. I gave in to his desire and fucked him hard, leaving him no chance to think about anything else other than my cock in his ass. He seemed to be perfectly fine with this turn of events. I didn’t mind either.

I did mind that he snuggled up to me, threw a leg over my waist, and fell asleep. I couldn’t sleep like this. I felt smothered, suffocated, and out of my element. Alex fell into a restless sleep, which didn’t help my insomnia one single bit. In the end I pushed him off me and sat up. Sleepily, he blinked at me. “What’s the matter?”

“You’re emanating heat like an oven. I can’t sleep like this.”

“That’s the nicest euphemism for I-hate-cuddling-so-get-the-hell-away-from-me I ever heard.” Alex scooted to the edge of the bed, bringing as much space between us as possible. “‘Night.”

I stared at his naked back while I settled against the pillow. Two grown men couldn’t lie comfortably and sleep in Alex’s small bed. No way. We were crammed together like sardines in a box; no one could sleep like this. I tried to convince myself of this for the next half hour. In the end I turned on my side and whispered, “Are you still awake?”

“No,” came the muffled reply.

“I’m cold.”

That caught Alex’s attention. Sounding more alert he asked, “Seriously? Want me to get you another blanket?”

I rolled my eyes while I looped one arm under his head and the other around his waist. I pulled and he obediently shuffled backwards into my arms. His ass molded perfectly against my crotch and his back felt like it belonged pressed against my belly and chest. A funny thought somehow. It was also a very new thought for me, one I’d never had before. I tightened my hold around his trim waist and wondered if tomorrow would bring even more revelations. I wasn’t sure I could take more mind-boggling thoughts.

Since overanalyzing wouldn’t get me any nearer to a much-desired sleep, I placed a firm kiss on Alex’s neck.

He chuckled. “You really hate cuddling, huh?”

“Absolutely,” I agreed.

“Think you can sleep now?”

“Yes.”

Sunday, April 11, 2010

I did sleep. Not a deep, restorative kind of sleep, though I felt rested and fresh the next morning. Alex stirred when I carefully stretched my legs. I rolled onto my back and he followed suit. He pillowed his head on my chest, slipped his leg between my thighs, and sighed contently.

I tried to pull up the memory of the last time I woke up with someone else nestled up to me. It degenerated into a trip down memory lane.

Ten years ago, I woke up on a Sunday morning with the sun sending bright beams of light into my bedroom. The birds had been singing; life had been good at that particular moment and still, the day turned out to become one of the worst days of my life. Roger, my lover since high school, told me at breakfast that he was going to leave me. Apparently, he still loved me somehow but the excitement of being with me had faded. He deemed himself too young to be stuck in a relationship that resembled a boring marriage. As far as I knew, he still hopped from one relationship to another. He had successfully accomplished breaking my youthfully innocent heart into tiny pieces.

After a few tentative and short-lived attempts at new relationships, I gave up. I satisfied my need for sex by going to clubs like
The Lion’s Den
where I randomly picked up willing guys. Mostly, I went to New York to satisfy my hunger, the anonymity of the big city appealing to me. Just lately, I lacked the energy to drive to New York and had started to hit the local clubs more regularly. And what did it get me?

Alex was a good lay, no doubt about it. Yet, the no-strings-attached agreement seemed to be failing, big time.

My stomach chose that moment to grumble loudly, reminding me I hadn’t eaten dinner yesterday. Startled, I sucked in air when Alex’s tongue flicked out to circle one of my nipples. With a sleep-hoarse voice he stated, “Someone’s hungry.”

“You’re
so
observant.”

“Hey, give a guy a break. I don’t even have my eyes open yet.”

My next words got stuck in my throat when Alex squirmed on top of me, then sucked my nipple into his mouth. At best, I could claim to be indifferent to anyone touching my breast, but this… this was
good.
Heat rushed from my nipple through my chest and belly. More heat pooled in my groin, causing my morning erection to thicken. Alex nipped at my perked-up nub before he quickly soothed it with a lick. Mesmerized, I watched him. With his eyes still closed, he moved his mouth to my other nipple. Long, thick lashes lifted eventually, giving me access to those dark eyes. I swallowed heavily when he smiled at me. Whether it was politically correct or not, it struck me how incredibly
pretty
Alex was.

Not even the face he pulled at me could conceal the prettiness. “You have a knack for killing a perfectly good mood.”

“Uh… what?”

“Has no one ever told you that men are handsome and
not
pretty?”

“I didn’t say—”

“Oh, you did. You said,” he made quoting gestures with his fingers, “God, you’re
so
pretty.”

“Well, you
are
pretty. For a man. You don’t look… see, it’s not….” I trailed off, helplessly searching for the right words. When had I changed into such an awkward, stammering tool?

“Shut up.”

I raised my eyebrows. This simple gesture had a priceless effect on Alex. His eyes widened as he stared down at me. My hands stroked from his knees over his thighs until they came to rest on his buttocks, which caused Alex to shiver. After dropping my voice a notch, I said, “I’m in charge and not you, remember?”

“Maybe I need a reminder?”

The temptation to remind him rose inside me but concern for his well-being put a halt to it. I was a big man and Alex had seemed to be pretty sore after last night’s session. I ran a finger lightly along his crack, testing his reaction. He sucked in a deep breath and his hands clutched my shoulders almost painfully.

“Are you sure you’re up to being reminded?”

“Absolutely.”

His answer would have been more convincing had his eyes not veered away instantly. Still, he should know what he could take or not. I reached out for the lube, poured a dollop in my hand, warmed it, and smeared it around his hole. I circled my finger around his entrance, rubbed teasingly, and without warning breached him. A pained hiss escaped Alex’s mouth, causing me to hastily withdraw my finger.

Alex dropped his forehead on my chest, his breath coming in labored little gasps, followed by a muttered, “Shit.”

We lay like this for a long time, neither of us speaking or moving.
Awkward
.

I cleared my throat and Alex’s head snapped up. His blond curls fell onto his forehead, one long strand obscuring his left eye, and he smiled sheepishly. I couldn’t help but smile back. What was it that was so disarming about Alex?

I rolled us around so Alex lay on his back. As I propped myself up on all fours above him, I caught him peering at my arms. Frowning, I asked, “Something wrong?”

“Wrong? No. I was just… admiring the view.”

Alex reached out and tentatively stroked his fingers over my biceps. He touched lightly, a flutter, barely recognizable. Why did my skin tingle wherever he touched me? His voice caught me by surprise, “You’re
so
strong. It’s… I like that.”

I grinned down at his flushed face. Definitely the prettiest guy I’d ever laid my eyes on, even more so now that he was flustered. No one had ever looked at me like Alex did. Never had I imagined I’d want anyone to look at me with such open hunger and desire. Neither could I believe how intensely I responded.

Putting those introspective thoughts aside, I pulled him into a sitting position. He crossed his legs behind my back and I wrapped an arm around his waist. I snaked my other arm between us, aligned our cocks, and stroked; up and down, up and down. Alex’s breath hitched. He clung to my neck, panting and sometimes garbling encouragements. Not that I needed them.

I nudged my nose against his cheek, forced him to tip his head back and give me access to his mouth. He opened his mouth for my tongue, groaning when I flicked my tongue against his. A surge of heat rushed through me.

My balls ached and the smell of sex and semen filled my nose. Alex pushed into my hand in a frenzied way when a loud chirp froze us. Alex cursed, impressively so.

“Come on, he can wait five minutes,” I coaxed.

Alex shook his head. “He’ll wake up the whole neighborhood if I don’t go now.” He glanced at the alarm clock on his nightstand. “It’s not even seven on a Sunday morning. I’m sorry.”

Alex disentangled himself from me and I just sat there and stared, presumably rather dumbfounded.
Unbelievable
.

“You’re going to silence your little brother instead of finishing
here
?”

“I’m sorry.”

I watched Alex tucking himself into his sleep pants. Licking my lips, I stared at the thick line of his erection, clearly visible in those thin pants. Alex glanced at the door of his bedroom, then back at me. I fondled my balls, which elicited a distressed groan from Alex. He knelt on the edge of the bed, his arms reaching out for me when another chirp, this time ear piercing, ripped through the silence. I gritted my teeth in frustration.

Alex touched my cheek briefly, his dark eyes full of emotions before he sighed in defeat. A series of loud, angry chirps caused Alex to bolt. I called after him. “Mind if I take a cold shower?”

“Nope. Just wait a second, okay? I have to swaddle Sean first.”

My erection deflated like a pricked balloon. My imagination even served up a swooshing sound. Alex had to swaddle Sean. That translated into Sean wearing diapers, right? Wasn’t he six years old?
Gross
. Absolutely gross.

 To myself I muttered, “Never mind. It’s all taken care of.”

I put on my boxers and shirt and peered out of the bedroom. Alex carried Sean to the bathroom and, like the last times, Sean gazed at me over Alex’s shoulder. The boy’s face was wrinkled, giving him an even more unusual appearance. Drool ran out of his mouth in a steady stream, right over Alex’s bare shoulder. It wasn’t exactly a revolting sight, but I couldn’t pretend to be unfazed by it, either. I forced myself to swallow and briefly looked away.

Sean emitted a soft sound, something close to a mewl. Alex twisted his upper body to look at me. The smile on his face turned into defeated recognition in an instant. I didn’t want to see that look on his face, nor did I want to be the source of it. I also couldn’t pretend to be cheerful and not untouched by what I saw. What did that say about me?

I thumped my forehead against the threshold of the bedroom door after the bathroom door clicked shut. Sean hadn’t done anything wrong and he sure as hell couldn’t do anything about his condition. I still couldn’t get past my feeling of resentment toward him. Alex loved this child I viewed as strange, and I… I was falling badly for Alex. As much as Alex seemed to like me, he didn’t like my reactions to his brother. I sighed. Not a good combination all around.

I trudged back into Alex’s bedroom, gathered my clothes in my arms, and went to the living room, where I stared out of the window until I heard the bathroom door open again. Alex called out for me, “The bathroom is all yours if you want.”

He sounded so normal, as if nothing remarkable had just happened. Maybe it hadn’t. Or he was used to other people freaking out upon seeing his brother. Either way I felt like an ass. As I turned around to walk to the bathroom, I saw Alex and Sean standing in the doorway of the living room.

I blinked. Alex held Sean so he could stand on his own. That wasn’t what forced me into immobility, though. Sean stood there, already dressed in jeans, a long-sleeved shirt, and a big bandana securely bound around his neck. He wasn’t the most beautiful sight to behold but I didn’t feel disgusted either. Sean looked like a normal boy, if a tad on the pale and hollow side. A living proof: clothes did make people after all.