Attachment Strings (14 page)

“Thanks,” I mumbled when I pushed past them, “I’ll be quick.”

“You better be. I’m making scrambled eggs and bacon for breakfast,” Alex declared.

Sean squealed in delight and Alex grinned.

“You like to cook?”

“Me?” Alex asked, shocked. Sean giggled and Alex ruffled his hair playfully. “Scrambling eggs and boiling pasta is all I can do. I hate cooking. It’s a good thing that there are cafeterias at work and school. Otherwise we’d eat the same stuff every other day.”

“It’s not
that
hard to cook.”

Alex spared me a doubtful glare. “It totally is. Thank God for the invention of frozen meals and McDonald’s.”

He
had
to be kidding me. “You’re kidding me, right? How can you raise a child without knowing how to cook?”

“Like I said, I don’t like it and we get along very well.”

“What about holidays? Or is Sean enrolled in some other program during that time?”

Alex broke our eye contact and busied himself with steering Sean in the direction of the kitchen. He shrugged in what probably should have been a carefree, nonchalant gesture. He couldn’t keep his embarrassment from shining brightly through this gesture. Being embarrassed didn’t seem to be a valued feeling for Alex. He bit out, “We get along fine and it’s none of your business anyway.”

Him being right made any kind of discussion pointless. I turned to finally walk to the bathroom, all the while shaking my head. None of my business.

I wouldn’t even be here if not for that threatening letter. Come to think of it, I wouldn’t have known Alex’s last name or where he lived or that he took care of his disabled little brother without our investigation.

I wouldn’t have gotten laid last night, either.

I began to tangle myself up in a difficult net of emotions, some strong, some weak, some very vague. Point was that I couldn’t let it happen. I shouldn’t mix work with my love life. It could only end in disaster. Only Parker knew about my homosexuality and I liked it that way. I would have liked it better without Parker knowing, but as I didn’t have that memory-removing apparatus
Men in Black
always had handy, I gracefully accepted reality.

Or at least I accepted those parts which I absolutely couldn’t ignore.

All these highly unentertaining thoughts whirled through my mind as I mechanically took a quick shower, toweled off, and dressed again. All in all, I needed little more than five minutes.

When I emerged from the bathroom, the smell of freshly sizzling bacon mixed with eggs drifted to me. I approached the kitchen where I watched Alex toasting slices of bread and sometimes stirring the mass of eggs. My loudly rumbling stomach proclaimed my arrival shortly after.

Alex glanced at me and chuckled. “I see I’m not the only one who regrets forgetting about dinner.”

I nodded. For a reason unknown to me, my throat felt tight and words wouldn’t come out. The sun sent the first strays of light through the windowpane and illuminated Alex’s disheveled blond curls. The only descriptions coming to my mind included words like
beautiful
and
edible
.

I looked away and took a seat at the table. Alex turned back to his cooking while I wondered about him not being angry. What was up with him? He had seen how I had looked at his beloved little brother. More importantly, he had understood the meaning of my look. Yet, here I was, sitting at his kitchen table where he intended to serve me breakfast.

Sainthood—
that had to be it.

“When will you be sure if the letter is a real, um, you know….”

So much for my sainthood theory. I was here because of my profession. Did that convert the sex last night into bribery? To ensure Sean’s safety? It would make things easy; no strings attached. Just how I liked it.

Alex set a mug of coffee in front of me. He touched my shoulder fleetingly before he retreated to the stove.

“Thanks,” I said.

“You looked as if you were in need of caffeine. Or a hug.”

I stared at his back and heard myself saying, “You only satisfied one of my needs.”

“I wasn’t sure how grateful you’d be if I fulfilled your other need.”

“Do you want to find out?”

Who the hell decided how I talked? I didn’t sound like myself anymore. Not at all.

Alex shoveled eggs and bacon on three plates and carried the first two to the table. He put one down in front of Sean and the other one in front of me. In fascination, I watched myself holding out an arm. Alex hesitated but followed my invitation after a short time. He slung his hands around my head, pulled me against his body, and squeezed. My eyes fluttered shut on their own accord as I squeezed his waist.

I could feel and hear his heart pounding in his chest, giving away his excitement. Or was it nervousness? Fear? Agitation? I didn’t know. I sure as hell shouldn’t care either way.

Sean chirped and the tenderness of the moment evaporated. My eyes snapped open when Alex pulled away. I glowered at Sean, who cocked his head to one side, studying me intensely. Sean frowned at me, which didn’t improve my mood one single bit.

Alex cleared his throat loudly as he got his own plate and sat down next to Sean.

“Dig in,” he told me cheerfully.

Obviously, he pretended not to be aware of Sean’s and my scowling contest. I played along. Chewing and doing his best to keep his mouth shut distracted Sean. While I ate my own breakfast, I observed Alex cutting Sean’s food in neat little heaps, helping him close his mouth every time he took a bite and, in between, managing to take an occasional bite of the food on his plate. Everything was well-practiced, flowing seamlessly like perfectly rehearsed choreography.

Something bothered me, though. “Why are you feeding him today?”

Alex raised one delicate, blond eyebrow, clearly asking me if I was crazy. To clarify, I added, “You let him hold the fork in his hand yesterday evening. Why aren’t you doing it now?”

A light blush formed on Alex cheeks. “He’s clumsier in the morning, and sometimes we take the easy route and I simply feed him.”

“Sounds logical to me.” Why did Alex blush as if I had caught him doing something forbidden?

W
E
FINISHED
breakfast and I excused myself to call Parker. After a few rings, I contemplated hanging up when Parker’s sleepy voice said, “‘lo?”

“Hey, Parker, it’s Jeff. Why are you still sleeping?”

I heard Parker murmuring something, and then the indubitable smacking sound of a kiss reached my ear. Bedding rustled as Parker obviously got up and out of bed. A door clicked shut and a more awake Parker said, “I was worn out and I still have maybe an hour left to be at the station in time.”

“Too much information, and you’ll never make it in time.”

“I will if you don’t stall me for more than two minutes.”

“What about the letter?”

“Forensics wasn’t available last night. There was a big accident involving multiple cars on the Expressway. They were busy. I’ll go down and ask when I get to work. Williams takes the threat seriously. Either you’ll stay with Alex and the boy, or someone else will come over.” Parker rattled the information off.

Brusquely, I asked, “How many people injured?”

“Twenty-one and three dead. Seven of the twenty-one are in critical condition.”

I swallowed hard. I should be immune to death by now. I worked homicide, dammit. Hearing about dead people wasn’t new for me. Yet, car crashes always affected me deeply. My own parents had died in a mass collision. My mother had been killed instantly, but my father was able to get me out of the wreck before the car exploded. He was hit by a piece of flying debris and died with me sitting next to him, holding his hand. I had been ten years old at that time.

“Jeff? Are you still there, man?”

I shook myself from my reverie and pulled myself together. “Yeah, yeah, sorry. So, who’s going to come over to look after Alex and Sean?”

“Don’t
you
want to stay there?”

“No, I’ll come to the station and we can get on with our interviews.”

It would be inappropriate for me to stay with Alex, wouldn’t it? Not that it really mattered because we had already slept together last night, which certainly fell into the incredibly inappropriate category.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes,” I snapped, “why wouldn’t I be?”

Parker drew in a sharp breath. “Your choice, man. No one but me knows about you and Alex.”

“There is nothing to know about Alex and me!”

“Other than that you had sex with me last night?”

I whirled around, my heart thundering in my ribcage. I cursed. Why didn’t I hear Alex approaching? “I didn’t mean—”

“I know exactly what you meant. My bad that I interpreted more into it. Wouldn’t be the first time,” Alex told me. “I’m going to take a shower. Sean will be with me in the bathroom. I want you gone by the time we get out.”

“Man, you have a talent of putting your foot in your mouth,” Parker drawled in my ear.

I watched Alex walking toward the kitchen. I had wanted this, right? A convenient fuck, no big emotions involved and all. Emotions only get in the way and make life way too complicated. Distractedly, I said to Parker, “Send someone over, call me, and let me know who it’s going to be. I’ll be at the station as soon as another officer is here.”

I didn’t give Parker the chance to reply. I hurried after Alex, who picked up Sean.

“Alex,” I said. I carded my fingers through my hair, simply to give my hands something to do. More words eluded me.

“What? Wasn’t I clear enough?”

“You were more than clear. Another officer will come over soon and look after you both. Forensics is overburdened at the moment and until we know more we have to take that threat seriously.”

Alex gaped at me. Sean chirped and bumped his head against his brother’s, causing Alex to wince.

“Easy, baby,” he murmured.

Alex tucked a strand of hair behind Sean’s left ear. The tenderness of that gesture struck something deep inside me. I looked away in discomfort.

Alex’s soft voice pulled me back and I gazed at him. “Is this
really
necessary?”

“Better safe than sorry, right? You don’t want anything to happen to—”

Alex interrupted me by a viciously bellowed, “Shut up! Okay, I’ll put up with an officer looking after us. For how long?”

“I don’t know.”

“Great, just
great
.”

I sighed. Without another word, Alex walked into the bathroom and shut the door. The symbolism of this gesture wasn’t lost on me. It shouldn’t bother me. It did, though, more than I liked to admit.

Twenty-five minutes later, Alex had showered, dressed, and started to play with Sean. He didn’t even glance my way; I simply didn’t exist for either of them. His ignoring me hurt more than I thought would be possible.

I breathed a sigh of relief when Officer Paul Chandler took over. He immediately hit it off with Sean. I saw the delight in Alex’s eyes upon seeing someone unknown acting completely normal with his little brother. I bade goodbye. Paul waved cheerfully, Sean ignored me, and Alex only spared me a curt nod.

I all but fled to the car. Once inside, I tried hard to get a grip on myself. It was a challenge, one I had a difficult time facing. Before I pulled into the street, I threw a quick glance toward Alex’s living room window. For a second I saw his face, but when he pulled the curtain closed, it concealed everything. My heart leaped and my chest didn’t feel as tight as before. Feeling fractionally better, I vowed that I’d find whoever wrote those threatening letters. No matter what was going to happen with Alex and me, if anything should happen—hell, I didn’t even know if I
wanted
anything to happen—I owed him that much.

I
MET
Parker at the station where he sleepily slurped on his coffee. He greeted me and waved a folder in my direction. “Want to talk to some more parents now?”

I pulled a face. “It’s early Sunday morning. How do you think the parents will react to our visit?”

Shrugging, Parker went to his chair and slumped down in it. He winced briefly and adjusted his position. I blinked, unsure of what I had just seen. Parker forestalled any comment by mumbling, “Not a word.”

A smile tugged on my lips. “I wouldn’t dream of it.”

“Good.”

I fetched myself a mug and poured coffee into it. The bitter taste evoked such a heavy shudder that I considered never drinking coffee again. At least not at the station. Sighing, I sat down on my own chair and observed Parker.

It didn’t take him long to ask, “
What
?”

“What about forensics? Did they find anything helpful on the letter?”

“I haven’t heard back from them. The letter wasn’t a priority in the beginning and it’ll be even less a priority now.”

“I know,” I grumbled. “I have a feeling we should take those threats seriously.”

“Of course this has nothing to do with a certain someone you might want to impress?”

A wave of anger rushed through me and settled in my stomach. Furiously I stared at my partner. “Is this your way of saying that I’m not dealing in a professional manner with this threat?”