Autumn and Summer (26 page)

              I thanked the waiter as he picked up the remnants of the bland chicken cordon bleu dinner I ordered and then glanced at Xavier for the seventy-sixth time tonight. He was only a few tables away, toward the front of the room, seated right beside Camilla. With an intricate up-do to show off her back, she wore a peach backless gown. She looked beautiful and a twinge of guilt punched me in the gut. Shaking my head, I pulled my attention away from his table and focused on Mrs. Reed’s story. Although there were two other Scallen Marketing employees and their dates at the table, Mrs. Reed seemed fixated on Max.

             
“So Max, do you dance?” Mrs. Reed asked with a curious expression.

             
“I’m decent on the dance floor,” Max answered modestly.

             
Mrs. Reed beamed at the news. “Well, since Mr. Reed has bad knees, maybe Summer won’t mind if you whisk me around the dance floor.”

             
“I don’t mind at all, Mrs. Reed.” I smiled at her. “When does the party start?

             
“Well, after they serve dessert, there’s a speech about why we’re here, and then it’s dancing time,” Mrs. Reed explained excitedly. “And I am ready to dance! We haven’t been dancing in so long. How long has it been dear?”

Mr. Reed smiled drunkenly. “It’s been a long time, Nat,” he agreed.

“See?” Mrs. Reed smiled lovingly at him. “So, how about it Max?”

             
Max bumped my leg discreetly before he said, “I’d be happy to.”

             
When the conversation at my table took a turn and focused on marketing work, I glanced back over at Xavier’s table. While everyone at his table laughed at something, he sipped his whiskey, seemingly lost in thought. As if he could feel me watching, he put his glass down and looked directly at me. With his dark hair and black tux, his beautiful eyes popped causing my mouth to go dry. He caught me staring and instead of looking away, I held his gaze. Subtly, Xavier nodded his head toward the veranda exit.

My eyes widened.
Did he just signal to me?
I wondered, perplexed.
I know I wasn’t completely transparent about how I was feeling and what I wanted, but I think I was relatively clear when I told him that I couldn’t and wouldn’t give into what was happening between us. Wasn’t I? Maybe I need to just shut it down completely. Tell him in no uncertain terms that this isn’t happening.

Without taking
his eyes off of me, he said something to the rest of the table and stood. I didn’t have a chance to appreciate his tuxedo and the way it fit his body when I spoke with him outside because of how close we were. But with some distance between us, I could see how the all black tux fit his muscular form perfectly. My eyes flitted down the length of his body and slowly back up. He looked incredible. He nodded at me and then walked toward the exit.

I had a choice to make.
I can stay seated and wonder what he wants to say. Or I can follow him and shut it down completely. Or I can just forget about him and that moment outside altogether,
I thought as I watched his retreating frame.

             
Glancing around the table, I smiled at my tablemates as they argued good-naturedly about the marketing campaign of a local donut franchise. Leaning over to Max, I mumbled, “I’ll be right back.”

             
I stood as he nodded with a wink. I tried to smile back but I know it came across as uncertain due to my stomach being in knots. I quickly walked to the veranda and scanned the area. Besides a few people smoking, the area was empty.

             
I walked down the stone walkway toward where I was earlier and there he was, leaning against a tall, white column. I stopped a reasonable distance away from him so that I wouldn’t succumb to the power he had over me. With a few feet between us, the butterflies still managed to take over the knot in my stomach. Even in the shadowy darkness, he took my breath away.

             
I put my hand on my hip. “You beckoned for me?” I quipped, trying to appear unaffected by him.

             
Smiling, he took a step toward me. I immediately took a step back to maintain the distance between us. He raised both hands. “Okay,” he conceded, taking a step backward so that he could resume leaning against the column. He chuckled lightly. “I guess I did beckon for you.”

             
I folded my arms over my chest. “I’m assuming you had a reason for me to come out here.”

             
His eyes searched mine before he responded, “You never answered my question.”

             
My heart hammered in my chest. “Answered your question?” I repeated with mock confusion. “I’m not sure I recall what you’re talking about.”

             
He exhaled loudly and shook his head. “Okay, let me start a different way.” He paused and stared at me until my breaths came out in short gusts. “I know that’s not your boyfriend.”

             
I stopped breathing completely. “Wh-what?” I stammered.

             
He took a couple of steps toward me, but I was so stunned by his declaration that I didn’t move backward. With each step, he enunciated each part of the sentence separately. “I know. That’s not. Your boyfriend.”

             
With those three steps, he had gotten too close and I was powerless when he was within arm’s reach. I inhaled deeply and allowed my senses to be flooded with his scent. “Why do you think that?” I asked softly, looking up at him.

             
He reached out and ran his forefinger down my arm. The skin-to-skin contact caused goosebumps to erupt everywhere he touched. The trail left a streak of heat that started on my arm and expanded all over my body.

             
“Because I’ve been watching you all night and he didn’t touch you once.”

“That’s flimsy eviden
ce,” I murmured, peering through my lashes at him.

Closing the gap between us, he cradled my face. “If you were mine, I wouldn’t be ab
le to keep my hands off of you. There would be no mistaking that you were mine.”

His words instantly soaked my panties.
I let out a little gasp of air. “Xavier…” I licked my lips and glanced down to his mouth.

“Do you feel whatever
this is between us?”

“I don’t
know what—”

“Yes or no,” Xavier
baited me. “One simple word. Yes. Or no.”

I closed my eyes momentarily before dropping my head back.

I primed myself to deny what I felt. But when my eyes opened and locked with his, my heart tightened.
I need to be honest about what I’m feeling and then walk away,
I realized.
He needs to know how he affects me so that he’ll understand why we can’t be friends.

Before I could respond, he continued,
“I can’t stop thinking about you, Summer. Something happens when we’re together. This feeling…I’ve never felt this drawn to someone in my life.  Whatever this is, it’s different…it’s special. I think you know that,” he whispered. “But I need you to admit you feel it too.”

“Don’t say stuff like that. You can’t. It’s not right.” My words were barely audible. My eyes burned and I willed myself not to cry.

Securing his grip on my head, he impl
ored my eyes with his own. “Why is this so hard for you to admit?”

I didn’t want to pull away, but I also didn’t want him to see any emotion on my face. Closing my eyes, I said, “I need to get back to dinner.”

“Dinner can wait. What I have to say can’t.”  He dropped his hands from my neck and restrained me with just the look in his eyes. “When I told you I wanted to walk you to your car, it was because I felt compelled to tell you something. I was hesitant to tell you before because I liked that you didn’t know.  But I didn’t want you to hear it from anyone but me. And if this is ever going to be anything, you should know.”

             
Each heartbeat was even more erratic than the last as I listened to him prepare to tell me he had a girlfriend. Watching him with baited breath, I waited. I scanned his face, memorizing every inch in case it was the last time we were ever in close proximity again. A piece of me broke with each second that ticked by.

             
“Just say it. Say it fast. Rip the Band-Aid off,” I encouraged him through the hollowness that was developing in my chest cavity.

He opened his mouth and I quickly put a finger to his soft, full lips. “No, wait. Let me say something first. I know we said we’d be friends, but I can’t be friends
with you. I respect myself and you too much to put us in that predicament,” I started quietly. With him so close, I felt dizzy as the words tumbled out of my mouth.  “I’ve never felt the things I’m feeling for you. I think about you all the time. And when I’m around you, I can feel you. And I don’t mean just when we touch. I mean, I feel you here.” I removed my finger from his lips and covered my heart. “So no, I can’t be friends with you because you are in a relationship and I don’t condone cheating. The fact that we almost kissed earlier lets me know that I can’t trust myself around you.”

Xavier’s eyebrows furrowed.
“I’m not in a relationship. I have—”

I shook my head.
“Save it, Xavier,” I hissed, taking a step back from him. “Camilla is beautiful and seems like a complete sweetheart. So don’t do that.” 

Even though I knew it was the right thing to do, my emotions were running high because I
’d admitted my feelings to him.
I almost cried in front of him,
I thought angrily.
And he’s trying to play games with me! Just like that asshole, Josh.
 

“Do what? I’m not—” 

“I know your type,” I interrupted, backing away from him. “My ex-boyfriend was the same way… you want to have your cake and to eat it too. Well, I’m not co-signing on that bullshit. I said what I needed to say. I don’t need to hear you say anymore. Camilla seems amazing so just focus on her and leave me alone. We can be civil, but we can’t be friends.” Frustrated, I turned to walk down the steps and onto the cobblestone sidewalk that led into the maze-like garden. Before turning into the safety of the hedges, I fought the urge to cast one last look at him.

Despite the beauty of the flowers in the center of the garden,
I found solace in the rows of tall hedges that kept me safely nestled me away from any and everything. No one from the veranda could see me and yet I still refused to cry. I spent two full minutes berating myself for almost kissing him, but more precisely, for wanting to kiss him. With the side of my foot, I kicked the column that adorned the ninety degree angle of the maze. Breathing raggedly, I balled my hands into fists trying to calm myself down.

This is why it’s better to not feel anything,
I thought in frustration.
How did I manage to let my guard down with him? I know better. I know better than this!

“Is that why you
keep running from me?” Xavier asked quietly making me jump. I whipped around and stared at him as he took tentative steps toward me.

“Because you think I’m in a relationship with Camilla?” he clarified.

Throwing my hands up in exasperation made him stop a few feet away from me. “Yes! Okay? Yes! I didn’t want to hear you say it, but since you insist on making this even harder for me, yes. I know about you and Camilla.”

A heartbreakingly perfect smile eased across his gorgeous face. He shook his head. “There’s nothing between me and Camilla.”

“What?” I sputtered, narrowing my eyes at him. Shaking my head, I backed away from him until I felt the smooth surface of the column against my back. “I don’t believe you.”

“If I’m lying, you can tell the writer
everything you know about me—about my family, about my gym, where I live.” He took another step toward me. “I swear there is nothing going on between me and Camilla.”

“What about what she said at her opening? You are her person. You are her partner in crime. You ground her.
You are the wind beneath her wings. The sun rises and sets on you apparently.”

I
recognized how snarky I sounded as I was saying it, but I made no apologies for it. It wasn’t that long ago a former boyfriend swore nothing was going on with him and my intern.

Giving me a look, he said, “She’s my best friend. And she’s like a sister to me.”

I paused, trying to read his expression.
“So you’re not in a relationship with her?” I asked again, partially covering my face with my hands as I rubbed my temples.

“No.
Not with her or anyone else. And if I were in a relationship, I wouldn’t have beckoned for you, as you put it,” he quipped. His eyes lit with amusement.

Looking into his eyes, I knew he was telling the truth.
My head was swirling and my heart was pounding. “I’m so confused. So what was it that you needed to tell me before I heard it from someone else?”