Autumn Leaves (23 page)

“You’re right,” she said. From the look on David’s face, she could tell she’d just destroyed every hope that she was going to deny. “I need to do that.”

“I don’t understand.” David was shaking his head, his confusion obvious. “I’m not even sure I want to understand it, but this is over now, right?”

“I don’t think it is.” It was painful to say, but it was the most honest thing she could think of. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry. Okay, so what do you suggest? Therapy? Do you expect me to just ignore it? I don’t think I can.”

“I know.” It all had been so clear to her, in theory. “I know I should have told you sooner. I...I guess I’ll just move into the guest room until we’ve sorted everything out.” She needed a few hours of sleep. She couldn’t think straight anymore. If there was a pun in it, it wasn’t funny at all.

“Wait.” David followed her when she got up to walk out of the room, the tone of his voice urgent. “You don’t mean it. We can fix this, right?”

She really didn’t see how. There was too much broken glass around them already.

“You know what happened. Callie needs me right now.”

“God damn it, this is our family you’re talking about!”

She didn’t easily cry, but being tired and having her life about to change in a drastic way, Rebecca thought she was entitled. “I can’t do this right now.”

“You know what, I don’t care! I didn’t choose this, you brought it upon us, and you will take responsibility. Have you given any thought of what you’re going to tell the girls? Our children?”

“Don’t I have the right to be happy?”

“This is not about being happy. It’s about making you being happy more important than everyone else’s lives and feelings!”

“That’s not fair! For the past ten years, everyone and everything has been more important than my feelings, so…”

“No. Don’t turn this around on me. You’re the one who’s risking everything for...what? Was it even that good?”

“I can’t talk to you right now.”

“You don’t even want to try!” he accused. “After sixteen years, that’s all you can say to me, you can’t talk to me? This is—”

Rebecca didn’t know why he stopped himself this abruptly until she turned around and saw Maggie in the doorway, still in her jacket and carrying her pink school bag. She was crying too.

“Maggie, I’m sorry.” Rebecca rushed to embrace her daughter. “We didn’t mean to yell.” Considering that the girls had pretty much grown up with no one ever raising their voices, this had to be a lot of stress for her. Maggie remained tense in her arms.

“It’s all good now?” she asked anxiously.

“Right, ask your mom.” David left the room, slamming the door behind him.

Rebecca wished she had another ten years to answer that question. “Daddy and I love you, you know that, right?”

If it sounded like an excuse, maybe it was exactly what it was.

* * * *

Callie felt like she was about to go out of her skin. She couldn’t possibly sleep any more, her body too tense, her mind too busy. She needed to do some cleaning, but she couldn’t bring herself to do anything. Asha had finally called her back and left a message.

Callie didn’t think she could talk to her right now without breaking down. She didn’t want to talk to anyone, not even Rebecca. Especially not Rebecca, but she couldn’t bring herself not to answer the door either. Bleakly, she stared at mother and daughter who appeared equally as distressed. She realized that this was the second time, two days in a row they had caught her like this, hair and clothes, not to mention the house, a mess. It probably wasn’t the way to entice a lover, but at this moment, Callie couldn’t care. Then it hit her.

“No.” If her first reaction wasn’t very encouraging, Callie couldn’t help it. Rebecca thought Callie was so experienced in everything. She got it wrong. Callie was never the home-wrecking bitch before. Her life was falling apart, and she didn’t think she could handle any more confessions now. In fact, the possibility scared her.

“I told you I’d come check on you. I thought maybe we could have a second breakfast. I brought—”

“Come on in.”

With Rebecca sitting across from her, Maggie quietly doing her homework next door in the living room, Callie realized what her biggest mistake was. She fantasized about this moment, but the truth was, she never had any idea what would come right after that. In her mind, she skipped from the bittersweet time they had together to a life of domestic bliss in which Dina and Maggie made cameo appearances. She could see now that it wasn’t enough. They never had time to form a plan B. Hell, as far as Callie could see, there was no plan A either.

“You told David?” She finally asked.

Rebecca cast a quick sad look at her daughter who was writing diligently in the other room. “He found out,” she said.

Oh, no
.
This was all wrong.
“I understand. Maybe it’s not even pity, but whatever it is, we need to be honest. You wouldn’t be here if I didn’t get hurt. I’m afraid that’s not enough of a reason to be with someone. If you make the wrong decision right now, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life. I love you, Rebecca, but I don’t want you to hate me a few years down the line because of everything you’re going to lose.”

“From the moment I walked out that door after our time together, you were all I could think about. Whatever happens between us from this point on, I know my marriage is never going to work again. I can’t go back. That’s not your fault. It’s all on me. I…I’ve never felt like this before. I could have never imagined…but I want you. I want to be with you, Callie.”

Here was a woman close to her breaking point. Callie could sympathize. She’d gone over her own some time ago. It took a lot of effort not to flash back to the feel of cold mud underneath her, the sound of malicious laughter.

“Don’t turn away from me now,” Rebecca pleaded, fear written all over her face. “Please.”

At the living room table, Maggie paused in her writing as if she’d heard the words, but didn’t look up.

“You really want us to discuss this now?” Callie said with a look to the girl. Her future was on the line too.

“I brought Maggie with me for a reason. She needs to know that things are going to be all right. I need to know.”

“I can’t promise you that.”

“If you said we can try, I’d go for that.”

She reached for Rebecca’s hands on the table, holding them in hers. They both needed something to hold on to, desperately. The warmth of the touch was the most safety she’d felt since Rebecca went back to David, to her family, at the end of the weekend.

“Try,” she said, futilely trying to choke back the tears. She thought of what she had to look like, her face swollen from too much crying, the bruise prominent on her cheek, her unwashed hair. “Are you sure?”

Rebecca’s eyes were bright, too, as she reached out to touch Callie’s cheek. “Right now, it’s the only thing I’m sure of. Whatever happens, you’re not alone in this.”

The ringing of the phone made them both flinch. Reluctantly, Callie got up to answer it, wondering if Asha had caught up on the fact that something must have happened.

“You don’t think you’re going to succeed with what you’re trying? You’re a liar and a whore. Get back to where you came from. We don’t want you here.”

Callie froze, the malicious tone once again pushed her right back into the worst moments of her life; reality fell away. She felt the wet earth underneath her, the unwanted touch, the fear choking her. “Who is this?”

The caller hung up already.

“Callie. Baby, what happened? Talk to me, please.”

The fog lifted only slowly. Callie realized she had to have been out a while longer for Rebecca to look this concerned. She still held the phone clutched in a white-knuckled grip, her heart racing. She felt sick, on the verge of throwing up. She’d felt the same at the police station, when she realized that Sheriff Lowman would be the only one to listen to her.

“Give me this.”

Rebecca gently unclenched her fingers, laying the phone aside. “Let’s sit down for a moment.”

She didn’t protest. Instead she let Rebecca lead her to the couch where her legs just gave under her.

“Our timing sucks,” she said, trying to laugh which only produced more tears. Callie was sick of it. “I bet this is not what you had in mind as a reward.” She was almost afraid that Rebecca would agree, but she waited a long while before speaking up.

“It’s not about a reward.”

“You’re putting everything on the line and I’m just not there to appreciate it. That doesn’t seem fair.”

“You’re right here.” Rebecca linked their fingers, hesitating. “I don’t know. It doesn’t seem like this town brought us a lot of luck. Maybe we could go somewhere else. You, the girls, and I.”

Callie thought it was wise not to point out how overtaxed each of them would be with such a major change right now, not to mention the girls who didn’t yet understand what was going on with their parents.

“I would love that,” she said, because it was true. Escape had always been her coping method of choice. “Someday, maybe. Not right now. David, is he mad at you?”

“He doesn’t understand. Hell, I don’t understand, but I can’t keep lying to him, can I? I would have gone on like this for the rest of my life. It’s a good life. It’s comfortable.”

“Yeah. Getting up at five thirty every day,” Callie muttered, making her laugh. There was a tiny surge of hope, that there wouldn’t always be this dark shadow hanging over them. Some people might think this was some kind of punishment for sins committed. Rationally, Callie knew that it was nonsense. Her emotions hadn’t completely caught up yet.

“There is that. I can’t erase those years and I don’t want to. I never could be without my girls. Still, I don’t think I’ve ever been happier than in those days with you. It has to mean something.”

When Callie turned to her, their lips met, softly, cautiously, both of them breaking the kiss at the same time. In the living room, the theme from
Aladdin
was playing, the movie one of the many purchases made at Disneyland
. A Whole New World.
Real life wasn’t that easy.

“I’m a mess right now, and I love your girls, but I have no parenting skills whatsoever. Is it selfish that I still want you in my life? Probably.” Callie gave herself the answer. “I don’t care.”

She leaned into Rebecca’s embrace, resting her head against Rebecca’s chest. Safe for the moment. Callie knew that all hell would break loose sooner or later.

* * * *

Dina locked herself into her room. David returned from the office, silent and brooding. Maggie went upstairs right away. Rebecca felt unwelcome. Her first impulse was to turn around, but of course she couldn’t.

“You had a good afternoon?” David asked, acidly.

“Maggie’s been doing her homework over at Callie’s. Remember that Callie was assaulted yesterday? What do you think happened?”

“I don’t know and I don’t want to imagine. So what’s happening next? You can manage to take care of your daughters while you are planning the rest of your life without them?”

“Is he going to fight for custody
?” Callie had asked.

“I imagine we talk to a lawyer,” she said, trying to fight the rising fear. Craig had been right in one thing. Laurie helped them out with money when they bought the house. Rebecca realized that she was probably not the one who was going to stay in her home of the last fifteen years.

“Don’t you want to explain to your children first before we start hacking the furniture in two?” David wasn’t raising his voice now, but his resigned tone spoke volumes nonetheless.

“Of course. I mean, it will be nothing like that.”

“Good. I’ll have Mom come over to stay with them for the rest of the month, and beginning of December, I’ll move into the office in town. I’d planned that anyway. To surprise you.” He laughed bitterly. “Turns out you had a surprise for me instead.”

“David, please. I didn’t plan for this to happen. Now, I can’t turn it back. I need to be honest, with all of you, and myself.”

“Does that mean all those years you weren’t? Really, you spent every day miserable, thinking this can’t be all? If that was the case, you were a damn good actress.”

“There was no act. I loved my life.”

David gave her a pointed look, showing her that her use of past tense hadn’t gone unnoticed. Rebecca felt the ground underneath her crumbling, for the first time since the doctor had told them that giving birth to Maggie could take a life, Maggie’s, or hers.

“I love you.”

“Then why can’t you at least try? Why do you have to do this? Damn it, Rebecca, I understand that what happened is horrible and she needs a friend to be there for her. Why sleep with her? If you love me, then why don’t you stay and fucking give it a try?”

Because I love her more
. She couldn’t bring herself to say those words. David understood them anyway.

“Right, I got it. I’m calling Mom now.”

“You don’t have to. I will…”