Autumn Leaves (31 page)

By the time she was finished, it was long past dinner time. Callie felt drained of energy, and hungry. She decided that after a shower, some food would be overdue.

The bedroom was still dark when she returned from the bathroom. Callie sat on the side of the bed. Rebecca didn’t even stir at the slight shifting, even when Callie lay down beside her. Just for a moment, she told herself, reconnect with reality and everything that was good in it. She should wake Rebecca before she’d fall asleep too, and neither of them would be able to find any sleep in the night. Callie reached out carefully, tracing her fingers down the length of Rebecca’s back. Dealing with Dina’s accusations could wait. They needed some time to themselves.

“Hey,” she whispered softly. “Want to come back to me?”

Slowly coming awake, Rebecca turned to her. “I’m sorry,” she said, still sounding sleepy. “You must be hungry. I slept way too long.”

“That’s okay. There’s something I want to show you.”

“In a minute?” Rebecca’s hand was warm on her cheek, her touch soft. Callie wanted to stay here forever.

“Sure.”

It was more than a few minutes they spent in each other’s embrace. Callie thought that as hard as the task she just fulfilled had been, she’d survived it. There was a reward on the other side.

She busied herself cooking while Rebecca read her work of the past few hours as Callie had asked her to. There was a comfortable silence between them. It felt good after the many questions, and the search for answers of the past days. Maybe they hadn’t found all of them yet, but they were here, together. Rebecca sat on the couch, the laptop on her knees, wearing her reading glasses. Closing the oven, Callie turned around to watch her, the shared quietude filling her with a sense of peace she once thought she’d lost forever. It wasn’t something she ever had with Nicole, and when that relationship ended, Callie had pretty much given up on it. She came to Autumn Leaves because she had things to run from, but when she did, it was really coming home.

When Rebecca had finished reading, she closed the laptop and took off her glasses, her expression a little sad when she joined Callie in the kitchen. “Thanks for the preview,” she said, pulling Callie close for a kiss. “It’s very good.”

“Really?” Technically, she knew it, but Callie was still nervous about her abrupt turn.

“It’s very...”

“Different,” Rebecca offered. “Not as light as the others, definitely. I imagine that was hard to write.”

“Yeah. It’s harder to keep it in here.” She tapped her temple with her fingers. “I know I need to move on. I got away. The other girl didn’t.”

There wasn’t much to argue with that, so Rebecca didn’t, just held her in a loose embrace.

“It’s not enough, but at least they’ll do time. I wish I could do more.”

“You’re here,” Callie reminded her. “As far as I’m concerned, that’s just

about everything.” Maybe it was a little too much revelation on a day like this, but she couldn’t help it.

“I know it’s not perfect yet, but it will be. I promise you.”

Rebecca leaned close to kiss her again, more intensely this time.

“This is,” she said. “All else, we’ll figure out. I know that—” She was interrupted by her growling stomach, making them both laugh. “Okay, first things first. Dinner comes before any more of the heavy subjects.”

After dinner, surprisingly, Rebecca suggested taking a look around the house and see if there were some things they could bring now. She claimed she took David seriously and take some of hers, give the rest away if he didn’t want it. Callie was somewhat skeptical about doing this right away. There were too many dramatic changes lately.

“Don’t look so scared,” Rebecca said. “We’re talking curtains, dishes and things like that which I happen to know you could use.”

She wasn’t taking the subject as lightly as she wanted to, Callie thought, but she couldn’t tell Rebecca no, not on a day like this. It was snowing, making her further question the wisdom of this idea, as they put on their coats just for the walk across the street.

It was cold inside the house, literally and otherwise. Rebecca opened cupboards and cabinets, taking notes of what to bring. In the end, she had to realize it couldn’t all be done this evening. Endings came with a lot of paperwork too.

“I never even thought...” she muttered. “Taxes. Insurance. Since I’m obviously the guilty party here, I guess I should start looking for a job too.”

“There’s time for that,” Callie hurried to say. “Money is not a problem right now.”

“Is there anything you want then?” Rebecca’s voice sounded slightly shaky. It could have been from the cold too. “A lamp, crystal candleholders? David said to go for it. After this afternoon, frankly, I intend to.”

“Maybe you should give yourself more time. Both of you.”

“We’ve had sixteen years to think that this was going to last forever, and see what happened. No. We’ve got to move on from this.”

Callie was just beginning to realize that Rebecca was not as familiar with cutting ties as she was pretty much her whole life. If things didn’t work out, Callie’s method of choice was to start over somewhere else. It wasn’t an option this time. Learning to stay was her lesson.

“Maybe you should think about getting a lawyer too. I could recommend someone.”

“Maybe.” They walked up the stairs to the upper level. Rebecca had finally decided she would simply get a few more clothes tonight, but then she turned around and opened the door to Maggie’s room. There were a few hangers still in the empty closet, games and books also gone from the shelves. One left behind:
The Girl Who Lived in a Castle.
There was a clear provocation in that. Rebecca was struggling with the way the room looked and what it meant.

“I’m so sorry. This is not just about me,” she said.

“It’s okay. We’re not keeping score.”

Rebecca just gave her a grateful smile. They walked into Dina’s room that looked equally empty. Callie suppressed a sigh. At least the girl didn’t seem so angry with Rebecca anymore now that she perceived Callie to be the guilty one. In the bedroom, Rebecca opened a drawer, taking out a photo album and sat down on the side of the bed.

“Come here.”

“I don’t know,” Callie said, hesitating. Even with her coat on, she was shivering. The house wasn’t heated, and the temperature didn’t seem that much different from the outside.

“Just a few minutes.” Rebecca had opened the album on her knees.

“We could take this home,” Callie offered. “It’s not like I don’t want to see. I really do.” It wouldn’t be easy, she assumed, for either of them to take a closer look at this history. At the moment, she just wanted to escape the coldness of this place.

“Let’s go home,” she said.

Rebecca hesitated for a moment longer, then she picked up the album and a couple of others, and followed Callie.

Back in her house, Callie had made some hot chocolate and put a generous amount of rum inside before she carried the mugs to the living room table. They sat close together, opening the book of the past once more. Callie wished she could have found a hint in there somewhere that Rebecca belonged with her in the first place rather than with the man in the pictures. Given the timeline, she couldn’t find any. All she could see were happy, smiling faces and the progression of Dina as a baby to a five-year-old, proudly holding her tiny baby sister. Happy parents, happy friends, all the time. Rebecca looked tired in some of them.

“Don’t look too closely,” she said, self-conscious. “Who the hell took a picture at that moment?”

“Don’t worry. You look pretty.”

The look Rebecca gave her spoke volumes. “Liar.”

“No, I’m not. Besides, I could have never done that.”

“What, have children? Let’s say it’s good that the first time, you have no idea what you’re in for.”

“Still, you had another one.” Callie snuggled closer, putting an arm around Rebecca’s waist. “You can admit that is brave.”

“Brave? I was terrified.”

“I can relate to being terrified,” Callie said. “We both got through it. We still made it this far.” She didn’t know why those words made her feel like crying again. “We did, right?”

“Yes, we did.” Rebecca’s hand in her hair, the slow soft touch, was as much a reassurance as her statement was. It would get easier someday. They just had to believe.

* * * *

As they sat in the attorney’s office for the first time, the initial meeting to draw the lines, Rebecca felt like she was watching a movie. It was unreal. Callie had made a few calls, a friend knowing another friend. Judith Sloane would, for now, simply keep her company and oversee what David and his lawyer, Lanvers, would suggest. Sloane was a spunky woman in her mid-thirties, experienced with family law. She wore stylish suits, her blonde hair in a short yet feminine cut. She was likeable enough, under the circumstances.

Rebecca thought this was much of a parody, and was that really all that was left of her family? She wanted the girls to come live with her. Other than that, she didn’t have that many wishes. However, Lanvers, David’s lawyer, had other ideas. He laid them out to Rebecca with an air of pity. David barely met her eyes, uncomfortable, but he didn’t argue.

“Right, I can see where you’re going with this,” Sloane said. “You’re saying that my client, who has been taking care of her daughters mostly by herself in the past years, suddenly isn’t fit to raise them?”

Rebecca cringed at the term “client.” That made it official. The rest of it left her with a dizzying mix of anger and fear. She didn’t even want to think about what it meant.

“Mister Lowman has the help of his mother, and can create a stable environment for the girls, which I think we all agree is the most important thing right now.”

“I am their mother! Callie and I can give them a stable environment all right. As Ms. Sloane has pointed out, I’ve been doing it in the past. That has not changed. David, tell me you don’t believe that!”

“Mrs. Lowman. Your significant other is a self-employed writer, I believe?”

“I don’t think her profession is the problem here,” Judith Sloane said. “Mister Lanvers, honestly, I don’t understand what the problem is. These girls have lived all their lives in Autumn Leaves. It’s their home. Frankly, they belong with their mother, and both she and Ms. Bryan are more than qualified to provide them with everything they need. There’s enough space and a double income. Not to mention they’re loved, and no one said Mister Lowman can’t visit them whenever.” In an impatient gesture, she brushed her short blonde hair away from her face. “If that’s not good enough, there’s only one reason left, and I really hope that’s not the case.”

“Stop it,” David snapped. “I am not a bigot, but you know what, Rebecca, whatever’s broken, you did it. You walked away from them once. Who says you’re not doing it again?”

Sloane’s next words seemed to fade out as Rebecca struggled to understand what was happening. Maybe she was really better off believing nothing was real at all.

* * * *

It probably hadn’t gone well. Callie could tell from the way Rebecca simply left her coat lying on the chair near the door, kissing her briefly to whisper, “Later, okay?” and then disappeared into the bathroom.

Callie brainstormed with herself, trying to pin down ideas for her next book with little success. Worrying about the outcome of Rebecca’s appointment was only partly responsible. There had been no response from Asha so far, not even a text message. No reason to break out the champagne yet. In the past few years, Asha had usually given her the go-ahead and then come back with edits which made Callie swear out loud in many late nights, but shaped the story to its best.

What happened at the lawyer’s office? Granted, she hadn’t gotten to know David Lowman well, and certainly he had a reason to be angry and disappointed. On the other hand, he should want what was best for his daughters. If Callie learned something on their impromptu visit, it was that being away from Rebecca wasn’t good for them.

The doorbell jolted her out of her thoughts, making her jump. Rebecca was still in the shower from the sounds of it, so Callie got up to open the door.

“You’re here, good.” Studying her, Asha Malik was so far into her personal space that Callie took a step backwards. Before she could even form the question, Asha added, “I had to come and talk to you in person. Honey, have you lost your mind?”

“Um...Okay. You didn’t like it.”

“Like has really nothing to do with it. You just can’t do that, blindside your readers like that. Hell, you blindsided me.”

“Sorry about that,” Callie said, distantly noting that the sound of the shower had stopped. “Seriously, we couldn’t discuss this over the phone?”

“Oh, yeah. You called me. I’m sorry, Cal, I was really busy. You know, this isn’t good. Seriously, you’re the one who always said we need stories of sane, healthy lesbian relationships out there. So why the drama?”

“What happened wasn’t their fault!” Callie was slightly disturbed about the vehemence of her words.

“No. You’re the writer. It’s yours.”

“Have you ever considered that things like that might happen for real?”

“Sure, Cal. They do happen, but not in your books, not in this series, that is. Your readers want to know what they’re in for if they pick up a story about Vanessa and Sabine. They don’t want a thriller. Write one, or write one angry feminist essay if you want to, but steer clear of these subjects here.”