Autumn Leaves (34 page)

“Early teens, I guess.” She shrugged. “You know that time when all your friends start talking about boys and you...just don’t get it. I don’t know, maybe we should talk about this some other time, since…”

She didn’t need to finish the thought. Rebecca would go in to talk to Father Langdon for a bit, and after that she’d have to tell the people in Autumn Leaves about her work. It wouldn’t be easy. There was the innuendo, then there was Maria’s death and Craig’s suspension, and the fact that the sons of two of the most well-known citizens were in jail. Come to think of it, Callie didn’t feel much like going, but she wouldn’t leave Rebecca alone with this. No matter what her own fears were.

“Yeah.” Rebecca sighed. “It’s because I’ve been thinking...I should have known something. Earlier, you know.”

“Does it matter?” Callie asked softly. “I know that you loved David, and your family.” There was no denying that.

“I don’t know. I just know that I’ve never felt like this. I’ve been stupid.”

“No!” Callie protested immediately, instinctively, even though she wasn’t quite sure what Rebecca was referring to.

“It’s true. All these questions, these ideas about keeping children out of politics, wondering if it was really just a misguided choice—I had no idea. I do now. I do know better.”

All of a sudden, it became clear to Callie why this subject made a lot of sense this morning. “It’s not stupid when you want to keep an open mind, when you are ready to learn. I suggest we don’t go deeper into this now, because I don’t want us to go to church with smeared makeup, you know?”

Rebecca laughed. “And here I thought lesbians wouldn’t wear any…”

When they got up from the table, Callie wrapped her arms around Rebecca tightly, feeling free and light from the laughter. “I love you too,” she whispered. “Now that you’re mine, I’m never letting you go.”

* * * *

She was going to church. In a place that was always a refuge, a shelter to her, Rebecca was about to talk to the people she’d known for a long time, about something she loved to do. What was she afraid of anyway? Sometimes, Rebecca wondered if things could have gone differently, had she been honest right away, right after that weekend. Callie wouldn’t have gone out by herself, running into those mean-spirited teenagers. Common sense told her she wasn’t the one to blame, but Rebecca was aware she would have to address this thought at some point, after she made it through this morning.

The church wasn’t very small, but it felt a bit claustrophobic when they walked down the aisle, looking for a place to sit. Predictably, there were looks and the murmurs. Maybe she was just paranoid and they weren’t all directed at her and Callie.

However, when Louise Beckett craned her neck to see, it couldn’t possibly be mistaken. Betty was sitting next to her. Roz was with her mother, on the other side of the aisle. Callie reached out to squeeze her hand gently, and Rebecca felt the smile on her face, easing the tightness in her chest. It felt right. It
was
right.

Father Langdon began with an introduction about how the church had extended services to troubled teenagers and explained how they wanted to have a low threshold for everyone who needed help. There was a social worker whom Rebecca didn’t know. Paul explained that he moved to Autumn Leaves recently with his wife and three kids. The psychologist was familiar to Callie, who knew him from choir.

“Lastly, I think we know it’s easiest to have our children come to church with us if we make it an ‘event’ on Facebook. God is there for us at all times, but sometimes, even the church will have to adjust to the time we live in. If you don’t want to call or come by yet, or you want to take a look at what we’re offering first, you can do so now with our website. Thanks to Mrs. Lowman.”

The murmurs grew a little in intensity when she stepped up next to him, but Rebecca chose to ignore them. Just this presentation, just a few minutes, she could do this.

“I’m very happy I had the chance to work on this project, because I think it’s very important. I have two children, of which one is a teenager. While I want them to know they can always come to me—with everything...” Her voice faltered just a little, and Rebecca resisted the impulse to roll her eyes at herself.
Get your act together!

“We all know there can be times when children need to talk to someone outside of the family, for whatever reason.”

Betty snorted. Chip gave his mother a quick, angry sideways look.

“The internet is a medium that youth feel comfortable with, so it makes sense that they’d use it when they need help. The church offers a safe space here.”

“What do you know anyway?” The voice cut through the relative silence of her audience. “You abandoned your children!”

The accusation came from a young woman who worked for the town’s dentist. Rebecca hadn’t seen her in a while, and barely talked to her.

The quiet talking grew louder still, and for a moment, the feeling of claustrophobia came back full force. This was exactly what she was afraid of, and she felt her face burning from the slur.

“Please,” she said. “This is not the place.”

“I’d need therapy if I found out my mom’s a lesbian,” someone said—a teenage boy—he and his friend laughed. The family looked embarrassed but no one told him to be quiet. Betty’s unrelenting stare seemed to say:
You asked for it.

She saw that Callie was about to get up, her stormy expression conveying a clear message. If she had wanted to leave right now, Callie would have come with her. Rebecca didn’t plan to. She took a deep breath and gave her lover what she hoped was a reassuring smile. Running away now would have been the easy way out. She straightened, gripping the microphone tighter.

“All right. Father Langdon asked me to come here to talk about my work, but there seems to be something else that is just as important. I’m sure you have many questions. I don’t claim to know all the answers, but I do have something to say, and all I’m asking of you is to listen for a few minutes.”

She turned to Father Langdon, and he nodded.

“I don’t know what you all heard,” Rebecca said. “I did not abandon my children. There’ve been a lot of changes in all our lives, and—”

“Oh, just stop it!” Louise Beckett shouted. “You threatened my son with a shotgun! Just as well that your husband took the kids.”

For a moment, there was a shocked silence. Rebecca had the startling impulse to go over to the mayor’s wife and slap her, in this place of all places. Her voice was rather calm when she spoke, even though inside she felt all raw. She knew some of her neighbors thought like that, but most of them wouldn’t say it to her face, all self-righteously, in a house of worship.

“I have a question for you too,” she said. “The God you believe in, really, does He tell you this? That it’s okay for children to be away from their mother, that it’s okay to judge other people’s lives? I cannot imagine that because the God I believe in is about love.”

Rebecca almost expected Father Langdon to tell her to leave now, but he didn’t, neither did anybody shout. “No one can take that away from me. My girls told me they’d love me no matter what. I might not have done everything right, but I found the love of a wonderful person. If some of you think that’s wrong, or sick, I guess I can live with that.” She was tempted to leave it at that, just turn around and go, but the thought that had come to her since she and Callie walked into the church, wouldn’t leave her alone.

“I know it’s not all of you, and that makes me hope, because there will come one day when two people who love each other will get married right here in this church, regardless of their gender. Thank you.”

“No, thank
you
, Mrs. Lowman.”

She turned on her heel, nearly stumbling on the step, to see that Charles LaRue junior had stood up.

“See, if everybody thinks what they are is so wrong, where were all the good people when I could have used help?”

“Chip!” Betty scolded, red-faced.

“No, Mom. I won’t shut up about this anymore. About those guys who are now in prison? I am glad. They made my life a living hell day after day. So, thanks, Mrs. Lowman, because you and Ms. Bryan were the only ones to have the guts to stand up to them.”

Roz stood up too. She quietly walked over to Rebecca and embraced her. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered. “I hope we’re still friends.”

“You’re welcome. Yes, of course we still are.”

A little dizzy and confused by the unexpected support, Rebecca disengaged herself from the embrace and smiled at her friend.

“I haven’t been the best of friends to you,” Roz said regretfully.

Rebecca didn’t have much to argue, but on the other hand, she hadn’t approached any of them either, except for Maria. At the thought of her, she felt tears welling up again.

“We’ll talk. Soon. I promise.”

“Thank you.”

She finally found Callie, reaching out to take her hand. Her eyes were bright, but Callie smiled happily. “Come on. Let’s go home.”

Outside of the church, somebody called her name. Rebecca turned to see Betty hurrying after her.

“Rebecca! Can you...I don’t know how to say this. Do you please have a minute for me?”

Rebecca turned to Callie, who was watching the two of them attentively. She was wondering about all the words that were said during Betty’s visit, the details Callie hadn’t told her for a reason.

“I’m fine. If you want to...” Callie said.

“Not right now, Betty. Eventually...I think I will. Could you give me a little more time?”

Betty swallowed hard. “That’s all right,” she said.

There had been snowfall in the morning, but when they walked home, the clouds had moved away to make room for the sun and a crystal blue sky.

“I’m so proud of you,” Callie said. Rebecca remembered to the moment a few weeks ago, when she wanted to hold her hand so badly, but didn’t dare to. Now, as they walked along the snow-covered trees, she couldn’t understand what had hindered her. It really wasn’t that hard. She chuckled a little self-consciously.

“I guess I’m a little proud too. Sorry about the makeup though.”

Callie laughed, and Rebecca joined in.

She learned something important this morning. Whatever trials they’d been through and might still be there to come, they weren’t completely alone in it. A beautiful life waited for them.

* * * *

They spent Christmas Eve quietly, decorating the tree they’d bought last minute, sharing dreams and kisses in front of the fireplace after the service. There’d been some looks, but Callie thought it had felt different. Something happened the Sunday before that had made some people in Autumn Leaves wake up. The ones who didn’t, they didn’t need to care about. They put gifts under the tree for Dina and Maggie. Later that night, they made love, the intimacy bringing a feeling of quiet gratitude. There were so many ways out, so many times when either of them could have given up. Yet, they were still here, together.

As Rebecca slept beside her, Callie studied the ring on her finger once more. No one and nothing could possibly wipe the smile off her face right now.

* * * *

“Yes, Asha! I heard you!” Callie shook her head, laughing at the phone. She was just the tiniest bit nervous about the visit of the girls, David, Susan, and Barney, and Asha’s call was the perfect distraction. Dina was slowly coming around, but that didn’t mean the occasion would be completely without conflict.

“I hope so, honey. I’m happy for you and I’m happy you came to your senses about the drama, but once you’re back from New York, I want you to sit on your ass and finish that book. Can you do that for me?”

“Of course I can.”

“Listen to you,” Asha murmured, but she was amused.

“Yeah, listen to me.” In the end, Callie had changed the draft to a version that suited the series. She kept the alternate version, those pages she had written with a mix of despair and hope. It did her some good. When it came to her making a living and her sales, she trusted Asha after all.

“I’m on it. Merry Christmas, by the way.”

Callie hung up, listening to the sound of a car parking with excitement laced with trepidation. It was time to face the family.

* * * *

Rebecca hugged her children tightly before she greeted David and Susan. She had to smile. The new woman by her yet-husband’s side was a striking difference to Rebecca herself, small and blonde, quiet. Rebecca observed her interaction with the girls very carefully, and to her relief, Susan did not seem to try and be a replacement mother.

“David, I’ve got to ask you a favor.”

“Sure, but I think first the girls have something to say to you.”

Even with her newly found freedom of the heart, it was difficult not to let the first reaction be fear. Susan busied herself looking after Barney who was getting a little too interested in the tree. David smiled regretfully.

“I will admit it. I’ve been a bit of a dick lately.”

“David!” Rebecca protested, partly because of the swear word, partly because he was right. She couldn’t deny she made choices that hurt him, regardless of her right to love. It was both of their responsibilities now to make decisions which would not hurt their children.