Autumn Leaves (30 page)

As Rebecca made a couple of steps into her direction, Betty’s eyes widened. Another woman walked up to Betty though, taking her by the arm. Rebecca stood, wondering if she was really awake. The woman was Louise Beckett, her husband, Autumn Leaves’ mayor, with her. None of them had ever even called Callie or Rebecca to apologize, which gave a clear picture of where they stood regarding their son’s crimes.

“Rebecca! Do you have a minute?”

She turned slowly at the sound of Father Langdon’s voice. What did he expect her to say or do now?
Wonderful service?

“I’m sorry about Maria,” he said.

“Thank you,” Rebecca acknowledged, waiting for the final blow to be delivered in front of the other churchgoers.

“There’s something I meant to tell you.”

Don’t come around here no more?
“Sure.”

“I’d like to take some time in service, next Sunday or the one after that, to tell the community about the youth project. Have everyone who was involved tell a bit about what they did and why they chose to be a part of it. Would you do that?”

She was—baffled, to say the least. “Father...I’m not sure if that’s a good idea,” she said when she found her speech again. He couldn’t have possibly ignored the events of the past weeks.

“Why not? Your website was a big part of it.” He smiled gently. “Everybody has to adjust a little. If I have to be on Facebook to bring God to the people, then it’s worth it. I’m serious. People can more easily find us, and they’re using those offers. Just a few words would be fine.”

“I guess I can do that. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” he said.

Clearly, not everybody around here was sharing the sentiment.

What had they been thinking? The diner was packed with black-clad people. They should have just blended in, but Rebecca thought she should have known in advance that they wouldn’t. It was probably not a coincidence that they’d been sitting here for nearly forty-five minutes without anyone coming by to take their order. Maybe she was getting paranoid.

When a waitress passed them by another time without even glancing in their direction, Rebecca held out her hand to Callie. “Come on. We’ll get something on the way.”

“On the way to where?”

“We’re going on a little road trip.”

She wasn’t done yet with making waves.

Chapter Twelve

“Where are we going?” Callie asked once more. She was glad to have escaped the stifling atmosphere created by too many people wearing black. Worse, the looks and whispers had made her feel like being under a microscope.

“David said I shouldn’t see the girls before they’ve settled into the new apartment, that it would confuse them. I disagree.”

Callie held back her first, instinctive answer. As much as she wanted to protect Rebecca from another confrontation, she wouldn’t try to hold her back.

“Okay. We go see them. What comes after that?”

“Today? Nothing really. If I want to have a sensible conversation with David, it can only be done without Laurie around. Look, I’m not saying they have it bad there for now. I just need to be with them for awhile.”

“I understand.”

It was good. They were doing everything right now. If there was anything to learn from loss and tragedy, it was that one couldn’t wait too long to make a dream happen.

The girls were subdued, but genuinely happy to see Rebecca. Callie was happy too. She thought of Dina’s reaction as somewhat unpredictable, worrying what it would be.

“We wanted to come,” she said with a shrug. “Grandma thinks Maggie is too little.”

“I’m not little,” Maggie, holding on to Rebecca’s hand, protested.

“Sure you aren’t.” Dina smiled, then she looked up at her mother. “Honestly, Mom, it’s not too bad here. There’s a mall, and I’m closer to Anna.”

“So you’ll make it for a little while?”

Maggie frowned while Dina talked on, unfazed. Neither of them had gotten Rebecca’s emphasis on “a little while,” for different reasons. It seemed no big deal for Dina, but an eternity for Maggie.

“We’ll just get your rooms ready. It won’t take long, right, Callie?”

“Of course not,” she hurried to answer, having caught Dina’s thoughtful look. “If you want, you could come right now.”

Callie remembered the looks, in the church, the diner. David had a point wanting to protect his daughters, but if they weren’t confronted with what prejudice did, how would they stand up against it?

They’d stayed longer than they had intended to. Dina went to buy pastries from a nearby bakery while Maggie set the table. David and Laurie were probably staying at Craig’s for a little while longer. Callie felt herself relax. If the girls didn’t think it was strange for her to be around in their less than approving grandmother’s house, chances were, they’d be okay with her in a shared home just as well.

However, today was not the day for reunification, and she realized it would be hard to break that fact to both Rebecca and Maggie. Dina caught her observing.

“Maggie’s gonna cry,” she said with a sigh. They stood a few feet away in the hallway while Maggie showed Rebecca her new bed that was already purchased. “She had nightmares, you know.”

“I can imagine.”

“Yeah.” Dina’s look was startlingly serious. “I guess I never told you, but...Matt, he picked on every kid. Tim, he’s just creepy. I wanted to say I’m glad they finally got their asses thrown into jail.” That, Callie had to admit, was a precise definition.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Doesn’t mean what you did sucks any less.”

“Dina, you have to—”

“No,” Dina interrupted her harshly. “I don’t have to do anything. I mean don’t you get it, Mom, a lesbian? That’s a joke.”

Callie flinched, unsure what to say. The truth was, she just wanted Dina to stop, but she didn’t know how. Today, the past few days were just wearing at her. She didn’t have any good explanations at hand.

“Don’t talk about her like that,” she finally said.

“See, you don’t get it. I don’t have a problem with you. Well, other than that you have the hots for my mother. It’s not wrong being gay, but it’s not something you turn into, all of a sudden. Couldn’t you just leave her alone?”

For a moment, there was a tense silence between them. Callie, speechless, was still processing everything that was said while trying not to fall into the memory of her own nightmares. The sound of the lock in the front door was heard.

“Uh-oh,” Dina said very appropriately. “Have a nice day.”

* * * *

Rebecca honestly meant to be gone by the time Laurie and David returned. Maybe she fooled herself, wanting this confrontation. In any case, neither of them was happy to see her and Callie. She was ready for that. David looked resigned as he glanced around the group assembled in his mother’s dining room.

“Let’s have a word in private,” he said.

“Since it’s about the future of the girls, I think they should be here. I have no secrets from Callie.” She might be pushing her luck, but she meant every word of it.

“This is something between adults,” David insisted. Maggie held on tighter to Rebecca’s hand. “Callie—I’m sorry, but I don’t think you should be here.”

Callie gave her a look that said she’d go with what Rebecca decided, and that made it easier. There was no reason why they both had to face the unpleasant dispute that was about to come. If she could protect Callie and her girls from it, then that was the right choice.

“I’ll wait in the car,” Callie said.

Laurie smiled. “You girls could come with me.”

“No,” Dina interrupted her sharply. “I’ve got something to show Maggie. We’ll survive for a bit on our own.”

Rebecca wasn’t sure whether to be relieved or worried about Dina’s fierce reaction, as there was no question who would be blamed for it. Nevertheless, it was her and David alone in the room, for the first time since she practically begged him not to take the kids. Now what?

“Do you think that’s fair?” he asked.

“What do you mean? Laurie moving my children out of the house without telling me first or me wanting to see them? I’ve been there for them every day of their lives. You don’t take that from them, or me.”

“I thought we had an understanding. We said we’d sort everything out first. You could have called instead of driving all the way here.”

“Don’t worry, that was not a problem.”

“Rebecca, damn it! These girls have one hell of a lot to go through right now.”

“You think I don’t know?”

“Then why do you come here when I asked you to give us all more time? Why bring your girlfriend?”

Couldn’t he see that she was thinking about them all the time? If it wasn’t for the girls, she and Callie might have already left Autumn Leaves behind. It was their home all right, but lately, it became claustrophobic, especially since Maria’s death.

“After that time, you’ll be okay with them moving in with us? Right?” Even the moment she said it, Rebecca realized with trepidation that she doubted it.

David sighed. “From the new apartment, Dina can practically walk to her best friend’s house. Maggie—she needs some distance. I’m thinking of getting a counselor for her, because she’s having really bad nightmares.”

“That is not my fault.” Rebecca wiped her face angrily. At this moment, her tears wouldn’t help either of them, but his words were painful, a reminder that her child needed her, and she just wasn’t there. Couldn’t be there.

“I know it isn’t. Look, everybody’s making an effort for things to get back to some kind of normal. Dina and Maggie have been through enough. They need some stability, that’s why we’re moving into the apartment. They’ve seen it already, and they like it there. I want them to stay. I had hoped we could do this without a lawyer, but if we can’t...that’s what it’s gonna be. Maybe it will be good to have someone who can be objective.”

“I guess you’re right. We can’t do this on our own.” She kept her back straight even though what she really wanted was to curl up in a corner and cry. “I’d like to say good-bye to my children if that’s okay with you.”

Rebecca didn’t cry, not even when Dina hugged her and said, “Don’t stress it, Mom. We still love you and all.” She held on to Maggie a moment longer, then promised them both to come back as soon as possible. “I’ll call.”

Then, once again, she was the one to walk away.

* * * *

Callie drove on the way home. Beside her, Rebecca was silent, lost in thought.

“
See what you’ve done? You can’t do anything right!”
The memory of Nicole’s random accusations came unbidden and forcefully. Nothing of this was her fault, and yet she felt responsible. She hadn’t tried hard to convince Rebecca that the day of Maria’s funeral might not be the best moment to come for a visit. If the kids came to live with them, there would be some adjustment necessary, for all of them. What if they didn’t and this was just the beginning of a lengthy custody war? Callie suppressed a sigh. She wanted to be there for Rebecca, but it was hard when the ground beneath her own feet didn’t seem all that stable. She still woke up in the middle of the night terrified, with her heart racing.

There was no threat anymore, instead the gentle touch of a woman who had very literally picked up a gun in order to protect Callie and her daughters. A woman who gave up everything to be with her. A woman whose daughter hated her. Callie felt inadequate. She should have made more of an effort to make Dina see reason, and she should have confessed about that conversation to Rebecca. She just didn’t want to add to the burden.

Dina was hurt and scared right now. While her parents certainly weren’t homophobic bigots, no one told her that people came out at all ages. If Rebecca wasn’t willing to take that step, there would have been nothing Callie could have done.

When they came home, it was already dark outside. Rebecca announced she was going to take a nap before dinner. Callie wanted to join her, still pondering talking about Dina. She had the feeling though that Rebecca really needed some time alone. Then there was the fact that Callie had to catch up on work to do. She’d neglected her writing while Asha’s next call, and not for private reasons, was only a matter of time.

She made herself a tea, put a CD into the laptop’s drive and opened the file. Her characters had it quite a bit easier, she thought. Callie wanted it that way. For the most part in her life, books were a form of escapism, and that was what she wanted to give her readers. As the thought formed in her mind, effectively distracting her from this afternoon’s tribulations, Callie realized she couldn’t take it back. She could write it, always delete it later. It had to be out there.

It was about control. If she went there, she’d do it on her own terms. Still, her hands trembled over the keyboard as if refusing to cooperate, but then Callie began to write. For the first time since the assault, she found the mindset to let the story and its characters envelop her, the real world around her receding without the fear of yet another attack. Only this time, these characters had more severe obstacles to fight than the light, rather theoretical arguments Callie had made them deal with before. She wrote with tears in her eyes, but she didn’t stop. Those tears were for a friend who’d died too soon, a little girl who couldn’t sleep without nightmares, and last, for herself.
We can’t let them win.