Autumn's Kiss (18 page)

His eyes beg for an answer. I don't have a good one.

“I don't know,” I admit.

“Me neither,” he says. “But I really wish you hadn't.” He looks down at the ground. “I can't drive you to school anymore,” he says, “or to your grandmother's. I can't be your farm boy. Honestly…I'd rather just not see you for a while.”

“What? J.J., come on. That's crazy. You're my best friend.”

“Maybe,” he says. “But you're not mine. I've got to go.”

There's a catch in his voice, but he races around to the driver's seat, gets in, and zips away before I can see him cry.

So that's it. I officially have no friends. Except for my group at Century Acres. They love me.

On the plus side, I think I ace my finals, and the college counselor is very impressed with the way I've “turned over a new leaf.” He's especially encouraging since PSAT scores came back and I didn't do very well. But since I took them when I was Old Autumn, he's confident they won't reflect the SATs New Autumn will take in the spring.

On the minus side, I spend the last few days of school before Christmas break completely alone, floating through the halls like I'm invisible. It's almost worse than last year, when I was scorned and hated but at least known. Now I'm a phantom.

I keep my schedule. I just walk to school, and I take the bus to Century Acres after or have Mom drive me if I have supplies to carry. And I've decided I'll start driving lessons again, so in a few months I'll be able to get places on my own.

I'm convinced Christmas break will be long and miserable, but Mom surprises Erick and me with a trip to Disney World and Universal. Between the two parks, we're there for ten days—we're even there for Christmas. When Erick and I first hear about it, we're upset because it's not the kind of Christmas we used to have, but Mom says that's the point. She wants to try new things and find new traditions.

The trip is perfect. We stay at the Pop Century Resort in Disney, which is goofy and cheesy and fun, and we go through all the parks and pose with characters, and in the evenings they make it fake-snow on Cinderella's castle, and we go to the water parks even though it's December and it's surreal, and at Universal we ride wild roller coasters and pretend we have Harry Potter magical powers…and for those ten days I forget everything. I don't even bring the map with me; I lock it up in my room. It's waiting for me when we get back, along with every other depressing thing in my life. I pick it up and take it to my bed. I stare at the
zemi
on the back.

“I know you show up to help me,” I say. “I know you're all about me bringing peace and harmony to my little corner of the world. But every time I use you, I mess up my life. Why? What am I doing wrong?”

The
zemi
doesn't answer, but at least it doesn't disappear like the one on the journal did. I decide to tuck it away. I've caused enough trouble. Better to leave it be for a while.

It's only four days before New Year's when we get back from the trip, but it's the day of Century Acres' holiday party. It's not a coincidence—they never hold the party on Christmas Day because a lot of the residents go see their families, and the manager wanted to wait until I could be there, “since you've made such a profound difference in their lives.”

That feels good to hear. I'm not a total screwup, I guess. Just with people under the age of eighty.

By the time Mom, Erick, and I get to the Acres, the party is in full swing. The lobby's decorated, there's a huge Christmas tree, and a Hanukkah menorah, and a Kwanzaa kinara. There's a manger scene, but someone moved all the sheep into compromising positions, which Erick thinks is hysterical. I secretly do too, but I feel like as a volunteer I should be more proper about this kind of thing, so I break up the lovefest and put them back in place.

Lots of residents are thrilled to see me, which feels pretty terrific. They tell me how much they missed me and how much more fun it is when I run the activities here, and Mom and even Erick are impressed because they didn't really know what I was up to all those hours here.

Then I see a true Christmas miracle.

Eddy and Mrs. Rubenstein…
dancing
together. They're doing some kind of swing move to the music pumping through the speakers and they're making a mess of it, but they're laughing together like old friends.

“Wow!” I say as I walk over to them. “Are you guys actually okay with each other now?”

“Your Eddy is a doll,” Mrs. Rubenstein says, and Eddy adds, “Zelda is
la buena gente.
And her grandson's music isn't so bad.”

“She came over to play cribbage yesterday and I played her all his albums,” Mrs. Rubenstein says.

“I like the one with the panting and the moaning,” Eddy says.

“All right, then,” I say. “I'm just going to check on the cookie situation.”

“Wait, wait,” Mrs. Rubenstein says. She grabs her purse from a chair and rummages in it. She pulls out an envelope and hands it to me. “Here. He left town for a tour, but he wanted me to give this to you. Merry Christmas.”

I open the envelope. There's a flash drive inside.

I can't wait until after the party to look at it on my computer. I need to know what's on it
now
. I duck away from the party and go to the computer room. It's empty, so I have my choice of machines. I plug the drive into one and fire it up.

Six files on the drive.

I click on the Amalita file first. It's a video.

“Ames! Hey, it's Kyler Leeds. We met last spring at the Night of Dreams, remember? Look, I've been talking to Autumn, and she feels awful about how she handled the Denny thing. She really wants to talk to you, and you'll be doing me, Kyler Leeds, a huge personal favor if you get yourself to Autumn's house for a party on New Year's Eve. And remember, there's nothing like a new year for second chances.”

Whoa.

I click on the others, one by one. The Taylor, Sean, Reenzie, and Jack files are similar to Amalita's. They start with a hello from Kyler, some personal touch to prove he actually knows their stories (like for Jack's he says, “So, Jack, I know you think I'm pretty much a tool…”), and then he says what I feel awful about and that they should come to my New Year's Eve party and that the new year is a time for second chances.

J.J.'s file is a little different. This time Kyler's holding a guitar.

“My man J.J.,” Kyler says. “I hear you think I'm gay, so I hope you don't think I'm coming on to you, 'cause I'm not. Though from the way Autumn talks about you, if I were gay, maybe I would. You sound pretty cool. But here's the deal. Autumn is all kinds of ripped up about what's going on with you two, but she's having a nasty time figuring out how to say it without killing the really special thing you guys have. As far as I know, there's only one good way to get out the really deep, complicated stuff, and since Autumn's too tone-deaf to do it on her own…”

He starts playing the guitar and singing. It's a song called “As You Wish”—or at least, I think that's what it's called because that's what kicks off the chorus. It's not one of Kyler's regular songs. It's new, written specifically about J.J. and me, and has a million little details that I didn't even realize Kyler heard when I told him the story. It sums up everything—how much I really do love J.J. Maybe not the way I wish I did, and maybe not the way he loves me, but in a way that's real and deep and means more to me than any random boyfriend possibly could.

I get teary when I hear the song, and I wonder if J.J. will too.

When it's over, Kyler looks right into the camera. “Come to Autumn's house New Year's Eve. She's having a party, but it won't be a party without you. It's a brand-new year, J.J.—the perfect time for second chances.”

I'm blown away. I can't believe Kyler did this for me. I don't know what's more shocking: that he took the time to write the song and make all these videos or that he paid close enough attention to my rambling to know what to say in them.

I guess I was right to be obsessed with Kyler Leeds for so long. He's a pretty impressive guy.

I sign on to my email and send the files to my friends right away.

I haven't even ejected the flash drive before my phone rings. It's Ames. I haven't even heard her voice since our big fight.

“Are you kidding me?” she wails. “
¡Estas jugando!
That's
Kyler Leeds
!”

“Yeah,” I say.

“How do you know Kyler Leeds?” she screams.

“Ames, I love you, but you're kind of hurting my ear.”

“I'll hurt your face if you don't explain how you know this boy,” she retorts. “And I love you too. And not just because you know Kyler Leeds, but
you know Kyler Leeds
!!!!”

“So you'll come to the New Year's party?”

“
¡Sí, sí!
But not to make up. I'm making up with you right now. You were right. Denny was
muy loco
. But he was hot and he was a senior and he was a football god and oh, Autumn, the stuff he told me—that I was
soooo
beautiful and
soooo
wonderful and
soooo perfecto
…as long as I didn't do this and this and this and this and this.”

“You broke up with him?”

“While you were away. I wanted to call you, but
soy terca
—too stubborn to do it. But then you sent me
Kyler Leeds
!!!!”

“He won't be at the party.”

“He won't?”

“Still coming?”

“Don't be
estúpido
! Of course I'm coming! I'll stay the night before and help you set up. But we need to talk before that because, Autumn, our boy J.J….
dios mio,
you've done that boy wrong.”

I wince. “I know. Believe me. I'm trying to make it up to him.”

My phone beeps. I look at the screen.

“It's Taylor,” I say.

“Conference her in!” Ames cheers.

I do, and Taylor immediately screams, which makes Amalita scream; then the two of them scream together. At least if my eardrums get blown out on this call, I'm in the right place to borrow hearing aids.

“Yes-yes-yes-yes-yes!” Taylor cries. “I will come to the party and I forgive you, as long as you promise to stay out of my love life from now on.”

“I promise,” I say.

“Unless you want to fix me up with Kyler Leeds,” she notes. “Then that's perfectly acceptable.”

“Was your video the same as mine?” Ames asks.

“I don't think so,” Taylor says. “Mine congratulated me on
Guys and Dolls.
He said he knew from our karaoke night that I'd be great in musicals. I wish he could have seen it.” She gasps. “There's a DVD of the show! Autumn, do you think you could get it to him?”

“I can try,” I say. “I can't promise he'll watch it.”

“Oh!” Ames gasps. “You should get him to perform at our junior prom!”

“Yes!” Taylor agrees.

“Guys, I can't do that,” I say. “I would never ask him for something like that. I didn't even ask him for the videos. He just did them.”

Now they want to know the millions of details about how my life entwined with the life of the greatest celebrity in the universe, and I tell them the most believable story I can think of that doesn't reveal anything about him hanging at Century Acres. I say he was impressed that I gave my friends the Night of Dreams with Kyler Leeds, he emailed to tell me so, and we started writing back and forth. They of course want to see all his emails, but I say he asked me to delete them so they couldn't possibly leak to the press, and I did as he asked. Normally I think both Ames and Taylor would yell at me for that, but since they have their videos, they're cool.

The three of us talk forever, and it feels so good to have them back that I totally forget about the holiday party in the lobby until Mom pokes her head into the computer room.

“Autumn,” she says, “Erick and I have been looking for you everywhere. The party's over. We need to go home.”

I apologize, then hang up with Taylor and Ames, both of whom want to come over tomorrow so we can keep talking.

“Um, Mom?” I ask in the car on the way home. “Do you mind if I have a New Year's party?”