Awakened Desires (29 page)

Lying with my back to the door, I could feel her standing in the doorway as she took all of me in. I knew she was admiring my defined physique. My back was cut nicely. My jeans were still pulled down on my hips, just covering my backside. From what I hear, it’s pretty stellar, but I didn’t see it regularly.

“How long are you going to stand there?” I asked softly, turning my head in an attempt to see her. My voice startled Quinn, causing her to jump. I turned my head back to face the wall. “Come here and lie with me.” I rubbed the side of the bed next to me.

“Sorry. I thought you were sleeping. We’re all done unloading the truck. I brought you some food and water.”

“I’m fine for now. Please, come and lie with me.”

Hesitating, Quinn walked into the room. She crawled onto the bed and positioned herself on her side, facing me, careful not to cause me anymore pain. We laid in silence, staring at each other for quite some time.

Quinn was mesmerized by my eyes. Hers didn’t leave mine for the longest time. I rubbed her face with my thumb, then I laid my arm around her waist. I was enjoying every single moment with her and I didn’t want to forget a second of it.

“How are you feeling?” she asked with a gentleness that only she possessed.

“Better now that you are here with me,” I murmured and a flush spread across her face.

I smiled, but it quickly faded. Bloody hell! My newfound emotional side was pissing me off. I was the tough guy, not the fucking sap. I didn’t want to cry twice in her presence, but I couldn’t control it anymore.

My jaw began trembling and my eyes filled with tears. The truth rested on the tip of my tongue and I was scared to fucking death.

“Are you okay? Is it the pain?” I shook my head. She reached up and wiped the tears rolling down my face. “Gun…talk to me.”

I stared into her beautiful brown eyes and wanted to escape into them. I licked my dry, cracked lips, struggling to speak. I knew I had to tell her the truth because she risked her life to save mine. I felt I owed it to her.

The tears continued to fall from my eyes, burning the raw road rash on my face. “This is my fault,” I choked out.

Quinn looked at me in dismay. “No! Don’t say that.” She wrapped her hand around the back of my neck and shifted her body closer to me. Her chest and hips pressed firm against mine. It was bloody glorious. “I should have shot him, but I froze. This is on me.” Her fingers danced across my forehead, clearing away the few strands of hair that laid there.

“I’m not talking about him.”

Quinn looked at me with confusion. She wiped the tears off of my face again with her soft, silky hands. “Then what are you talking about?” She eyed me, waiting for me to respond.

“This whole thing—the virus,” my voice cracked. She reached up and wiped my face again as the tears continued to fall.

“What do you mean?” Her worrisome tone echoed in my head and heart. I just needed to say it and be done with it.

“It was me,” I said in a low, shaky whisper. She was reaching for me again, but her hand dropped to the bed instead.

Christ, I said it. The words actually came out of my tainted mouth.
I looked at her, soaking in what I could, with great hope that she wouldn’t run. In my head, I begged her not to run. She didn’t say anything for a long time. It was the most prolonged, uncomfortable silence I had ever experienced.

“You?” was all she could get out. My eyes were red and swollen from crying. My hand trembled when I reached for her hand. Unexpectedly, she allowed me to take it.

“There is a lot of explaining that I need to do.”

“Well…out with it then,” she bit out, cold and unfeigned. Rightfully deserved.

“I live a lie.” I paused and licked my lips again. “Some of what I told you was true.” Quinn looked terrified, as was I. My trembling voice gave away my fear. “I was born and bred for the program.”

“The program?”

“Yes. Scientists handpicked my parents and forced my biological mum to get pregnant. Once I was delivered, they took me away. I’m not even sure what happened to her. When I questioned it, I was beaten. So I never asked again.” Quinn inhaled sharply. “For years, I lived within a facility while they trained me. I’m not a product of love. I have never been loved, nor do I know how to love. I was never hugged or kissed or even held as a child. No Mum to protect me or love me.
No one
has ever loved me.”

It sounded horrible when I said it. Plain and simple, it was horrible to never know a mother’s love.

“What about Evangeline?”

“There is no Evangeline.”

“What?” Her voice raised.

“I don’t have a wife or child.” I immediately thought of Carly and the baby. “That was a lie I was fed to tell so people would trust me. I was more likely to be trusted if I had a family versus just being a renegade man.” My eyes shifted from hers, full of shame, and I cleared my throat. “Later into the program, they stopped breeding us and just handpicked society’s riff-raff from orphanages or off the streets.”

“Who is ‘they’?”

“The government.” Quinn’s jaw fell open. “This program is to decimate populations so one country can step up and become a super power. At first, the US and England worked together. They didn’t count on the current head of the program, Roger, going rogue and taking complete control. The virus was scientifically generated in labs in England. We were their guinea pigs. We were injected with a small quantity because they wanted us to become immune. We were supposed to protect the borders of where it was released and keep the virus from running rampant across the world. Roger decided he wanted the virus released in the States. He sent a bunch of recruits over here to live as Americans or transplants.” I knew I was rambling.

“So who is this Henry guy? Is he real?”

“Yes. He was supposed to inject the full virus into someone in New York, where he lived. He decided he was leaving the program but, well…you can’t do that. You are in for life. If you try to leave, they will hunt you down, torture, and kill you and everyone in your life. I was sent to New York to deal with him. I followed him, stalked him, and I got into an altercation with him. He refused to continue with the mission, so I broke into his flat and stole it from him, as per my instructions. I was to carry out the mission no matter what.

“I followed Henry around for months, waiting for the right moment. I discovered he was getting married. I decided it would be a great time to inject someone because it would spread like wildfire at a large event. And it did. As soon as I injected their limo driver, I boarded a plane to get back to Atlanta, where I was stationed. It took about a week for the virus to reach me.” Quinn looked stunned. “So it was me. I did it…as per instructions. I was to recruit an army of people, train them, and fight off the virus until there was no sign of anymore undeads. There are…or were…ten of us in the States. I have been unsuccessful. My other mission is to make Henry true dead when I make it to North Carolina. I know he wants to make
me
true dead, too, but he’s not nearly as powerful as I am.”

My eyes were wet and the pain of my actions was written all over my face. The confession felt so fucking good. For the first time ever, I felt like I could breathe.

Quinn laid still, silent for a long time. “So Henry knows you released it?”

“Yes. He wanted nothing to do with the program anymore. He’s mentally stronger than me. I’m ashamed to admit it, but I was too scared to go rogue. I know what I did and have done is wrong. I want to close that door and try to fix what I did.”

Quinn shook her head. “You can’t fix this, Gunther.”

“I know, but I have to try,” I whispered. Quinn started to get up and I grabbed for her arm, wincing in pain. “Please…I’m sorry. I don’t know what to do…or say.” The tears continued to burn my raw cheek. Quinn shook my hand off of her arm as she got up from the bed. “Quinn, please. I…I…I think I’m in love with you.”

Holy fuck, did I just say that? Did those words escape my lips?
My heart palpitated, I felt nauseous, and I was sweating.

It was difficult for me to say those words because I wasn’t sure if it was love that I felt. If true love was what I was feeling, I wanted more of it. I
needed
more of it. I craved more of the feeling. She paused in the doorway for a moment, then left.

“Quinn!” I yelled. “Quinn, please…” I was in no shape to chase after her.

With a Sig in her trembling hands, Josie was standing by the door. When she saw how upset she was, Quinn knew she had heard. Josie had every intention to go into that room and make Gunther true dead.

“He killed them. Every one of them! It’s his fault. This is all his fucking fault, Quinn!” Josie’s tears tracked down her gaunt, pale face. She wiped her nose on the sleeve of her shirt.

“Josie, trust me, I’m as angry as you are about this. But killing him is not going to make anything better.” Quinn tried to grab Josie by the arms.

“You only say that because you love him!” Josie tried to shoulder past her.

“I do and I don’t know why.” Quinn sounded as if she were angry with herself for the feelings that she couldn’t control. “But you just can’t storm in there and shoot him.”

“I think it’s fucking justified!” Josie clenched her fist and the other was gripping the Sig.

“I understand why you feel that way. Believe me, I do, but it’s not right, Josie.”

She was seething. “What’s not right is what he did!”

“He knows that. He knows what he did was wrong. He was forced to do it under duress, and he didn’t have another option!”

“Sure he did! That Henry guy threw in the towel. Why didn’t he?”

“Josie…you don’t understand what these people did to them. They were tortured and abused into submission. He was programmed to do it. He knew if he didn’t follow through with his orders, they would torture or even kill him and anyone he was with.” Quinn finally grabbed her by the shoulders. “He was scared, much like you are right now!” Josie stood in front of Quinn and cried, knowing what she said was the truth.

“If he didn’t release it…”

“Someone else would have. He was the messenger. Don’t you see that? It doesn’t matter. It was going to happen no matter who gave the injection. So, please…” She made Josie look into her eyes. “I am asking you as a friend. Don’t hurt him. He has lived through enough pain. It’s time for him to start healing. It’s time for
all of us
to start healing.”

Josie thought for a moment, then turned the Sig in her hand, pointing the handle at Quinn. “Thank you.” Quinn took the weapon and hugged Josie tightly. She wasn’t receptive, which worried her. Josie tried to push away, but she wouldn’t let her go.

“I think I’m going to start a fire and figure out something to eat.”

“I think that is a great idea.” Before she could tug away from Quinn’s grip, she kissed Josie on the forehead. “Just so you know, I love you much like I love my own daughter.”

“Thank you.” Josie shuffled off toward the fireplace.

Quinn turned around and Gunther was leaning in the doorway of the bedroom. His jaw was trembling, obviously from how painful it was to stand. Or maybe it was because of all the emotions that were running rampant through him. She wasn’t exactly sure.

“You should lie down,” Quinn muttered.

She tried to turn away from me, but I grabbed her arm. “I need to speak with you.” My voice was just as firm as my grip, even though my confidence had waned considerably.

Quinn looked down at my cold hand clasped around her arm. “No.” She glanced up at my eyes. “Not now.”

“Please,” I pleaded. She tried to pry my hand away from her forearm. “Please, Quinn. I need to talk to you. I’d get on my knees and beg if I knew the pain wouldn’t kill me.” Quinn looked at the floor for a few moments.

“Fine,” she growled. “But make it quick.”

Letting go of her arm, I murmured a “Thank you” before she followed me back into the room, closing the door behind us. The walls were paper thin in the dark bedroom, so it really didn’t matter how we spoke. The possibility that our words may be heard was very real. “Please, sit.” I waved toward the bed and Quinn cautiously sat down, fear spreading across her face. “Don’t be afraid of me. I will not cause you any more harm,” I whispered.