Awakened Desires (27 page)

Fuck…busted.
“I don’t know,” I mumbled.

I wondered what Quinn would do or say when she found out the truth. I walked up to her and put my arms around her. She struggled to get free from my tight embrace. “Please, let me go,” she whimpered.

“Not until you admit your feelings for me.”

“Please,” she cried.

“Quinn…”

“I can’t do this. I can’t fall for you. You still love your wife, and I still love James.” Reluctantly, I let her go. She turned to look at me. “If we find your wife, you will go to her. I’m just convenient for you right now.”

“There is so much you don’t understand. She… Look.” I was struggling for the right words—more like searching for an answer that I hadn’t come up with yet. I paced for a few seconds, then I turned and faced her. “I love my daughter, but before I found out about the release, Evangeline and I were separating. There was nothing left between us except my little Hanna.” And the web of lies tightened up once again.

“It may be none of my business, but why were you separating?”

“She caught me.” I looked down at my boots. I knew after I told her about my “wine them, dine them, fuck them, draw them, and push them out the door” experiences, that explanation would not only be plausible but believable.

“Caught you?”

“With another woman. She and Hanna came home early from visiting her mother. She wanted to surprise me. And there I was, in our bed with someone who didn’t matter.”

“That’s just great, Gunther. I suspect that’s how it would go with me.” Quinn rolled her eyes and pushed past me.

“Quinn, no. Please, hear me out. We had been having a lot of problems. She wanted to move back to England but, for obvious reasons, I couldn’t. I had to stay. If I defected at all, he would have killed us and tortured Hanna…or even put her into the program. I couldn’t tell her the truth. Someone may have found out, and we would have been a target.”

“This is sounding like a load, Gunther. It really is.”

I wish I could just spill the real truth. It was becoming obvious that I was losing my ability to be convincible. “She had no idea! Please…,” I pleaded with her. Quinn stood there, glaring at me in disgust. “Listen to me. I never felt for her what I feel for you! I never loved her, and she didn’t love me. Our whole relationship was based on lies and a sham. I got her pregnant, and her mother demanded that I marry her and make the situation right. I tried. I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t tell her about me, but I had to keep going.”

“You should have told her!”

“Why? And risk my little lass’ life? You don’t understand these people. They’re cruel and have no feelings. They’re numb! Look what they did! They will do anything for their agenda.”

“
You
are cruel!”

Those words pierced me right through the heart. I stumbled back. But, goddamn it, she was fucking right. I
was
cruel. If she only knew how cruel.

“I know.” Admitting it out loud didn’t make me feel better. “I know what I did was wrong and was disgusting behavior. But you have to understand. I didn’t have the luxury of being honest. That was taken away from me. Every sense of normalcy was taken away from me.”

“Being honest
is
what matters.” She poked me in the chest as each word spilled from her beautiful lips.

“Damn it!” I roared. “What do you not understand?! I was afraid! I was scared for my life. I was afraid what would happen if I told anyone. There. Are you happy now?” She stood like a rock. “You don’t understand what I went through. I was tortured. I was forced to torture others. I did to others what was done to me. If I didn’t, they would have killed me. I volunteered to get beaten in front of my recruits several times because of my weaknesses! Do you know what it’s liked to get zip-tied to a fucking chair, gagged, and blindfolded, then have a round of sixteen-year-old kids be forced to beat the bloody piss out of you? Do you?”

Her hands shook as she moved them in front of her mouth.

“All my front teeth…” I pulled back my lips. “They are all fake. Every last one was broken or knocked out during one of those beatings.” Tears flowed down her face. “You saw my chest. The scarring is from them. Those motherfuckers would have forced me to change. You don’t understand how painful it is to be on the brink. Teetering on the edge of life and undeath. I had enough physical and emotional pain. I couldn’t handle anymore!”

I stood there with my jaw trembling, waiting for a response from her. I left myself exposed and raw. The absolute truth was on the tip of my tongue.

Through her tear-filled eyes, Quinn’s heart breaking for me. She felt my anger, but she was still unsure of me. We were staring at one another. I was waiting for her to decide if she was going to accept me.

She took a deep breath and exhaled loudly. “I can see that this has had an enormous emotional impact on you. But you need to clear out all of your skeletons before anything can happen between us.” Quinn turned around and headed to her bedroom.

Was she fucking kidding me? Fuck me.
I let out a string of obscenities that no man, woman, or child should’ve heard. I added a few kicks to the cabinet doors for good measure. But, once again, she was right. How would I do that? I knew if I told her the truth, it would be over. And I would be alone—again. I knew that I couldn’t handle being alone with my own messed up thoughts and issues ever again. I was certain I would waste away.

Daybreak came sooner than we expected. We spent most of the night organizing and packing what we could, and there wasn’t a word spoken between us. We took items from the home and packed them in the truck, as well.

When we finished, Quinn allowed me to take a couple vials. She knew I needed it to keep me whole. Plus, she knew she needed me to help keep Josie and her alive.

Quinn decided to leave a note for the family who owned the house. She wasn’t sure if they would ever come back, but she wanted to apologize for taking their items. Then she added an itemized list of what we took and promised to replace what we could if we ever came back. It made her feel a little better about taking things that didn’t belong to her.

“Are you ready?” My raspy voice startled Quinn. I was leaning in the door frame, my arms crossed over my chest. She stared at me, soaking all of me in, and licked her lips. I wanted that tongue all over my body and feel her close to me again.

“Uh…yeah. Yeah, I think so.” She neatly folded the note and sealed it in an envelope she found in a desk. She fidgeted with it, trying to decide how she should leave it on the table. I walked toward her.

“It’s fine. I’m sure they will forgive us for taking their items.” I grabbed her hands and brought them to my lips. I had to try again. It was the only way. I kissed them, holding them to my lips. “Quinn, you’re an amazing woman.”

She blushed. “You can’t be doing this. You want to go find your family and be reunited with your wife, don’t you?”

No. No, I didn’t. Did she not understand? I hid my frustration. “I’m just grateful for all that you have done for me…for us.” I smiled and she pulled her hands back. She swallowed hard as she stared into my eyes.

“You need to stop making passes at me. Let’s go.” The hell I did. I would never stop.

We walked out the front door and headed for the truck. Josie was already there, waiting with her arms crossed. “Ready, Josie?” I was really angry at how everything unfolded.

“Ready as I will ever be, I guess.” She rolled her eyes, as we all climbed in.

My temporary family members, who were driven by lies, and I were heading to North Carolina in the hope to find Cock-up. I decided to go ahead and try one of the main direct routes—Interstate 85. Most people evacuating would take that route, which should have given us more opportunity to collect the supplies that we so desperately needed.

The drive was slow going. We had driven about seventy miles in ten hours. Not exactly fast, but it was progress. There wasn’t much talking between the three of us. It was so uncomfortable in the truck, I wanted to just run away.

Quinn would cry silently, and I would touch her leg or arm. At times, she would accept my touch, but she would always swat me away. It was quite apparent that I wasn’t the only one who was confused.

We found several areas of congestion where many undeads were roaming in search of their next meal. A few times, I had to jump out and push cars out of the way. There were several spots where we had to go off route to find a less congested way to get back to the highway. It was an exhausting process.

We had collected whatever supplies deemed useful, and I was able to siphon gas from a couple cars that were pulled over onto the side of the road. As I approached one last car, I said, “If this one has any gas in it, I’m going to top off the tank.” Quinn barely acknowledged me.

I pulled the truck over in front of the car, jumped out, and grabbed the gas can from the back. I watched everything as I headed to the car that was pulled off onto the shoulder. The coast was clear…or so I thought.

Josie sat in the truck, fiddling with the hole in the knee of her jeans, wondering if Gunther truly was who he said. It was bothering her so much, she decided she needed to talk about it. “Quinn?”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t believe him.”

Quinn turned around and faced Josie. “What makes you say that?”

“No man would leave his family and have another person take care of them. Why wouldn’t he want to take care of them himself? It just doesn’t add up.” Quinn processed what Josie had muttered. “I mean, look at him. He’s in great shape. I can’t imagine he wouldn’t be able to protect them.”

“I think you’re right,” she whispered.

Josie was happy that Quinn agreed with her. “We need to get out of here. There’s something odd with him, and I think he is setting us up.”

“We’re stuck. He knows we need him.”

Josie signed, knowing Quinn was right. They were stuck and they needed Gunther, or they would be lost or dead. But was he leading them to a true death? She wasn’t sure and, to some degree, she felt it wouldn’t matter.

Suddenly, an airplane flew overhead.

I knelt down to start emptying the gas out of the car that was parked on the shoulder. I sat there thinking about everything, wondering if I should come clean and what would happen if I did. I wanted to come clean, but I couldn’t yet. I was such a fuck up. I scrubbed my face and moaned in frustration.

Then my thoughts went to holding Quinn and taking her. I imagined her body wrapped around mine. Oh, the thought of her thighs wrapped around my waist… I could have exploded just imagining it. The tight valley between her lush breasts… Jesus Christ. My J.T. was getting hard.

A plane flew overhead, breaking me out of my erotic thoughts. That was new and completely unexpected. It was something of which I was never informed. I got to my feet and scanned the sky.

It was a military jet.

“What the fuck?” I glanced back at the truck, ensuring that Quinn and Josie were still safe. Then I heard the distinctive click of a gun being cocked behind my right ear.

“Move one inch and I will blow your motherfucking head off.” I stood still, contemplating my move. “Turn around!” the gruff voice shouted.

“You told me not to move or you would blow my motherfucking head off.” My voice was even, a bit of a sadistic edge biting back at him. The next thing I knew, I had an indentation of a pistol handle in the side of my head. I fell on my knees.

“Lie on the ground! Now!” No problem because I was seeing stars. The pistol-whipping fuck jammed his boot into my back and pushed me down onto the pavement.

“Arrg!” I yelled. He pushed down harder. I heard my spine pop under the stress of the arsehole, who had to be well over three hundred pounds.

“Put your hands behind your back!”

I was still reeling from the hit to the head, leaving my thoughts fuzzy. There was a trickle of blood leaking from my head and running across my face. My hands found their way around to my back, only for him to crunch them under the sole of his boot.

“Ahhh! Fuck!” I yelled. The venomous laugh that rolled out of his body reminded me of Roger’s as he tied my hands behind my back.

It crippled me. My head was spinning in time with the earth. I felt every bloody rotation. I wanted to vomit, but I was already humiliated enough. I couldn’t believe I let my guard down so much that some fat meloned fuck could take me out.

“Steal my gas, huh? You thought you could get away with it? Since there’s no law, I’m going to make my own right now. I’m sentencing you to death.” I felt the nose of the pistol push into the back of my head.

“Please.” I was breathless from the pain. I didn’t want Quinn and Josie to witness my execution. “You can have it back. My wife and daughter are in my truck. We will leave quietly.” The gravel from the road was cutting into my cheek. I knew that git had me by the bollocks. I was okay with my fate. I just wanted Quinn and Josie to get out of there safely.

“Why would I let you go? You deserve to be punished for stealing!” I swallowed hard, then a huge boot connect with my ribs. I rolled over on my side, choking on my own breath from the blinding pain. I felt myself being sucked away from reality. Then I heard the voice of an angel echo in my head.

“Back off, asshole!” Quinn stood in front of Josie, the sniper rifle in hand. She was fierce and ready to take the arsehole on.

Again, he laughed venomously. I wanted them to leave. The ache began deep in my spine. That’s when I realized I was bleeding too much.

“Well, isn’t this cute? You must feel like a real man with your wife coming to your rescue.”

I looked at Quinn pleadingly, hoping she understood. I wanted her to take Josie and leave me for dead, but neither of them moved. “Quinn…don’t. Go. Take Josie and go. Now!” I growled from the pain. Then he kicked me in the stomach, knocking the wind out of me. Quinn and Josie screamed in unison. I folded myself into a fetal position in an attempt to settle my staggering breathing, but the pain was rushing through me. Every joint and muscle ached.

“I didn’t say you could talk! And you,” he pointed to the women, “don’t you go anywhere. You’re going to be the witnesses because every execution needs a witness.” He grabbed me by the arm and muscled me up to my knees. I could hardly hold myself up. “Get up!” he snarled. Blood was pouring off of my face, out of my nose and head.

I locked eyes with Quinn and it killed me to see the tears running down her face. I fought my own emotions because I didn’t want her to witness my death. She had seen enough death for a lifetime.

“Please. Please, let him go,” Quinn begged. “We will leave immediately and you can keep the gas.”

“Well, aren’t you the generous one.” He walked up to Quinn and dragged his fingers across her cheek. He stepped into to her, whispering gruffly in her ear, “You
are
pretty luscious.”

Quinn held her breath and her eyes flickered over to me. My blood was boiling that the fuckhead was touching and talking to Quinn that way. I was struggling to get my hands free. My plan was simple: slit his fucking throat and drain him.

“And you holding that rifle… Mmm, makes you twice as sexy.” He stepped away from Quinn and peeked over her shoulder at Josie. He smiled at her. “So, I think I have had a change of heart.” Quinn let out a long breath. “Tsk, tsk. If you think I’m letting you go…I’m not!” Quinn jumped, but her eyes were still fixed on me.

I was straining and feverishly trying to untie my hands. The wire he used was cutting into my wrists. I sucked back my pain-filled groans. The arsehole was pacing in front of Quinn. I couldn’t understand why she hadn’t fired the rifle, or why he hadn’t taken it away from her yet. In silence, I begged her to shoot him.

“Since I’m a very generous man, this is what I’m going to offer you,” he said as he continued to pace. “You have a couple options. Number one, I let him go, and you and the girl stay with me.”

“No!” I growled.

“What did you say?” He strolled up to me, like he had some sort of swagger. I was still on my knees and I hadn’t been able to get my hands loose yet. The blood was collecting in my palms from the wire cutting into my wrists. “I asked you a question!” And without giving me time to respond, he swung his boot into my John Thomas.

Cock…blinding…pain.

My stars turned into those little yellow Tweety Birds circling my head. I face-planted on the road and, a mere a second later, vomited from the pain. I knew J.T. had to be injured. There was no way my most valuable appendage would properly function again. So much for bedding Quinn. Who would want a lame horse?

“That’s what I thought,” he screamed in my face. “Nothing! You say nothing!” The pain that I was experiencing was to near turning levels.

Then it occurred to me. I was turning! I needed to get out of the situation…now!

“Now, as I was saying…” My vision blurred, but I could see he moved in close to her again. “The other option is, foxy lady, that you get to shoot him and I will let you go. I don’t want his blood on my hands. It’s bad enough he bled on my boots.” He looked down briefly and examined his boots.

“I am
not
shooting him.” Quinn was adamant.

“Okay then.” He grabbed Josie by the arm and dragged her out from behind Quinn. “You can shoot Daddy. Now be a good girl, and take the gun from Mommy.” Once again I was begging Quinn in my head to end it with either a bullet to his head or mine. I couldn’t take anymore.

Josie looked back and forth between Quinn and me. “Can I say goodbye to him first?” Josie asked, forcing out her words.
What? No! Jesus, what the fuck is she doing?

“Hmm. I suppose so. What kind of man would I be if I didn’t let a daughter say goodbye to her daddy?”

He shoved Josie toward me, then focused his attention back on Quinn. He was saying disgusting, perverted things to her. If I got out of the situation, I was going to fucking kill him for talking to my Quinn that way.
Wait…my Quinn
?

Josie jogged over to me and knelt down. She gave me a quirked brow and I realized what she was doing. Such a smart lass. I owed her. She leaned in to hug me. I whispered in a rough voice, “Right side. Inside holster.” Josie gingerly wrapped her arms around me, trying not to hurt me more and trying to not look obvious while she reached for my Sig. She carefully pulled it out, then kissed me on the cheek to make the scene look good.

Josie stood up, trying not to look suspicious. She walked back toward Quinn with the gun raised and aimed it at the arsehole. I could do nothing but watch the hazy scene unfold in front of me. She had walked about two paces before she stopped.

“You will let us go,” Josie growled in a deep, commanding voice.

He turned around and saw that Josie had him in her sights. Before he could make a move, Quinn whipped the rifle around and plowed it into his head.
That a girl.
My vision went black. What a great scene with which to leave the earth.