Away (41 page)

I don’t know where she’ll be. We were supposed to go back to college together, but clearly, that isn’t happening if you’re reading this letter and I’m gone. Find her, watch over her, take care of her, and be there for her when I couldn’t be.

I love you, Big Brother, more than you know. Please patch things up with Mom and Dad. Make them realize that it was me who pushed you to be the best you could be. That I knew you were more than just a small town man. You had big things to do in this world, and I wanted to make sure you didn’t waste time on making them happen. Take care man, and know I’ll be watching over you too.

Jase

I looked up and imagined he was looking down on me, and quietly told him the words he’d want to hear. “Anything for you, little brother. I’ll make sure she’s okay.” I folded the letter back up and put it with a note to Cassandra from Jason that he’d left for me to give her when the time was right. My stomach pained as I sat and held the letters in my hand. My brother was gone. He was truly gone, and this would be the last time I would be able to do anything for him. I wouldn’t let him down.

I
KEPT
MY
WRITING
, this book, and all things Indie related a secret from my family and friends for some time. Why? Simple. I was afraid of chasing a dream that was huge and, in my mind, out of reach. I always kept my dreams and aspirations within a reach that I knew were achievable. I didn’t dare reach higher, because I was afraid of failure. While I wrote
AWAY
in secrecy, it wasn’t until I had about 23K words when I needed to know in my mind and my heart if I even had anything decent. Several emails and encouraging words later I was on the prowl for a beta reader. Fast forward a couple of weeks and I had feedback; some good, some bad, and some really amazing suggestions.

It’s crazy to think how long ago that was, especially when it really feels as if it was just yesterday. I broke down and finally told my husband. He was shocked and surprised and above all, supportive. I had a sense of relief that finally someone knew.

Fast forward a month and I had a team of betas, an editor lined up, and family who still were in the dark on all that I had accomplished. While I was happy in the world of Jase and Cassie, I still had a weight on my shoulders for all those that had no clue of the ‘nights’ I claimed I was just ‘watching my shows’ or ‘reading’. When in reality I was glued to my computer, laughing, crying and enjoying being with Jase and Cassie. My fear of failure was not just for letting myself down, it was for knowing that if I told family and friends, and if things didn’t pan out, and my book never made it out to the world, I would have to explain with my tail between my legs. My heart sank every time I thought about it. I hated lying, but I hated the unknown even more.

So I purged on and fast forward three more months, I had a finished book. Unedited, and in need of ‘tightening,’ but alas, I had a whole book; 110K words worth of a book if you will. After some heavy discussion with my betas, this book was a go. They wouldn’t let me turn my back now. They encouraged me and pushed me off the ledge. I needed to tell my family and friends, I needed a Facebook page, I needed a whole slew of things in order to get
AWAY
in the hands of readers. Fast forward to today and the story I just told you would have made me laugh. Never in all my life did I think this is where I would be, and I wouldn’t change a thing.

Everything plays out and happens for a reason in my opinion, and the way this all presented itself was just how it was supposed to. I still feel this process and what I am doing is more than surreal. I owe many thanks to every single person who spent long hours with me and
AWAY
. I know I can be a pain in the butt at times, I’m nitpicky, and I analyze every single thing, but you all stuck with me. Through thick and thin no one left my side. Instead, you all encouraged me more. I can’t thank you all enough, and even though I know I’ve told you all thank you, I will never stop.

My list of acknowledgements could go on for pages, but it would feel less than right if I didn’t take the time to honor all of the amazing people who helped bring
AWAY
to life. With that said, please grab some popcorn, a chair, and enjoy reading about the people who will forever have a special place in my heart.

Danny, aka Mr. Wolfe — I’ll never forget the day I told you I was writing a book. My hands trembled so much I had to sit on them to hide my nervousness. The reaction I received from you was that of a true husband and best friend. You always have been since high school and you always will be. Your support, your helpfulness and your interest in this book has, and never will, go unnoticed. Your queries into this ‘all time consuming book world’ make me smile each time as I realize, even though you have no clue what an HEA and MS mean, it shows just how much you really do care! Thanks for eating horrible meals, eating take-out more than a person should, warding off the dust bunnies with a forced smile, and stepping over the piles of laundry that sit there because I’m writing. To that, you deserve the biggest thank you in the world. To the man behind the teaser pics that were never an easy task, thank you, they are gorgeous and I’ll have them forever! I love you and thank you for standing by me while I reached for my dream.

Mom — I can’t forget the day I told you. The look in your eyes will forever make me smile. You were right! Thanks for being a mom a girl can count on and always have in her corner. You’ll never realize how much your words mean to me. Love you!

Danielle — A huge thank you for sitting with me and supporting me while I told you what I was doing. I’ll never forget the tears in your eyes and the goose bumps down your arm as I told you the story of Jase. Thanks for the encouragement!

Aunt Lori — Thank you for listening to my worries and always supporting me no matter what. For always being my positive words when I needed to hear them.

Sarah — My always helpful nurse! Thank you for taking the time to read about Jase & Cassie. For helping with all things medical related, guiding me with a plethora of knowledge, and going through my research with me.

Brandon — I know you weren’t in the cover, but I can’t thank you enough for playing the role of “Jase” perfectly as we took hundreds of pictures.

Katherine — Thank you for everything; for sticking out a chaotic day with us and for playing the role of “Cassie” to a tee. You were gorgeous and brought my cover to life!

Dustin — Thanks for capturing the cover I always envisioned. It was not an easy task, but it was an experience not one of us will forget. Thank you!

Kari — Thank you for bringing my cover to life! For working with me day and night to get the vision just right!

Kassi — It has been a pleasure to work with you. You are the final step before this book is out to the real world, and I can’t say enough good things about working with you! You’ve made this process easy, enjoyable, and fun. Thank you!

Katie, aka my BPF! — Thank you for the endless laughs on what ‘should’ be in a romance novel. Your cover ideas are duly noted and, unfortunately, will never see the light of day on my books. Haha! Thanks for listening to me rant on my off days, and gush to you on my happy ones. For your tips and tricks on the ever confusing English language, and for being there for me, no matter what! Love your face!

To the rest of my family and friends — You know who you are and I love you all. I sound like a broken record, but the support you’ve given me is what helps me along each day. Some days you want to give up, some days you don’t think you have it in you anymore. Then you remember the team of family and friends behind you, pushing you day after day because they believe in you and the insecurities vanish. Thanks to each and every one of you. xoxo

Kathryn, aka Katie Mac — I will NEVER forget the day I received an email telling me to contact you. That email brought me a new found sense of hope. Moments before I was told to contact you I had decided to stop pursuing my dream. I had lost hope trying to get settled into the ‘indie’ world. You helped to make my dream a reality. Thank you for everything — for my beta group, for talking to a panicked girl several times on the phone, and for answering all my million questions. Thank you most for working with me and my book. We were a scary pair to take on but you did it with a smile on your face. Here is to hugs, chocolate, and copious amounts of wine!

Becky — For sending the email that saved my books life! You are one in a million and I can’t thank you enough for all your help and kind words! Thank you for your friendship and the chats! I truly appreciate it all!

Kim — KIMMY! I don’t know what I would do without you. I mean it. From the first words you read, to the completed book today, you’ve stuck with me through and through. It’s also safe to say this book has changed immensely from the first time we met. It wouldn’t even be close to what it is today without your suggestions, help, and advice. And, I too, wouldn’t be what I am today without your pep talks, encouragement, and support. You are in fact the best book manager out there! P.s. I’m still waiting for my salt!

1) I will never forget our countless hours of conversation with this book and even life.

2) You brought tears to my eyes and made my stomach hurt from laughing so hard.

3) Kimmy, there is no other way to put it, you are simply the best. (And three makes a list!)

Jodie — You were meant to read
AWAY
from the start! You left for a bit, but then I got you back in the end! Thank you for reading
AWAY
and for being a part of the process! I’ll never, in a million years forget the chat we all had while you were reading it. You girls had me crying, laughing, and smiling from ear to ear! You are an amazing beta and the book wouldn’t be what it is without you!

JJ — I can’t thank you enough for taking the time to beta read
AWAY
. Reading your notes, comments, and reactions to this book was more helpful than you’ll ever realize! You were honest, supportive, and exactly what this book needed. Thank you for sticking it out with me and for your encouragement. You’ll never know how much it meant to me!

Megan — I hope you’re reading this and not out on a secret mission! Your honesty and words as you read
AWAY
will stay with me forever. You have no idea how much I appreciated you beta reading and sharing your true feelings with me. You made me laugh, and cry, and want to hug you through the computer. Thank you for everything!

To my Secret Squirrels — You all took an oath, don’t forget. We are stuck with each other forever! We must prepare for our next secret squirrel mission… the sequel! Love you girls!

Debi — Wonderful. There is no other way to describe you. Every time I messaged or called you with one of my many panic attacks, you calmed me right back down. You always gave it to me straight and told me what I needed to hear. For that, I owe you many thanks! You also helped me jump off many ‘ledges’, so thank you for keeping me on track and cheering me on when I was close to the finish line. For every conversation we had about
AWAY
, the sequel, and all our funny comments about life, I’ll cherish every single one! You are one in a million and I’m so honored to have you as a beta!

Elle — I can’t say it enough, I’m so glad you were on my beta team. Thank you for always messaging me back when I had a question, for reassuring me more times than I can count, for helping me when I needed to fix a problem area, and for always making me laugh when I needed it! There is no one out there like you, and I’m glad I am one of the lucky ones that got to know you and have you as a beta!

Julie — My grammar queen! Julie, I don’t know what any writer would do without you. Not just for your grammar expertise, but for your well-rounded beta reading. You have an eagle eye for finding the things that others never do! Thank you for taking the time to help make sure
AWAY
was the best it could be. I’ll send you Kleenex! Hugs!

Lisa — my non-stop encourager! I absolutely loved and still love, talking with you! You kept me going when I thought everything I had written was junk. Here is to our obsession with candy and junk food!! I’m honored to have had you beta read
AWAY
! Thank you for all the fun times. Here is to many more!

Kathy — I still have your email you sent after you finished
AWAY
. It was one that I’ll never be able to delete because I love to go back and re-read it. Your notes, your words, your reactions… they all brought me to tears. You helped me in so many ways, I can’t even begin to count them all. Thank you for taking the time to read
AWAY
, talking through scenes with me and making sure Away was ready for the world!

To all my betas… I love you all and THANK YOU AGAIN!

Rose, Faith, Gail, and Lauren — the wonderful Indie authors who will always hold a special place in my heart. For emailing back this scared girl when she didn’t have a clue in the world what she was doing. For putting me under your wings and helping in any way you could. I’m so appreciative for your help, and I can’t thank you enough. I am so glad I took the leap to email you all. Had I not, I wouldn’t have met you and had the opportunity to call you friends! You are all so wonderful and I am more than honored to know you and even more grateful for all of our chats!