Back To You (19 page)

*****

I had no idea how many people were going to show up that night.  I’d hoped that a lot of people would come so I wouldn’t feel dumb Monday at school. I also hoped that if lots of people came, they had fun.  And didn’t come drunk out of their minds or caused any trouble.  Yeah, I know, I was a worry wart.  So sue me.  I was just a little edgy about the party.  And turning seventeen.  So close to having to make some serious decisions about life.  I was trying to put my life back into perspective.  Move on.  Have fun.  And all that other crap.

Jack called
to let me know he was definitely coming.  I had mixed emotions about that.  I wanted to see him, but I knew that whenever he was around, everything else just sort of faded away and I just wanted him to notice me.  That was not so good when you were hosting a party.  But if he didn’t come, I would have been sad.  It was definitely not good for the host of the party to be a downer.  Regardless, I planned to make myself too busy to worry much about him.

Randy and Paulette were the first to show up.  They helped me get everything else ready for the rest of the people.  Megan came next. 
Bobby showed up with lots of drinks and ice.  Then Lee and Lindsey.  They all helped me get over my nervousness.  I started getting excited.

For good reason.  A lot of people show
ed up.  My house was packed!  We had to leave the front door open to let in fresh air and to allow for the overflow.  Jack had posted himself in front of the stereo with his collection of music and his guitar.  And wow did it get loud when he got that out.  Of course, most of the people wanted to hear him play.  I caught one guy in my bedroom using my phone to call more friends over.  I wasn’t sure what Kim was doing.  She wasn’t a big fan of hearing the loud guitar and amp blaring heavy metal.  So she spent most of the night in her bedroom.  Other than that, it went pretty well.

Bobby had a blast.  I could hear him laughing and tal
king to everyone.  Good.  He needed that.  I had a great time too.  Bobby would come around me every once in a while and kiss my cheek, hold my hand and tell me that he was having fun.  I talked and hung out mostly in the kitchen, where everyone eventually came to grab snacks and refill drinks.  One person brought a little liquor, but he kept it outside for those who wanted a sip or two.  No one was drunk, which was a relief.  I just didn’t want anyone to have an accident on the way home from MY party.

Being that we were in Louisiana, party central USA, I wasn’t too worried about disturbing the peace with the noise.  We toned it down a little after midnight, but the house to our left was empty and the people on the right were out of town, except fo
r the oldest girl, who was at the party.  By two in the morning, most people were gone, except Bobby, Lindsey, Randy and Paulette, Megan and Jack.

I admit, I was thankful that Jack didn’t bring a date.  Not that he would have paid much attention to her if he did.  He had way too much fun being in control of the music.  Bobby had to leave
once most of the guests had gone and kissed me goodnight at the door.  Oh how I wished that his kisses ignited my soul like, um, someone else’s did.  It was weird knowing he could see Bobby kiss me. 

Megan was one of the few people I had truly confided
in, so she knew that I was in an awkward spot.  She waited around until Randy and Paulette left before heading out herself, with promises to talk the next day.  Lindsey excused herself to go get ready for bed since she was spending the night.  Which left Jack.  And me.  Alone.  Shit.  He was helping me clean up the mess everyone had left in their wake.  After the living room and kitchen were under control and conversation was running low, he started packing up his stuff and taking it to his car.  I walked out with him on the last trip and stood near his car while he arranged everything.

“Hey, thanks for coming,” I said, looking down at my hands.

“Thank you for having the party.  It was fun.  Thanks for including me.”  He smiled.  It was sincere.  I hated that it still made me weak in the knees.

“Couldn’t imagine having a party without you,” I said.  What the hell was that?  Geez, for a smart girl I sounded so st
upid sometimes.  The indecision of what to do or say next was hanging heavy in the air.  To hug or not to hug?  That was the question.

Jack made the first move.  I guess the answer was “to hug”.  Great.  He still smelled so damn good.  His arms still felt so right.  But he wasn’t mine anymore, and I wasn’t his, so I pulled away first.

“I have a little something for you.”  Jack said.  I was shocked when he went to his car and pulled out a small, lavender, silk box with roses embroidered on the top.  Purple roses. “Something you can put jewelry or hair things in.”

“I don’t know what to say,” was all that would come out.  What was wrong with me?  It was like I couldn’t speak like an inte
lligent human being when in his presence.  I stammered, “I, I, um, I didn’t get you anything.”

“Just letting me be a part of your party was enough.”  He smiled, touched my cheek with his thumb, looked like he wanted to say something else, and got in his car.

I waved as he drove off and went back inside.  Lindsey had already crashed on my bed.  Kim was passed out in her room, rattling the pictures on the wall with her snoring.  I wasn’t tired yet, so I went to the kitchen to see if there was any cake left.  After a couple of bites of icing left on the cake board, I headed to my room.  Mom came home soon after that.

She poked her head in my doorway.  “So how did it go?”

“It was great!”

“Lots of people show up?”

“Yep.  The house was packed.”

“Good.  Thanks for cleaning up out there.”  Like I wouldn’t.  She hesitated for a second, knowing the next subject was a sensitive one for me.  “Jack show up?”

“Yes.”

“You okay?”

“Yes.”  I think she could tell she wasn’t going to get much more out of me about Jack.  I still had some thinking to do.

“Okay, well, I’
m going to bed.”

“Night, Mom.”

“Goodnight.”

I had put the silk box on my nightstand.  I caressed it with my finger, feeling the pattern of the roses.  Smiling, I turned off my light.  Surprisingly, it didn’t take me long to fall
into a wonderfully deep and dreamless sleep.

*****

Jack was smiling as he pulled into his driveway.  He didn’t really know why.  It was a fun night.  Suzy had made him feel special for including him in her party, even if he had broken up with her.  He liked being friends with her.  He loved watching her smile and laugh when she talked with the people at the party.  She really had no idea how beautiful she was.  But Bobby did.  Jack only allowed himself to feel a slight twinge when Bobby kissed Suzy goodnight.  Then he pushed that feeling down deep.  As long as she was happy, he was happy.

It was a little awkward when he left, but it also felt so nat
ural. 
Old habits die hard
, he thought.  Standing outside by the car, saying good night reminded him of those hot summer nights a few months ago.  Only he couldn’t kiss her.  But holding her close for just a moment was almost enough.  She certainly was so different than anyone he had dated.  He needed to have his freedom, but if he could keep her in his life, even just as a friend, everything seemed all right with the world.  He was still smiling at the thought as he drifted off to sleep.

*****

I was nervous on Monday.  I knew I would hear about the party, and I hoped it was going to be good.  I knew people had fun, or they seemed to, but I still worried too much.  You knew it was either a success or a bomb if people were still talking about it at school.  And they were.  It must have been a success because I heard lots of good stuff.  I also got lots of smiles and comments in the hall.  Whew.

When I walked in to Algebra class, I saw Megan waiting for me.  She sat right next to me on the front row.

“Well?”  She looked impatient.  We had talked the day before, but she wanted to know if he had called.  He, as in Jack, not Bobby.

“Nope.”

She looked a little disappointed.  “Oh well.  So am I still taking you home today?”

“If you don’t mind.  I really hate the bus.”

“Of course I don’t mind!”  She laughed.  Just then Mrs. Kent came in and got ready to start class.

“We can talk more later,” she whispered.

Having Megan as a friend was so cool.  She just took everything in stride.  Being like the popular crowd was a cardinal sin to her.  Because of that, she was still popular in her own way.  I knew people respected her, even if they thought she was strange.  Funny thing about her was that she really wasn’t that strange.  You could look at her and think of a stereotype.  Wild hair, crazy clothes, dark eyeliner, snakes all over the place.  People would normally put her in the “weird kid probably does drugs and sleeps around wild child” category.  But she was none of those things.  Wouldn’t dream of drinking or smoking, was totally repulsed by drugs of any sort, and was one of the few people I knew who was “saving” herself for the right guy.  I loved being her friend because she was one of the most kind hearted people I had ever met, and she rebelled a little against the “status quo” of the popular crowd. 

The best part about Megan was that she
was real.  She didn’t pretend to be anything she wasn’t.  She made no excuses for the music she listened to.  She hated that she was overweight.  She never saw herself as beautiful, although she really was.  She came from a VERY close Italian family.  More than any other place in the world, I loved going to her house.  I stood out like a blonde thumb in amongst the entire family of dark haired, dark eyed and dark skinned people.  They were loud and funny and fed me like I was a queen with homemade spaghetti and fresh bread straight from the oven.  Most of the time when her sisters were over with their families (she was the youngest and last one living at home), I just sat back and watched.  They were so different from my family.  Sure we all got together for holidays, but Andrea was so “together” that being at her house never felt like chaos like this.  Kim was still pregnant and moody, and at home with us.  Being at Megan’s house was a breath of fresh air.  Megan liked my house because it was pretty quiet mostly and I could do whatever I wanted to do without too much hassle.

Megan had one thing I wish I had.  Access to a car.  Granted, it was an old car, didn’t have an FM radio, let alone a cassette player,
and the A/C worked only when it felt like it, but she could drive it most anytime she wanted because her mom hated driving.  I wanted a car to drive, and to have my real driver’s license instead of a permit.  But Mom’s car had electrical problems and you had to drive with both feet.  Mom refused to teach me to drive it, and we certainly couldn’t afford to get my own car.  So I relied on others to get me from place to place.  Megan named the car Betsy, and we treated Betsy with the utmost respect for fear that she would fall apart on us if we didn’t.  Megan had figured out how to get music.  She had a little handheld recorder that also played cassettes that she kept on the bench seat next to her while she drove.  It wasn’t loud and it wasn’t fancy, but for teenage girls who loved music, it was perfect.  God only knows how many batteries we went through on our trips home from school or driving around town. 

I still hung out with Randy, Paulette, Lee and Lindsey.  Lindsey spent the night a lot at my house to get away from her ove
rbearing, over protective parents.  She was quiet and didn’t do anything crazy at all.  Paulette was just weird.  I liked her, but in some ways she sort of made me uncomfortable.  There was always something just a little bit “off” about her.  Randy loved her though.

Lee was just as
uptight as ever, fidgeting like normal in the seat in front of me in chemistry, refusing to tell me anything about what was going on with Jack lately.  Bobby asked me to the Valentine’s dance.  And Jack?  Well, he smiled when he saw me, but otherwise seemed to forget I existed.

As for me, I got up each morning, found reasons to laugh every day, and went to sleep knowing that all was going to be okay.  One day at a time.

After a few more weeks, I had finally called things off with Bobby.  It wasn’t fair that I was giving him false hope, when I just couldn’t commit to the relationship.  But since it never got serious, we stayed friends.  I was thankful for that because he was really a nice guy.

Spring had sprung already.  With it came bright colored azaleas, grass that needed to be mowed every couple of days (damn humidity), and allergies.  It also meant the beginning of festival se
ason in Southern Louisiana.  After Easter, the people of Louisiana throw off the seriousness and fully embrace the parties before the weather got too hot to enjoy being outside.  Each small town had their own festival.  Amite had the Oyster Festival (which was usually the one that started it off), Ponchatoula had the Strawberry Festival (and the best strawberries in the world, hands down), Independence (AKA Little Italy) had the Italian Festival (mmmm, the food), and Hammond had the Balloon Festival with tons of hot air balloons floating around.  Every other weekend was another reason to go out to see friends, ride rides and eat your heart out.  Spring brought new life to the small towns and to the people in them.