Bad News Cowboy (24 page)

He couldn't hold back the smile. The flood of pure joy that burst in his chest like a firework and crackled outward.

“You won, Katie,” he said.

She looked at him, shocked. “I did?”

Just then Eli and Sadie appeared, out of breath. “Connor stayed back with Liss. They're on their way. She can only waddle,” Sadie said. “You won! Kate, you're amazing!”

“I... It was because of Jack.” Her brown eyes met his and he felt everything in him tighten. “I couldn't have done it without him.”

Liss and Connor found them, and immediately their excitement took over the conversation. He looked past everyone, at Kate, and mouthed, “Six.”

She looked at him, her face serious, and nodded slowly.

It wasn't emphatic, but he would take it.

CHAPTER NINETEEN

I
N
K
ATE
'
S
OPINION
, she was just acting stupid. She had seen Jack a million times, at restaurants, at her brother's houses, at the rodeo only last night. He had seen her dressed in her Sunday worst for when she worked at the Farm and Garden and he'd seen her in her rodeo clothes. He'd seen her naked, for goodness' sake. There were no surprises left.

So there was no reason on earth to start getting worked up now over what she might wear to go out to dinner with him. It wasn't as if she owned a dress, other than the bridesmaid dress, or makeup. It wasn't as if she was going to do anything with her hair but put it back in a braid.

She looked at her reflection in the mirror, at her heavy straight hair, hanging free. Okay, maybe she would leave it down. Just for something slightly different. She was regretting the fact that she hadn't made it over to the mall in Tolowa to pick up some underwear. Maybe she would have gotten a pair of jeans she hadn't bought folded on a shelf at a sporting goods store. Probably not, though.

She sighed heavily. It was what it was. Jack would be by to get her in fifteen minutes, so she supposed she needed to make a decision.

She thought back to that night he'd stood her up before the meeting at the Grange. She knew without a doubt he wouldn't stand her up tonight—that wasn't why she was reflecting on that night. She was just reflecting on her nerves. On that feeling of excitement, as if he was coming to get her for a date. And now he really was. Strange how a couple months changed things.

She decided on a pair of black jeans and a white button-up top that had a faint floral pattern etched in tan all over it, along with some fancy pearl buttons. It was more of a competition outfit, but nowhere near as flashy as what a lot of her contemporaries considered a competition outfit. Really, she was probably still underdressed for a date.

A date. They really were going on a date. He didn't mind if people found out about them.

The strangest sensation gripped her, one of fear, exhilaration. Like riding her horse full speed through a fog bank. No clue what was ahead. Unable to slow down. She had no idea what was on the other side of tonight, what it would mean for each and every one of her relationships. For her future.

Then there was the small matter of making the decision to compete professionally next year. And that would change things, too.

Suddenly, she wanted to strip all her clothes off and scamper back to her room, crawl under her covers and hide her face. Will herself back in time to the simple ranch girl she had been before she'd tasted Jack Monaghan's lips. It was all his damn fault. He was the one who had changed things. Who had reached inside of her and rearranged all of the familiar scenery into something she couldn't sort through.

Damn Jack Monaghan.

Damn him to... Well, not to hell. But maybe to a city. That was close enough.

She didn't strip her clothes off. And she didn't hide. Instead she took one last look at herself in the mirror, at her dark hair tumbled down loose, at the way her outfit hugged her curves, showing off a bit of her figure in a way that was honestly not that unpleasant.

She took a deep breath. She was a lot of things. She was tough, and lately, she was even naughty. She was also brave. Which meant she was going on this date. Her nerves didn't get to tell her what to do.

* * *

K
ATE
WAS
TWITCHY
and borderline sullen the entire ride from the ranch down into Old Town, and her twitching only increased when she saw the restaurant they would be dining in.

“Beaches?” she asked, wrinkling her nose at the white facade of the historic building. It was right on the harbor, overlooking the bay on one side and the ocean on the other. It was one of the nicer places Old Town Copper Ridge had to offer. Unassuming for all its fanciness, bleached and weathered from the salt water and wind, but it was the freshest seafood around and they made their own beer batter for the fish and chips, which in Jack's mind meant it was a damn respectable date restaurant. At least, if one was going out with Kate Garrett. He wasn't all that experienced in terms of going out on dates. Generally, he met women at Ace's or at one of the bars in a surrounding town. He met them out; he didn't take them out. There was a difference.

Which only underscored the difference with Kate. And why he had to do this. She was different in every way, so he was damned if he was going to treat her like some dirty little secret. Like it was just another physical affair.

Like his father had treated his mother.

She wasn't a dirty secret. She was the most beautiful secret a man could ever have, and he was too damned proud to hide it anymore.

“Yeah. First of all...I don't want to keep this a secret.”

Kate shifted, tucking her hair behind her ear. “Right.”

“But this isn't the way I want Connor and Eli to find out, either. So I figured we would go somewhere off the beaten path. Then we can talk about what to do from here but I thought we should...test the waters first.”

She cleared her throat. “Right. Because you want to tell them.”

“I don't want to keep sneaking around, Kate.”

She nodded mutely. “Still. Beaches is fancy.”

“I'm a classy bastard. If you hadn't noticed.” Likely, she hadn't. Because, really, he wasn't. But he was trying to do right by her. Trying to prove to her that he was sincere. That he could do this. Screw the town. Screw his dad.

All that mattered was Kate.

“Well, obviously. I just figured we'd go to The Crab Shanty and sit on the dock and I would pretend to pinch you with a dismembered crab claw.”

He had to smile, because that did sound like her. “It's not too late for that. Sounds fun.”

She hesitated, the war in her eyes so very transparent. She wanted this, but for some reason she was nervous about accepting it.

“No,” she said slowly, “you planned this. So we need to do it.”

“But I did it for you. So if this isn't something you want, you need to let me know.”

“No, we'll do the unsophisticated crab thing when I take you out,” she said, her tone firm. “But I'm very messy.”

“I'll lick the butter off your fingers.”

“Ew.”

“You like me,” he said, unable to suppress the smile that was tugging at his lips.

She shrugged. “You're okay,” she said, swinging her head in the motion that normally sent her braid slapping against her back. But she'd left her hair down, and instead it rippled, a shimmering wave that he itched to touch. It was a tease. Because usually, Kate's hair was only down like this when they were in bed. “I'm hungry,” she said, arching her brow and walking toward the restaurant.

He caught up to her, grabbed hold of her hand and placed his fingers through hers. “We'll get you food.”

She froze, her expression nervous. “Pretty bold,” she said, but she didn't let go of his hand.

“Yeah, well, I am.”

They walked toward the restaurant and he paused at the door, pulling it open for her, releasing his hold on her hand and waiting for her to go inside first.

“Fancy.”

“Kate, stop looking at me like I'm going to bite you on the neck and suck your blood.”

She winced. “Okay,” she said, walking past him and into the restaurant.

The hostess wasn't anyone he recognized, someone young, probably someone from the high school. Which was good. Since Kate was twitchy as a bull facing the prospect of becoming a steer.

The young woman led them to a table that was right up against the windows, providing a view of the rolling waves. There was, in fact, a candle in the middle of the table. It was romantic. He and Kate Garrett were engaging in romance, which individually would've been strange enough but with the two of them combined would be a damned spectacle if anyone in the restaurant recognized them.

“Are you getting a hamburger or fish and chips, Katie?” he asked, skimming his menu quickly, finding he didn't actually care what he got.

She raised her brows. “Maybe I want the tuna tartare, asshole. You don't know.”

“Do you?”

“No. Fish and chips. And a beer.”

“Me, too. What beer?”

“A Caldera.”

“Sounds good.”

The conversation was a little bit inane, but he couldn't think of anything better to talk about. If he did, he might start speaking in poetic verse about the way the candlelight flickered across her hair, the way it highlighted the hollows of her cheeks, making her look like a classic painting.

He had a feeling she would excuse herself and run off to the bathroom if he did something like that.

He didn't know what the hell was wrong with him. He was almost sick over her. Sick over Kate Garrett. Ten years younger, practically a virgin. And he was losing his shit for her.

After their waitress, also blessedly a stranger, came and took their order, they made small talk about how well the rodeo had gone, Kate being careful not to compliment him too profusely, likely so that he didn't have to shift credit. Since she had already identified that he did that. She saw him so clearly. Much more so than anyone else. Much more so than he did.

He said something funny—he didn't even really pay attention to what—and Kate laughed, putting her head down, her hair sliding over her shoulder, full lips curving into the most beautiful smile he'd ever seen. She was out of his reach. Being the man he'd always been wouldn't be enough with her. He would have to change. He would have to want more. He would have to be more.

It hit him then just why he wasn't comfortable accepting accolades. Why, no matter what he said about wanting to improve his reputation, he never really took steps to do it. When he got positive attention, he was quick to shift the focus. Because striving for more was hard. It demanded all the time. Living down to a bad reputation was a lot easier than living up to a great one.

He'd watched Eli live beyond reproach from adolescence. He knew how hard it was. Knew what it cost. He'd never had that kind of confidence in himself. But then, he'd never really had incentive. Kate was that incentive.

He was going to be good enough for her, because he had to be. Because she deserved the best, and even if he could never be the best, he would be everything he could.

Because his other revelation in that moment was that he simply couldn't live without her. And he wouldn't. He wanted more than to just take this public; he wanted to take it legal. Permanent. He wanted her forever.

He loved her. He motherfucking
loved
her.

Their food appeared a moment later, and Kate grabbed the bottle of Portland ketchup from the center of the table and popped the lid off, then smacked the bottom with gusto, trying to get some on her fries.

She looked up, her expression sheepish, her hand poised presmack. “Sorry. Fanciness isn't my strong suit.”

“You have to get your ketchup somehow.”

She set the bottle down and placed a knife inside the narrow neck, drawing out as much as she could. And even completing this silly, clumsy task, she was the most captivating creature he'd ever seen.

Yeah, it was love. What else could it be? Love, he was pretty sure, was watching someone smack a ketchup bottle while wanting to drag them into the bathroom and have them against a wall.

Well, it was more than that. But that was part of it.

She dipped her fry in her hard-won ketchup, crunching loudly.

“I need to tell you something.”

She paused midcrunch, her eyes widening. “What?” she asked around a mouthful of potato.

“Something I should have realized sooner.”

“If you brought me here to tell me things are done...”

“Why would I do that? Why the hell would I do that?” He was defensive now, and he knew it. Because she was supposed to know him better than that.

“I knew this felt like a bad idea.”

“Is that right, Katie?” he asked, anger firing through his veins. “Then you don't actually know anything. I brought you here because I'm tired of sneaking around. Because I'm tired of hiding the fact that we are together. I don't care what anybody thinks about it. No, I don't deserve you. Everyone here knows that. But I have you, and I'm so damn proud of that fact. And I'm going to do everything I can to be a man who's worthy of you.”

She was still holding her French fry up by her mouth, her lips parted slightly. “What exactly are you saying?”

She didn't look happy. She didn't look hopeful. She looked... She looked scared, and when a man was making confessions, shaking down to his core, that wasn't what he wanted to see.

But it was too late to turn back now. The burning that had been growing, spreading in his chest for a while now, had taken hold completely, and there would be no stopping it until he said this, until he admitted it.

“I'm trying to say that I love you.” He waited for a smile. For something that looked even a little bit like happiness. But Kate just sat there, her eyes glittering, darting back and forth as if she was looking for an exit. Looking anywhere but at him. But he'd never been accused of being a fast learner. So he kept talking. “I love you, Kate. I want more. I want everything.”

Kate braced her hands on the edge of the table, like a passenger grabbing hold of the dash when she saw an accident coming that she couldn't do anything to stop. “Jack... You can't... That's not what this is.” She looked wild, panicked. Like he'd told her he was dying of a terrible disease, not like he'd confessed to having feelings for her. “You said. You told me this would be sex only. Only sex.”

“Yes. I said that. And in the beginning, I meant it. I've never had anything more with anyone else. It changed. I changed. That's what it is now.” He took a deep breath and looked at her, at the woman he'd known for so many years. The woman who had been part of his life for so long he couldn't imagine living without her. The woman who had recently become his entire world. Whether her hair was braided or free, her lips naked or painted red, she made his heart beat. “I love everything about you, Katie. Probably always have. You see me. You're the only one who sees me.”