Barefoot (27 page)

‘… I think maybe it’s for the best. Your grandfather sends his love. We both do. Take care, darling, and call me if you need anything.’

Toni was touched. She tried to resist scrolling through the rest of her texts, but couldn’t.

Over twenty from Cal. She was determined not to open a single one, or she knew she would cave in. There were only two days left to Saturday. Two days and then he would be gone. If she didn’t say goodbye, would she always regret it.?

But how can I ever forgive him?

She stared out of the window at nothing. It was boring being off school, Toni decided.

The next day she caught the bus, clutching an absence note from her father. With any luck they would think it was for Monday as well and he’d never know she skipped school. She was relieved when she walked into the tutor room to see Lauren was back.

‘Hey. How are you feeling?’

Lauren looked pale and had dark circles under her eyes. ‘Pretty foul still. But at least I’ve stopped throwing up.’

‘Poor you.’

‘How did it go? Moving the ponies?’

‘Bit hairy,’ Toni admitted. ‘Arabella turned up unexpectedly.’

‘No!’

‘But we got them out in the end. They seem to be settling in OK.’

‘Has Cal been in touch?’ Lauren asked, carefully.

‘We haven’t spoken.’ She wasn’t about to admit he’d texted about a billion times.

But Lauren knew her too well. ‘You should talk to him, Toni. While you’ve still got the chance.’

Toni was relieved when the tutor walked in. She didn’t want to talk to Cal, or about Cal.

In fact, the sooner he was three thousand miles away, the better.

When her father got home that evening, he looked grim. ‘Your mother’s been harassing me all day at work.’ He dropped his laptop bag on the floor. ‘I suppose I should’ve expected it.’

Toni felt sick. ‘I can’t believe she really wants Buster and Grace back.’

‘She doesn’t. But she’s determined to make it as difficult as possible for me.’

‘What did she say?’

‘I have to take over legal responsibility for them. Insurance. Vet. Farrier. I’ve spent half the afternoon on the phone.’

‘I’m sorry.’ Whatever Toni said sounded inadequate.

‘Just don’t let me down,’ he said. ‘That’s all I ask. Take good care of them.’

‘I’ll do my best. I promise.’

*************

Toni found she could manage the cycle ride to the field in less than half an hour, which wasn’t too bad. It was pretty flat all the way and the weather had been dry for the first few days, making it quite pleasant. On Friday afternoon she headed straight over there after school, desperate to keep her mind off the fact that Cal was leaving the following day.

She decided to clean the old field shelter out completely and make it as weatherproof as possible before the autumn arrived. She set to work, emptying one wheelbarrow after another, until she got to the very back, where she found a mouse nest, neatly made from sheep’s wool, with three hairless babies inside. She carefully covered it up again and was just filling the water buckets, when Dizzy hurtled into the stable, squirming with delight.

‘Hey, girl.’ Toni bent to stroke her, and looked up to see Jen, silhouetted in the entrance. She pulled Dizzy out of the shelter quickly, before he could sniff out the mice. ‘Hi. What are you doing here?

‘I thought I’d stick my head in. See how things are going,’ Jen said.

‘They seem to be settling fine.’

Grace instantly came over, stretched out her head and let Jen scratch her neck.

‘I think she misses you.’ Jen was the only person Grace didn’t shy away from, Toni realised.

‘I miss her too. Though I can’t say I miss your mother.’ Jen laughed. ‘Buster’s looking good.’

Toni nodded, pleased she’d noticed. ‘I’m not clipping him this year.’

Jen nodded. ‘Probably a good idea if he’s out twenty-four-seven.  Especially if you’re not working him much. Here.’ She fished a bit of paper out of her pocket and handed it over. ‘I asked around. Found the name of that hoof paste. And a barefoot trimmer for you.’

Toni was touched. ‘Thanks.’

‘How’s the guy?’ Jen asked.

Toni’s heart sank. ‘He’s leaving for Canada tomorrow.’

‘Permanently?’

She shrugged. ‘Three months, he says. He had a big row with his dad.’

‘Maybe he just needs some space.’

‘But what about me?’ Toni asked, miserably.

‘Doesn’t sound like it’s about you,’ Jen pointed out.

Toni picked up a piece of straw and twisted it into a knot. ‘Do I say goodbye?’

‘Do you want to?’

She nodded. ‘I guess.’

‘So what’s the worst that can happen?’

Toni remembered Lauren asking her that.
Total humiliation,
she’d replied.

‘I look stupid.’

‘Well, if
that’s
the worst thing… ’ Jen looked at her watch. ‘I could take you over there now if you like.’

Toni glanced down. She was wearing her oldest jods and a T-shirt covered in poo.

Jen sighed. ‘Trust me. He’s not going to care how you’re dressed.’

Toni knew it was what she wanted. Deep-down. ‘OK. Let’s go. Before I have a chance to change my mind.’

When they turned into the car park at Poplar Farm, the first person Toni saw was Matt, moving a sow and her piglets into the outdoor pen.

Jen switched off the Fiesta’s engine. ‘Do you want me to wait?’

Toni hesitated. She would quite like back-up if she was going to have to deal with Matt. ‘I don’t know how long I’ll be.’

‘I’ll grab a coffee,’ Jen said.

Toni wanted to tell her how great she’d been. ‘Thanks,’ she said instead.

‘No sweat.’ Jen slammed the car door and headed over in the direction of the café.

Matt glanced over, recognised Toni and glared, but then one of the piglets broke loose and he had to concentrate on driving it back into the litter. The sow ambled through the gate first and the piglets followed, squealing and falling over each other.

Toni counted them as they went. Eleven, and all a good size. Matt would be pleased. He shut the gate before turning to face her.

‘What the hell are you doing here?’

Toni had forgotten just how aggressive he was.

‘I’m not here to cause trouble… ’ she began, but he cut across her.

‘You’ve caused plenty of that already.’

He obviously still hadn’t forgiven her.

‘I’m sorry about taking the lorry. Really I am.’

Matt took a step towards her. ‘I’m not on about the bloody lorry.’

She backed away instinctively. ‘I don’t understand.’

‘If it wasn’t for you, Cal would be staying here, where he belongs.’

Toni shook her head. ‘That’s not fair. I don’t want him to go any more than you do. That’s why I’m here. To tell him.’

Matt sneered. ‘It’s a shame you’re too late then, isn’t it?’

The café door banged and Jen came out holding a cup of coffee. She sat down at one of the wooden picnic tables, watching Matt warily.

‘What do you mean, too late?’

‘He’s gone, that’s what I mean.’

No. He can’t have.

‘But …..he said he was leaving on Saturday. That’s tomorrow,’ Toni stammered.

‘Well, it looks like he was stringing you along, doesn’t it?’ Matt laughed and strode off.

Toni sank down onto one of the chairs next to Jen. ‘He’s gone already.’ As she said it out loud, tears began to stream down her face.

Jen sipped her coffee and watched the piglets fighting to get to the food trough.

The café door banged again and Debs came out. She stood there for a few moments, looking uncomfortable as Toni wiped her face with her sleeve.

‘I didn’t hear what Matt said. But I’m guessing it wasn’t pleasant.’

Toni shook her head. She didn’t trust herself to speak.

‘Cal decided to go on the same plane as his cousin Lucy in the end.’ Debs held out an envelope. ‘But he left this for you.’

As Toni reached out to take it, her hand shook.

‘I don’t know what’s in it. He just said, if you came over I was to give it to you.’

Toni looked at the envelope. ‘You could have thrown it away.’

Debs shook her head. ‘I’m not cruel.’ She glanced into the café. ‘I’m sorry. I have customers who need serving.’

‘Thank you.’ Toni smiled at her.

‘You’re welcome.’ Debs smiled back, sadly, then disappeared back inside.

Toni turned the envelope over, puzzled. It wasn’t just a card. She could feel something else inside as well. ‘But why didn’t he just post it? I might never have come over. I might never have got it.’

Jen laughed. ‘That’s the point, idiot. This way he knows you made the effort to come over here. So you care, too. Are you going to actually open it?’

Toni hesitated. ‘Would you mind dropping me home? I think I’d like to read it later, when I’m alone.’

************

She waited when she got back to the cottage, staring at the envelope and putting off the inevitable moment. She made her bed and picked all her clothes up off the floor, then she stacked her school books in neat piles.

Not yet.

She moved downstairs to the tiny kitchen and washed up both the cereal bowls from breakfast, swept away the toast crumbs, and wiped down the work surfaces. And then she gave in.

Inside was a card with a beautiful skewbald on the front. Toni took a deep breath and opened it.

Sorry
.

Really hoped we could have talked.

Really hope u r around when I get back.

X Cal
.

Toni
shook the envelope and a silver chain fell out, with a tiny horse hanging from it.

Her eyes filled with tears as she stared at it, cursing herself for being so pig-headed and not trying to talk to him earlier. She fastened the chain around her neck and looked at it in the mirror. Her whole body ached when she thought of what she had missed, and of the twelve long weeks stretching ahead.

She picked up her phone and scrolled back through all the texts she had ignored, and read through them one-by-one. In each one he begged her to talk. And she had never given him a chance.

She met up with Lauren in town the next day and showed the card to her.