BBW ROMANCE: BWWM Romance: A Cowboy’s Southern Comfort (Military Cowboy Pregnancy Romance) (Interracial Army Contemporary Fantasy Romance Short Stories) (2 page)

Beyond all that, Jake had to admit it was just nice to have someone else around. He’d lived alone on the ranch since his parents died three years before. He never went into town unless he absolutely had to. He only left the county for his army reserve weekends.

All that time, he’d thought that he enjoyed the silence, the solitude. But, now that Felicia was there, now that he had someone to talk to every day besides his dog, Jake had to admit that it was...nice.

“Hope you don’t mind chili again,” she said as he walked in from the barn. He found her stirring a pot on his newly purchased electric stove.

“Mable took up a good bit of my time. She’s not feeling too well. I might phone the vet tomorrow to get her looked at.”

“I’m surprised all of the horses are doing as well as they are,” Jake said honestly, “They were on their own for months.”

“You’d be surprised how resourceful animals can be,” she said. “You saw the stall doors busted open. I’m sure your stallion got out and busted the others out too.”

“Is that how you found them?” Jake asked, “running around the fields outside the barn?”

He pulled out a chair and took a seat at the table.

“Two of them,” she answered placing a steaming bowl of chili at his place and sitting down across from him. “Mable was still in her stall. But, the mud prints on her hooves told me she’d been out and about too.”

“And you fixed up those doors all by yourself?” he asked, impressed despite himself.

“Three weeks I’ve been here,” Felicia said with an eye roll, “and you’re still surprised that a little woman can fix a stall door?”

“I wouldn’t call you little,” he said offhandedly. He saw her flinch at that out of the corner of his eye. Immediately he was sorry it was said.

“I didn’t mean-”

“I know you didn’t mean,” she said with a forced smile. “Don’t worry about it. And don’t think that’s the worst anyone’s ever said to me either.”

Despite her assurance, they sat in an awkward silence for several minutes. Jake could see Felicia out of the corner of his eye. She was taking one small bite of chili after another, trying and failing to hide the grimace in her eyes.

The guilty pit in Jake’s stomach refused to loosen. In fact, his heart began to hammer heavily in his chest. He would have to say something, anything that took them away from his misstep.

“I saw you took the truck into town today,” he said looking down at his own chili and taking a large bite.

“You don’t mind, I hope,” Felicia said.

“Not at all,” he answered. “I’m glad to see you getting out. No sense in both of us being cooped up here.”

“You’re right, there’s not,” she said. Her voice sounded strangely pointed. So much so that he looked up at her. He recognized the look on her face. A half smile and an eyebrow arch.

“Don’t start that again,” he said half amused half exasperated.

“I’ve told you. I’ve got everything I need right here. I don’t need to get off the ranch every day.”

“Or every week,” she said the half smile still present on her lips. “It might do you good to see people every once in awhile, you know?”

“I do see people,” he said.

“The animals don’t count,” she told him with another eye roll.

“Maybe not,” he admitted. “But you count.”

“There are more people than me in the world, Jake,” she said. “You never know. If you go out and talk to them every once in awhile, you might find that you like it.”

“Well, you talk enough for both of us,” he said. “I figure I get my speaking and listening quota in without having to step foot off the property.”

Her smile widened and he hoped that would be the end of the conversation. Since the first week, it had worried her that he hardly ever went into town and that he rarely spoke to anyone else.

He knew she thought it wasn’t healthy and it probably wasn’t,  but he wasn’t quite sure how to tell her the truth. That was when he was surrounded by people, but now he wasn’t. He gets scared of every little sound, and gets paranoid when he’s around others.

It had been that way since he left Afghanistan. He hadn’t come back to the ranch right away. He’d gone to the army base in San Antonio first. The doctor he saw there had diagnosed him with PTSD. They tried to get him to stay for another week, claiming that he “needed to recover”.

He’d refused. He thought that once he got to the ranch everything would be fine. He would be better. And, he was. As long as it was just him and Felicia. As long as he didn’t have to go into town; didn’t have to listen to the talking and laughing and yelling.

Besides, what he had said to Felicia was true. As long as she was there, he truly didn’t need anyone else.

“I looked at some apartments in town today,” she said. “I think there are a couple I could afford.”

Jake’s heart sunk to the bottom of his stomach. Though, he was not quite sure why. Hadn’t he told Felicia that she needed to find a place of her own? Hadn’t he said that he would only keep her on for a week?

He took a small bite of his chili and swallowed before speaking.

“So, you’ll be moving out?” he asked.

“I thought you’d be over the moon about that,” she said, “didn’t you say I could only stay a week?”

He looked up and she was giving him that look again. The one where her eyebrows were raised and her lips were quirked up in a half-smile. Something told him that she was trying to catch him out on something. Maybe she was trying, in that roundabout womanly way, to get him to let her stay.

Well, it wouldn’t work. Jake had never been one for games. And, now that he knew this was one, there was no way he was going to play along.

“Turned out I needed a little more help than I thought,” he said trying his best to sound indifferent. “But, things have started working again here. And, I’m sure you’d like to have your own space.”

When he looked back at her, he saw her face fall slightly. He knew that meant that the game was over. He should feel thrilled at having won it. But, instead, another guilty knot formed in his stomach and refused to loosen.

“I suppose it’ll be nice to be on my own,” Felicia answered. The fallen expression on her face was mostly gone now. Instead, she wore an entirely fake smile. “I will miss the horses, though.”

“I’m sure they’ll feel the same way,” he answered. When he looked at her, he gave her the most genuine smile he could muster under the circumstances. He was more than happy to see a much more genial smile reflected back to him on her face.

They ate the rest of their supper and talked about other nonsensical things. The winner of a reality singing competition the night before, whether or not some politician was going to run for president again.

But, the entire evening, the issue of Felicia leaving the ranch, leaving him played in the back of Jake’s mind. And, as he climbed into bed that night, he had no idea how to tell her that the horses were not the only things on the ranch that would miss her desperately if she were to leave.

***

His room was pitch black. It was much too dark for the ranch. But, he wasn’t at the ranch. He was back at the compound. Back in Afghanistan.

He felt the weapon in his hand though he had no memory of picking it up. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew that this was a dream. This was not real.

Even with this knowledge, Jake found that he could not stop his feet from treading along the all too familiar path. He moved down the abandoned walkway, dirt swirling around his feet. It had not been that way there. He had been surrounded by his unit on all sides.

He tried to tell himself this. Tried to tell himself that it was just a dream, and that he should wake up. His body did not listen.

Instead, his footsteps continued down the ominous road covered completely with gray, concrete walls. Finally, he came to what looked to be a dead end. He knew it wasn’t. He knew what waited for him on the other side.

His mind screamed for his body to turn around. He told himself to run, to turn away, or anything to avoid what he was certain was coming. Instead, he watched in helpless terror as he moved to the other side of the wall, his weapon drawn. As soon as he did, he heard it.

One quick blast that caused a scream to issue from his mouth. Before he could tear himself from the scene, he felt one gentle hand on his arm.

His eyes flew open and he grabbed forcefully at the hand that touched him.

“It’s ok, it’s just me,” a gentle female voice said.

Jake looked up at Felicia, her dark skin nearly camouflaging her to the room. Her large, brown eyes were opened wide and filled with concern.

Jake took two deep breaths to calm himself down. Then, immediately felt heat rush up his face. He had no idea that his nightmares had become loud enough to be heard across the hall in Felicia’s room.

“Sorry,” he said quickly turning over to his side, hoping to hide his face.

“Don’t worry about it,” she answered. “It happens to me too sometimes.”

Surprised, he turned over once again to look at her. As he did, he tried to think of a question he could voice that would not sound either rude or prying. After all, they hadn’t spoken much about their past. Neither of them seemed willing or able to. Asking for that secret information now seemed almost like betraying a trust.

None the less, Felicia must have seen the question in his eyes. She sighed and sat down on his bed.

“I was six when my mom died,” she said. “I watched it happen. One of my dad’s friends came over to our place and he was high as a kite. Thought mom had more drugs for him. Wouldn’t believe her when she said no.”

Jake wasn’t sure of what to say to that. ‘I’m sorry’ would have been the obvious choice. But, then, he remembered how often people had been saying ‘I’m sorry’ to him for the past few months. He remembered how much he hated it. Looking at her now, he knew Felicia would hate it just as much.

Instead, he decided to tell her his story the way she had told him hers. That seemed fair.

“I was in Afghanistan,” Jake said. “We were ambushed on...on what should’ve been a routine scouting mission. Buddy of mine got killed.”

She didn’t say ‘I’m sorry’ either. She just offered him an understanding nod and a half smile.

They sat there for what seemed like hours but was actually only a few minutes. Finally, she turned to him and he saw something strange in her eyes.

He knew immediately that this was not the expression he usually saw from her. It was not the exasperated eyebrow raise or the sarcastic half smile. This was something much more open...vulnerable. He could not help but think that this expression made her look exceptionally beautiful.

“Look…” she began, turning her eyes away from him as though embarrassed. “I came in here because I couldn’t sleep either. I just wondered if...you might like some company tonight?”

Heat rushed up to his face once more.

“Company?” he heard himself ask. To his complete embarrassment, his voice crept up at the end of the question as though he were a teenage boy.

Felicia heard it too because she smiled fully now and rolled her eyes.

“I just mean company not company,” she said. “My older sister used to let me sleep in her bed sometimes when I had nightmares. It helped.”

He looked at her and considered that for a minute. Suddenly, he realized that, if Felicia was to spend the night in his bed. Her warm body splayed against his, those beautiful eyes staring at him, he wouldn’t be able to control himself.

On the other hand, having someone next to him. Someone to calm him when the nightmare came back, as it inevitably would, was appealing to say the least.

Finally, he made a decision that he knew one way or the other, would change their relationship forever.

“Alright then,” he said moving the covers. “climb on in.”

She smiled at him and crawled towards him and into the bed. As soon as she had settled herself and laid back down, he felt it.

Her body pressed against his, warm and inviting. Even when he closed his eyes and tried to fall asleep, he could see her face. Her smile, her eyes...they were invading his mind far more fully than his nightmares ever could.

He knew that he should, at the very least, turn away from her. After all, it wouldn’t be long until she felt him growing hard against her. And there was no way he would be able to explain that.

But, he found that he was powerless to leave her side. Her warm, dark skin, the scent of her long black hair...all of it was more intoxicating than he had imagined.

“You know,” he heard her say. “If you did want...the other kind of company...I wouldn’t be opposed to that either.”

“You wouldn’t?” he asked. He realized that he sounded much more hesitant than he had anticipated. He felt her turn over on her side to face him. That smile was on her lips. The one that had come to make his heart melt when he looked at her.

“No, I wouldn’t,” she whispered.

That was it. He felt the last string of his restraint break against his heart. In one movement, he surged forward and kissed her fiercely on her lips. He felt a thrill of pleasure as he heard her moan against him.