Beautiful Strangers (16 page)

   
Jaxson has left me several
voicemails telling me that Jocelyn had become obsessed with him. That he didn’t
tell me because he was trying to protect me. I don’t know what angle he is
working but I am done. It’s time to take care of me. I almost died a few days
ago. I think life is giving me a second chance to do things right.

    
I meet with Mr. Slade, my
father’s attorney; he is going to handle my finances while I am gone. I am
checking into a rehab called Saving Grace. How funny is that?
 
Now I know life is truly laughing at me.
 

Checking out and in….

  
Saving Grace is everything you
would expect a rehab to look like. It reminds me of a nursing home for young
people almost. I am nervous as all get out but I need to do this. The intake
nurse takes my vitals and gives me a shit load of forms to fill out. My first
day will be spent finding out what my needs are and getting me acquainted with
the facility.

  
I am tickled to death to find
out that I get to have a private room. It isn’t much; a single bed and a small
dresser. I also get a small private bathroom. The nurse checks my bags to make
sure I didn’t try smuggle any contraband in. I am bummed to find out that I’m
not allowed to have my cell phone.

  
Three hours later and I think I
am suffering from cell phone withdraw instead of from the lack of speed. I will
be given phone privileges in two weeks. I find myself missing Evans text, that
man is consistent I will give him that.

 
I meet with my therapist for an
evaluation so that they can select a course for my treatment.

   
“Hello Grace, my name is Dr.
Andrews.” She slides her glasses back up the bridge of her nose. “I want you to
know that you can talk to me about whatever you feel like talking about. Tell
me anything about yourself, so I can get to know you better.”

  
“Well I am a dancer; I have
danced since I was a child. Until I decided to come here I was working at a
burlesque club called Masquerade.”

 
“That is an interesting name for
a club, tell me about working there. What appealed to you, to make you want to
work there?”

   
“I could be anyone I wanted
there. You see dancers and customers there are required to wear a mask. So I
was able to pretend to be whoever I wanted to be, except myself.”

  
“I see and how did your drug use
start?”

  
“I don’t think we have enough
time for that today doc.”

  
“Grace we have another
forty-five minutes.”

   
I tell her about meeting Evan
and trading myself to him to get the drugs from him. I tell her how he had
planned on using me to get revenge against my father. I also tell her how there
is a huge part of me that still loves him, no matter how hard I try to deny it.

  
“Would you say it is a fair assumption
to say that you were using your body to get what you wanted from Evan, the same
as he was using the drugs to get what he wanted in return from you?”

  
“I would say that is a loaded
question doc, and I think our time is up.”

 
“Very well Grace I will see you
again in two days.”

  
We continue dancing around the
same questions over the following week. Doc Andrews seems to think I am
emotionally closed of because of my parents divorce.
 
She tells me that I don’t believe in love,
and maybe she is right.
  
Doc thinks I
purposely sabotaged my relationship with Evan long before the lies because I
didn’t believe I deserved to be happy with him.

  
She also has a great deal of
theories about my relationship with Jax but I am not open to exploring them,
not yet. She has asked my permission to bring Evan in for a joint session.

    
I reluctantly agree to allow
her to schedule the session one week later. I am already with Dr. Andrews in
her office when he arrives, I can feel his presence before he even knocks on
the door. It is as if a part of me will always be tuned into him. Like I am an
antenna picking up on his frequency.

  
Evan bends down to kiss my
forehead and I shiver. Oh the things this man used to do to me. Hell what
am
I saying; the thought of what he could do with me right
now crosses my mind briefly. But those thoughts are interrupted by their
introductions.

  
“Evan I am very pleased that you
agreed to be here today. Shall we get started?” She crosses her legs at her
ankles. I briefly glance over at her feet when I notice, the good doctor has a
tattoo across the top of her foot and it is one word:

   
~Believe~

 
“Evan how about we get started
with you. What were your intentions when you first met Grace? Did you set out
to harm her?”

 
“I never meant to hurt her; I was
in a bad place in my life. I guess Grace has told you about my mother’s suicide?
I wanted Harry, Gracie’s father to hurt as badly as he had hurt me. I wanted
him to know what it felt like to lose the one person you cared more for than
your own self. When I went to his office to confront him, I saw my chance.
There were photos of Gracie throughout the room. I could tell how much pride he
had in being her father. I wanted to take it away from him.”

   
I have to fight the tears that
are begging to escape once he mentions my father. I try to look anywhere in the
room but at him. I can still feel the warmth of his breath on my forehead and I
catch myself rubbing the exact spot his lips touched my skin.

  
In the middle of his confession,
he takes the time to comfort me by taking my hand in his and giving it a gentle
squeeze. I am forced to look at him and I can see the pain on his face this is
hurting him as much as it is me.

  
“But you see my feelings for
Gracie they are real. Everything I shared with her was real, and it still is. I
still love you. That is why I am here, because I need you to be happy more than
I need to breathe.”

  
“Grace how do you feel about
what Evan has said?”

  
“To be honest it isn’t anything
he hasn’t said before. Evan and I have been down this road before. I do forgive
him, but it still doesn’t excuse his behavior does it?”

 
“What do you want to say to Evan
right now, tell him how he makes you feel?”

  
I hesitate I don’t want Evan to
take what I am about to say in the wrong context.

  
“I hate that you know me so
completely. The way you accept every part of me without any judgment scares the
hell out of me. I am afraid that if I love you in return, you will break me
again. When I found out who you were, deep down it shattered me. I am still
trying to pick up the pieces.”

   
“Our time for today is up. I
really believe we are getting somewhere. Grace, Evan if you both agree I would
like to have another session with the two of you next week.”

We both agree and Dr. Andrews escorts Evan out, I suspect she wants a
private word with him.

  
The injuries from my accident
are healing my ribs are still sore but the pain is manageable even though I am
not allowed to take anything for pain. I have started keeping a journal; it
feels so good to be writing again. I have missed the sound of my pencil
scratching against the paper.

New attitude…..

   
I am in my third week of
treatment it hasn’t been easy but I can feel a change in myself for the better.
I have started gaining back the weight I have lost and my skin tone has
improved dramatically. I have been feeling queasy the past few days, but the
nurse says it is a side effect where I am being weaned off the medication they
gave me to help with my withdraws.

  
There isn’t much here to occupy
my time. Since I have been journaling it is helping me to put the feelings down
on paper that I can’t talk about, mainly my father’s death. I have finally
forgiven him. We all make selfish choices. God knows I have made plenty.
  

 
 
How well do we ever really know anyone? At the
end of the day aren’t we all strangers hoping to find the one person who can
see the beauty we each posses on the inside?
 
And isn’t that what Evan has turned out to be, my Beautiful Stranger.

   
I only have one week left of
treatment and I will have completed my thirty days. Today I am meeting with Dr.
Andrews to discuss what my plans are when I leave here. She is concerned that I
will fall back into my old life when I tell her that I am going back to Nashville.
I know it will be tough. But now I have something to look forward to. I am
going to go back to school for my B.A. in English.
 
Our session is cut short when I get so sick
from the smell of her coffee, I vomit right there in her office in the
trashcan.

  
She sends me to my room to lie
down. I don’t know what has come over me. The nurse on duty comes in to check
on me.

  
“Hello dear, Dr. Andrews says
that you suddenly got very ill. I am going to take your temperature and check
your vitals.” She straps a blood pressure cuff to my left arm and starts
pumping the bulb. Damn that is tight, I feel as if my arm might explode.

 
“Well your blood pressure and
temperature seem to be normal. I just want to ask you a few questions and then
I will see if I can’t get something to settle your stomach.” She pulls up a
chair beside my bed and takes out my chart.

 
“Now there let me see. You have
been weaned off the medicine, so you should be fine there. Did you eat
something that made you sick?”

 
I think back over the morning
before I answer just to be sure.

 
“No I had toast, cereal, and some
orange juice. I didn’t feel sick until I smelled the coffee.” Just thinking
about it is making me sick all over again.

  
“When did you have your period
last? I notice you haven’t had one since you have been here.”

   
My periods have never been what
you might call regular. I have went a few months without one and then to have
two in one month. It takes me a few minutes to figure it up in my head. Then I
realize what her question implies and I have to run to make it to the bathroom
before I vomit all over my bed.
 

  
This is Thanksgiving week? I
look at the butterfly calendar hanging on the wall just to be sure.

 
“My last menstrual cycle was in
September.”

  
“I am going to go get a test
from the dispensary and I will be right back.”

  
I am trying to wrap my head
around the idea that I could pregnant and then an awful realization hits me
square in the chest. If I am pregnant what effects will the drugs have caused
already and who is the father? My thoughts and self-pity are interrupted when
the nurse returns.

 
She waits patiently for me to
collect my urine into a cup for her. I nervously hand over my fate. Who knew
that a cup of urine could change your whole life in an instant?

Surprise….

    
The stick beeps and a pink
plus sign makes its appearance, I think I would heave again if there were
anything left in my stomach.

    
“Congratulations Grace. A baby
is a true blessing. I will let your Doctors know your news.”

   
I have my joint therapy session
with Evan tomorrow. I don’t know how he will react to this when I have barely
processed it myself. Then there is Jaxson, will he think I played him this
whole time for money when I tell him?

  
Do I even care what he thinks at
this point? This is too much.
 
I spend
the rest of the day walking the property line in the cold crisp evening air.

  
Doc Andrews spots me on her way
to her car. She holds her hand up and motions me over to her.

 
“Congratulations Gracie, a baby,
now there is something to believe in. I hate to ask you, but I need to before
our session tomorrow. Do you want to tell Evan? I mean it might be easier to do
it before our session, I can lend you both my support.”

    
“Yes I think that would be better,
thank you.”

    
I head back inside and try to
get some rest but my brain doesn’t know when to switch itself off. All I can
think about is how will Evan react to the news that we may be having a child
together.

I can do this….

    
I arrive a few minutes early
for my session and find Evan and Doctor Andrews talking in hushed tones. By the
huge grin that is spread across his face, he has taken the news well. I can’t
help but smile back at those gorgeous dimples.

 
We take our seats, there is so
much to discuss in one session. Doc starts the conversation.

  
“I want to put discussing the
pregnancy on hold for a minute, there are a few things we need to address.
Grace you have made great progress since Evan was here with us last week. And
Evan has informed me that he has started seeing his own therapist.” She places
her hands neatly on her tweed pants.