Beautiful Strangers (17 page)

    
“I want you to each tell me
where you see this relationship that you share going in the future, pregnancy
excluded of course. Evan you start.”

   
“I want us to be together. I
love you Grace, it will always be you for me. I have been thinking about us a
lot and I want to take things slow. I want to build your trust in me again.
When you are released I would like to take you out twice a week, on real dates
and get to know you all over again. You aren’t that girl I met two years ago,
and I am no longer that boy. I am ready to be a man, your man.”

 
“Grace, Evan has made a valid
point. What do you want to say to him?”

  
“I’m in, if we can take it slow
and do what you say Evan. I am willing to do this, but we have to talk about
the elephant in the room. There is a good chance that this baby could belong to
Jax. I did a lot of thinking about it last night. I’m not sure I want to tell
him that I am pregnant. It might not be fair of me but I am thinking about what
is best for my baby.”

   
I cross my arms over my belly
in a defensive way, like I can somehow protect this tiny being in me from all
the evils the worlds has to offer.

    
“He lives in a world that I
don’t think I want to raise a child in. Jax is getting ready to launch is solo
career and I won’t let my choices stand in his way. And I refuse to let my baby
grow up with a part time dad who will always have to put his career first.”

  
Not to mention he is an even
bigger liar than I could have imagined. He certainly had me fooled. I was so
taken in by him.

   
Doc excuses herself and gives
Evan and me few minutes in private.

  
“Babe, I am so fucking happy
right now! It doesn’t matter if I am the father or not. I promised you forever
and I meant it. Even if you decide you don’t want to be with me. I will raise
this baby with you.” Evan pulls me in for a deep kiss, my body is responding
but my head is saying no.

  
“Slow down, remember, taking
things easy.”

   
I won’t see my doctor until
next week since tomorrow is Thanksgiving.

  
“I am worried about the effects
the drugs might have had on the baby.” Evan takes me in his arms.

  
“Whatever they say I will stand
behind you, we will get through all of it together.” He places his hand over my
heart. “I got you.”

   
In this moment I am grateful
for Evan, and his patience with me. I have pushed and pulled him in so many
directions and he is still standing right by my side. And he is ready to take
on a child that he isn’t even sure if he is the father of.

   
“I know you promised me
forever. I can’t offer the same in return, because forever and always don’t
exist, but if they did just know that I would spend it with you, if they did. I
love you Evan, it might have taken me a long time to see the real you, but I am
so glad I finally did. You have me; I won’t walk away from you ever again. You
love me, I know that now. Thank you for not giving up on me.”

  
Evan is allowed to come for
Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow as my guest. They are holding a family dinner for
everyone. I am so eager to see him and it’s only been since yesterday! What was
I saying about taking things slow?

  
When he walks into the cafeteria
everyone takes notice. He is dressed in a white button down dress shirt and
dark jeans. I feel underdressed in my yoga pants and Grinch t-shirt. That’s
right ladies, take a look, he is here for me, I think as they watch him give me
a kiss on the cheek. He presents me with a small gift bag and a yellow rose.

    
“Yellow is for friendship.” I
comment aloud as I bring it to my nose to smell it.

    
“I am serious about making
this work. I want you to trust me.”

    
I open the bag and he has
brought me a couple of pregnancy guides.

   
“Thank you. You didn’t have to
get me these but I appreciate it.”

    
I spend the rest of my weekend
reading over all the material Evan brought me. Pregnancy is some serious shit.
I am finally able to meet with my doctor and there isn’t much he can do for my
pregnancy right now except give me prenatals and refer me to an OBGYN when I am
released in three days.

  
I attend my final session and we
review my plans for life in recovery. After I find out how far along I am I
will be going back to school to finish my B.A. in English and pursue a career
in writing. Evan and I are going to continue couples therapy as well as single
sessions.
 
Dr. Andrews gives me her card
and hugs me making me promise to never hesitate to call if I need to.

    
My release day is here. I
can’t believe how much life has changed in thirty days. If you would have asked
me a year ago today where I would see myself, it sure as hell wouldn’t have
been standing outside of rehab waiting for Evan. He pulls up to get me in a car
almost identical to the one I just totaled except it is red instead of black.

  
“What’s with the car?”

   
“Don’t freak out but I bought
it for you. I got a good deal on it at an auction and besides you do need a
car.”

  
“Can’t argue with you there but
I will pay you back for it.”

  
“Just think of it as me
investing in the safety of our baby.” He kisses my hand. Fuck taking it slow I
practically crawl across the console and into his lap. Our plans of taking
things slow are thrown out the window. Evan starts living with me immediately.
I want to find a new job, but Evan makes me promise to wait until I have been
to the baby doctor.

    
I wasn’t able to get an
appointment until the week before Christmas. I can not wait to find out how far
along I am. I know it sounds crazy but my stomach is already beginning to take
on a round shape. Evan was able to take off work early to come to the
appointment with me. I believe he is more excited then I am.

    
I am given a years worth of
paperwork to fill out. Once I get the forms complete the nurse calls me back to
weigh me and gives me another pregnancy test. After seeing a positive for a
second time my heart swells. After taking my vitals she leads Evan and I to an
examination room. There are posters on the wall about the effects of smoking
and drug use during pregnancy. My good mood is immediately soured and I
mentally beat myself up for the millionth time.

   
“You didn’t know babe, so stop
whatever you’re saying in that head of yours. Just stop!” He tries to rub my
back in soothing motions but it only pisses me off. I don’t deserve his pity.

    
The nurse returns and measures
my stomach. Once she is finished she gets out a Doppler so we can hear the
baby’s heartbeat. It is the most amazing sound I have ever heard. I look over
at Evan and he too has tears in his eyes.
 
The nurse starts moving the Doppler around again and listening intently.
She quietly excuses herself from the room. I go into panic mode, something must
be wrong and it is my fault.

    
She returns a minute or two
later accompanied by the doctor. He listens to the heartbeat for a second and
then he too moves the Doppler around.

  
“Great ear
Becky!
Congratulations you are having twins.”

 
“My hearing must be off, did he
say twins?” I look to the nurse waiting for her to correct the mistake.

  
But she doesn’t, and then there
is a thud in the room. I realize Evan is no longer holding my hand he has
literally hit the floor. Once the doctor decides that Evan is okay and not
suffering from a concussion, he sends us to another room for a sonogram. This
is the most accurate way to determine how far I am.

   
The sooner we find out a due
date the better. The technician brings out a probe and slides a condom over it.
This just got a bit awkward. What happens next is amazing. There are two little
beings on the screen. Based on their size and development they suggest I am
around ten weeks. They think I conceived around Halloween and give me a due
date near the end of July.

  
The babies are fraternal and so
far they appear to be developing normally. The clinic has to report my case to
social services by state law but the doctor reassures me that I will have
nothing to worry about as long as I stay clean and sober. This scares me a
little but I still feel as if a ton of bricks have been lifted from my
shoulders. I have to take an iron supplement with my prenatal vitamins, other
than that I am perfectly healthy as well.

Making things
right?

   
We get into the car and when I
turn the radio I hear none other than asshole overlord himself on the radio
promoting his new single Hurry Lover.

  
No fucking way!

  
That is the song he supposedly
wrote for me. I switch the stereo off and even though I shouldn’t, I feel
guilty about keeping my pregnancy from Jax. What I am about to do is extremely
stupid but I won’t be able to live with myself if I don’t do it.

 
“Babe I want to do something and
I don’t want you to freak out, because it won’t change anything between us.”

 
“I’ve been thinking about it too,
you want to tell him don’t you? I can’t deny the thought of you being near him
again makes me insane, but if it were me I would want to know.”

  
“When did you get so wonderful?”

  
“The day I thought I lost you.”

  
“Well that isn’t about to happen
again, you know why?”

  
“Why?”

  
“Because I
love you most!”

   
We get home and I make the
dreaded call. No I don’t tell him over the phone, I invite him over for dinner.
I just leave out that Evan will be present as well. What do you cook for a
douche bag that you plan to give the shock of their life to? I mean, do say
here enjoy you’re spaghetti and by the way I may or may not be carrying your
twins? I don’t think that would go over too well.

   
The moment arrives all too soon
for my liking when I hear a knock at the door. I am finishing the salad so Evan
lets him in. Jaxson takes one look at Evan and starts to walk back out.

  
“Its cool man come on in, have a
seat.”

  
“What the hell is this three's
company?”

  
“Jax I asked you here for a
reason, there is something I, er, we need to discuss with you.”

  
We all take an awkward seat at
the table and I tell them to dig in, but they both just sit there giving one
another the stare down. You would think we are in one of those Wild West movies
where the two gunslingers are about to dual.

  
“Well I am starving, I am going
to eat a bite then I will get to the point.”

   
They are both still quiet and
unmoving like statues. I continue to eat through the silence keeping my cool on
the outside. But on the inside I am trying to decide the best way to go about
it.

  
Stop being a chicken shit and
just do it Grace. I lecture myself.

  
“So Jax I need to share
something personal with you. I have been to the doctor-

 
Jax cuts me off in the middle of
my sentence. “You don’t have something do you? Fuck!
 
I knew I should have used protection.”

  
“Well if you call being pregnant
having something as you put it, then yes I have something alright.”

  
“Oh in that case why are you
telling me this, I mean I am happy for you but what does this have to do with me?”

 
“Hello! There is a fifty percent
chance you could be the father.”

  
“Gracie I thought I told you,
but I must not have. I can’t have kids. It isn’t possible; I had a vasectomy
over a year ago. I decided when I chose music as my career that I didn’t want a
family.”

 
“That has to be the greatest
thing that I have ever heard come out of your mouth. I could kiss you.”

   
Evan gives me a death glare. “I
don’t mean literally, just a figure of speech.” My cheeks flush with
embarrassment.

  
“Congratulations and all, but I
need to go. I really am happy for you.”

  
That was the last time I ever
talked to Jaxson Hayes. It’s funny how meeting one person will influence the
rest of your life. When John Evan Brown walked into mine I didn’t know what
life was throwing at me. The too perfect boyfriend turned out to be just what I
needed and what I had never dreamed of wanting.

  
The road ahead of us won’t be
easy, but I have faith. I believe that everything in this life has a reason; we
may not always understand it when it happens. But I don’t think we are meant to
always get an explanation. If you are lucky enough to find the one person who
can see all the things wrong with you and not want to change one of them,
that’s what you call, true love.

Five Years later…

      
“John Harrison and Olivia
Tate hurry come and see what the Easter Bunny has brought for you loves.”