Beauty for ashes: receiving emotional healing (17 page)

Why does God make us wait for healing? Waiting is the difficult part. How well we wait reveals whether we have faith in God. According to Hebrews 6:12, the promises of God are inherited through faith and patience. In Galatians 5:5 the apostle Paul states that we must "by faith anticipateandwait for the blessingandgood for which our righteousnessandright standing with God [our conformity to His will in purpose, thought, and action, causes us] to hope."

We do not have to wait for results when we follow the flesh. However, the natural human way of handling those who hurt us never produces good results. God's way works, but it works on the principle of sowing seed and patiently waiting for the harvest. You sow good seed by obediently following His plan, which is:

ReceiveGod's forgiveness (and love yourself).

Chooseto forgive and release those who hurt you.

Prayfor your enemies.

Blessthose who have hurt you.

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Believethat God is healing your emotions.Wait.

Waiting is where the battle is won in the spiritual realm. Waiting and keeping your eyes on God put pressure on the demonic forces that initiated the problem to begin with, and they have to give back the ground they have gained. As you keep your eyes on God, He forces the enemy off of your territory:

he who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall remain stableandfixed under the shadow of the Almighty [Whose power no foe can withstand].

I will say of the Lord, He is my Refuge and my Fortress, my God; on Him I leanandrely,andin Him I [confidently] trust! (Psalm 91:1-2)

As you read the rest of Psalm 91, you will see that it is full of great promises; about how the enemy cannot defeat you. The footnote to Psalm 91 inThe Amplified Biblesays, "The rich promises of this whole chapter are dependent upon one's meeting exactly the conditions of these first two verses." In other words, it will be well for those who dwell in the secret place of God and proclaim the Lord to be their Refuge and Fortress, those who trust Him by leaning their entire being on Him.

Here is an account of an experience I went through that will help clarify my point. A friend, someone I loved, trusted, and had helped in many situations, hurt me very severely. Lies were spread about me that caused great trouble and anguish in my life. Judgment and gossip were involved, and the woman who was one of the major initiators of this mess should have known better.

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This particular situation was probably the greatest emotional wounding I had ever experienced in my ministry, because it came from a co-laborer in Christ whom I trusted and with whom I worked. I knew I had to forgive her or else my unforgiveness would poison my ministry and me.I began the six-step process thatIhave been explaining to you. The first step, choosing to forgive, was not too difficult. Next, I prayed the prayer of forgiveness, which was not hard. The third step, praying for the woman herself, was a bit more difficult. But the fourth step, blessing her and refusing to talk about her, was probably hardest of all.

It actually appeared that she had gotten by with what she had done without any repercussions, while my feelings were in turmoil. I finally progressed to the point that I believed she was deceived by the devil, and that she had actually believed she was being obedient to God when she did what she did to me.

Although I was trying to apply step five, believing for my emotions to be healed, my feelings toward this woman did not change for six months. Step six, waiting on the Lord, was especially difficult for me because I had to be around this woman all the time. She never apologized for her actions or even indicated that she had done anything wrong. Sometimes I hurt so badly that I thought I could not stand it another day!

I would tell God, "I have done my part. I am trusting You to change my feelings." I learned that, for the process to work, you have to stand your ground and not give up!

About six months went by. Sometimes when I saw this woman, I wanted to explode and tell her off! All I could do was keep asking the Lord to help me control myself. I went through various phases of emotions during those six months. At times I could be more understanding than at others.

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One Sunday morning during a church service, I knew that God wanted me to go to this woman, hug her, and tell her that I loved her. I can honestly say that my flesh was cringing. I thought,Oh no, Lord, not that! Surely You will not require me to go to her whenshe should becoming to me! What if my going to her makes her think that I am admittingI wasat fault?I wanted the woman to come and apologize to me, and yet, I felt this gentle pressure to go to her. The Holy Spirit was trying to lead me into the blessings that God the Father had stored up for my life. So often the Lord tries to show us what will bless us, and we never receive the blessing because we are too stubborn to just do what He is showing us to do.

Finally I started toward the woman, hating every second of it in my flesh, but wanting to be obedient to the Lord. As I started toward her, she started toward me. Apparently God was speaking to her also.

When we met, I simply hugged her and said, "I love you." She did exactly the same thing, and that was the end of it. She still has never apologized to me, nor even mentioned what happened; however, because of my obedience to His leading, God broke the yoke of bondage. As far as I was concerned, the whole incident was over, at least for the most part. Occasionally I felt a twinge of pain when I would see this woman, or when someone would mention her name, but I was never emotionally tormented by the situation from that day forward.

Are You Willing to Go the Extra Mile?

The time came when God began dealing with me about honoring and blessing my parents. This was difficult for me to do because neither of them had ever showed any regret for

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the things that had happened to me. I knew that I had to continue doing what was right in God's eyes, even though I did notfeellike doing so. Remember, forgiveness is not dependent on whether the person being forgiven deserves it. Forgiveness is a choice that is made as an act of obedience to God's Word.One time when my father was sick and in the hospital, he thought he was going to die, so he asked Dave and me to come and say a prayer over him. We asked him if he wanted to be saved, and he said yes, but when we prayed with him, all he said was, "I just feel dead inside."

He said, "There's just nothing there." He wanted to be saved, but he still was not sorry for what he had done. We had talked about what he had done to me, and now he made the most interesting statement. He said, "I am sorry that what I did hurt you, but I cannot really, truly say that I am sorry I did it."

I could see that my father had not repented, and he could not receive salvation until he was truly repentant. I also could clearly see that repentance is a gift; when a person feels bad about something he has done, that is a gift from God. But my father's heart was so hard that he just could not lay aside his pride and humble himself to confess his sins.

Eventually God led us to move my parents to St. Louis so they could be close to us, and we could take care of them. That was very hard for me to do because I had had a polite, see-you-on-the-holiday relationship with them before that time. I did not have bitterness or resentment in my heart anymore, but I was not going the extra mile to care for their everyday needs.

But moving them was something God specifically put on my heart to do. I do not recommend that anyone else do this just because God told me to do it. Obviously, if someone is still in danger of ongoing abuse, I do not believe God

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would direct him or her to do what I did. But my parents were aging and needed attention that only we could give them.When God told us to buy them a home, I thought we would just buy an inexpensive house for them, but God said to get them a good house. So we moved them into a nice home that was less than ten minutes away from our own. We bought them furniture, a car, and basically everything they needed.

Again, I must admit that this was not easy for me to do, but I knew that God was telling me to do it. I am not sure what would have happened if I had not been obedient, but I know that God has blessed me specifically in ways that I would not have been blessed if I had not been willing to do what He told me to do. God even blessed our ministry in ways that it would not have been blessed, because I was faithful to do what He asked me to do concerning my parents-even though it was hard. It is important to understand that sometimes God does ask us to do difficult things.

The first three years after my parents had moved near us, I did not see any change in my dad at all. He was not trying to abuse me anymore, but he was still mean, hateful, and bitter, always responding to life with the same bad attitude. His expression would just make me cringe because he looked so miserable. He still did not treat my mother well, but we just kept showing him kindness and love.

We had been doing nice things for my parents for several years before he finally started saying, "Thank you. I appreciate it. You guys are good to us."

I felt that we had done everything we knew to do for my father. Now we just had to wait. The important thing to remember while waiting on God to move in someone's life, or in your own, is to just keep doing what you know is the right thing to do.

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Some good advice that I have learned from experience is:Obey God and do things His way!It may be hard sometimes, but it is harder to stay in bondage. Always remember this statement: Even thoughit hurts to get free, it hurts more to stay in bondage.

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Vengeance Is the Lord'sAny time you are hurt by another person, there is always the feeling that he owes you something. Likewise, when you hurt someone else, you may have a sense that you need to make it up to him, or pay him back in some way. Unjust treatment, abuse of any kind, leaves an "unpaid debt" in the spirit realm. Such debts are felt in the mind and the emotions. If revengeful feelings from what others owe you, or from what you owe them, become too heavy, or linger in your heart too long, you may even see unhealthy results in your body.

Jesus taught His disciples to pray, "And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven (left, remitted, and let go of the debts, and have given up resentment against) our debtors" (Matthew 6:12). He was speaking about asking God to forgive our sins, and He referred to them as "debts." A debt is something that is owed by one person to another. Jesus said that God will forgive us our debts-release them and let them go; act toward us as if we had never owed Him anything.

He also commanded us to behave the same way toward those who are in debt to us. Once again, let me say that this

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may sound difficult, but it is much more difficult to hate someone and spend your entire life trying to collect a debt that the person can never pay.The Bible says that God will give us our recompense (see Isaiah 61:7-8 below). I never paid much attention to that scripture until some years ago, while studying in the area of forgiveness and releasing debts.Recompenseis a key word for anyone who has been hurt. When the Bible says that God will give us our recompense, it basically means that God Himself will pay us back what is owed us!

Memorize these scriptures concerning God's giving us our recompense:

Instead of your [former] shame you shall have a twofold recompense; instead of dishonorandreproach [your people] shall rejoice in their portion. Therefore in their land they shall possess double [what they had forfeited]; everlasting joy shall be theirs.

For I the Lord love justice; I hate robberyandwrong with violenceora burnt offering. And I will faithfully give them their recompense in truth, and I will make an everlasting covenantorleague with them. (Isaiah 61:7-8)

We will discuss double blessings again in later chapters. Several other scriptures say that God is a God of recompense and that vengeance is His. Isaiah 49:4 is the one the Holy Spirit used in my life: "ThenIsaid, I have labored in vain, I have spent my strength for nothing and in empty futility; yet surely my right is with the Lord, and my recompense is with my God."

To seek vengeance is to attempt to pay people back for some harm they have caused. The problem is that revenge is always in vain-it does not remove the hurt or restore the damage. It actually causes more pain and damage.

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I certainly labored in vain for many years. The wordvainmeans "useless." If you labor in vain, your efforts are useless. It will wear you out physically, mentally, and emotionally if you try to pay back all those who hurt you, or all those whom you have hurt.Many times those you are hating and trying to take vengeance on are out having a good time, not even knowing or caring how you feel. Dear sufferer, this is laboring in vain. As the scripture says, I had spent my strength for nothing; all my effort was futile until I learned to look to God for my recompense.

Recompenseis a word similar in meaning to workmen's compensation. If you get hurt on the job while working for God, He repays you.Recompensealso means reward. According to the Bible, God Himself is our reward (see Genesis 15:1), but He also rewards us by doing special things for us, giving us "joy unspeakable" (1 Peter 1:8 kjv), and the peace "which passeth all understanding" (Philippians 4:7 kjv). God has blessed my life to such a degree that it is often hard to actually believe that it is really me who feels so good and is so blessed.