Before You Leave: A Romance Novel (10 page)

It wasn’t Ryan that came into my dream; it was someone taller and with sun-kissed skin. His hair a hazelnut brown not too long but overdue a trim. I smiled in my dream, thinking why he hadn’t had it cut and then watching him sweep it back with his hand, leaving the trace of where his fingers just were. But I couldn’t work out why was his face so worried looking, and then a scream, oh god who was screaming. I try and wake myself up but my body just refuse to correspond. What is wrong with this dream, I don’t like it any more. Wake up! I shout but nothing can be heard but a swishing sound in my ears. Is that the sea? Is it closing in on me? Wake up wake up, you’ll drown, I keep shouting but my body is so heavy. It feels like it is being weighed down, tied down like bricks. It is impossible to move any part of me. I know I am panicking and try to reason with myself, this is just a dream. A horrible dream that I will wake up from very soon and then the pain.

Holy Christ the pain in my head is unbearable. Oh god someone help me please and stop that person from screaming. The noise is vibrating in my head and making it worse. The man gets close enough for me to see his features, what is Kieran doing here, and why is he looking sick with worry? Kieran has his hand on his hip while the other hasn’t yet left his hair. Oh don’t pull on it, stop looking so scared, you’re scaring me. He doesn’t look at me; he looks beyond where I am and his mouth his moving. I can’t hear a word he is saying and I want to ask him to speak louder but the fecking screaming is too loud for him to be able to hear me. And why does he look angry now. Can he not stop the screaming either? Whoever it is needs to leave here so my head can stop hurting. He paces the room, oh why are we in a room in this dream, where has the beach gone? I thought I could still feel the sand underneath me. I hate this dream, I want to wake up now and let me dip my toes into the water, dig my feet into the sand and find a lock to leave on the railing. Where am I? I don’t like this, I want to find my pebble but I can’t move. And slowly it goes dark again and at last I feel at peace.

Flicking my eyes I try to open them but they seem to be stuck closed. Even my hands feel heavy when I attempt to lift them. What is wrong with me? I don’t feel like I am dreaming and I’m not asleep but my body just refuses to function. Thank god that screaming, that was giving me a headache, has now stopped. Listening, I can hear a slight movement and voices around me whispering. Trying hard to hear what is being said behind my darkness I lay completely still.

“I cannot believe you let her go by herself.” The voice I recognise, as Kieran is hushed but I can hear that he is angry.

“We have gone through this already, I didn’t know.” Sarah answers him, straining the words as she speaks.

“And you call yourself her friend, ha, what friend are you.” Kieran bites back. I want to shout she is the best and only friend there is, but my mouth refuses to speak.

“You have no idea.” Sarah lowers her voice even more.

“You’re right, I don’t. You made sure of that.”

“Look here, the only reason you are in this room right now is because of the language barrier. If I had my way you wouldn’t be.”

“Why thanks for the approval.”

“Just stay out of my way. Just because you are some sort of big shot around here, doesn’t mean you can walk over Julia. She has been through enough without you getting in her way.”

“In her way of what? Living?”

“Don’t you dare! If it wasn’t for me she wouldn’t be here at all, she would still be stuck in her flat drowning in her own sorrow.”

“I know you don’t want to believe it, but I’m not what you think I am. Ask anyone around here.”

“I have no intention of asking. Just keep away from us. Not only did you try and take over the day we arrived but also now you’re trying to do it again. You can stop the act. She can’t hear you.”

“You just don’t get it do you?”

“Get what, Kieran.”

I can hear him pace as his voice drifts further away and back again. Why are they talking about me as if I am not here when I clearly am? It doesn’t make sense. Can they not see me? When Kieran speaks again his voice as a crackle edge to it.

“I like her, from the moment she walked onto the plane she looked like an angel to me. It’s hard for me to explain, but my heart literally skipped a beat. I’ve never felt like that before. Why do you think I bumped into her so much? I wanted to know if it was just my imagination or was she really the reason I felt the way I did. And you know what? It was. I know it has only been a few days but this pull I feel just gets tighter.”

Oh, that isn’t right. His words are making me feel dizzy and my mouth is so dry. I need a drink, but now I remember I forgot to fill my bottle when I reached the beach. Is that why I am here, unable to move? Did I faint?

Sarah’s voice starts fading into the distance as I hear her say, “Kieran fuck off, you know nothing about Jules and you won’t either. Get out,” and then nothing.

A light shines in my right eye, just as I start to focus it moves away and shines in my left. Back and forth I follow the little round glare until it goes dark again. The vein in my right arm goes cold and I can feel liquid travelling up it. The urge to want to pee is so great, I try and move but still my body refuses to cooperate. But I need to go. Wherever I am, I don’t think they would appreciate a wet bed. Please legs move fast, I don’t think I can hold it any longer. Moving my mouth, I try and to communicate to whoever is in here that I am desperate. Whispering, I hear myself asking but I’m just not sure anyone else can.

“She is doing really well. Her fluids are up and her bladder is empting. All good signs in deed.” Kieran speaks up, sounding official.

“Do you think she will wake up, can you ask the Doctor that?” I recognise Sarah’s gentle tone. The argument I heard must have been resolved. I wonder if she’ll hear me if I try to talk again. But she continues, “I really didn’t think her headache was that bad. I feel so guilty. I let her go by herself.”

Kieran talks again from further away. This time in a language I don’t know but I am sure it is Spanish. A two-way conversation continues before I hear the door open and close again. 

“So what did he say?”

“He said that Julia must have been under a lot of stress lately. He also said she should be fine in a couple of days once her body has recovered the fluids that she had lost and her migraine has gone. Did she always suffer with severe headaches?”

“No not before the accident anyway.”

“Accident? What accident?” The concern in Kieran’s voice is endearing but I hope Sarah doesn’t tell him about Ryan. I don’t want his pity.

“I don’t think you really need to know about that, especially as it doesn’t concern you.” Sarah tells him like she has read my mind.

“God you’re a piece of work aren’t you? What is your problem with me exactly?”

“You. Everything about you. Swanning around, taking charge.”

“You asked me too, remember?”

“Look I need to sort out our insurance. We’re meant to fly home tomorrow. As soon as Abigail gets here I will make a few phone calls. You can leave anytime now, the doctor has been.” I can hear Sarah say sounding deflated.

“Why don’t you let me sort that out? I can make the phone calls and get you an open ticket to return home. That way you can stay until travelling is an option.”

“Why are you being nice? I have just told you to leave and want nothing to do with you and yet you are still here.”

“I told you yesterday, I like Julia,” he lets out a sigh, “I want to help.”

“Look Kieran, my head is all over the place right now. Stay if you want, I really don’t care anymore. All that I want is Jules to get better. She’s been through enough already.”

“I need to make a few calls but I’ll be back in half an hour, tops. You have my number in case you need me to translate or anything happens, ok.”

“We’ll be fine, go and sort out your own things.” Sarah tells him just audible enough that I can hear her. After I hear a door open and close again my hand is gently squeezed.

“You’re going to be ok Jules, just open your eyes, please.” She whispers close to my ear and I can feel her warm breath on me. I want to shout back that I am trying too but my lips won’t move.

“Rest girl, doctor said by tomorrow you will be 100% better.” Sarah tells me as she rests her head on my hand that is now slightly damn from her tears.

Laying still in the bed no longer feeling Sarah close by, I’m grateful that the urge to go to the bathroom has long gone. Why did Kieran say he likes me? He doesn’t even know me; if he did he would stay away.

***

When I try and flicker my eyes open everything seems grey. Turning my head towards a glow coming from the corner of the room, a silhouette of a person is hunched over; their head is in their hands resting on their knees.

“Hey,” my voice is quiet and I’m not sure I can be heard. Trying to cough to clear my throat, I try again but before any words come out, the figure turns to face me. Leaving his chair, he crouches at the side of the bed. Gently Kieran moves my hair off my face while he talks in a sincere manner.

“Hey you. You gave me and Sarah a fright.”

“I’m sorry.” My dry mouth replies.

“No, no don’t be sorry, I should be sorry for not keeping an eye on you.”

“What?” I croak.

“For many reasons, one I let you walk home by yourself after our meal. You practically ran off but I knew something wasn’t right and still I didn’t follow.”

“Stop, it’s okay Kieran.”

“It’s not okay but Julia you need to rest. I’ll let the doctor and Sarah know you’re awake. She will be over the moon.”

“And Abigail?”

“Abigail went home. She had to go back for work and booked the first flight back yesterday.”

“Oh.” Maybe I have been in here longer than I realise. Poor Abigail she must really hate me right now, I’ve spoiled her holiday. When I get home I must make it up to her.

“What time….?”

“What time is it?” Kieran finishes my sentence. I nod too exhausted to talk any more.

“It is four in the morning and its Wednesday. You won’t be packing today ready to return home tomorrow. Hey don’t cry.” Kieran wipes away the tear that has already fallen on my cheek. I must have been here two days already. What a disaster. “It’s alright Julia. It’s not as bad as it seems. Sarah has agreed to move all your things to my apartment and stay with me until you’re feeling well enough to travel.” I shake my head. This is all wrong. “I’ll be fine to travel,” I manage to say before my eyelids get heavy and close. Kieran keeps his hand on my hair and strokes it back away from my face. A gently touch of his lips brush my forehead and the world closes in on me.

An eruption of noise wakes me. The clutter of a trolley moving fast outside the room followed by a stampede passes by. Looking around I am alone expect for the IV that is sticking into my hand up to a bag with fluid in, dripping slowly through the tube. Carefully I sit up and rest back against the headrest. My stomach doesn’t approve of my movements and nor does my head. Leaning back I try to ease the queasiness but my mouth feels like a desert. A bouquet of flowers but no jug of drinking water takes over the bedside unit. Looking around, I try to find the call button; I am so desperate for a drink that I am tempted to drink the water at the bottom of the vase. The air-conditioning must have made me thirsty and the need for a drink is overpowering.

Unable to locate the red button anywhere, I try to bring my legs around to get up. In the corner of the room is a sink and right now I don’t care where the water is coming from. I manage to move my left leg and let it hang out of the bed while keeping my head on the pillow. Turning on to my side, both my legs now dangle out of the sheet that was covering me. All I need to do is lift my head and walk. Slowly I rise off the pillow, controlling my breathing to stop me being sick; I push with my hands off the bed to stand.

“What are you doing?” Kieran rushes from the door beside me, holding onto my waist and sitting me back down. Behind him Sarah enters into the room.

“God Jules, we only left the room for five minutes and you think you’re superwoman.” Sarah puts the two takeaway cups down on the table at the end of the bed before lifting my legs up back on it.

“You look better just a little pale, how are you feeling?” She asks.

“Thirsty.”

“You need water, hold on Kieran will get it for you. Go on Kieran,” Sarah tells him without asking.

“I’ll be two minutes. You, stay put.” He says to me before looking at Sarah and leaving the room.

“Julia you had me worried sick!” Sarah says while sitting down beside me on the bed.

“What happened?” I ask.

Taking my hand into hers, she clears her throat before she speaks again. “Well madam, you left to go for your walk. It had been more than the hour you said you were going to be and I started to get worried. Abi said you’d be fine, but something just wasn’t right. After another thirty minutes I went out of the complex and walked up and down the sea front looking to see if I could find you. Then I bumped into Kieran. He had a bag full of fish with him heading to the cafe, he said. Anyway he asked what was wrong, that I looked worried and I explained to him. Not that I wanted too but I thought with him knowing the area he might know the beach you was going to. He did, thank god, and told me to jump into his jeep to find you.

When he pulled over he ran ahead of me down to the beach and he found you by a cove. Oh babe, you were burning up and the sweat was pouring off you. Your heart was pounding. Kieran scooped you up and was back in his jeep in seconds. He was shouting at me to hurry up and get in. I was so worried. I sat in the back with your head on my lap and all I could do was cry. Kieran kept telling me to talk to you but I was a blubbering mess. He took over when we arrived here and it didn’t take long for the doctor to have you all hooked up, pumping you with juice. If it wasn’t for Kieran, god knows what would have happened to you.”

“And Abigail?”

“Abi went home sweetie, she isn’t good around hospitals and when the doctor said it could be a few days before you would be well enough to leave, she booked a flight home and left. Said she had some things at work she had to deal with and as the holiday was over now, there was no need to stay.”

Sarah stops talking as the door opens and Kieran enters the room with a jug of water, a cup and the doctor following behind him.

“Here let me sit you up.” Sarah says while hooking her arm under mine helping, this time propping me with cushions to rest my head. Kieran pours the water into the frosted cup and holds it up to my lips. Gently he tips up the cup while I open my mouth and take in small sips of water. The pure, divine taste reaches the back of my throat and I hold it to lubricate my muscles before I swallow, taking another sip and repeating several times.

“Hey, slow down. Don’t want you to drink too fast. Small and often is the key.” Kieran scolds me. I stop drinking and go to take the glass from him but he pulls it away. “No I’m the drink provider today and need to monitor how much you are taking.”

“I don’t think that’s true, is it Doctor?” I say looking up to the end of my bed at where the doctor was checking through my chart.

“You are looking much better.” He replied in his broken English. “You are being well looked after.”

The doctor writes something on the clipboard and speaks to Kieran. Kieran replies while looking at me at the same time from standing at the edge of the bed. Once the doctor leaves, he asks Sarah if she would like to grab a coffee with him. Sarah looks at the two cups she brought into the room with her and then back up at him. “We need to warm up our coffees Julia, we won’t be long,” he says recovering the excuse he tried to use.

“Oh ok. I’ll be here when you are done.” I answer sarcastically.

Taking their cups, they both leave the room together. Their behaviour seems a little strange, for someone who isn’t a fan of Kieran’s, Sarah is sticking close to him.

Trying not to think about what they are up to or where they have gone, the door opens again and this time a nurse enters bringing a tray. She smiles sweetly at me as she sits beside me on the bed.

“The doctor wants you to try and move about,” she explained. “I’ll be taking out the tube so you will be able to use the bathroom.”

“Oh ok.” So that is why I had the urge so badly earlier. The nurse helped me to lie back down on the bed before she gently removed the tube. I couldn’t help but let out a little cry as it left me. The sensation was alien and uncomfortable but the procedure was over quickly. Standing up she examines the liquid in the bag for the IV.

“Not much longer now and I will disconnect.” Her accent is not local. Sitting back up against the pillows, I straighten out my thin garment that I am wearing.

“Have you lived here long?”

“Lived here for the past ten years.”

“You must love it?”

“Oh yes, do you blame me. Look at the weather.”

“I don’t really like the sun.” I confess, not fully understanding why I need to tell her.

“You don’t? But you’re in a warm country?”

“My friends pulled me from my apartment and kidnapped me.”

“Haha, what Kieran?”

“Oh no I didn’t know Kieran before I arrived.”

“Really, well he seems to know you pretty well.”

“What makes you think that?”

“His name is down as the financial aid. Your insurance would only cover you for a public hospital. This is a private one, so someone has to put his or her name down to be billed. Kieran didn’t think twice and insisted you were to be cared for here. Your other friend was too distraught to decide anything.”

“Oh, I must thank him and give you my details to send me the bill instead.”

“Well if I know Kieran, there is no way he is going to allow that. Oh here we go, last drop just emptied. Let’s disconnect you from this thing so you can start walking around and getting your strength back.”

The nurse turns the drip chamber to stop any more liquid passing through before unscrewing the flash back stopper from the needle. Leaving the needle still in my arm.

“Right all done. I will let Kieran know he can come back in. But first tell me, what is wrong with the sun?”

“It killed my fiancé about eight months ago.” The words leave my mouth before I get a chance to filter and soften them.

“And it nearly killed you. If it wasn’t for that man outside that door it probably would have. You know I’ve never seen Kieran looking so worried before. I’m sorry to hear about your fiancé I really am but give him a chance. You scared him and Kieran doesn’t get scared.”

Patting my hand she collects the tray off the end of my bed and starts to wheel out the stand with the now empty bag on. Just before she opens the door, the nurse turns and assures me, “He’s one of the good guys Julia. Time is a wonderful healer, but you also have to allow it, to want it and to live it.”

I stay silent as I take in her words and let them flitter through my brain. I know she’s right, this holiday has shown me that but how do I move on? How do I get past the pain I feel every time the sun shines in my eyes and makes me look away? With the thought of Ryan in his van, blinded from the sun and then crashing into the oncoming lorry. Losing his life, his last breath and all because of the way the sun reflected off the window screen that day.

I don’t think I can ever forgive the sun for that.

Sarah enters the room just after the nurse leaves.

“Hey, all sorted?” She asks me with a cheerful voice.

“If you mean is the tube out, then yes.”

Sarah pulls a face like she is in pain.

“Did it hurt?”

“Just a little uncomfortable, but I’m ok.”

“That’s good. Sorry we just left like that. Kieran said the doctor told him we had to go before the nurse could come in and do her job.”

“So why didn’t he say? What is with all the secrecy? I’m not a child.”

“We know that, I just think he doesn’t want you to worry.”

“So instead you sneak off. Where is he now?”

“Gone to freshen up and get a change of clothes. He’s been here all night.”

“Oh, he didn’t have too. I wasn’t going anywhere.”

“I know that silly, but he said if you woke up and didn’t realise where you were, you might have panicked.”

“So why didn’t you stay then. You’re my friend, not him.”

“I wanted too, but Kieran said the language could be a barrier if I needed the night doctor for an emergency.”

“Well I am sure all the staff here have enough English for the tourist trade.”

“Look Jules, he insisted and I was exhausted. He rang me early this morning to tell me that you had woke but you had fallen back to sleep again. So I came in early to switch shifts with him.”

“I seem to have caused you both a lot of trouble, Abigail too.”

“Don’t worry about Abi, she’ll be fine now she’s home and gets back into work.”

“Can I ask you something, while Kieran is gone?”

“Of course you can.”

“What’s all this talk about me staying at Kieran’s? We don’t even know him.”

Sarah takes my hand and strokes the back of it.

“I have to leave on our flight tomorrow morning. I don’t want too but I have no choice. Work is under pressure with an important function that has booked at the last minute, I must go and sort out the catering.”

“Oh, and you trust Kieran enough for me to stay there, on my own?”

“From what I’ve seen the last few days, yes. We’ve spoken a lot while you’ve been recovering. I got him wrong. He has been nothing but a gentleman and has only your best interest at heart.”

“Does he know about Ryan?” I want to tell Sarah that I overheard some of their conversation but think better of it and don’t.

“No, he knows something happened but I didn’t go into detail. I thought that is your story to tell, if you wanted too.”

“Why can’t I just come home with you tomorrow? I’m feeling so much better.”

“I know sweetie, but you haven’t eaten for a few days and need to build your strength to travel. Your flight has been changed at no extra cost.”

“So how much longer am I here for?”

“We thought another four days after you get discharged from hospital. If you need more Kieran said he would sort it out.”

“I just want to go home.” I sob, letting the tears flow freely over my cheeks.

“I know but it’s only another few days. I am going to go back to the apartment soon and clean up our things before I meet you back at Kieran’s. He said he would take me to the airport in the morning so thought it would be best if I stay over at his, with you of course.”

“This isn’t how our holiday should end. You’ve missed out on your tanning for the past couple of days and look at me, crisp as a lobster.”

“Just think how brown you are going to be. Now madam, do you want help to the bathroom?” Nodding, I bite my lower lip with my teeth. I just hope my legs will be strong enough to carry me.