Behind Closed Doors (8 page)

Chapter Nine

Staying away from Darren
for a week is heartbreaking, but I don’t call or text because I’m worried that Mindy is right. I’m worried I’ll only make things worse, and possibly hurt Andy and Noelle in the process. Even though I’m in no mood to attend classes, Noelle makes me, hoping it will keep my mind off Darren. It doesn’t. Every class I have with Monahan just reminds me of what’s missing from my life. Darren.

Noelle watches me gather my books, but she doesn’t say anything. She’s being so careful to not upset me lately, and I hate it. I’ve never been this girl. I’ve never cried over a guy. Maybe this is why I’ve only had two real boyfriends. I thought I wanted what Noelle and Andy have, but if it means having to endure this kind of heartache, I’m not sure it’s worth it.

“Ready to go?” Noelle asks, her bag already slung over her shoulder.

I look at her and pause. “Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.” She lowers her bag and sits down on her bed.

I walk over and join her. “I need an honest answer though.”

“When have I ever lied to you?” She gives me a look like I should know better.

“Okay.” I take a deep breath, not sure I want to know the answer to my question. “If you lost Andy tomorrow, would you wish you’d never had him to begin with? I mean, would the pain of losing him be greater than the time you spent together?”

“Wow.” She fidgets with her hands in her lap. “That’s tough to answer, Julia.”

“I know, but I have to know if I was stupid for even putting myself in a situation to get hurt like this.”

She meets my eyes. “You mean opening yourself up to the possibility of a real relationship?”

I nod. “Maybe it’s not worth it. Not at our age at least.”

“I don’t want to believe that. I know it’s not likely that who we date now will be ‘the one’ but it wasn’t likely that Andy and I would’ve gotten together in the first place.”

I know what she means. They met at orientation, and she slept with him. It wasn’t typical Noelle behavior. And how many college hook-ups turn into relationships? She and Andy are already beating the odds.

Noelle gives me a small smile. “I don’t have the answer, but I do know that I wouldn’t trade what Andy and I have for anything. If I get my heart broken…” She shrugs. “I still wouldn’t change anything about our relationship.”

That’s what I was afraid of. In order to
have that relationship that makes your heart flutter and your head spin, you have to risk the pain of losing it all. Darren and I haven’t known each other for long, but he makes me feel things I’ve never felt before.

“You know,” Noelle says, “Monahan didn’t even mention why Darren’s hasn’t been in class. Maybe he’s not really gone for good.”

I shake my head. “I’m sure he’s just trying to downplay the situation so he doesn’t look bad by extension. Darren is his T.A., and he screwed up.”

She doesn’t say anything else because there really isn’t anything she can say to make me feel better, and she knows it. We both take deep breaths and walk to class. The sun is shining, and it looks like it’s going to be a beautiful day. I can’t help thinking Mother Nature is mocking my pain. Everyone I pass on the way to the Newman building is smiling and looking carefree. I couldn’t feel more out of place.

When we get to the lecture hall, we take our usual seats. I remove my notebook and pen from my bag and start doodling, keeping my eyes down. Most of my notes from the past week are scribbles since I didn’t hear a word Professor Monahan said. I’ve been keeping one ear open for the sound of Darren’s name, but so far Monahan hasn’t mentioned him.

Noelle curses under her breath, which gets my attention because she doesn’t curse often. I narrow my eyes at her. “What’s wrong?”

Her eyes are focused straight ahead, and she tugs on my arm, unable to speak. I turn to see what’s got her so freaked out and nearly fall out of my seat when I see Darren. He’s talking to Monahan, who is nodding in response. Maybe Bellows didn’t rat us out. Or maybe she just hasn’t yet. But then where has Darren been? Why didn’t he return my texts from last week? My stomach is in knots.

Noelle stills the pen in my hand, which I’m furiously tapping against my desk. “Try to calm down.”

Yeah, right. I search Darren’s face for any sign of what happened or what’s to come, but he’s in business mode. He passes out papers and then approaches the podium at the front of the room. I’m completely clueless as to what’s going on. Noelle keeps glancing at me and shrugging.

Darren’s eyes find mine, and he says, “I have an announcement to make.”

Oh God! Is Monahan going to make him confess in front of the whole class? Would he really do that? I grab Noelle’s hand for support because I’m about to jump out of my skin.

“Today is my last day with you all.”

He was fired. My heart sinks into my stomach.

“Professor Monahan believes my services would be more effective in another one of his lectures, which means I can no longer be your T.A. I’d like to wish you all a great semester.” He steps away from the podium and sits in a chair off to the side. I stare at him for the remainder of the class, wondering what this all means.

I watch the minutes tick by, needing to talk to Darren and not sure how to approach him after class. I might need Noelle to distract Monahan like she did with the hostess
at McEntire’s. All I know is that I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make sure Darren doesn’t end up like his father. Pushed into a job he never wanted and disgraced because he fell for the wrong girl. This is my fault. I pursued him, and if I have to admit that to the dean in order to save Darren’s job, then I will. I don’t care if I get expelled.

Finally, the class ends. I bolt out of my seat with Noelle right behind me. My eyes lock on Darren, and he discretely nods toward the exit. I head that way, relieved that he’s willing to talk to me. Noelle and I wait by the door, and Professor Monahan eyes me as he walks out. Noelle gives me a look, having noticed it, too. Somehow I don’t think I’ll be doing well in art history this semester.

“In here,” Darren says, motioning to a room right next to the lecture hall. He opens the door and steps inside. Noelle and I follow without a word. “There’s not a class in here until one o’clock so we’re free to talk.”

Noelle motions toward the door. “Maybe I should go.”

I nod because I know what’s going to happen next—whatever it is—needs to be done in private. She gives my hand a quick squeeze before walking out. I turn to Darren, not sure where to start. Before I know it, the words are pouring out of me. “I’m sorry. This is all my fault. I didn’t think you’d really get fired. I’ll talk to Monahan, tell him—”

Darren places a finger against my lips. “You don’t have to do that.”

“Yes, I do. I won’t let you—”

This time he stops me with a kiss. I don’t respond at first, but then I realize this might be our goodbye kiss. One last opportunity to feel his lips on mine, to taste him. I kiss him back, wrapping my arms around his neck and not wanting to let go. He pulls back and rests his hands on my arms.

“I went to Monahan the night Bellows caught us in my car, and I told him everything. How we met at the pub and I didn’t know you were a student.”

Oh God. My heart races, waiting to hear him say that this is goodbye for us.

“Luckily, he believed that the way we got together was completely innocent.”

Innocent? Hardly. We had sex, but I get what he’s saying. We didn’t know we were about to become student and T.A. “He doesn’t blame us for breaking school policy?”

“No. He’s not happy about it in the least, which is why he removed me from your class. I’ll be working with one of his other classes instead. And, believe me, he reminds me every day how the switch is affecting him.” The word comes out soft, and I can’t read Darren’s expression.

“So, what exactly does this mean?” Just because Monahan isn’t firing Darren doesn’t mean he’s giving us his blessing. My grip tightens on Darren’s neck.

“I’m on probation. Not with Dean Decker. Just with Monahan. He said he won’t report us. We can continue to see each other, but we can’t be seen together on campus. Not at all or Monahan will go to the dean about us, and that means you could get expelled.”

I exhale the breath I’ve been holding. We don’t have to end this. “But off campus? Are we allowed to see each other away from Timberland?” Please tell me I can at least hold his hand in public, go to dinner with him. I can’t have a relationship behind closed doors.

“Off campus we’re free to let people know we’re together.”

“Together?” We never even discussed what this is between us.

He laces his fingers through mine. “I didn’t go through all this just to take you on a few dates, Julia. I did it so I could tell people you’re my girlfriend—at least when we’re not on campus.”

I lean forward and press my lips to his. I want to scream. I want to tangle my body up in his, but we’re on campus. That means we’re already breaking Monahan’s rules. I pull away, afraid of getting caught and losing him for good.

Darren smiles. “Yeah, we can’t do stuff like that here, but tonight I’m taking you out for that dinner I owe you.”

I smile and continue smiling for the rest of the day, all through my classes. I even raise my hand in Bellows’s class. She didn’t report Darren and me to the dean, and I owe her for that. So, I’ve decided to become her best student. I even volunteer to read aloud in class, something I’ve never done.

By the time six o’clock rolls around, I’m dying to see Darren. To hold his hand in public. To kiss him again. Noelle and Andy agree to take me to the pub where Darren has a table reserved for us. I’m wearing my favorite sundress, and I left my freckles untouched, having noticed how often Darren kissed them the last time we were together. To my surprise, Noelle and Andy get out of the car and follow me into the restaurant.

“Are you guys eating here, too?” I ask.

“I invited them,” Darren says, meeting us at the door.

“You did?”

“I realized that when we first met, you were the third wheel. You don’t
have to be anymore.” He smiles. “Instead, you’re on a double date.”

I turn to Noelle, who obviously had a hand in this. “I love you.”

“I know,” she says with a smile.

We sit down at a table in the back, and Darren immediately takes my hand in his. No more hiding, at least not here. “It’s nice being out with you in public and not worrying who might see,” he says.

I scoot closer to him. “I agree.”

“But after dinner, I get you all to myself,” he whispers in my ear.

I turn and press my lips to his. “I agree to that, too.”

Author Acknowledgements

Once again I have to thank my agent, Lauren Hammond. You are amazing beyond words. Thank you to S.B. Addison Books for continuing to publish the Campus Crush series. And thank you to True Poison for designing yet another cover that fits the story and characters so well.

             
To my daughter and husband, thank you for being so supportive and allowing me to work crazy hours. To my family, thank you for being in my corner. To my CPs, you give me strength and make me a better writer.

             
As always I want to thank the book bloggers for all your help in promoting this series. And thank you to my readers for choosing my books among all those available to you.

Ashelyn Drake

Ashelyn
Drake is a New Adult and Young Adult romance author represented by Lauren Hammond of ADA Management Group. While it’s rare for her not to have either a book in hand or her fingers flying across a laptop, she also enjoys spending time with her family. She believes you are never too old to enjoy a good swing set and there’s never a bad time for some dark chocolate. Visit her website/blog at
http://ashelyndrake.wordpress.com
.