Behind Closed Doors (5 page)

I look back briefly at Darren before walking out. His eyes are lowered to the papers on the desk, but his body is turned toward me as if drawn to me.

***

The rest of my day is packed with classes, so I don’t have a chance to talk to Darren again. When dinnertime rolls around, Noelle and Andy go to the cafeteria without me. I’m still hopeful that Darren will call and change his mind about cancelling on me, but he doesn’t. I’m tempted to ask Andy for his car and just show up at McEntire’s Pub, but I don’t want to seem desperate. I know the effect I have on Darren. He wants me just as much as I want him—only he’s exercising restraint. If I can’t get close to him, I can’t make him see that he wants to be with me.

I’m just about to get up and search for Andy’s car keys when there’s a knock on my door. I’m not expecting anyone, so I look out the peephole. Darren? I yank the door open, and he hurries inside, shutting the door behind him as quickly as possible.

“What are you doing here?” I ask. Sex in the men’s room was risky, but coming to my dorm is downright insane.

“This.” He moves toward me, gripping the back of my head in his hand and crushing his lips to mine.

Chapter Six

At first I’m too stunned to move, but then Darren’s tongue snakes its way into my mouth and I’m moaning.
If kissing were an Olympic sport, Darren would easily win the gold.

He pulls away too soon and leans his forehead against mine. “I looked into your records to find out where you lived. This is by far the stupidest thing I’ve ever done.”

“There’s a lot of that going around lately.” I smile up at him.

“I’m not usually this reckless, but you’re under my skin.”

“You make that sound like a bad thing.”

“Not at all.” His hands lower to my waist and tug my hips to his.

“This isn’t a booty call, is it?” Darren is undeniably sexy and being with him is intense, but I don’t want that to be all there is between us.

“No. I just wanted to see you. I felt like such a dick for bagging out on dinner. I wasn’t even sure you’d be here.”

“You could’ve called or texted me.”

“I wasn’t thinking.” He kisses me, letting his lips linger on mine. “You cloud my judgment in the worst and best way possible at the same time.”

“I know the feeling.”

“So, what are we going to do about this?”

“Good question.” I take his hand and bring him to my bed. He sits down, but looks uncomfortable. “What’s wrong?”

“We’re alone. There’s a bed. I just told you I didn’t come here for sex, yet it’s all I can think about.”

I sit down on his lap, straddling him, and rest my arms over his shoulders. “What if I said I don’t want to have sex again until we figure this out?”

“Then I won’t touch you.” His hands remain at his sides.

“I didn’t say you couldn’t touch me. I said I don’t want to have sex.”

“Don’t want to or don’t think we should?” he asks.

“Are you trying to call me out on a technicality now?” I smile and kiss his jaw.

“What can I say? You’ve gotten to me. I’m even thinking like you now.”

I think he and I are a lot alike and have been thinking the same things since we met. It’s why we clicked from the start.

“Honestly, I do want to, but I think we need to decide what we’re going to do. I don’t want to be the girl you hook up with whenever you’re horny.”

He picks me up and places me on the bed next to him. “Sorry, but having this conversation with you on my lap is working against you.”

I was testing him, seeing how much he’d let me tease him without actually acting on it. It was stupid, but I couldn’t help myself. “Look, when I came here for orientation, I thought I wanted to hook up and not have any real attachments. Then Noelle met Andy, and seeing how sickeningly cute they are together…” I can’t bring myself to say the rest.

“You want that for yourself.”

I force myself to meet his eyes. “I’ve never had it before. I’ve had boyfriends, but it wasn’t—”

“You’ve never been in love.”

Oh God, I hope he doesn’t think I’m trying to say I love him. I’m definitely not there yet. “No, never. Not then and not…now.”

He laughs. “Relax. I didn’t think you’d fallen for me.”

I sigh. “That’s a relief. No offense.”

“None taken. I don’t fall in love easily. Of course, I don’t usually hop into bed with a girl the same night I meet her either.”

Is he saying he thinks he could fall for me? “Me either. This is all pretty new to me, which is why I don’t want to give it up just because you’re a T.A.”

“Not just
a
T.A.
Your
T.A. That makes it so much worse. The college severely frowns upon T.As dating students, but when they’re enrolled in our class, it’s strictly forbidden.”

“So we’re back to square one,” I say, fidgeting with my hands in my lap.

“Looks like it.” He reaches for my hand, lacing his fingers through mine. “Did you eat?”

I look up at him, confused by the sudden topic change. “Um, no. I told Noelle and Andy to go to dinner without me.”

“Want to go somewhere where no one will recognize us?”

I
narrow my eyes at him. “What do you have in mind?”

He laughs. “It’s this diner where everyone wears costumes, even the customers. Most of them anyway. You sort of need to see it for yourself.”

“Why do I have a feeling this is going to be really bad?”

He leans forward, his lips brushing against mine and teasing me. “I can’t imagine time with you being bad.”

I grab his face and pull him to me. He doesn’t need much encouragement. He leans me back on the bed, his hands running down my body and then sliding up my dress. Why did I instate the no sex rule? He kisses my neck, my earlobe, and my shoulder, making my body shudder. Everywhere he touches is like fireworks against my skin.

“I take it back,” I say, cupping his head in my hands and forcing him to look at me.

He smiles, as if he knew I was going to say that. I know he’d stop if I asked him, but I’m not going to. Not now. Not ever. Darren McEntire has ruined me for other men.

Even though I’ve given him permission, Darren spends the next half hour focusing solely on me. I’m about to burst out of my own skin when the fire alarm sounds. At first I think it’s in my head, but the terrified look on Darren’s face lets me know it’s real.

“Shit!” Darren scrambles out of the bed and tugs his clothes on.

“Is there a fire?” Besides the one inside me?

He frantically looks around. “I have to get out of here.”

“Hang on. I’m sure we’ll figure this out.”

“How?” He looks pale, like he’s about to be sick. “I shouldn’t have come here.” He stares at me, and I realize I’m still completely naked. He grabs my dress and helps me slip back into it. “I can’t talk to you while you’re like that. I’ll lose it again.”

Lose it? “What do you mean? You make it sound like a bad thing.” This isn’t the first time he’s hinted at what this is between us—the way I make him feel—being a bad thing.

“Never mind. I have to get out of here.”

“Darren.” I grab his arm. “What aren’t you telling me?” I search his eyes, wanting to know what it is that he’s hiding.

“I have to get out of here.”

“If you leave now, everyone will see you.”

“If I stay, I may burn in a fire.”

Oh God, is there really a fire? “I figured it was just a drill.”

“You’re not in high school anymore. The alarm was pulled. It must have been.”

I rush to the window and see the crowd forming downstairs. No one seems to be panicking, but I can hear the fire trucks in the distance. “We have to go.”

Darren looks petrified, frozen in place. “I don’t know how to get out of here unseen.”

“What’s going to happen if someone sees you? Can’t you say you were visiting someone? They don’t need to know the details.”

“Imagine the rumors that will start. I’ll be called into Monahan’s office.”

I reach for his hands. “And you’ll deny it.” Seeing someone as big and muscular as Darren so scared is unnerving.

“Room check!” Mindy yells, knocking on the door.

Darren rushes for my closet and gets inside. I don’t have time to do the same. My door swings open with Mindy’s keys inside the lock. She looks down at her clipboard. “Noelle or Julia?”

“Julia,” I say. “Sorry, I was just heading downstairs. I was asleep when the alarm went off.”

“Sound sleeper. It’s been going off for a while.”

I force a nervous chuckle. “Yeah, I can sleep through just about anything.”

“Well, it’s a false alarm—something went screwy with the alarm in the lobby—but you still need to evacuate. It’s protocol.” She motions for me to exit, and I glance at my closet door once before obliging.

I walk down the six flights of stairs and out of the dorm. Noelle and Andy are near the door, and they wave me over.

“Why were you still inside?” Noelle asks.

“I was…” I look around, realizing I shouldn’t say anything out in the open like this. The alarm stops, and the firemen let us back inside. With the crowd around the elevators, we decide to head for the stairs. Andy has a thing for the stairs anyway. He says they’re good exercise. Whatever.
He’s
the swimmer. I just want to get back to my room and finish talking to Darren. I need to know why he keeps getting so freaked out about me. One minute he clearly wants me, and the next he’s saying it’s a bad thing.

Since we’re on the top floor, most of the crowd disperses before we reach the landing at the top of the stairs. Noelle tugs on my arm. “Were you with him?”

A few people push past us, and even though Noelle didn’t say Darren’s name, I still tense up. I nod. “He just showed up.”

Andy opens the door. “I’m sensing you two need to talk, so I’ll meet you in the room.” Noelle hands him her keys, and he disappears into the hallway.

I sit down on the top step, no longer anxious to get to the room because I know Darren won’t tell me what’s bothering him with Andy and Noelle around. “I can’t figure him out. He obviously likes me, but something is holding him back.”

“Holding him back? You’ve slept with him twice already.” She sits down and eyes me. “Or is it three times now?”

“We didn’t have sex again. We were…doing other stuff.”

She nods. “Did you tell him what you want?”

“Yeah, but it doesn’t matter. There are fifteen weeks in the semester. We can’t be seen together until then. It’s going to be us sneaking around all the time.” As I say it, I realize how much it truly sucks.

“I’ve never seen you like this, Jules.”

“I know. I hate it. The first guy I’m really into and I can’t have him.”

“You’ve already had him. Twice.” She bumps my shoulder with hers. I know she’s trying to lighten the mood, and I love her for it, but it’s not working.

“He won’t let me drop the class, even though it would make things a little easier for us.”

“Good.” Noelle takes my hand in hers. “You shouldn’t drop the class. This is your college experience. Don’t let—”

I stand up, yanking my hand from hers. “Don’t tell me not to blow my freshman year over
some
guy
. Because Darren isn’t some guy.” I clamp my mouth shut, realizing that not everyone has returned from the evacuation yet.

Noelle stands up and whispers, “I wasn’t going to say that.”

“Yes, you were. You’re looking out for me. I get it, but it’s not what I need right now.”

“I’m sorry, Julia. I wish I could make this better for you.”

“The worst part is that I think there’s more at stake than just his job.” This time I’m careful not to say Darren’s name. “I just don’t know what it is yet.”

“Then ask him.”

“I intend to.” Because I have a feeling what he’s hiding is the real reason we can’t be together.

“Wait.” Her eyes widen. “Is he still—?”