Being Jolene (26 page)

Thinking was all I had done these last two weeks. I focused on work, but I caught myself daydreaming. In a perfect world, Ty and I were together. I worked on my art, we took his plane and saw uncharted lands, and Ty was able to be with Annabelle. She had her father in her life and more than just on the weekends. A dream world, one I didn’t know how to replicate. I wish I could take my colored pencils and draw the world where everything worked out. I dreamt of that world coming to life. It was a larger sanctuary than what I had in Boise, a more fulfilling life.

All so simple, yet beyond my reach.

It was early evening as I stood on the beginning of the trail, the same one I saw Ty running down of in the beginning of the summer. The worst part of the last two weeks was everywhere I went, Ty was there. In the trail we ran, on the beach in front of the lodge, in my bed. Every memory we made this summer was burned into my head. I even tortured myself and went up to his trailer. I sat on the metal steps and drew the sunset. It was so tortuous; I went up the next night. And the next and the next. I drew every night. The images of the summer poured out of me, onto paper. The day before Ty was due back, I took twine and wrapped the drawings in the brown string, sticking little pieces of wildflowers into the bow. I left them on his steps, a little rock on one corner of the papers to hold them down.

Ty, theoretically, had come back this morning. I hadn’t contacted him, even though it pained me not to. Instead I was standing here, about to go on a run and burn off this restless energy after working this morning. Besides the time I ran with Ty, I had also gone out in the early morning by myself. Over the summer, my endurance had increased and now I wasn’t as winded. The first hill only seemed like a minor speed bump in the scheme of things.

I took off, steadying my pace and taking in the ever-changing landscape. It was crazy how over the summer, so many different plants and wildflowers bloomed. I had to buy a whole book on it so I could come back and identity what I saw, drawing it by memory. My sketchbook was full of drawings. This was an artist’s paradise.

The time flew by, I was running and found myself at the end of the run I usually did. I was still anxious though. I needed to keep moving. The trail veered off to the right or kept going. Times before, Ty had said if you went to the right, there was a hot springs up there, but you had to look really close for it, or you would miss the spot where you got off the trail.

Glancing at my watch showed I still had a few hours before I would lose the light of the sun. Ty’s words rushed in my mind,
one step in front of another,
and that’s all it took for me to take the path to the right.

The forest was full of lodge pole pines, tall and skinny trees, and Ty said in order to find the user trail for the hot spring, you had to look for the willow bush on the left side of the trail. Below the willow would be a small circle of rocks. It was the marker others had made.

I ran for maybe half a mile, when I started to slow down. I scanned the trail until I finally saw the willow bush. Below it was the rocks and you could tell there was a little worn path next to it. Each step off the trail led me deeper in the trees and vegetation. I could hear water and followed the sound, curving around the groups of trees. The sun was falling behind the mountains and I was cooling off from my run, the sweat drying on my skin. Pushing aside another large bush, I found what I was looking for. It was tucked away, a pool of hot water with little bubbles of springs coming up from the ground. There was a small waterfall and as I leaned down running my fingers over the crystal clear water, I found the water hot to the touch.

The springs looked inviting, like a little piece of heaven hidden away under the canopy of tall trees. My eyes searched around me, seeing if there was anyone close by. My ears listened to the sounds of shoes on the trail. The only thing I could hear was the water running. My eyes drifted back to the hot spring. There was no one around . . . I shrugged and lifted off my shirt. A nice soak would be perfect to top off my run. I figured there was no need to get any of my clothes wet, so I stripped off every piece of clothing, leaving me naked.

I dipped my toe in, the hot water burning. What was the point to gently get in? I shook my head at my cautious self and climbed in the hot water. My sore muscles reacted at first but as I settled down, the water hitting coming up to my collarbone, I could feel myself relax. I wiggled my toes into the mud type dirt at the bottom of the spring, clouds of dark sand filled the water. It was warm enough outside I could air dry when I got out. But for now, I only wanted to sink into the steaming water. There was no bath in my cabin, but who needed one when you had this out in your backyard. My hands wondered through the water, creating gentle ripples. I took my hands and cupped the hot water coming from the spring, bringing it up and spreading it to flow over my bare shoulders. Sinking in deeper the water came up to my neck. Being in the water felt freeing, like I was floating in a make believe world of warmth and comfort. It almost felt like the times I was wrapped up in Ty’s arm, the water surrounding every part of me.

I closed my eyes and took in the scents of the wildflowers, the sounds of wind in the trees and the feeling of the water. An oasis, one that healed your soul. This whole place, every mile of granite filled mountain had this magical healing power. I was dreading when the season was over and I had to leave. Going back to my life in Boise, while it wasn’t a bad life, well it would be one without these mountains, a life without Ty.

Oh how quickly I had fallen. Not just in love with Ty, but how fast my wall dropped and I let him in, every broken crevice that made me who I was. Ty’s healing powers rivaled the mountains. It was grander than the soaring peaks, warmer than the hottest of hot springs, and more comforting than the prettiest wildflower.

I had fallen in love with these mountains, but I was overpowered, sinking into the depths of Ty. I wanted to drown in him, let him take away all the pain. I wanted to drift to the bottom, never to see surface again. Down here, under the loud noise of life, there was peace. In the fields of wildflowers, deep in the woods where no one ventured, I wanted to meet Ty, under the stars and spend our lives lost, only to find each other over and over again.

As I opened my eyes, the sun was gone and the sky was on its journey to a deep blue. My fingers were starting to get wrinkled from sitting in the water. I heard a crunching sound behind me and I wrapped my hands around my breasts. When I turned around I was not expecting to find the glorious man wearing black and grey flannel. Ty towered over me, his hands sitting in his jean pockets.

“Hey stranger.” That gruff voice filled my dreams and I almost didn’t believe that he was actually standing here.

My hands fell my breasts. There was no reason to hide from Ty.

“You found me.”

Ty nodded. “I did.”

“How?”

Ty drew this thumb over his full lips. Missing him also meant missing those lips and my hands on his body. I was craving his touch. Ty moved his hand down to the top button of his shirt, slowly unbuttoning each one.

“You led me right to you. I saw your footprints in the trail. You went right on the trail. My guess led me here.”

“Lucky guess.” I couldn’t tear my eyes from Ty as he shrugged out of the shirt, then taking the white under shirt and pulling it over his head. Seeing him with his well-defined chest sprinkled with dark hair matching the week old beard, well it was a sight I never got tired of.

“Lucky me,” he answered as his hands lingered on the button of his pants. Teasing me, he was teasing me and I could see it in the glint of his eyes and the smirk he was giving me. He knew what he did to me. The problem was never the chemistry between us. No, it only made it that much harder to let go.

I moved myself to the small waterfall and sat next to it, letting the hot water fall onto my breasts. Two could play at this game.

Ty licked his lips and it took everything in me to not get up and tackle him to the ground. I was able to restrain myself, barely. Ty, finally, unzipped his pants, pulling down both those and his boxers. His erection jutted out, reminding me I missed that too. I felt no shame in the blatant staring I was doing. He had the strongest thighs; it was one of my favorite parts of him. One of, I should say, I had many. Ty wasted no time getting over to me, the water making small waves around us.

“I missed you,” came from my lips. It was only a whisper in the dark. A confession of the truth I held inside me.

Ty’s hand grazed my shoulder, then fully moved up my neck, resting on the back curve of it. It was dark, but enough light was still hanging around so I could see his hazel eyes. It was me that moved in, our lips connecting for the first time in more than two weeks, though it felt like a lifetime. We kissed, exploring each other like it was the first time. I could feel the heat behind Ty’s kisses, but they were still sweet and soft, not rushed.

The hand not holding the back of my neck went in search of my breasts. Ty’s large hand covered my skin, finding that my hard nipple as he rubbed it between his fingers, twisting and soothing it over. I groaned into his mouth and that only invited him to thrust his tongue in deeper, the intensity taking over. My hands found him, hard and ready, as I ran my hand up and down in a slow rhythm. This time he pulled back, his eyes closing. “God, Jolene, your touch is addicting.” His head went into the crook of my neck as I increased my speed and his mouth latched on my neck, sucking and licking in a passionate frenzy.

“I have to be inside you,” he breathed out. I couldn’t agree any more. Ty took my waist and switched positions so I was now straddling him. We aligned at the perfect position, but I wasn’t done teasing him. It had been a long two weeks. As I sat on his thighs, I took his mouth. Wondering hands found me wet and ready, his fingers dipping in, rubbing me to a point where I had to pull away from his mouth to let out the breath I was holding.

“Not seeing this face every day might kill me,” Ty said, his fingers curling inside me, finding that sweet spot. I couldn’t speak, and thinking was out of question. There was only feeling. Everything else faded away, so far far away. I was placed in my perfect world, where Ty and I were always connected, our souls dancing above us. I lifted my hips as his fingers left me. I needed him inside me as much as my next breath. Lowering myself on him, feeling how full I was with him inside me, was perfection. It was more than a quick release I had searched before. Right now. This moment. It was everything. I moved my body, my hips, anything to feel him over and over again. He matched my movements, thrust for thrust. No words flowed from us, only heavy breathes and our moans filling the air. Our eyes locked and I could see how intense his stare was. I wasn’t afraid of it, as I increased my movements and found that one moment where bliss took over. Every worry melted away, left my mind. The only thing keeping me on the ground was Ty. He followed me—he found that moment when everything breaks and the only thing you have left is the fleeting pleasure racking through your body.

Our joining of bodies almost felt otherworldly, like I was watching it outside my head. Under the dim stars, I saw two lovers clinging on to the hope that everything would work out. Clinging to each other as the world was shut out and passion took over thought, letting the worries that overtook their mind step aside, if even for only a few minutes.

It was devastating and beautiful to watch. It broke your heart and made you hope that you could put it back together.

My thoughts came back and the passion dripped out of my body. I rested my head on Ty’s chest, still connected. Letting go, it would destroy me. Would it be worth it in the long run? Was I protecting myself or only letting myself die a little inside. Who would put the life back into me?

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

Ty

It was dark by the time we made it back to the cabin. Jolene’s clothes were soaked, but it was only us there, so she didn’t care. It was quiet on the walk back, and I could feel the tension between us. Being together, it was a band-aid for the problem. Even if for only a moment it covered it, we still had problems to face. We held hands the whole way back. Letting go felt like I would lose her. She would run off into the woods, never to be seen again.

Jo went to the small shower to wash off and I started a fire. I also took off my clothes, leaving me only in my boxers. I wanted to join her in the shower, but knew how small it was. Sadly, there was no way two would fit in there. She came out shortly and I took her place. Washing off the hot spring felt like I was washing off what happened between us. It felt wrong. Having her like that, it was the most right thing I had done all summer. Words weren’t as powerful to Jolene. Not when her mother had made countless promises that were only broken. Actions made Jolene stronger, showed her she didn’t have to do this by herself.

Turning off the shower, I dried off and walked out to the couch. My clothes were drying next to the fire, but I grabbed the boxer shorts and threw those on, sitting next to Jolene. I took the same large shirt I had worn of hers before and slipped it on.

“How was your assignment?” Jo asked as she sipped hot tea.

“Good.” Small talk. Before it was as easy as anything. Now, I could feel the strain. We had no idea what to say to each other.

“Jo . . .” It was time for action. Words had impact, there was no doubt about that, but it had to be with action.

“Hold on a sec,” I told Jo as I went and grabbed what I had placed next to the door.

“Here.” I held out the journal to Jolene when I walked back in.

“Where did you get this?” She didn’t take the journal, only stared at it.

“I read it.” I didn’t make excuses for it and I wouldn’t apologize for butting into her business. The spine was falling apart and there was string around it, holding the pages together. Inside, though, was the turbulent and rewarding life of Maggie, Jolene’s great grandmother. Reading this was seeing Jolene if she lived over a hundred years ago. The resemblance between them was almost spooky.