Being Jolene (27 page)
“What if I didn’t want you to read it?”
“I don’t regret it. It gave me some insight.”
Jo finally took the book, ran her hand over the old cover.
“If fell out of your bag when you got out of the truck. I took it with me, read the whole thing.”
Jo nodded to the bundle of paper and rolled prints I was holding in my hand. “And those?”
First I held up her drawings. “You left these for me. You drew our summer, every moment and left it for me to see. To me, that’s your action, Jolene. Taking the time, putting your passion and your feelings on paper, that says something. Do you see that?”
Jolene reached out to the drawings and I handed them to her. I watched her shuffle through the images, ones done by her hand. “It seems perfect on paper, even with its flaws.” Jo said as her hands swept over each drawing, like she was remembering all over again how each scene made her feel. I knew what she was doing, because I had done the same thing.
“We can make more of those. You can live a life with me full of inspiration,” I pleaded with her.
“We could . . .” Jo started, “but all of my fairy tales, my happy endings have been taken away from me. I’ve had to start all over again on my dreams.” Her gaze met mine.
“Dreams are endless, Jo. It didn’t take me long to know that my dream, what I want for the future changed and it included you. Yes, you’re right. We don’t know what the future holds and that can be scary, but you can’t control it.”
“I know, Ty. There is so much I can’t control. Life has told me that time and time again, but that’s the point. I control what I can and I don’t want us being together to have unintended consequences.”
“Tell me that you love me.”
“Ty-”
“No, tell me. I know you feel it.”
“Ty . . . Yes, okay. I love you, but-”
“No buts, Jolene. Life will do that enough for you. Together we love each other. And every day we wake up knowing that. That love? The partnership we’ve created? That fuels us to take each day as it comes, to face whatever uncertainties lie ahead.”
I didn’t let her speak, didn’t want to let her doubts shadow it all. I pulled her to the table and spread out the plans in front us, placing cups on each corner to prevent it from rolling up.
“You heard Avery ask about the cabin. I had planned on telling you about it, but I was waiting for a couple additions and they weren’t ready yet.”
Jo didn’t speak. I barreled on, “This is the blueprints for a cabin I want to build on my land. More permanent than the trailer. Before, this only had two bedrooms, one for me and one for Annabelle.” I pointed to a drawing on the blueprint. “This was the side porch, where I could put wood or things like that. I went back to the architect and asked for a few changes. I expanded the porch and enclosed it. It faces the east side of the mountains, but with it enclosed I would put in two large windows. I moved the open porch to the other side.”
Jo lowered her head, still clutching the journal and drawings close to her chest, examining the blueprints.
“Why are you enclosing it?”
“Think, Jo.” She had to say it.
“It would make a really nice studio,” she mumbled to herself.
She was getting it. “What, sorry I couldn’t hear you?”
I was standing behind her, so close I could feel the large breath she took in. “You built me a studio.”
“I want to, yes. If you’ll let me.”
Jo shook her head, but I put my hand on her shoulder. “Let me, Jo. You know you thrive here; you’re like one of those wildflowers that bloom in the right environment. This is your environment, with me.”
She rolled her shoulders back and I reached down to the take the journal from her hand. I unraveled the string carefully, trying to not disturb the pages. I opened it to a page closer to the end. “Read this.” I pointed to a passage. “Out loud.”
“Ty-”
“Do it for me.”
She didn’t face me, but her delicate fingers traced over the words, worn and barely eligible, but enough to each word written in messy cursive.
“
There are two things that are certain in life. One, is that life will one way or another, sorely disappoint you. The other is each season will always come. Winter will be long, it will be dark and you wonder if you will ever see the sun again. Spring will be messy, but under the dead leaves and dull landscape, new life emerges. Summer will flourish and you will think anything is possible. Life is prosperous then as it blooms in full color. Fall will remind you that all that is good, doesn’t last, it has to take a break and rejuvenate. It’s a cycle. At times, a viscous cycle that takes and takes, never giving back.
In that cycle, the ups and downs of prosperity and sorrow, you will need to find your spring, the flow of water that never stops. That one person, thing, or whatever you deem, that centers you. It’s the light in the winter storm, the small green leaf deep under the dead leaves, the star in the summer sky and the changing colors of the trees. All constants. Find it, hold onto it. For that constant keeps you safe, keeps you alive and it keeps the hope.”
“Let me be there for you. For every season, for every second, no matter what happens.”
She slowly turned around. I ran my hand over her dark hair and then moved down, cupping her cheek and bringing her gaze up to mine. “Say yes. Say you’ll do this with me. Take each day with me.”
Jolene was silent, but I could see her mind working. I could only imagine every horrible thought preventing us from being together running through her head.
“Let it all go.” I had told that to her once before when she had sat under the tree in my childhood home.
“I can’t give you children,” she told me.
“I know.”
“I don’t want any more kids,” she said.
“I know.”
“I want you to see Annabelle and I don’t want to you to sacrifice your time with her for me.”
“I know. I won’t,” I promised her.
“My happily ever after doesn’t look like others.”
That one made me smile. “I know.”
“I’m not good at the whole family thing. I might get overwhelmed, and sometimes I might forget that we’re a team and that I’m not alone.”
“I know. And it’s okay. We’re learning how to be a team together.”
She nodded her head and gripped the hand that was holding her cheek.
“You have to say it, Jo.”
She paused and I held my breath.
Waiting. Hoping.
“Yes,” she whispered.
I had to hear it. I nodded my head, prompting her to keep going.
“Yes, Ty. I want to be with you. I might be down right no good at it, but I want to take that risk. I’ve had only myself to rely on, but, I’m starting to realize I don’t have to carry that burden. That we’ll keep each other safe.”
“I love you,” I whispered to her, “and I’ll love you every day, even when they’re hard. I can’t wait to experience every day with you.”
I leaned my head down and gave her a gentle kiss, one that sealed the words spoken. It was our promise made only it front of each other.
Jolene leaned back. “Where do we go from here?” she asked me.
I smiled. “Wherever life leads us.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Jolene
“We spent a few short years in the mountains. The mines only gave us what it was willing to give. But that time up there, it changed me, never letting go. I would always be grateful for that.”–From the diary of Maggie Brown, 1900
It wasn’t too long of a hike, and I was impressed by how well Annabelle did on the trail. She had boundless energy. I don’t think it ever ended. She had been here for a week already and she blossomed in the mountains. Ty had told me I did the same thing. I only blushed and shook my head.
It had been a few weeks since we had committed ourselves to each other. It was scary, but when Ty was gone, I had come to a conclusion that was a long time coming. Before, I was always searching for a connection. And it seemed the only time I could find it, the only time I allowed myself to feel it, was when I was at that moment with another person, when that climax hit and I couldn’t think of anything else. It was small and fleeting and one I tried to find over and over again. What terrified me about Ty was that connection was between us, but it was more than simply when we were physically together. It was all the time. I never thought I could have that without hurting the ones around me.
The sun was bright and hot today, and I watched Ty put another layer of sunscreen on Annabelle. It was adorable. Ty was barely done applying the sunscreen and she was already off and running through the meadow.
Ty stayed back a bit and watched her with an eagle eye.
“I forget that you aren’t used to all of this. Please let me know if it’s too much.” Ty had said this to me three or four times already in the last week. I reassured him that I was fine. Yes, Annabelle was a full time job and took a lot of energy, but this was part of it. It was just beginning. It wasn’t going to be easy and it would take time, but I would do it for Ty. He was worth it. He always had been, it just had taken me a bit to get there.
“I think I found it!” Annabelle shouted.
Ty and I caught up to her and saw we had made it to our destination. A cemetery. It was two miles in from the sign posted on the side of the road that talked about the mining town of Pikesville. It was a small area of land covered in worn gray cement headstones, most boarded in with tiny white fence posts. You could tell which ones were the children and which were the adults. It was almost equal in the distribution of size, a sad fact of the time. I had no idea where the headstone that I was looking for was, but I wandered and glanced at the names that adorned the weathered stones.
“Jo,” Ty called out to me. He was standing at the end of the cemetery, close to the tree line, and he was gazing down at one of the stones. “I think I found it.” Annabelle and I both went to Ty and when I glanced down, I saw it. The headstone was simple. It read,
Margaret Mary Brown 1861–1911.
I had talked to my dad and he told me the rest of the story. Maggie and Jed had left the mountains and had their one and only child in Boise. Afterwards, they moved back since they knew it was their only home, the one they loved. They lived off the land and died here.
“Is this lady your family?” Annabelle asked me.
I leaned down and sat on the grass next to the headstone. “Yes, one of my great grandmothers.” I ran my hand over the stone, tracing the name. I had read the journal in its entirety, understanding what Ty had meant. I could see the similarities, the fire we shared.
“Is she family like Dad’s your family?” Ty’s daughter asked. I smiled because it was quickly becoming apparent we were a family. A non-traditional family, but yes, Ty was my family and so was this tiny human. Never in my wildest imagination did I find myself here, in these mountains, with not only the man I love but also the girl that held a special place in his heart next to me. Ty taught me that your heart was large and full of room to love. He loved me, more than I deserved most times, but I was done taking it for granted. Instead, I was going to cherish it and use it as the strength I knew I would need as we navigated these unchartered waters. Our adventure wouldn’t end here; it would live on like the story of Maggie and how these mountains changed her life. Looking up, I knew Ty and these mountains had forever changed my life, and I didn’t regret a single second of it.
EPILOGUE
Ty
That summer with Jolene was only the beginning of our story. The prelude to the life we would live, the love we would share. In many ways, I had found my equal, the one who pushed me and kept me grounded. I spent the winter in Boise and we made it work with having Annabelle with us. We fought and there were times where we were still learning the nooks and crannies of our joined life. But we made sure to laugh, to spend time with the people we considered family, and found all of those simple tasks that grounded us. I was taken aback by how much Jolene missed the mountains in the winter. I tried my hardest to get us outside, but nothing could really compare to the mountains that shadowed Gypsum.
That spring, the cabin started to be built. We didn’t have everything figured out; that wasn’t how life worked. We only took each day as it came. One day I would ask Jolene to be my wife. We would be this family, with Annabelle and the rest of crazy family I had. It wasn’t perfect but it was our family and it made sense to us. I made sure that I could steal time away and take my beautiful Jolene up in the air to the places I dreamed of showing her. Every day was an adventure waiting to happen. I wouldn’t let a day slip by where we didn’t live life to the fullest.
The End
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Read June and Reece’s story in book one of the Tell Me series
Turn the Page for the beginning of Finding June:
FINDING JUNE
by
Caitlin Kerry
CHAPTER 1
September
Boxes upon boxes cluttered my new apartment. With a glass of wine in one hand, I surveyed the four walls that were supposed to be filled with the life of a young twenty-three-year-old college graduate. I had no clue what that looked like. I had followed the steps in the plan. I had done all of the things I was supposed to, and somehow I still didn’t recognize the life that filled the boxes sitting in front of me. The mementos and memories were of a girl who thought she had it all figured out. One day, I woke up and realized I had to start all over again. The roles I had played in life were gone; I had to find new ways to identify myself. I quickly found out that wasn’t the easiest thing to do.
Setting the glass of wine down, I carefully walked through the sea of boxes. I was overwhelmed, and I didn’t know where to start. I sat on the floor and pulled one forward, opening it to find books to place on my new bookcase. My brother, Daniel, had come down from Seattle to help me move the rest of my stuff from my storage unit, and had left this morning. I had only been back in Boise for a few days after my summer job by Red Fish Lake.
