Beneath the Badge (First Responders) (12 page)

“Helen!”

He sat up in bed. Sweat slicked down his chest and back and his breath came in harsh gasps. The dream. Jesus. Why did it keep coming back? Only this time instead of the echo of a cold warehouse it had been in the woods where they’d been searching all week. It didn’t take a genius to figure out he’d combined both cases into one horrific nightmare. He hadn’t saved Miranda and he sure as hell hadn’t kept his promise to Helen.

Argggh…
He was so fucked up.

“It’s okay, Matt. Shhh.”

Cool hands rested on his shoulders and he closed his eyes, focusing on the gentle touch. He’d hoped that making love, losing himself in Lindsay, getting that ultimate release at the end of a long day would be enough to keep the dark images away. It hadn’t been. Not even close.

Her fingers stroking his skin felt good, soothing. He dropped his head and fought against the wave of emotion crashing over him. Helplessness, impotence, failure. It was too much. He couldn’t erase the image of that beautiful young girl lying in the grass, her face so still and peaceful while her body… Bile rose in his throat. He couldn’t stop the ideas from flooding into his brain, wondering what and how long she’d suffered before she died. Before he could stop it, he coughed and a half-sob tore at his throat at the same time. Hot, stinging tears burned his eyeballs and he pressed the heels of his hands against them. If he fell apart now, he might never find his way back, and this job was all he damn well had.

“Oh, baby,” he heard a soft, gentle voice in the middle of the turmoil churning through him. “It’s okay. I’m here. It’s going to be okay.”

The pain in his chest was so intense, not only from what he couldn’t escape but a sweeter kind of pain because he believed her. It was going to be okay. It had to be.

Lindsay shifted closer, circling his arms around his shoulders, linking her hands in front of his chest and touching her lips to the side of his neck. “It’s okay,” she repeated.

Slowly, he unwrapped himself from his curled-up position and put his hand over her smaller one, squeezing tightly. He hadn’t expected to feel this way either, certainly not from the moment he’d bought her a glass of wine on a whim at Jake’s. But he’d fallen in love with her. Perhaps because she was, in some ways, as messed up as he was. And because despite all the imperfections, she also had a huge and generous heart beneath all the protective wrapping.

He turned on the bed and faced her, saw her worried eyes and tousled hair and felt something click. Something incredible and right.

He’d never put much stock in fate, but it seemed clear that he’d been put here, in this town, because of Lindsay. He needed her as much as she needed him. And while two wounded souls could definitely be a recipe for disaster, something told him it wasn’t so with them. Together they were strong, and the ghosts of the past didn’t seem as troubling.

“I was right,” he murmured, cupping her jaw in his hand and rubbing his thumb along her cheek. “You are an angel. I need you, Lindsay. You don’t have to make everything better, you just do. By being you.”

He let out a long sigh. “I think I need to talk to someone about what’s going on. Sort through the mess in my head, you know? Anyone you can recommend?”

Her eyes softened. “You’re serious?”

He nodded. “I need help. I’ve been too proud to ask for it, and I’ve tried to handle it on my own. But it’s not fair to ask you to deal with my burdens. You’ve done that enough in your lifetime.”

Tears glimmered in her eyes. “You mean that, don’t you?”

He nodded. “Of course I do. My only request—if you think you’re up to it—is that you stand beside me. And maybe be patient a little while longer.”

She was up off the mattress and in his arms before he had time to blink. “I’ve been so afraid you were going to cut me loose,” she whispered. “I pushed you away before and it was such a mistake.” She leaned back and kissed his cheek before capturing his face in her hands. “It takes so much strength to ask for help, you know that, right?”

“I don’t know about that. I’m not feeling very strong right now. The nightmares…”

“You hush right now.” She forced his chin up so she was looking at him dead in the eyes. “The things you’ve seen, done…you’re a good man, Matt. You put on the uniform but there is so much more beneath the badge you wear. Patience, compassion, honor. You think I don’t see that?”

He smiled a little. “You didn’t always.”

“Because you hide it behind that cocky grin. But you can’t kid a kidder. I saw through it without too much trouble. Right about the time I saw you sleeping with a tiny puppy in your arms.”

The smile slid from his face as the gravity of his feelings took over. “It’s only fair to tell you I think I might be falling in love with you, Lindsay.”

Her lower lip quivered a little. “News flash. I think I might be falling right back.”

He leaned forward and touched his lips to hers. They were soft, pliant, inviting. His and his alone, and that was how he wanted it to stay. “So where do we go from here?” he asked softly, pulling her into his embrace once more and tightening his arms.

“We take it one day at a time,” she answered, snuggling against his chest. “It’s the only way to do anything, really.”

He laughed and shifted her weight until she was pinned beneath him. “Well, it’s not quite tomorrow yet. I say we make the most of what’s left of today.”

Minutes later, as the clock struck midnight, they got their first tomorrow off to a very good start.

A very good start indeed.

Epilogue

One year later…

Lindsay’s cheeks flared with heat as she stepped out of the car and took Matt’s hand. Today was the first day she was out in public wearing maternity clothes. After this afternoon the secret would be out.

Of course, it wasn’t that much of a secret. The moment she’d told Matt they were expecting a baby, he’d gone to his dresser and taken out a ring box. “I was saving it for the right moment,” he’d said, smiling. He’d already planned on proposing and knowing it had a distinct calming effect on her nerves. She was so afraid he’d feel pushed for a commitment. Who knew he’d been ready to make one all along?

“Feeling okay?” His warm voice touched her ears and she looked up at him. He was out of uniform today for the town’s civic holiday and looked delicious. The tan cargo shorts were ultra-casual, as were the flip flops on his feet. She’d always thought it was the uniform she was hooked on, but it didn’t matter what he wore. When he turned his blue gaze on her she pretty much melted into a puddle. Which was what had gotten them into a fast-forward track with the relationship in the first place.

Not that she was complaining one bit.

As Matt reached into the back seat, Lindsay took the opportunity to look around the park at the group assembled for the festivities. She grinned at the sight of Ally Jackson and her portable dog bath set up where pets, kids and owners were all getting a good soaking. Her husband, Chris, was in his fire-department uniform, standing in front of a fire truck and giving tours. Jake Symonds had closed the pub for the day and had two large grills going, cooking burgers and hotdogs and joking with everyone. He handed a hotdog to Gabe Brenner, a local paramedic, who added ketchup to it and passed it on to a small boy at his side—his stepson, Nathan—before accepting another and handing it to his wife, Carly, a local teacher.

Good people in a good town. Yes, sometimes bad things happened. But sometimes good things happened too, made all the sweeter by the challenges overcome.

“Sherlock is gonna flip if you take him over for a bath,” Matt said beside her, holding a leash.

Lindsay looked down at the terrier who was now just over a year old. To her surprise, Matt had adopted one of the puppy-mill pups as soon as Lindsay had given him the all-clear. Now the three of them called Lindsay’s house home. She’d finally cured Sherlock of the urge to pee on her vintage rug, and Mr. Boots had laid down the law on the first day and the two animals had called a reluctant truce. Sherlock was Matt’s pup. Mr. Boots was all hers.

“Sherlock has to learn to appreciate good hygiene,” she protested.

“He appreciates hygiene. He ate a bunch of tissues from the box in the bathroom this morning.”

Lindsay rolled her eyes. She was just happy the pup didn’t have the urge to chew shoes and furniture.

“I guess there’s no hiding the latest news now, is there?” she asked ruefully, smoothing the top over her belly.

“I guess not.” The lukewarm words didn’t fool her one bit. Matt had been strutting about like a proud papa since the day they’d first heard the heartbeat in the doctor’s office.

“Lindsay?”

There it was. There was a question embedded in the simple saying of her name and the jig was up.

Kendra Givens approached, also out of uniform even though her maternity leave was over and she was back on the job. She pushed a stroller that held a small boy who looked remarkably like his father, Jake—right down to the striking green eyes and long lashes. “Oh my God, you guys! Do you ever know how to keep a secret!”

She went up to Lindsay and gave her a quick hug. “Is this why you decided to hang around a little longer, Matt? When you first got here, we’d all figured you for a bit of a nomad, moving from post to post and spreading all that charm around.”

“Yeah, well, me too. And then I met Lindsay. Figured I’d stay around a while. A good long while.”

“This is so great! I love how we’re all having our kids together. You, me, Ally, Carly…heck, we’ve got our own Mom-and-Tot group in the making.”

Lindsay laughed. “I’m still getting used to the idea, Kendra, slow down.”

Kendra smiled and then squeezed her hand. “What is it about those men in uniform anyway? I look at the picture of Jake in his dress uniform and just melt.”

Lindsay grinned and looked up into Matt’s amused face. “Aw,” she replied, giving him a wink. “You know how it is. It’s not the uniform but the man underneath it. That’s the real attraction.”

Kendra laughed. “Ain’t that the truth. Listen, I’ve gotta go, but congratulations. I’m really happy for you both.”

When she was gone, Matt took Lindsay’s hand in his and gazed down at her with the piercing blue eyes she knew she’d love forever. “Is that the real attraction? And here I thought coming home in uniform was working to my advantage.”

“Oh, honey,” she said, loving how easily they could tease each other. “The real truth? The only thing sexier than a man in uniform is the same man out of it.”

“Really.” He raised an eyebrow.

She stood on tiptoe and whispered in his ear, “Cross my heart. And if you need proof, I’ll show you exactly what I mean later.”

His lips twitched as he tried not to laugh. “I’ll hold you to that, Dr. Swan.”

She met his gaze and gave a short nod. “That,” she declared, “is a promise you can count on.”

About the Author

A busy wife and mother of three (two daughters and the family dog), Donna Alward believes hers is the best job in the world: a combination of stay-at-home mom and romance novelist.
 

An avid reader since childhood, Donna always made up her own stories. She completed her Arts Degree in English Literature in 1994, but it wasn't until 2001 that she penned her first full-length novel, and found herself hooked on writing romance. In 2006 she sold her first manuscript.
 

Donna loves being back on the East Coast of Canada after nearly twelve years in Alberta where her Harlequin career began, writing about cowboys and the west. Donna's debut Harlequin Romance,
Hired by the Cowboy
, was awarded the Booksellers’ Best Award in 2008 for Best Traditional Romance.
 

Donna loves to hear from readers; you can contact her through her website at
www.donnaalward.com
, visit her Facebook page, find her on Twitter at
@DonnaAlward
or through her publishers.

Look for these titles by Donna Alward

Now Available:

The Girl Most Likely

Almost a Family

Sold to the Highest Bidder

Breathe

First Responders

Off The Clock

In The Line of Duty

Into the Fire

The heat is on…

Into the Fire

© 2012 Donna Alward

First Responders, Book 3

The last person firefighter Chris Jackson expects to rescue from a burning animal shelter is Ally Gallant—his ex-fiancé. Even though three years have passed since she gave him back his ring, one look at her frightened face in the haze of a smoky building is all it takes for him to realize he’ll still do anything to protect her.

Ally’s put her heart and soul into the shelter, and she’s devastated when it’s destroyed. What's more, Chris is suddenly there for her in ways she doesn’t expect—ways she’s sure she doesn’t deserve—as she makes decisions about her future. Then there’s the not-so-small matter of the blazing passion between them that refuses to be extinguished.