Beneath the Badge (First Responders) (7 page)

She shook her head again.

Oh boy. No wonder she went off like a rocket the other night. By process of elimination he saw a pretty clear picture of her social life. “So what
do
you do?”

His voice was deliberately smooth now and he was only a few inches away from her. His hands itched to reach out and grab but he kept his distance, teasing with his proximity. Her lashes fluttered and her pupils expanded as she met his gaze.

“I do a lot of talk lately and not much action,” she admitted. “It’s less messy that way.”

“But not nearly as fun,” he remarked, inching even closer so that their bodies were almost brushing. “You want this,” he murmured, low and seductive. “You know you do.”

She swallowed. He waited, then added, “Reach out and take it.”

There was a moment when he wasn’t sure she really would. Then slowly, with trembling fingers, she put her hands on the wall of his chest.

There’d been a frantic element to it their first night together. Tonight Matt wanted to savor, so he took his time, letting her hover close before he tilted his head and kissed her. Everything he did tonight would be slow and thorough—even this first kiss. He let it be soft, hot and full, a pleasure unto itself that set his blood on fire. There was an innocence to her that was as addictive as a drug. And once he’d explored every bit of her mouth, he let his fingers drift to the bow at her hip, pulled the string until the knot let go. The dress lost its shape and fell open.

Lindsay took a step back and Matt nearly had to roll his tongue back into his mouth.

Where the dress gaped he caught a glimpse of satin and lace. With her gaze locked on his, she caught the edges of the fabric and slid the dress off her shoulders, letting it pool on the floor. God, she was magnificent. Her creamy skin was flawless, and she’d taken his advice to heart. Red satin peeked through the black lace of possibly the tiniest panties he’d ever seen and a push-up bra that molded to her breasts like it was made for them.

“Holy shit,” he whispered, awed.

“You did put in a request,” she reminded him softly.

Yes, he had. And tonight he’d figured he’d taken her by surprise. He’d known from the start that Lindsay wasn’t a quick or easy lay. He would have been disappointed in her if she had been, he realized. She definitely wasn’t his usual forget-by-fucking kind of affair. She was too special for that.

But he was the one standing here surprised and feeling increasingly on the back foot.

“Are you going to stare all night?” she asked softly, a small smile playing on her lips.

“I thought I was in a hurry,” he admitted. “And now I don’t want it to be over too soon.”

“You could start by touching me, Matt.” She took two steps closer so that all he had to do was reach out to feel her warm, soft skin or the smooth satin and lace.

He cupped his hand over her full breast. “Honestly, Lindsay, I thought I’d have to be more persuasive.”

She leaned into his palm. “Why? Because I don’t strike you as a particularly sexual woman?”

“I can’t say that, not after the other night.” He rubbed his thumb over her hard nipple. “It’s that you hold yourself away from people. Never get too emotionally involved.”

“Mr. Pot, meet Mrs. Kettle.” She slid her hand over his shoulder, their bodies pressed together now, and touched her lips to the hollow of his neck. “We laid out the ground rules the first night, remember? I can relax my no-fling rule for once, I think. For you.”

“I’m honored.”

She lifted one careless shoulder. “A girl has to cut loose once in a while. I haven’t in a long time.”

“So that’s what this is? You cutting loose?”

She lifted her chin and met his gaze. “It can’t be more, and we can’t seem to keep our hands off each other, so that’s the alternative.”

He should be relieved, but instead something strange and hollow seemed to penetrate the hard shell he normally kept around his emotions. He wanted no strings too, so why did her easy acceptance bother him so much?

He tried to come up with an answer but it was damned hard with her warm, sweet-smelling skin pressed against him. He slid his fingers down her ribs, over her hip and inside the silky panties, the curve of her cheek fitting his palm as he drew her tight against him. Rather than answer, he kissed her again, the flames of arousal licking at him as she made a soft sound of pleasure that hummed against his lips.

Damn
, he thought, as they melted towards the floor and stretched out on the antique rug. They weren’t even going to make it to the bedroom. They were going to make love right here in the middle of her living room.

Matt lost himself in a haze of sensory bliss. Every touch of skin on skin, the taste of her on his tongue, the sound of her screams as she came apart followed by his own rough cries of completion. They moved to the more comfortable bed and drank wine and ate truffles to keep their strength up and made love again. But this time, as he caught her fingers in his and braced them on the pillow, their gazes caught. Held. His heart stuttered as he slowed his pace, each stroke feeding something deeper, something wonderful and profoundly disturbing.

This time was different. He couldn’t look away, instead drowning in the blue of her eyes. God, they could see right into the heart of him, stirring more than just passion. Despite his best intentions she’d caught him off-guard. His heart was suddenly involved. And when his climax came it was different than it had ever been before. Harder, deeper. Like there was absolutely no way to tell where he ended and she began.

Their breathing slowed, the sweat cooled and Lindsay fell asleep in his arms. But sleep didn’t come to Matt as the light through the window waned to summer twilight and then darkness.

He couldn’t be falling for her. He’d promised himself that would never happen. But promises were broken all the time—especially the ones that he seemed to make. When it came down to it, he was really bad at keeping them, even to himself.

He knew that what he should do was slide out from beneath her sheets and get the hell out of here before he got in so deep he couldn’t get back out again.

And he would. In a few minutes. He just wanted to hold her a little longer, feel her warmth and strength. Nothing seemed to matter when he was with her…

Lindsay woke in the middle of the night. She couldn’t say what had interrupted her sleep. Her window was open and a slight breeze rippled the leaves on the trees, the odd hum of tires over pavement as a vehicle passed by in the darkness. All was peaceful, even Matt’s breathing in her ear as they spooned beneath the covers.

She hadn’t expected him to stay. Hadn’t expected to fall asleep in his arms either, but a long day at work followed by wine and the exquisite release from making love and she’d slipped into a deep, dreamless sleep.

He stirred behind her, shifting so one foot glided along her calf. His hand slid up her stomach and fell on her breast, not fondling, just…acknowledging. It was intimate. It was romantic as hell. And while she didn’t want it to be, it was slightly arousing, especially with the quiet whisper of soft sheets against her skin. She didn’t normally sleep naked. It felt indulgent and sexy and slightly naughty.

His lips touched the back of her neck and she sighed. Lord, he had a tender side she never would have guessed.

She closed her eyes, but all she could see behind her lids was Matt’s face. The way he’d looked at her that last time. Something had changed—a switch had been flipped somehow and it had shifted from sheer fun and adventure into something more. There had been a few moments of elation at the very idea, and why not? It wasn’t every day that a man like Matt Parker looked at you like you hung the moon and stars. Like you were everything.

And that was the problem. After those initial dazed moments the truth pushed to the surface. She didn’t want to be everything to anyone. There was too much pressure involved with that, and it was setting yourself up for failure. No one could be responsible for someone else’s complete happiness.

She thought he’d gone back to sleep until he twitched, a small sound erupting from his throat. She held herself completely still. Was he dreaming? She held her breath, listening, until he jerked again, moaning. It wasn’t a good kind of moan. It sounded painful, unsettled. She closed her eyes and wished that whatever demon was chasing him would just leave and let him be.

But then his breathing accelerated until he was panting next to her ear and she heard distinct words.

“No,” he said, and she could feel his head twisting on his pillow. “Don’t… No… Jesus.
No!
”

He gave her a strong shove, nearly pushing her off the bed and then sat, sweat beading on his chest as his breath echoed through the room.

She pulled the sheets back up to cover her naked body and stared at him. His hair was flattened on one side and he’d pulled up his knees, resting his elbows there and holding his head in his hands.

Nightmares. The charming, glib cop who acted as carefree as a bird around town had nightmares.

She was getting in way too deep. And the deeper she went, the darker it got. Exactly what she’d wanted to avoid.

“Hey,” he murmured. “Sorry if I woke you.”

Woke her? He’d damn near dropkicked her onto the floor.

“It’s okay. I was awake anyway.”

He sank back against the pillows, his breathing slowly returning to normal. But Lindsay noted his muscles were still tense, like he was ready to spring at a moment’s notice.

The light in the room was grey, saved from being pitch black by the street light down on the corner. She braced her elbow on the bed and rested her head on her hand. “You okay?”

“I’m fine. Just dreaming.”

“I noticed.”

“It doesn’t happen all the time. Just now and then.”

She wondered if there was a specific trigger. After all, the first night they’d spent together, he’d slept like a baby.

“We fell asleep,” she observed, trying to lighten the conversation. “That was unexpected.”

“You wore me out,” he stated, his voice warmer now and teasing a little. He sounded more like the Matt she knew.

“Likewise.” She relaxed, her hands folded beneath her cheek on the pillow as she faced him. He let out a sigh and then rolled until he was lying in a similar fashion, one hand on the pillow, the other resting possessively on her hip on top of the covers.

He kneaded his fingers gently. “So…we were so focused on each other that I didn’t even ask you how you’ve been. Or how the dogs from the puppy mill are doing.”

“We’re going to catch up on our day
now
?” She couldn’t help but smile. “It’s the middle of the night.” Never mind that he’d just had a ripper of a nightmare. He might be all smiles, but there was a shadow in his eyes that he couldn’t quite erase. She got the feeling that the subject change was just for show.

“Why not?” he asked.

“I thought it was a booty call,” she reminded him, happy to play along. Anything to keep it from getting heavy. She remembered what those sorts of dreams were like. She’d had enough of them in the days after her mother’s death. Always the same image. And always the same helpless, scared and angry feelings. They’d gone away years ago, but there was always a small part of her that was afraid that one day they’d come back. That she’d slide down into the abyss as well. She forced what she hoped was a flirty smile. “Though I don’t think most booty calls end with staying the night…”

“And you’re well-versed in booty-call etiquette?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. His body relaxed a bit more, letting go of the tension by degrees.

He had a way of teasing with his eyes and a certain way he held his lips. She was sure he didn’t even know he was doing it. It was what made all the women in town flutter their eyelashes when he spoke to them. Why he was so well liked. She bet he’d been a real imp when he was a boy.

“You know I’m not,” she whispered. “This is more than I expected, Matt.”

“For me too,” he admitted, the teasing look erased. His eyes glowed at her in the darkness. “I saw you and couldn’t wait to touch you. Be inside you. But if it was only that, I would have pulled on my jeans and wished you a good night after an appropriate amount of time. I’d be finding excuses to go rather than searching for a reason to stay.”

His words made her heart quiver with a mixture of elation and fear. She was feeling exactly the same way. But to what end, and for how long? Could they make this thing work? Besides, Matt didn’t strike her as the type to stay with one woman too long. Especially one like her, when he could have any woman he wanted with just a crook of his finger.

“Maybe we should put on the brakes,” she suggested quietly. “I mean, you’re only here for a few months. If we keep this up…as much as we deny it, someone’s going to get hurt when you move on.”

“Someone meaning you?”

“Maybe.”

He nodded slowly. “The heavy bag the other night…I never did tell you what it was really about.”

She remembered being curious about why there was such a desperate, angry edge to his punches. It hadn’t been just a workout. It had been trying to forget, or trying to get even, or both. With whom or what?

“I wasn’t sure I wanted to know the answer, so I didn’t ask.”