Beneath the Badge (First Responders) (3 page)

He stepped out of his SUV and saw Lindsay standing on the steps of the clinic. She wore jeans and comfortable sneakers, the rest of her clothing covered by a white lab coat. Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail—she was Miss No-Nonsense right now as she spoke to the SPCA officer.

She was clean and pure and perhaps even a bit naïve. Too good for the likes of him. That goodness was what had led him to approaching her the other night. He needed some of that in his life. For a few minutes, with her, he’d been himself. Not thinking of the darkness of his past, not putting on a false face to the world. Just Matt. And once she’d dug the stick out of her ass, she’d been pretty entertaining. Not to mention the way she kissed…

She looked up and saw him standing by his vehicle. Their eyes met and something zinged through him to his toes. Kissing her had been an unexpected treat. She came across as being all sweet and innocent, but her kiss had been soft and seductive and sexy as hell. It had made him want more—normally not a problem. But something about her had made him walk away. He’d sensed that taking it further would have been a mistake.

He adjusted his belt and made his way to the parked truck. The dogs were being unloaded, and he reached in and took a smaller crate lined with blankets, ready to help out. Inside the crate, four puppies were curled together. He was sure they were too young to be weaned. They just lay there, whimpering a little as he slid the crate to the edge and lifted it off the tailgate.

“Dr. Swan,” he acknowledged, stepping inside the clinic doors. “Where would you like the puppies?”

She looked inside the crate. “Oh my. Three, four weeks maybe? There must be a nursing mom somewhere…”

“I’m afraid so,” said one of the vet techs. “But she’s severely undernourished and not producing any milk from the looks of it. I’ve put her in the first exam room.”

“Thanks, Sam,” Lindsay said. “Let’s have a quick look at the puppies.”

Matt watched as she examined each one. God, they were cute. White with splotches of black and brown, little balls of fluff making mewling noises. He swallowed. How helpless they were, at the mercy of others to make sure they were cared for, loved. His stomach turned again, a memory and a warning. People could be unspeakably cruel—and not just to animals. It was the one thing he could never get used to. He never wanted to either, never wanted to lose his humanity.

“They look to be doing okay, but they need fluids and nutrition right away,” Lindsay decreed. “I’ll know more after I run some tests. We’ll have to bottle feed them for a day or two, I think, and see how they go before trying anything solid.”

She checked her watch. Sighed.

Matt stepped forward. “I could do that. I mean, if you get it ready and show me what to do. You’ve got lots to keep you busy and I don’t mind helping.”

Her eyes widened. “You’re going to bottle feed puppies?”

He shrugged. “My shift’s over. Your day’s not. And they’re hungry, aren’t they?”

Lindsay nodded. “Yes, they are. I get the feeling they’re all hungry—and not just for food.” Her lips formed an angry line. “I’m so glad I wasn’t out there. This kind of thing makes me sick. I’d like to take that owner and…”

Matt chuckled, her reaction releasing a little of the tension tightening his body. It was nice seeing her riled up. Passionate. It made her chin jut out a little and her eyes sparkle.

Besides, she was right. “You’d what? Put him in a cage, make him sit in his own shit?” he suggested.

Her lips twitched. “Precisely.”

Against his better judgment, he reached out and put his hand on her arm. “You’re needed. If someone will tell me what to do, I’ll do it.”

“Thank you, Matt.”

She turned and issued instructions to one of the staff who was dressed in scrubs, then she disappeared into the exam room with a parting smile. A few minutes later he was handed a bottle, and the assistant picked up a puppy and tucked it into a soft towel.

“Here you go,” she said with a smile. “Would you rather have a more comfortable chair? There are four of them, you know. It’ll take a while.”

“That’d be great.”

“Come with me.”

He finally got settled in a quiet room with a glider rocking chair that looked as though it was someone’s cast-off. The cushion was distinctly bum-shaped and he sank into it gratefully. The assistant showed him how to hold the puppy and then introduce the bottle. To his surprise, the little bundle of fur instantly started pulling on the nipple.

“Good girl,” she crooned and then smiled at Matt. “You ever fed a baby?”

He almost laughed. As if. “No.”

“Puppies need to be burped the same as babies, to get rid of the air in their tummies. She might not finish that whole bottle, but once she’s done, you’ll need to pat her back and burp her, same as you would a baby. I’ll bring in bottles for the other three and a few fresh towels just in case…”

“Just in case what?” he asked.

She grinned. “In case they go to the bathroom. Better in the towel than on your uniform.”

“Oh.”

He’d dealt with a lot in his career. A little puppy pee and poop wasn’t a big deal.

She left and closed the door.

Through it he heard the muffled sounds of voices and footsteps and the staff attended to the dogs. The little bundle in his hand sucked away at the bottle. He could feel the warmth through his clothing and he sighed. Walking into that…well, puppy mill was the correct term, he supposed. Walking in there today had brought back a lot of surprising memories. Cages came in all shapes and sizes, real and perceived. The true shock had been realizing that having the spirit beaten out of you was a common enough look—even across species.

The puppy loosened his hold on the nipple and gave a satisfied puppy sigh that warmed a tiny corner of Matt’s heart. Dutifully, he rubbed and patted the pup’s back until there was a little hiccup and burp. Then he placed her down on a fresh, soft bed that had been set up beside him. There was a hot-water bottle at the back covered with a thicker towel and the other three pups were huddled against the mound that mimicked a mother’s warmth.

He repeated the process with two more puppies, wondering how often this would have to be done and for how long. Sitting in the comfortable chair with the warm body snuggled against him was making him realize how long the day had been, especially since he’d been awake half the night…again. He’d thought the nightmares would be a thing of the past once he got here and started the new position. He’d been wrong.

He hadn’t needed today’s reminder of what he’d seen—and done—in the past. All he had to do was close his eyes, because he saw it play out each night in his dreams.

He suspected he always would.

Lindsay opened the door carefully, hoping she wasn’t going to bump into a tiny ball of fluff. The coast clear, she went the rest of the way into the room and bit down on her lip at the sight that greeted her.

A new bed had been arranged for the puppies, and three of them were curled up together next to a warm hot-water bottle. The fourth was still in Matt’s arms. A tiny, empty bottle rested in one hand while the other cradled the puppy close to his chest. Both seemed perfectly contented with the arrangement. With a full tummy, the little pup was sound asleep still wrapped in the cotton towel.

She tiptoed over and had a peek at the other three. They were fine for now, cuddled close together and making whimpery sorts of puppy noises from the bed. She swallowed a lump in her throat. Their mama wasn’t doing so well. Her kidneys were in bad shape, she was horribly thin and Lindsay suspected she’d been bred so many times that her body was wearing out. The lot of them had been seized just in time. She wouldn’t have lasted long, and without producing milk, neither would her pups.

She took a moment to study Matt a little closer. He looked quite different in his uniform. More officious, for one. When she’d looked up and seen him standing in the driveway, he’d seemed a little bit dangerous, what with the vest beneath his shirt and the gun at his hip. His belt with all his gear must have become uncomfortable at some point, because he’d unbuckled it and put it on the floor beside the chair.

She was used to seeing him with a cocky smile on his face, but today when he’d arrived at the clinic there’d been a seriousness—a hardness—to his expression that surprised her. Now, in sleep, she noticed uncommonly long eyelashes lying on his cheeks, the way the skin along his jaw and cheekbones was relaxed. There was something almost…sad about it. Resigned…

She clenched her teeth and backed up towards the door. There was a reason why she recognized that particular expression and she wouldn’t let Matt Parker suck her into whatever drama or pain he had going on. It was his to deal with, and just because he’d kissed her on her doorstep didn’t mean she had to get involved. Growing up as she had, she’d finally learned that it wasn’t up to her to
fix
anyone. It was exhausting and it never worked. Losing her mother had been one thing. But dealing with her father’s depression had been quite another. Most of the time she’d felt like she could never say or do anything right. Even now, there was a heavy, claustrophobic feeling that came over her when she walked into his house.

She tiptoed out of the room and went back to the still-busy exam area. There was still work to be done and dwelling on the past wasn’t getting anything accomplished.

At some point it got dark. The paperwork was done, the staff went home and Lindsay did one last check on the dogs, including the regular day’s patients who were kennelled in the back. She wanted her bed but knew it would be better if she stayed here tonight and slept on the couch. The dogs might need monitoring and the pups would have to be fed again for sure. The room where Matt had fed the puppies was now vacant except for the makeshift whelping pen where the terriers were now sleeping. Hopefully they’d be terrorizing the staff and playing like regular puppies in a few days. Her heart melted a little as she ran a finger down the center of one soft, fuzzy head. It had been a long, long evening but oh-so worth it.

Matt had gone home at some point. She’d been busy and had missed saying goodbye—or thank you. It was too late now, but she’d make a point of acknowledging his help one day soon. He’d definitely gone above and beyond today. The image of him sleeping with a little furry bundle in his arms wouldn’t leave her brain, even as she grabbed a few slices of cold pizza and turned on the alarm to the clinic.

Matt Parker might be handsome and charming as all get-out, but tonight he’d been different. It was disturbing to realize that there was more beneath his badge than what first appeared.

And even though she knew it would be a mistake, she couldn’t help but wonder what the real Matt Parker was like.

The thump of a fist against a heavy bag was followed by the odd chiming sound of the chain swinging from the bare rafter. Lindsay watched, transfixed, as Matt danced around the taped bag, pounding it with a combination that ended with a right hook. Sweat gleamed on his bare skin and his muscles bulged as he worked a jab-cross-kick combo. The sound of his breathing echoed in the spartan room that held nothing more than the heavy bag, a weight bench and a staggering array of dumbbells.

He hadn’t heard her come in, probably because of how his punches echoed through this part of the refurbished warehouse. Downstairs was a wide open space that a local contractor used for storage. The upstairs had been converted into living space. Sort of. Lindsay assumed that the door beyond led to some sort of kitchen, bedroom, bathroom. At least she hoped. Right now it felt rather like stepping into a barn.

A barn where Corporal Matt Parker was looking less than official. He wore nothing more than a pair of black shorts, not even shoes. His hands were covered with black gloves as he went another round on the bag, delivering a solid kick and bouncing back on his toes.

But it wasn’t the sheer physicality that struck her the hardest. It was the desperation, the focus and the savagery with which he struck the inanimate opponent. Like he was trying to kill it.

When a last right hook sent the bag swinging, Matt reached out to hug it and stop its movement. When he did he finally saw her there, standing in front of the metal door with her mouth hanging open. She consciously closed it and swallowed the spit that pooled in her mouth. His entire upper body gleamed with perspiration, delineating the lines of an astonishing six-pack.

He frowned.

So he wasn’t happy to see her. Her nervousness doubled as she tried a wobbly smile. “Hi,” she offered faintly.

The sound of Velcro tearing echoed off the walls as he took off his gloves and tossed them in a corner. “Hey.”

“I…uh…”
Brilliant, Linds
, she told herself, blinking and deciding to start again. She cleared her throat. “You said next time I could buy you dinner.” She held up a paper bag. “So I did.”

He grabbed a towel and wiped off his face, then ran the terrycloth down his chest and over his shoulders. Her gaze followed each movement. In his uniform he’d looked very official and sexy. In jeans and a T-shirt at the pub, she’d had an idea that he was very fit. But this…other than the shorts he was naked. And if his butt was as tight as the rest of him, he was pretty much perfect.

The towel followed the same path as the gloves. “You didn’t have to do that.”