Authors: Lisa Heaton
Beyond 4/20
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and themes are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or persons, living or dead, is coincidental.
Published by: Lisa Heaton Books
5136 Stewarts Ferry Pike
Mt. Juliet, TN 37122
Copyright © 2014 Lisa Heaton Books
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.
ISBN: 1500636185
ISBN: 13: 978-1500636180
Scripture taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved.
The “NIV” and “New International Version” trademarks are registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by International Bible Society. Use of either trademark requires the permission of International Bible Society.
Dedication
For Leann – Thanks for challenging me and for always being honest and opinionated and most often right. Your role in this ministry pays nothing, provides no rewards, offers no accolades, but still you stick around. You have become my greatest encourager and confidant. Always with you, I can just be me. They – whoever they are – say you can’t find a later-in-life best friend. We’ve proven them wrong.
For Ms. Pamela – Thank you for being my teacher. Though I still have far to go, because of you, I have come a long way in my writing skills and creative process. With a schedule so overflowing, I know you have most anything but time, so I thank you for joining me on this journey. You know how to make acceptable – exceptional.
Contents
Prologue
S
adnes
s env
eloped Tuck as the glow off in the distance scorched his heart, forcing him to accept his loss. There was no more denying it – he actually lost her, a fact that still stunned him. When the wind blew in just the right way, he was certain he could hear Chelsea’s laughter carried by the breeze, the tinkling sound of it torturous and clearly all in his head. What was tru
e, however, was that she was her happiest this night as she married the man she loved. Tuck imagined her in a flowing wedding gown, dancing and eating cake, something he had envisioned a million times over the years. Never in his dreams, though, was she married to anyone but him. It was supposed to be him, or so he thought. No matter how many years passed, he had somehow been able to hold onto what he believed to be a promise, to the hope that she would be his someday and he would be the one to love her and care for her. Come to find out it was John.
He made her a real live princess
were the words that continually echoed in his head. When he picked his daughter Lucy up from the wedding at the Whittaker farm next door, those were the words she repeated over and over until Tuck eventually snapped at her to stop. He felt terrible about being so abrupt with her. That was a rare occasion, so when it did happen, Lucy was easily wounded by his sharp tongue. Even though he had apologized repeatedly, and he knew Lucy forgave him, it was just another failure that added to his misery.
Where he lay on the hood of his truck with his back resting on the windshield was the same place he had met with God for many years, his altar. In theory, it was the front porch of the house he had always planned to build for Chelsea. The summer before he left for school was when that dream began. Together, they chose how to position their house, situated in just a way that the view from the porch would be the valley between their two adjoining family farms. Of all the choices available to her, Chelsea wanted to build a home just like her grandmother’s, the original house on her family farm. In the spring of Chelsea’s freshman year, the house burned to the ground, but Tuck assured her they could build it from her memories.
It was beyond a simple dream. It was the planning out of their lives and how they would live them. Together they would raise children on the farm just as they were raised. They hoped to answer the call of Tuck’s heart toward missions, even if that only meant they would make trips together with their church as they had done that final summer, but someday, he longed to live on the mission field with Chelsea by his side. He knew, though, he had forfeited that call by his actions.
Looking back at that summer, the trip they took to Guatemala and their dreams of graduations, a wedding, and building a life together, Tuck could hardly believe that only a few months later he would destroy it all with one solitary decision. Her whisper “No one has to know” rang in his head. From the moment he believed that lie, his entire life was irreparably altered by those next moments with Lindsey. Often he would hold those minutes in his hand and peer at them, begging God to give them back so that he might do them differently. Each time he wished to undo what he had done, though, he knew that would take from him the gift of his precious daughter, the one bright spot in his life, now.
Heaviness
, that’s what he currently felt. In the past months, Tuck had come to realize he had been wrong all along or at least since Lindsey left. He never doubted the original promise, the one where God first spoke it into his heart about his future with Chelsea, but that was the promise that was forfeited. Clearly, what he held onto from that point forward was simply his own wishful thinking and empty hope, a hope that kept him forever waiting. Until tonight. The glow from the adjacent farm was the final punctuation mark to the end of their story. It was truly over, and Tuck had no idea what to do next. All he had ever done was waited for Chelsea. Since he was fifteen, he was hers, and even with the illuminated sky saying otherwise, he still was.
Chapter 1
C
helsea stood quietly, watching John move about as he made breakfast for them their first morning as newlyweds. She had every intention of getting up early and making her husband’s breakfast, but when she woke and found him gone, she realized he had beaten her to it. The smell of bacon lingered in the air, forcing her out of bed. At the sight of him there before the stove, her heart leapt and everything within her felt all gooey and warm. Scenes from the night before flashed through her mind and caused the blood to rush to her cheeks. No wonder everyone made such a big deal of it.
Glancing behind him, he grinned and shook his head. “Never more beautiful.”
She was wearing his white shirt from the wedding the night before, reminding him of a scene from a movie: a beautiful woman, man’s shirt, bare legs… He had to force his mind back on his cooking. After the night they had just shared, it would be a rare moment that day when he didn’t look at her and think of it.
Chelsea stepped close behind him, slid her arms around his waist, and rested her head on his bare back.
“So,” pausing for a second, she sighed contentedly, “life begins.”
The feel of her so near prompted him to remove the pan from the burner and turn to face her. He wrapped his arms around her and squeezed until she sighed again. Moving in to kiss her, he whispered, “And so it does.”
When John lifted her from the floor and moved to set her on the counter, she squealed at the feel of cold granite beneath her.
“What about breakfast?”
“Forget breakfast. I want more dessert.” He kissed her again, serious about postponing breakfast. “You should have thought twice about showing up wearing my shirt.”
Holding him, being so completely loved by him, Chelsea could hardly believe life had taken the sudden turn it had. After nine long months of waiting for him and running out of hope that he would come for her, finally he had come. Now, here he was, her husband, the one she would spend her life with. It boggled her mind how God had so drastically altered their lives and brought them together when they were recently so far apart. If not for Tuck going for John, of convincing him that she was falling apart without him, this moment, this marriage would have never taken place. No matter their age difference and no matter their earliest agreement, love did conquer all.
As he held her, the words that echoed over and over in John’s mind were,
I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve any of this. How could one man have so much?
Nothing about it made sense, further reminding him how kind God had been to him in spite of the life he had lived. This was his second chance at really living, and he intended on making the most of every moment of it.
Hours later they were bound for L.A. John napped on and off during the flight while Chelsea slept outright. It was a long and eventful night, one that he wanted to repeat for the rest of his life. With a smile forming on his lips, he reached over and touched her hair. She looked so young and innocent there sleeping.
When she stirred a little, he reached over and kissed her cheek, saying, “I love you.”
Eyes still closed, Chelsea grinned. “I love you, too.”
She couldn’t possibly count the times he had said so. Since he came for her, John was like this exciting new book. Every day was like turning another page in getting to know the new him. He really was transforming. While she would have taken him exactly as he was, this new and improved John was beyond belief, causing her to realize, as hard as it was to walk away at the end of their contract date, she had done the right thing. Just as his mother had supposed, losing her was the one thing that finally brought his heart back to Jesus. Louise was the wisest of women, and Chelsea was thankful for her advice.
John had become so open about his feelings, often telling her things the Lord was doing inside of him. In some ways she was seeing a depth to him that was beyond where she had gone in spiritual matters. Where she was content to believe the truth that God loved her, John searched out and investigated the profound depth of that love and equated it to daily life and to their love. She had never seen it that way but was beginning to try. Even his desire and passion for her became a part of his spiritual journey. John once tried to explain how his desire for her was representative of Christ’s desire for him, and how God was showing him daily that He desired more of him than he ever knew he had to give. A term John often used was
wholly surrendered
, saying he wanted to figure out how to get to that place but admitted he had yet to discover how.
Sometimes Chelsea listened as he spoke with his father on the phone. They discussed deep matters that John was pondering. Surprisingly, though John had not walked with God in many decades, he quickly gained the capacity to understand things that Chelsea never gave much consideration to. Likely, it was his drive and ambition trickling from the business world into the spiritual realm. No matter what he pursued, he did it full on, full force, and fully focused. Fortunately, she was his other hot pursuit.
John stretched out once again in his reclined seat, watching Chelsea’s facial expressions. She grinned, narrowed her brow as if she was really contemplating something, grinned again, all done with eyes closed and unaware she was being watched. In moments like those, watching her with his heart heavy with love, he prayed hardest. More than anything he wanted to be able to live a long life with her. After they separated at the end of the contract the year before, every moment of that time apart he had to remind himself he was doing the right thing by walking away. His intention was always that she have the best future possible, and during those last months together, knowing he
had
to walk away from her, he was convinced her future would be more secure without a man twice her age in it. Now, though, he could hardly foresee a future for her without him, so he prayed and bargained for more time.
Since they were no longer bound by schedules, he wanted to show her the world. When they were together before in L.A., she had classes and he had work, but neither of those things interfered in their new life. They were free to travel and enjoy one another. All those years working and striving for more came down to the fact that he truly had more. He had the money to take her anywhere and everywhere her heart desired.
This trip was only the beginning. Once they spent as long in Malibu as she wanted, he would take her back to Australia for a do-over. Different from their trip to Sydney soon after they met, he would really be there with her this time, present in each and every moment and not distracted with phone calls and meetings. While there, he wanted new photos, ones of them together instead of selfies she had taken alone while he conducted business on the sidelines of life. As this new man, he wanted to create new memories, ones that didn’t carry with them the reminder of how he had failed her the first time around. Life together would be whatever she wanted it to be; he would make sure of it.
Waiting on the back deck for John to wake, Chelsea sat looking out at the rolling ocean. It was fitful this morning, a bit like her. She had woken early and found herself unable to get back to sleep. Their first evening at the beach house had been blissful. Indeed, they made up for the sadness they both experienced that last night together before they separated. John wasn’t reflective exactly, but he was, on a few occasions, open about his time there at the beach house without her. As much as she grieved his loss during their time apart, he grieved just as much. At least in her case, she had her faith to hold onto, but John had to muddle through the strong emotions and pain of separation alone. That made her sad for him.
That wasn’t what caused her state of unease this morning. It was something not at all directed at the past. It wasn’t the pain of loss or the regret of time lost; it was instead a new burden and an old one at the same time. From the time Chelsea began to develop such strong feelings for John after agreeing to a no-strings-attached relationship, a clock started ticking. Time had been her enemy, and she had known she would lose him when their year was up on 4/19. Then, when the day of separation came, a new clock began, one counting the days until he might come for her, tediously ticking, day after day. This morning, sitting by the ocean, Chelsea heard the ticking of a new clock begin. How much time would she have with him? What if it wasn’t long enough?
“What are you doing, little girl?”
Waking to an empty house was immediately painful for John, but then he extended his arm and stared at his wedding band as a reminder that his new life wasn’t some magnificent dream. Plus, Chelsea’s bra hanging across the lamp shade beside the bed assured him this was no dream.
“I’m waiting for you.”
Taking his hand as he sat, she leaned in and kissed him good morning. His words,
little girl,
made her grin. It wasn’t often he called her that, but when he did, it was usually early morning or late evening, times when she looked sleepy. The only time she could recall him calling her that under any other circumstance was the night of their wedding. Then, he had mischief on his mind.
He had his cup of coffee in hand and was already dressed for a run. She took a sip of his strong black coffee and grimaced, saying, “I plan on running with you.”
Chuckling, he asked, “Think you can keep up, huh?”
“No. I know better, but I’ll try.”
When they ran together in town or at the park, she did much better at keeping up, but for as long as they had been coming to the beach, she had never been able to keep up with his pace running on the sand. Her ankles were too weak and his energy too high.
John draped his arm around her and pulled her in closer, promising, “I’ll take it easy on you.”
“I’m glad you run. I’m glad you take care of yourself.”
Her earlier thoughts about the ticking clock came to mind again, momentarily stealing her joy and allowing fear to seep into her heart.
Unsure of where that came from, he assured her, “I always plan to.”
Chelsea rested her head on his shoulder and sighed, saying, “I want to keep you healthy.”
Understanding more, he kissed the top of her head. “Don’t you worry about things like that. I’ve got a few good years left in me.”
They ran that morning, and just as John promised, he slowed his pace to allow her to keep up. Afterwards, they went out for breakfast. That’s when it officially began: John’s new diet. Chelsea urged him to order oatmeal rather than his usual bacon and eggs. Even worse, she talked him into ordering half-caf coffee with the intention of stepping down to full-on decaf eventually. Apparently marriage came with strings he wasn’t expecting. On the way to breakfast, she researched on her way-too-smart phone what he should be eating over fifty. It appeared his newest enemies were red meat, sugar, and fats.
Over fifty
! That thought made him laugh. Seemed as if, instead, he was once again a child with a mama watching over him. Bottom line, though, he didn’t mind. He would let her put him on any diet that made her feel better. After all, he had the same goal as she, to squeeze in every moment with his sweet young bride as he could. If that meant changing the way he ate, it was a small sacrifice.
Over the next few days, they spent time alone, rarely venturing out other than to grab groceries here and there. During that time, Chelsea decided that their few months together prior to getting married paled in comparison to their new life as man and wife. As much as she loved him then and he loved her, there was something so much more intimate about their current relationship. That barrier was gone, the one John maintained to keep himself in check around her. Now, he was so incredibly open and free with her, she was coming to believe she hardly knew him at all before marriage. There were days they spent more time in bed than out, often just holding one another and kissing and whispering under the covers. Again, the term
blissful
came to mind. Her new life with her husband was purely blissful.
John walked into the bedroom after taking a shower. He caught Chelsea lying in bed still, eyes closed, and smiling sweetly. Drying his hair with a towel, he asked, “What are you daydreaming about?”
Without opening her eyes, she admitted, “You. Only you.”
Hesitantly, John sat on the side of the bed. He had only gotten out of bed a half an hour before for the first time almost all day, and it was nearly dinner time. All it would take was for her to look at him in just the right way and he would crawl back in. Wisely, he would try to avoid making eye contact since he was about to starve to death.
Chelsea looked at John and smiled. Wearing boxers and nothing more, he seemed so relaxed and happy. She reached for him and rubbed her hand across his furry chest, singing, “I know what you want.”
Grinning a lopsided grin, he asked, “What’s that?”
“A steak.”
Falling over onto the bed, he groaned, “I’m dying. I’m so hungry for real food, food that makes you fat and clogs your arteries.”
She reached over and kissed his back. “I’ll get dressed so we can go out for dinner.”
John rolled over to face her. “I think I want Australian beef. Let’s head out in the morning.”
Once again they found themselves in Sydney at the beginning of the cooler season. Most days, the temperature ran in the upper sixties, which still allowed for the activities they planned. John had taken the photo book with him that Chelsea had given him for his forty-ninth birthday. He insisted they go to each place where she took her photograph alone and have one taken together, so that was their mission over the first few days. Even the things they had no photos of, they did again. After a repeat of the same opera, John arranged for them to be seated at the exact same table in the restaurant at the opera house.
This night was one of the most romantic dates they had ever had, and he was so attentive and affectionate, she feared they might get thrown out of the place. At one point, sitting across from one another, there in the middle of such an elegant setting, John stood and moved his chair next to hers. He then proceeded to move his place setting and silverware. Immediately, wait staff was there assisting him. His actions caused such an uproar, people all over the restaurant were watching, and Chelsea noted, he clearly didn’t care. Once he was settled in next to her, he reached over and trailed light kisses down her neck, causing her to giggle and squirm. Just as before, he didn’t seem to care who was watching.
