Beyond Complicated (19 page)

Greg was a tal gawky redhead from Georgia and the same age as me. Moira loved the hel out of him because he was gentle and she could walk al over him.

Of course, she could walk al over me too. That was Moira. And Greg loved her. For reasons I didn't understand. They were night and day. He was quiet and reserved and Moira wasn't. But she lit him up and he kept her from exploding so whatever they had worked.

And I liked him enough to pity him. Because when Moira came out of the bedroom, her hair standing on end, her attitude surly and hel, she was downright mean. I patted him on the shoulder and whispered good luck, then after a second I added "if you need help hiding the body let me know" and I left when he laughed. Moira giving me the stink eye as I moved quickly past her. Two months. She had two months left.

And if she hadn't driven him away by then I'd take him out for dinner and get him rip roaring drunk after the event.

In the car again, the day growing gray as another front moved in. I worried about Kel in the weather on just the bike. Was he finished with class?

Did he meet his brother and sister? Would he be at the apartment tonight? How would we… what would we?

He couldn't be there now. I knew that, so did he. If he stayed, it would be in my bed. If he stayed… Seth caled, interrupting my mental anguish. I remembered we were going to meet for dinner tonight. I didn't want to answer. But I did.

"Hey," I said, trying to sound happy to hear his voice. And realy, once I heard his voice I was happy. I let the sound wrap around me and seduce me. The same way I'd let him seduce me the day we met.

Playing with him for the camera, building up to sex.

How he liked to touch me long before we made it to the bedroom set. How his deep voice with that California coast accent of his and his long blond hair turned me on. He was big like me, wide across the shoulders, only a little shorter, his eyes were at first frightened because he'd never been with a man and realy didn't consider himself to be gay, but he hadn't been with a girl either, he told me when the cameras weren't on us. While we played voleybal in the backyard of one of the houses the producer rented. He told me he didn't know why he was there, that he was curious, and guys scared him but something about the idea of being with one lured him.

He liked the way I looked in the videos he'd seen and how I smiled made him tingle, he'd looked away shyly and I knew, he was gay and didn't know how to be gay and this was probably going to be a disaster for him.

My last video was to be with the first kid to come along who would break my heart. When we made it into the bedroom and the producer was with us, talking to us as we leaned against the headboard, Seth was so scared. I thought he was going to puke. I caught his hand in mine because he was shaking and that calmed him down. Pretty surfer boy with the come and get me attitude and he was scared to death. Colin the producer probably didn't know he was a complete virgin. He never asked if he'd been with girls or if he was straight. Just the usual have you been with a guy?

Why'd you choose Luke? God, I hated that name and I knew his name wasn't Beau, and probably some damned joke that Colin thought was funny. Because Colin was a perverted little shit, but not in that way, his humor. He'd wanted to name me Lucky because of the cereal plus my Irish name and that I sometimes had an accent. When I seduced, it came out, I heard it when I played bal with Beau. It made him smile. It made him blush. Which made me ache.

None of the guys before him had made me ache. It was sex. Just sex. Sometimes disappointing sex, sometimes hot and heavy and I would come twice.

But it didn't mean anything. Sex with this kid was a mistake. He was going to puke on me. So I took his hand, I twined his fingers in mine, and I told Colin that he was scared and we should probably not do this.

Beau didn't wait for Colin to reply, he leaned over and kissed me. It was sloppy and wet and my dick responded without any help from a little blue pil. Colin never said a word, he kept the camera on us and that kiss didn't stop. I fel into it, loving the sloppy wet way he kissed me and wouldn't dream of stopping after that.

And it wasn't like any video I'd ever done. I made love to him. It wasn't fucking and it wasn't vulgar. I kissed him and petted him and worshipped him. And because he was a virgin and because by the time I had him begging me to fuck him, I'd forgotten the cameras existed or that I was supposed to be putting on a show.

I slid into him, no condom, and made love to him.

Kissing him while I fucked him. His arms around me, slow and easy, and when I got close, I roled him on his side and moved behind him and inside him, my mouth on his, and he came, spewing onto the bed his dick bobbing hard and red. Colin nearly dropped his camera. He made a comment that would later be edited out. Then I came, withdrawing to ejaculate on his chest.

But I wasn't finished. I needed more. I went back for more. Kissing him, as I pounded into him, holding him tight when I came a second time. This time inside him because it caught me by surprise.

And Colin made another comment that wouldn't be edited out. I couldn't stop kissing him when it was over. We lay together panting, holding each other, while the crew moved around us taking stils and Colin said 'that was quite a show, thanks, guys'. Then it was over and we were alone to clean up and there were no more cameras. "Hi, my name is Liam. Want to maybe go out and…"

"Seth and yeah." So I kissed him again. For real and with the world buzzing around us I made love to him again, letting him lead.

"Where are we meeting for dinner?" His voice drew me out of my daydreams and back to the nightmare my life had become. "Or are you planning to stand me up?"

"I'l be there. Wherever. I'm not picky. Just not pizza. Had that for lunch." Seth never realy cared for pizza, he liked stir fry and lots of vegetables. In California we'd gone damned near vegetarian except for the times I'd go into beef withdrawals. "And there must be meat. I'm making that clear from the beginning."

"Okay, steak, somewhere safe and neutral.

O'Charlie's good with you?"

"Sure, there is as good as anywhere. Want me to pick you up or do you want to meet me?"

"Pick me up, that way I'l know you won't run off… or you might but you won't be as tempted, plus I'm dying to ride in your car."

"You've been in this car. We had sex in this car once." I remembered suddenly. In a deserted parking lot at three in the morning somewhere off the interstate on our way down to Orlando so I could take him to Disney. "I nearly broke my back trying to get in your pants."

"God, I remember that, Spring Break, my last year at FSU and you were leaving to do a photo shoot in Chicago for a magazine. Broke my damned heart to let you go. I wanted you from the moment I saw you. I wasn't complete without your body in mine. Liam…" I could hear sorrow in his voice and my heart ached for him. "I need you. I can't lose you. Please, baby, forgive me. I just need you to forgive me because I am so sorry. I need you. I'm not whole without you."

The tears slipped past my defenses. I sat in my car crying like a baby because I couldn't stop loving him. I parked in front of a grocery store and when the rain came and swalowed the car with me in it, I forgave him. "You were so young when we met and I was so damned jaded. I let the business ruin me. I forgot that you loved me. I forgot that the business was cruel. I forgive you, you didn't know, so realy there's nothing to forgive. I've been so lost without you, Seth, I should have… it doesn't matter anymore." I wiped my face. "I am such a damned baby."

"No, you're beautiful, I love your heart," he said and I heard the tears in his voice so I didn't feel like a complete fool. "It wasn't just sex. What we had. You know that, don't you? We were connected."

"But the sex was great." I laughed because I didn't want to think about how much time we'd lost. I forgot about Kel. Forgot how he'd owned me just that morning and I'd ruined him for other men. I forgot about everything except for my ache for this man and the longing for the life we were going to make together.

"Yeah, the sex was tremendous."

"Always the surfer boy," I smiled. "Next thing you'l be yeling cowabunga or something."

"Hey, Luke, fuck you."

"When I get there, Beau, when I get there."

It was after seven when I finaly got to his apartment. The rain made traffic a nightmare, even on a Saturday. Especialy on a Saturday night when the Seminoles were playing in town and the entire world had shown up to participate.

I spent an hour trying to get in touch with Kel but his phone went straight to voicemail and my texts were not returned. He wasn't at our apartment. When had it become our apartment? And it looked as if he hadn't been back since this morning. His backpack was nowhere to be found, his clothes from the night before stil lay on the floor in the living room, with mine. His boots upended beside the chair.

I showered the dog and kid smels off me and dressed in a pair of gray tailored trousers and a black silk shirt because I wanted to look sexy for Seth. I did my hair for the first time since I cut it short years ago.

And checked my ass in the mirror. Dear God, I was such a vain slut. But I wanted to make Seth swalow his tongue when he opened his door.

This time I needed a jacket, the nice black leather jacket that curved to my body would do nicely.

Jewelry? Just the necklace because I wanted to see it dangle in his face when I fucked him, anything else would be in the way.

The rain had stopped by the time I made it downtown, and cool damp air seeped into the car as I opened the window. I parked in the garage again instead of his lot and walked the short distance. Seth opened the door and as I hoped, his eyes caressed me, al of me, lingering at my crotch long enough to get a rise out of me.

"You look so damned good, I could eat you right now." He invited me in. He wore jeans this time, nice jeans with pockets on the ass that made him look amazing and a white skintight long sleeve cashmere sweater so soft my fingers itched to pet it. Most blond men didn't look good in white but Seth wasn't most blond men. White looked fabulous on him. The gold chain around his neck drew my attention to the crisp blond hair peeking out from the V-neckline.

"Right back at you, babe." I stepped inside and folowed him into the kitchen area. "Are we going out?"

"In a bit, want a beer or something, wine?" He offered. He was nervous. Seth always bit his lips when he was nervous. He wouldn't look at me, not directly. I slid onto a bar stool at the island in his kitchen and watched as he opened the fridge and leaned in. His ass in those jeans looked so fucking good I wanted to know if he felt as good as he looked so I went over and ran my hand down the middle seam between his cheeks. He jumped. Spinning around quickly, he handed me a beer. "Are you hungry? We could go now."

"Not realy. Why are you so nervous? It's just me." I twisted the cap off my beer and tilted it to my lips. When he didn't budge to do the same, I offered him a drink of mine. He took it, staring at me as he drank.

"I don't know how to be around you now," he admitted as I took another drink. "I feel like I did the first time we met. Awkward and sily, a boy playing at being a man. You do that to people. Didn't you know?"

I took his hand in mine. When he was twenty-one his hands hadn't matched his body, huge gawky hands compared to the rest of him, feet too. Like the lab puppy. He grew into his hands, I'd watched him change over the years we were together but I never realy noticed how much he'd changed. His hands were bigger than mine. He was bigger than me now, not taler, just broader. "You are al man now. Nothing awkward about you. Or sily. You were never sily, not that way. Sweet. Why you went into law baffled me."

"To help people. And I'm not sweet. Not anymore." I shared the beer with him, stepping closer while he drank. When he finished I set the bottle on the nearby counter and, with gentle hands, I leaned him against the refrigerator.

"Not sweet anymore? You look sweet to me.

Gonna lick you to find out." It was the only warning he got. I licked his lips first then his neck, working my way down into the V-neckline where I tasted as much of the exposed skin as I could. He shivered, his hands going around me to hold me, his touch was soft. "Stil sweet as sin. Should we go out or eat in?"

"Eat in," he answered, his eyes heavy lidded with desire now, his voice husky. "Want you. This crazy want that won't go away."

My skin prickled as his hot breath washed over me, his mouth so close to mine as he spoke, did things to me I couldn't explain. "I know. Just seeing you again… Seth, I love you so damned much, don't be afraid of me, baby. Not now."

"Are you afraid of me? Don't look away, Liam, you told me you were afraid of me yesterday. I just want to know—"

"Yes, some. I'm afraid of how I feel about you.

That day mingles in my dreams sometimes. Sometimes it's just me and you making love and it becomes that day. I'm not afraid of you, Seth, just of being out of control again. Like that day. Having my choice taken away. And I don't want to talk about that now."

"What do you want to talk about?" I felt a tug at my shirt as he puled it free of my pants, his eyes alive with sexual mischief. "I love this shirt, does it feel good against your skin?" He rubbed me through the silk, my bely, my nipples. The soft fabric made me shiver.