Bittersweet Symphony (10 page)

“She’s not here because she wants to be dumbass, she’s here because I asked her to come with me.” Mimi stepped in. I am not sure if Mimi is a girl or guy. She has more balls than half the guys I know.

“I wasn’t talking to you… But now that I see you begging for my attention what’s your name sweetheart?”

Mimi cleared her throat, hitting Kennedy on the arm.

“Is this the asshole who fucked with you?” Confusion, started to overtake the anger. What is she talking about? Unless Mimi knows about Sam too…

Kennedy stayed quiet and under the radar. I can’t see her face, but I am certain it is voided of any and all emotions.

Sam takes a step forward, and if in fear Kennedy takes one back. Her back colliding with my chest. I have enough, I know what Kennedy meant now when she says he won’t stop. I know we put an X on our backs and I don’t care.

Placing my hands on Kennedy’s shoulder’s I pushed her to the side softly, ushering her behind me.

“Oh really?” Sam said his eyebrow rising, a look of shock showed. He is shocked. Shocked that I will protect her from his disgusting hands? I don’t think so.

“Yeah really…” I growled. I am about three seconds from laying him out. The room is growing quieter and quieter as all attention is focused on us.

“You think she wants you? That she won’t exploit your secrets?” The smile on his face is raising the hairs on the back of my neck. He talked like he has something he can hold over my head.

I leaned into his face, our noses almost touched and I take a deep breathe.

“I don’t think anything… Simply because I don’t have too. Kennedy wants me, and it’s not because I forced her to be with me.” I don’t think the fucker realized who he is dealing with.

“She wants everyone, don’t think you’re special.”

“Funny… If I don’t recall she never wanted you, and that’s why you’re the hateful bastard you’re. Maybe if you fixed your attitude and stopped being a dick 100% of the time then maybe you can land a girl worth keeping.”

I am about ready to walk away, completely satisfied with everything that I have said. It doesn’t matter where someone like him went in life, he will never amount to anything treating people the way he does.

“She may not have ever wanted me, but it isn’t my father who beat me.”

The second the words were out of his mouth the beast is let lose. A curtain of rage blinded me as I tackled him to the ground. He doesn’t even try and resist against me. His head smacked off the wooden floor.

How does he know? Who told him? I am not seeing things for what they were, and a deep darkness is threating to take over me. My fingers gripped around his neck as I squeezed. I squeezed him as if I am trying to keep my secrets quiet. He can’t tell them if he can’t talk right?

I can hear people screaming, and yelling. Someone pulling on my shoulders but all I saw is the lifelessness seeping out of him. His ugly fucking eyes closing and rolling back in his head. I know I have to stop. I know I have to loosen my hold but I can’t. How does he know? Who told him?

My grip loosened at the last moment as a group of guys pulls me off of him. I don’t dare look around the room to see the disgusted looks that these people will give me. They thought I am a monster and maybe I am. All I know is that if my secret came out there will be nothing holding me back from hurting him.

“Lay off the roids Hulk…” Mimi said as she pulls me and Kennedy out of the house before the ambulance got there. I don’t dare look at Kennedy. I don’t want to see the look of hate she will have on her face. I am evil, a bastard no better for her then Sam. The way I seen it I am no good for anyone.

“I’m fine.” I say roughly pulling from her. Mimi gave me the direst look known to mankind.

“Fine? Hulk slamming asshole through the concrete doesn’t consulate to “fine.” I needed to cool off, take some deep breaths drink a beer I don’t know.

I laid my head against a nearby tree, taking deep breaths. My nostril were flaring like a bulls and I am ready to blow at any minute. A pair of small hands landed on my back and I swirled around so fast she never has a chance of escaping me. A gasp left her lips, as I pushed her against the tree harshly.

“I’m sorry…” I mumble, my head immediately finding that spot on her neck that do all kinds of things for both of us. Two things were true about me, when once the blood started flowing I have two options I can fuck the anger out, or fight it out.

Looking at Kennedy right now, I desperately wanted to fuck her. Turn her insides to mush over and over again. Her mind, body, and soul will be filled with nothing but my name as she whispered it from her luscious lips.

“Don’t be sorry Ryder…” Her voice is low, and humming with a primal need. Something that I understood very well. I pushed myself into her body, so she can feel what she is doing to me. Through all the bullshit that just occurred I know there is one thing that the fucker can never take from me. Kennedy Chaps. No matter what way you look at it. She will always be mine.

“Can we go? I kind of don’t want to stand here and watch porn, not when I can do that at home.” I turned around and saw Mimi standing there causally staring at us.

“If you think this is porn you don’t want to hear about…”

“Stop. Just don’t. If I have to hear about anything else… I might puke.” Mimi protested throwing her hands up. I turned my attention back to Kennedy. Her eyes were glowing with desire. A pink tint mirrored her cheeks.

I know it won’t be long before I have her, but first I have to deal with all of this. With Sam, and my father.

***

I knew what I needed to do but It didn’t mean I wanted to do it. There were so many times in my life I have been given the chance to stick up to a person like my father and didn’t I won’t allow Sam to grow up and turn into the same thing. I need to confront him to figure out how he knew what he knew.

I needed to remind him that it is I that have Kennedy’s heart and that I always will. I have got the info from Landon on where he lived, and as I threw my Charger into park I am still overcome with anger and anxiety. I know one day my secrets will come out, that I won’t be able to keep them in forever.

Ryder will know someday and I prayed his outlook on me will never change. I don’t want him to think less of me, or assume that it is his fault, because it never is.

Getting out of the car I take a look at the assholes place. It is too nice for someone like him. Even if he does come from money.

His car is parked in a spot that said my daddy-owns-this-fucking-place don’t start with me. I know he is the type who always got what he wanted when he wanted it.

I pull my phone checking the text from Landon again. It said apartment number 201. I walked up the steps into the apartment complex. They were concrete and similar to those of the dorm rooms. I look at the only door into the building realizing I needed a card to get in.

Fuck.

I turned around ready to walk back down the steps and back to my car when a girl came out the door.

“Thank you.” I murmured to her, taking the door from her hand and sliding into the building. There is nothing to the inside really. White walls, and brown cream colored carpeting. There is a directory on the wall showing what floor what apartment is on.

Looks like my luck has turned around. Sam Wikes name is sitting nicely next to the number 201. I take the stairs two at a time not wanting to waste an ounce of time confronting him. I know Kennedy can’t have told him. The secrets were too close to me, and I know she can’t risk what we have.

Once I found myself on the second floor, I take a right and there it is his apartment. There is no welcome sign not that I thought there will be one but still…

Make a fist I pounded on the door absurdly loud. I don’t want to draw a ton of attention but I definitely wanted him to know whoever is on the other side of the door is very much able of taking the door down.

I can hear the locks on the door clicking out of place as he unlocked them. He pulls the door open, his dumbass face looking straight at mine.

A smile that caused even the evilest person to want to vomit marred his face.

“Hi Ryder, how can I help you?” The way he says it made it seem like I owed him something. As if he can hold everything above my head and blackmail me into something.

“You can just explain to me how in the fuck it is you think you can blackmail me. You don’t know anything. I bet you don’t even have any proof.” Hate is found in every word that left my mouth. I hated him, if it isn’t obvious enough.

He laughed. Directly in my face. Saliva clung to my skin, and a dark rage is ready to explode from within me.

“Proof? Who do you take me more? Someone who has no means to anything? My father is a very well established man. If I needed to I can find out whatever I wanted too. Is that way you’re here? To find out what it is that I know about? Are you worried your little secret, or rather big for that matter will be spilled?” He is standing against the door jam. It takes everything in me to not knock him the fuck out.

I take a step forward not afraid to get in his face one bit.

“I’m not scared of whatever it is you think you know, because I can guarantee whatever it is you “know” isn’t something you really know anything about.”

His eyes narrowed as he peeked out into the hall his gaze swinging both ways. Whatever he is looking for he doesn’t find.

“Where’s Kennedy?” He asked curiously. The lust in his eyes is disgusting.

“Kennedy has nothing to do with this, therefore she isn’t here. Not that I will allow her to be within ten feet of you.” I sneered. I won’t. I will never let him get within touching distance of her again.

He takes a step towards me, so I stepped back knowing if I got into a brawl with him here I will end up in jail. I wanted badly to beat him into oblivion but the last thing I needed is a record.

“Let me a deal with you Ryder.” His eyes squinted at me as if he is trying to read me. A smile pulls at his lips. “If you leave Kennedy alone, I just might be able to keep my mouth shut. You give her up, and I’ll take your secrets to the grave.”

My fist clenched together as the blood left my brain, all rational thoughts going out the window. I reached out, grabbing him the front of the shirt holding him so our noses were touching.

I am hoping it will cause him to piss his pants but it doesn’t. If anything it urged him on more. His smile grew larger, and larger and my rage grew hotter.

“The only way you’ll ever get a shot with Kennedy is if you kill me, and I don’t foresee that happening anytime soon. Whatever you know isn’t worth giving her up to you. I would rather exploit my secrets then allow her to be hurt by you, so whatever it is you have to say, say it.”

Then I released him, watching him stumbled back onto his feet. It doesn’t matter to me if he has something to hold over my head. I mean it made me angry, but I still have Kennedy and to me that is enough for me.

“Oh I will… Believe me I will have your secret around campus in no time.” I matched his ugly smile with one of my own.

Before I walked away though I have a few last words to say… “Go for it.”

One week later

Worry ate at my insides. I’m scared. Terrified. Sam knows. He plainly knows, and told Ryder. I know Ryder is playing it off as nothing simply, looking at me as a way to rid the pain. I wanted him just as bad as he wanted me but I am not sure I can follow through with everything that was going on. I have to do something. Find a way to stop Sam before he ruined our lives, even if it meant sacrificing my own happiness.

I can feel the tears slipping from my eyes at the very idea of never seeing Ryder’s face again. Of never being able to show him that life is worth more than what he has been given. That he isn’t anything like his father. He is amazing and someday he will realize that.

Wiping away the tears I fixed my hair, and forced myself to calm down.

Getting out of the car I walked up the front steps to the apartment complex. Once to his door, I have to pull my heart out of my stomach. I am not sure what horrible incident will happen first. Will my heart beat out of control sending me into cardiac rest or will I vomit all over his floor?

Raising my fist to knock on the door, I stopped. A noise on the other side of the door startled me, freezing me into place. It sounded like things were being thrown throughout the house.

My heart rate picked up, and my body went into overdrive fear finding its way into my mind. I can’t bury it if I tried. Without hesitation, and knocking I grabbed the handle of the door. The coldness of the metal is the only thing, I can sense.

Turning it I opened the door. What my eyes landed on shocked me. The apartment is trashed. It looks as if someone has went through the place looking for something but never finding it.

I heard the slamming of doors down the hall… “Ryder?” I called out. Feelings were lodged in my throat. I don’t think I can do this. Taking one look at the apartment I can tell he is already spiraling out of control. He is losing himself.

“What?” He says gruffly from down the hall. I can hear the pain laced in his voice. Anger vibrated off of him with every step he takes towards me. He looks nothing like the man I have fallen so helplessly for. Instead the shell of that person stood before me. He is shirtless, and sweaty. His face has a weeks’ worth of scruff, and his hair is all over the place. It has been a week since the incident with Sam and I haven’t heard from him. It is as if he fell off the radar.

“Are you okay?” I asked about as innocently as I can. I have never been more afraid of Ryder than I am in this very moment. You can see the unstableness within him. He is like a teeter-totter. He needed something to balance him out, and nothing will, or can.

He picked up a nearby bottle of what I assumed to be alcohol. He reeked of whiskey, and another sweet smell.

“Do I look okay Kennedy?” The words were like a slap to my face. What happened to him? I take a soft step backwards not wanting to trap myself within his grasp.

If I am being honest I will say no. His eyes were blood shot. His face a beautiful ragged mess. He is so damaged, and it hurt my heart. I thought I am suffering but I am not.

“Not really… You look not-good. No one’s heard from you in like a week. You haven’t even called me.” I don’t want to sound needy, but I missed him. I wanted to make sure he was okay, but I wanted to see him too. My eyes lingered over the muscles of his chest. The muscles that made up that delectable V of his.

“Really?” He got out before taking another chug from the bottle. I seriously needed to find every bottle of alcohol in this place and pour it out.

“That’s weird because the only one who called me was you… and then you have my piece of shit father but that doesn’t really matter now does it.” I watched him carefully listening to his words for any hidden meanings.

“It matters…”

“It doesn’t and I’m not even sure why you’re still here Kennedy.” He is fucking stupid if he doesn’t know why I am here. He is stupid to assume anything in that state he is in.

“You’re stupid if you don’t know why I’m still here.” I tried to hide my anger, knowing he will just get off on it. He is at the tipping point and I don’t want to give him anymore steam.

“I’m stupid…” He let out a harsh laugh. It is would have had me melting into him had it not been so vile sounding. “I’m the stupid one, but you’re the innocent, precious, clean, beauty, standing in front of me trying to pull me off the cliff.”

I look around the room. The couches were overturned. The dining room table broken. Glass is all over the place and I wondered how the cops haven’t been called yet.

“What happened?” I asked curiously, wanting to take the attention off of me.

“What didn’t happen?” He says gruffly pushing off the counter, well slamming back another drink. I eyed the bottle precariously, I needed to get it away from him but I don’t dare get close to him. I know the Ryder I cared about won’t hurt me but this Ryder he is someone else. Darker, and different.

“You should probably put the bottle down.”

He eyed me, the darkness within him casting out any good. The light within him is diminishing with every drink.

“You should probably leave.” He takes a step towards me, and my breath flaunted. Fear spiking down my spine. I can’t walk away from him, my feet were glued to the floor and I know I won’t leave this place until I saved him. Until I brought him back to me. We both might be broken but he is far more broken than I and if I have to, I will save us. Making us whole again.

I shook my head no, afraid that my voice will tremble giving way to just how much he is affecting me. Then it is as if I blinked and he is directly in front of me, his hand wrapping around the back of my neck.

I am shaking like a leaf in the wind. I know h can feel it. He takes a drink from the bottle again, and the scent of whiskey invades my senses. He smells dark and dangerous, and even though I ‘m frightened by him, I’m intrigued as well.

“Are you afraid of me?” he asks softly. His voice is that of the Ryder I have grown to know, but the look in his eyes tells me it’s merely a façade.

“No,” I say, somehow finding my voice. I so badly want to take him into my arms and tell him it will be okay, but I know that isn’t what he needs.

“Are you sure?” He says, his fingers gripping my neck harder. There’s no pain, just discomfort.

Then it dawns on me that he thinks he can hurt me and others, that he’s his father. He is wrapped up in his very own dark world, letting the thoughts assault him.

“I know you’re in there somewhere, Ryder. Find your way out, find your way back to me,” I beg, my hands landing in fists against his chest. He’s warm, and I’m so wrapped up in the feeling that I don’t realize we are moving until my back slams into the wall. His body pins mine, a feral look in his eyes as the bottle of whiskey hits the floor.

I can’t breathe, and I can’t force myself to close my eyes. I can do nothing to protect myself from him.

“This is me, Kennedy. The person you thought you knew never existed. My father killed him a long time ago.” His hand skims over my chest, my heartbeat skyrocketing to a point where I’m afraid I will die.

I am getting wrapped up in him, his touch, the way his eyes sear into mine. His hand drifts further south, cupping me between my legs. I know what he needs. He needs to unleash the aggression, to hate something other than himself.

“Do you have any idea how long I’ve wanted you?” he growls into my skin. The sound is animalistic, but it turns me on in so many ways. His other hand comes up, pushing the side of my shirt down. Goosebumps break out across my skin as he plants a wet kiss on my shoulder.

“Ryder…” I mean to say his name, but it comes out sounding way more like a moan. His lips nibble my skin ferociously, as if it’s his dying wish to worship me. Every time his lips land on my skin, I can feel part of him branding me.

“You were the only real thing in my life. The only thing I ever had a chance at loving and making right. But now… Now it’s all gone to shit…”

“No it…” His finger touches my lips, shushing me.

“It did, Kennedy. Sam knows. He knows everything. He knows every secret and he’s going to spill them. He’s going to out me to the world. No one will see me as Ryder ever again, but merely a boy who is beaten, whose dreams were crushed over and over again.”

“Ryder…” I try saying again. I want to bring him back to me, pull him out of the dark abyss of his mind.

“No!” he screams, his fist landing right next to my head. My eyes grow large, real fear radiating out of me. I’m not sure if it is the mere look of fear in my eyes or the actual thought that he might hit me or something else that brings him out of it. He blinks slowly, his eyes clearing for the first time since I came here. He takes a step back, his gaze swinging around the room at the mess he has created.

His fist clenches, causing his biceps to bulge.

“It’s okay… We’ll clean it…” I say trying to soothe him.

“Stop. Just stop. Leave. Get. Out.” He grits his teeth with every word he says. I have to make a choice: leave and let him crumble and burn or stay and do something about it. It’s a good thing I’m not a quitter, isn’t?

“No!” I yell, determined to break him so I can build him back up. His head raises, anger rolling off of him. I can’t do this push and pull with him again. If he pushes this time, I will push back. I will give it my all, because the only chance I have at making him see his worth is standing right in front of him.

“No?” he says like he isn’t sure if he heard me correctly.

“Yup. No.” I say, taking determined steps until I am right in front of him. He wants to be mad, then we will be mad. I am not leaving this place until I have my Ryder back.

“Are you sure about that, Kennedy? Because all I want to do right now is bury myself as far inside you as I can. Do you want that? Do you want me to fuck you? It won’t be gentle and nice like you deserve, but it will be everything I’ve always envisioned.”

The wetness between my legs grows second by second. I want to be dangerous, to go to the edge with him and never come back. I want to beg and plead.

“Then do it,” I say dangerously. A flash of something I’ve never seen shows in his eyes. Then he’s on me, devouring me one kiss at a time. My back hits the wall as he pulls at my shirt, the fabric giving way to his aggression.

I want him more now than ever before. His fingers feel every inch of my body, he is trembling with need as am I. By the time we make it to the bedroom, all clothing is lost. He pushes me down onto the bed. My stomach is twisting in knots as he settles himself in between my legs. His hand comes up to my cheek, holding my face in place.

“You know I’ve always loved you….” he whispers into my ear. It’s the first time he has said he loves me or even brought up the word. I find it strange in the moment.

He pushes into me in the next moment, without warning. I tense up, my muscles not wanting to give way to such a large thing entering me.

“I’ll try my hardest to be gentle…for you,” he pants, sliding in all the way. Pain sparks settle deep into my muscles and bones.

Tears prick at my eyes, and he looks at me with the deepest love I have ever seen. So deep, that I know I have found him again.

I bring my hand up to his cheek. “I love you, too.” He pulls out, and slides back in again. Kisses pepper my chest and neck, making me wetter with every caress. His movements are slow and graceful, but that’s not what I want. I want Ryder for who he is, and though I know he will be gentle for me, I don’t want him to be.

“Fuck me… Please…” I beg. His eyes spark with a darkness as he pulls out of me and slams back in with an intensity that causes the headboard to hit the wall. My eyes roll into the back of my head with the pleasure and pain that hit me.

The strokes came harder and harder, rocking me to the core. I open my eyes to see a smirk has formed on his face as he lays a kiss directly on my heart. 

“I’ve loved you since the day Mimi told me I couldn’t have you.” He is close to coming, as am I. I feel it in every stroke and the way he strained to get his words out. Then it happens. I feel him filling me to the brim with everything that he is. My muscles clenches over and over again. Tingles spread across my body, and an explosion of colors occurs behind my eyes. Nothing is better than that second we meet. We will never be closer than in that one second. He stays still until he can no longer hold himself above me, then he rolls over and pulls me into his side.

Silence passes and I think he has fallen asleep.

“I never wanted you to see me like that, so lost and dangerous. I never meant to hurt you…” His words are so sincere. The hate he has for himself is heard with every word he says. He blames himself a lot.

“You never hurt me, Ryder. If anything, you saved me. You made me see that life am not as bad as I am making it out to be, that sometimes others have problems far worse than mine.”

A gruff laugh erupts from within him. His body shakes with laughter, the well-defined muscles under my hand clenching and unclenching.

“Our problems are gone now. Sam’s going to tell anyone and everyone about what happened and there isn’t anything that can be done about it….”

I sit up in the bed, not really knowing if I have missed the part where he told me how he knows Sam is going to talk.