Bittersweet Symphony (8 page)

“Because I have been wanting him to give me a reason to put him in the ground since I met you. Since I had seen the fragileness that is within you. He’s hurt you, and you don’t have to tell me about it right now because I know it’s more than you’re ready to talk about. Just know that I know he fucked you over, and if he gives me the fuel to fuck him up, I will.”

“That’s not the point, Ryder,” she murmurs, pulling her face from my grasp so that she can lay her head against my chest. My heart beats frantically as she does so.

I don’t know how to soothe anyone, especially her, but I try. My fingers weave into her hair. I run my fingers through the locks, until her breaths even out, until I can feel her melting, becoming the very liquid that I will absorb. I know I am dangerous, but I am starting to think Kennedy is even more dangerous. She has the power to bring me to my knees. I give no one that power.

“Kennedy…” I whisper. I am uncomfortable standing in this brush, sticks poking me in the back.

“Hmmm…” She sounds as if she’s about to nod off into a deep sleep.

“He won’t hurt you. What he did back there could land him in jail. Just know that if he messes with you, I won’t be able to stop myself from doing something to him.”

She doesn’t respond to anything I say and it feels as if she sinks even deeper into me. I know this night changes everything. She has become a permanent part of me, and nothing will ever change that.

I have given her the key to my heart; I have gone soft for one person and one person only. I am falling...

***

“If you were more like your brother, maybe I would think better of you!!” My father screamed at me. I was only ten at the time. His hands gripped my shoulders hard as he shook me. I could feel my teeth rattling and my eyes rolling. 

“If I tell you to do something and you don’t obey again… You will regret defying me.” I could tell by the look on his face that he meant every word he said. The bruises that would be on my shoulders from his grip would be a reminder to me.

“I’m sorry dad…” I said quietly, my eyes cast down at the ground. I didn’t dare look him in the eyes. It was like begging to be beaten again. If I could stay low and out of his way then he would leave me alone.

“No, but you will be.”  That was his form of dismissal, to simply say something and then walk away… It was my warning of pain to come. He wanted me to be afraid of him, and even at a young age I knew that. It took a beating or two, but eventually I learned.

I cleaned up the milk I spilled. Yes, that’s what pushed him over the edge. He was like a ticking time bomb. Some things bothered him and others didn’t. I was the only one he ever hurt. The only one he ever took his rage out on.

That thought alone caused pricks of moisture to form in my eyes. I shook my head grabbing the dish towel from the counter.

“Want to go outside and throw the football?” Rex asked. I finish wiping my mess up before responding to him. I don’t want dad to come back in here and see it’s not cleaned up yet.

“Hey… what’s wrong?” Rex said in my ear, his hand gripped my shoulder in the very same place dad did. I winced, but covered it up with a shrug. I had to... I couldn’t let Rex know what happened. It would kill him. It would break our already broken family.

“Nothing… I’ll come outside.” I covered it all with a smile. A mask that covered the pain like a band aid. As if it were the easy to make the pain go away. He watched me, looking at me as if he knew there was something deeper going on.

“I’m okay…” I said throwing the dish towel in the sink and grabbing the football from him. I smiled at him and ran out the sliding glass doors to the backyard. I could make it through all of this as long as Rex was okay…

A noise that sounds similar to a stampede of elephants trudging through the living room wakes me up. Fuck. A glance at my alarm clock; it’s not even eight A.M. yet. What the fuck is going on?

I throw on a pair of sleep pants and head out into the living room to see what all the commotion is about. The second I open the bedroom door I regret it.

“Do you realize how much shit I have dealt with? Do you know how hard it is to give a blow job for ten minutes?” The girl that is screaming at Landon is a usual lay. She comes and goes as she pleases. Literally. I know Landon keeps it strictly platonic. He isn’t ready for a relationship, and as long as she understands and accepts that, she can come back for more.

I think her name is Laura or something. I walk out into the living room, scrubbing my hands down my face. I always thought I would be the one in this predicament.

“I kindly asked you to leave… It’s not like I’m being an asshole.” Landon is blowing her off, and by the looks of it, she isn’t taking it well. She has one red heel in her hand about ready to stab him with it.

I would be lying if I didn’t find it at least a bit funny.

“Could you guys maybe tone it down? It’s not even eight A.M., and you’re going to end up waking the whole God damn apartment complex.” I watch as her eyes turn to me. They glide over me, landing on my shirtless chest. I can tell she is interested just by the way her lips part.

“Tell your friend to be less of a dick and I wouldn’t have to wake the whole apartment complex.” Her voice is sinister as she shoots daggers at Landon. Her hair is a mousy brown color. It is going in about twenty different directions. Her shirt is half on, and her skirt is so short, I can see what I am getting before I buy it.

I scratch at the back of my head, trying to figure out a way to make myself look less like a dick.

“Just in case you haven’t noticed, you’re here at our apartment calling him a dick after you willingly slept with him. By the looks of what you’re wearing, it sure seems like you came here for one thing. Now, I don’t know the ins and outs of your ‘friendship’, but if you come here looking like that, and acting all seductive, it’s not’s going to earn you breakfast in bed. You want to be treated like a lady, act like one.”

A growl erupts from her throat, a sound I have never heard come from a woman’s throat before. In one second flat, she is in front of me, aiming the heel of a red stiletto right at my head. Reaching out, I wrap my hand around her wrist, pulling it in a downward direction. Instinctively, she releases the heel, and it clatters to the floor.

“Did you just try and stab me?” I am only a little angry. A little. However, it doesn’t stop me from looking down at her like she has ended the world. I can see the terror build in her. She pulls away from me as fast she can, picking up her shoe from the floor.

“You both are pieces of shit!” she screams, heading toward the door. Of fucking course she has to slam it on her way out.  Fuck. I will be shocked if the cops don’t end up here at least once by the end of the year.

“Never again, dude.” I say to Landon shaking my head at him. He needs to pick less psychotic women, or at least screw them somewhere else.

“Sorry…” he says shrugging as he finishes his breakfast. I walk into the kitchen and get a bowl out of the cabinet. Our apartment is pretty nice for two guys. Two bedrooms, two baths, it has a balcony, a huge ass living room, and a nice little breakfast nook. It will be a shame to lose it because of some bitch.

“It’s fine. Just maybe think about letting her take you back to her place next time.” I pour Frosted Flakes and milk into my bowl. I stand in the kitchen, munching on my cereal, and my thoughts immediately drift to Kennedy and the secrets she is hiding.

I am not sure if I can wait for her to tell me everything… My eyes land on Landon and then it dawns on me. He went to high school with her… Maybe he knows something… Don’t go there, Ryder…

I don’t want to. Fuck, I do not want to go there, but I have to. I have to know what it is that she is still hiding from me.

“Hey…” I say causally.

“Yeah?” he says, looking at me sideways.

“Can I ask you something?” His brows furrow together.

“Uhh… Yeah?”

Setting the bowl of cereal down, I walk over to the table. I want to look him straight in the eyes when he tells me what I want to hear.

“Kennedy went to school with you?”

“Yeah, you know that…” I can tell by the expression on his face he doesn’t get where I am going with this.

“Remember that day I asked you about Sam and what he do to her? Or who he was?” He nodded.

“Okay… Well, I need to know what he did to her back then. I need to know why he’s so adamant about hurting her.” Landon’s eyes brighten the moment it clicks in his mind.

“I don’t get what you mean. She was bullied by him for like the last two years of high school. They went from being best friends to hating each other in a day.”

Hmmm. What he is saying is matching perfectly to Kennedy’s story; the missing piece, however, is why? Why are they not friends anymore?

“Any reason they aren’t friends anymore?” I can be persuasive, and Landon is my friend, so I don’t want to be a dick to him. But if I have to be, I will. I have a way to get answers, and it isn’t nice.

He looks at me confused for a moment. “No…” He runs his hand through his hair, leaning back in his chair.

“I mean there may have been a rumor or two that spread about them, but you can’t believe that kind of shit. Why don’t you just ask her yourself?”

I glare at him. He is going to tell me these rumors.

“I can’t ask her myself because for some God awful reason she won’t tell me. I know they used to be friends but I want to know why they aren’t anymore. Tell me these rumors.” I am not asking, I am demanding.

Rolling his eyes he says, “This was like three years ago… How the hell am I supposed to remember that far back?”

Oh, fuck no. Raising my fist I pound it on the table in front of him. Landon is a big guy, but I can take him.

“You best try to remember…” I say between clenched teeth. I am getting angrier every second that I have to wait for the truth.

“Dude…”

“Tell me,” I demand. His eyes lock with mine as he lets out a sigh.

“He wanted her. I knew he wanted her, everyone did. He had stuck by her side for years. Then one day he told her, and she said she didn’t feel the same. I don’t know what happened between them or what set him off, but I know that from that day on he hated her. He made her life hell. Anyone who stuck up for her, he took down too.”

Well, if that doesn’t get my insides burning, I don’t know what will. So the little fucker is turned down and he decides that instead of moving on, he will inflect hate and pain on my Kennedy? She’s not yours…

“You’re telling me she turned the fuck-nugget down and he retaliated by being a douche?”

“Basically,” he says as if he isn’t surprised in the least bit by my reaction.

“Did she do anything to stop him? Did he ever hurt her?” If he says yes, I swear to fucking God, I am going to go find Sam and rip his balls off and shove them through his eye sockets.

“I don’t fucking know… It’s not like we were best friends growing up.” Landon is getting irritated with me.

“Tell me,” I demand, a fury like no other flowing deep within me.

“Fucking-A. I don’t know. Not that I know of. It’s not like she could say shit to him. If she did, it would only get worse… What the hell is this all about anyway?”

I take a step back, a coolness blanketing over me. Okay, so he didn’t do anything to her. At least not anything that has me wanting to head over to his house and get stab happy on his ass.

I contemplate telling Landon. It isn’t like he doesn’t know her or what has happened. “Some shit with Sam went down last night, and Kennedy got all freaked out. I wanted to know what really happened instead of the sugar coated bullshit she tried feeding me.”

Landon gets up from the table, his bowl scraping across the wood. He stands directly in front of me.

“I know you want her, and you quite possibly, or maybe you already do, love her, but know that she’s been through the wringer so many times. If she keeps quiet about something, it’s for a reason. After all, we all have our own secrets.”

He walks away, and leaves me glaring at the table as my fingers dig into the wood. Anger isn’t even something I should be feeling at this moment. Except it is. I am angrier than I was before. I am seething. Landon knows I have secrets, everyone does. Some are smart enough to never hint at wanting to know them, while everyone else thinks they can dig into me and expose them. It never works out that way.

I never let them get close enough for it to happen. Except Kennedy. I let Kennedy get this close and now it is ripping me apart. Now I know why every woman I ever turned down is heartbroken when I don’t open up to them.

“You have to go to the party with me,” Clare, a classmate of mine, whispers in my ear as we scribble notes down. Professors wrote extremely fast. It is no wonder people got carpel tunnel.

“I don’t have to go anywhere.” And I won’t be going anywhere. Since the Sam and Ryder fight, I have been trying to stay low. I don’t want to draw any more attention to myself. I know Ryder is doing the right thing, but at the same time it felt as if he is setting me up for self-destruction.

Ryder has come into my life like a raging hurricane, drenching everything that made me who I am in a cold rain. He barreled through my walls one by one, destroying anything and everything that I have put up to protect myself. When it comes to him, I am defenseless, and in the midst of everything, that made me weak in a way. Only because Ryder ended up being that weakness.

“You have to. It’s going to be a rager, like the best party of the year,” Clare says examining her lip gloss in a hand held mirror. We aren’t friends, mainly just acquaintances simply because we sit next to each other. Clare is above me. Not because I put her there but because socially she has more friends and is wanted more by everyone.

“I don’t do parties.” I don’t. I had those couple of sips of whiskey with Ryder and that is probably going to be all I drink for the whole year.

“You do. Everyone in college does parties and men. We do lots and lots of men.” She says, looking at Kane Fisher’s back, he is more known as a God to the women of the campus than anything as if he is the last chocolate bar in the world.

Kane and Clare will be the couple of the school. If he will give her the time of day. She stares at his back like she is now since the beginning of the semester. She looks like a lost little puppy who is kicked time after time.

“Guess I’m not the norm then because I do neither.” I start doodling in my notebook, not wanting to listen to the professor talk about the religions of the world anymore.

“Just… Come hangout with us,” she says closing her compact mirror. She is the type that I should stay away from. She has Mimi beat by a long shot when it comes to begging.

“I’ll think about it…” I mumble. My phone keeps buzzing in my pocket. I pull it out and went through the messages. Ryder, Ryder, Mimi, Mimi, Mimi, oh and look Mimi.

The messages vary from bitching to wondering how classes are going. Sometimes I wonder if that chick ever does anything besides drink and go to classes. My thoughts skid to a stop when my finger clicks on Ryder’s text. Everything with him is like the first time. My heart beat always picks up at every text, or ring of the phone.

Every time his lips touch my skin, or his body brushes against mine, it has me thinking seriously naughty thoughts. I am too wrapped up in imaging things to take notice that class has been dismissed.

I lift my head from the text that I still haven’t read. Clare slips a piece of paper onto my desk… before giving me a charming smile and walking away.

I pick up the paper gripping it between two fingers. On it is an address that I assume is where the party will be. Little does she know I won’t be going to that party. I don’t do parties.

Getting my shit together, I shove my phone into my pocket. I am always the last one out of the class. I just move that slowly, and by slow I meant, as slow as a turtle trudging through tar.

Once I made it out of the auditorium, and down into the hall I finally pull out my phone to check the text Ryder has sent me.

Ryder: I miss you. Come see me tonight.

I will be lying if I say my heart doesn’t do a little flippity-flop in my chest. Things were getting intense and serious with him. Being around him more and more is causing all rational thoughts to go out the window. When we touched it is like fire to my soul. He sparked something in me that went deeper then love.

“Well, well…” A voice that made me want to run my head into the wall a million times said behind me. I turned around, knowing very well that Sam will be standing there. I also know that he will be up to something. After all, Ryder has fucked up his face pretty badly. Sam isn’t about getting revenge, he is about getting even. I know it and so does everyone else.

“Sam…” I say hiding the fear of the situation. Looking at him is hard. It seemed like no matter what I do I can’t picture him as the monster he truthfully is, instead I saw the old Sam. The one who is my best friend.

“Kennedy…” The way he says my name sent shivers don’t my spine. I finally looks up at him. My breath floundered. He has a bandage a cross his nose, and his eye is black and blue. He has what looks like a bruise across his cheek. In other words he looks like shit.

I have to hold back the need to smile. The satisfaction that formed in me is scary. I am not one for hate, or violence but seeing Sam hurting is the best kind of karma.

I take a step back, as he advanced on me. It is always best to keep distance between us. He has a problem keeping his hands to himself and I don’t want to put myself in a situation that I can’t control.

“You see all of this…” He raged, gesturing to his face. Boy have I seen it.

“Yes.” I responded. If he tried to hurt me this time I won’t be weak. I won’t stand here and take it. I will fight back.

I can tell by the bleakness in his eyes, and the darkness that descended over us that me being cool and calm about all this is pissing him off more and more.

He takes another step, forcing me to take another back. This is a sick game we are playing. It is like chess, if you made the wrong choice. If your moves weren’t strategic enough you can lose your queen. I am pretty close to losing my queen.

His scent surrounded me. A scent that use to calm me, a scent that once wrapped me in blanket of happiness. Reaching out his hand wrapped around my wrist. I look up at him glaring as I tried to pull out of his hold.

The sickest smile ever showed on his face. His lips were turned up but it wasn’t a I’m happy smile it was a thank god I finally have her trapped.

“Did you think that I would let you get away with it? Did you think I wouldn’t retaliate against you? Against your piece of shit boyfriend?” He says shoving me against the brick wall.

Be strong Kennedy. Be strong. You’re above this. Above him.

The brick scratched against my back pack. His hand is still wrapped around my wrist and I know I have to do something soon.

“You deserved it…” I gritted out. I know Sam isn’t above hitting people. He hasn’t even hit me but I know the day will come. If you can shove, push, smack, pinch or do anything violent to someone you were capable of hitting someone.

He takes a step back, taken off guard by what I have said I’m sure. Shaking his head as if he is disappointed in me he released my wrist and gripped my shoulders tightly.

I bit my lip to hide the pain, as his finger bit into flesh. I know attempting to pull myself from his grip is useless. He will just grip harder.

“Then I suppose you deserve whatever it is I do to you…” His breath hit my face and I turned away from him. I am going to puke. I must have stayed silent longer than he liked because he released me and pushed his body as close as we can get with clothes on.

His hand came up, as if he is going to slap me. I jerked in response but is met with the soft touch of his hand. He titled my face up to him, forcing me to look into his eyes. I so badly wanted to close my eyes but feared he will do something far worse. Our chests heaved together… I know he can smell the fear coming off of me.

“I will get back at you Kennedy and I will hurt you. For what its worth, once upon a time I valued you. Kissed the ground your feet walk on. Now, no fucking way. You and your bastard boyfriend will pay… No one’s secrets can be hidden forever.”

I closed my eyes, not wanting to see the man that has hurt me for years. I wanted to crawl into a ball and go to that happy place. The one place in my mind where I will be happy. Where I won’t have to worry around every corner. Where I can be me. Where I can be with Ryder…

Sam patted my cheek gently… Then his body lifted off of mine, and I can hear the echo of his feet across the floor. It is the only signal that I have to allow me to open my eyes.

I know from Sam’s words that I and Ryder have dug ourselves graves and something else told me he knows more than I thought… No one’s secrets can be hidden forever. His words ran through my mind. Over and over again.

Picking myself up off the wall, I forced breaths in and out. I am angry. Madder than I ever have been. It is so hard to be strong when you know that all of this will end up being your fault. I know if anyone got hurt it will be on me. At the end of the day that just isn’t something that I will be able to stomach. I have to do something.

***

Finger’s skimmed a crossed my back. There movements sensual. I wanted so badly to turn around and look at him, to see his beautiful face.

“I want to fuck you so bad… You know that right? Can you feel how much I want you? ” His voice was so deep and seductive that it went straight to my core, saturating me with need.

I could feel his erection against my ass and my mouth watered in anticipation. The need to have him inside of me was strong as his hand descended down my back I could feel the soft touch of his fingers on my ass. His lips moved over my neck at such slow pace I wondered if I would die.

“Bend for me.” He whispered into my ear, urging me over the couch arm. His leg came between mine, the feeling of his against mine caused a rippling sensation with in me.

“I’m going to fuck you…” He said again, this time is his fingers rubbed against my core. I knew he could feel the liquid heat there. It was all for him.

“Wake up. Wake up. Wake up.” Mimi said. Or at least I am certain it is Mimi. My eyes popped open, anger vibrating through me. She interrupted the best fucking dream ever.

“Ugh. What the hell do you want?” I groaned into the pillow. Why can’t she just leave me alone so I can dream about things that will probably never happen.

“Get up. I need to talk to you, and also why the hell are you sleeping. It’s like five at night.” I gazed up from the pillow, looking at her. She looks okay, almost glowing as if she has a permeant tan or something. It is hard to tell though, she is always dark in color, or at least as long as I have known her she is.

“Just talk… I’m going to try and suffocate myself in this pillow.” I seriously isn’t but after the last couple of hours I have, have I really should’ve been contemplating it.

“I’m pregnant.” Well fuck a duck. I shot up out of bed like there is a fire in the building.

“You’re pregnant?” My head just can’t wrap around her words. She knows what pregnant meant right because if not I have to explain it to her and I don’t know if I wanted to do that.

“Knocked up, pregnant, expecting, have a bun in the oven, whatever you refer to it as that’s me.” Her eyes stayed trained to my face, and her voice stayed at typical Mimi fashion.

“Uhh… Congratulations?” Honestly I am not sure what I am supposed to say. I am certain that she doesn’t want to be pregnant and then there is the issue of the father. . . .

“Yes, Corey’s the father, and he knows. Not that he really fucking cares.” There is the banter I know. Her words are slung with such force that tells me he didn’t take the news well.

“I’m sorry.” I say as sincerely as I can. I am at a loss for words. She rolls her eyes at me.

“I didn’t come here for your apology or congratulations, but simply to have someone go to this party with me. I need to find the bitch Chelsea and make sure she keeps her well-manicured fingers off my man.”

Confusion hit me hard. Didn’t she just tell me that Corey didn’t take the news very well, or am I just still sleeping?

“Wait… Why do you care about Corey if you’re fighting?” I am so confused.

“I care because he is mine, and if he has to pull his head out of his ass that’s fine but I’m going to make sure every female within a five mile radius knows it.”

My eyes grew wide. Oh shit. I needed to call Jenna. Mimi is about to hit hurricane Mimi level.

“Now get out of bed and escort me to this party that is occurring out on central drive.” I rolled my eyes at her demands. I know Mimi well enough now to know that she is up to something wicked.

“What are you up to?” I asked eyeing her curiously. A party is not a place for a pregnant woman to be. She is risking being seen for a very important reason.

“Nothing.” She replied batting her eyelashes at me. I groaned stretching. She takes the invitation to barrel into my room and then have the audacity to sit on my bed well I am trying to sleep for “nothing” I don’t think so.

“Liar.” I shot back.

“Come on. I can find you something to wear if you want me too.” I let out a laugh. She is kidding right. I heard about some of the shit she made Jenna wear. I am not going to put myself in her shoes.

“I don’t even want to go, and no way in hell are you going to be picking out my clothes IF I do go.” I really don’t want to go. I don’t want to leave my room at all. I know Sam is out there lurking waiting for his chance to pounce on me. I needed to tell Ryder before it go out of hand but I am scared. So scared that he will think that I do something wrong. That it is me who spilled his secrets.