Black (Clashing Colors Book 1) (13 page)

Unfortunately, my thoughts were already providing visual answers to her question, showing me what I had wanted to do to her before I went to Therese. And unfortunately, my dick didn’t get the memo that sexual thoughts about a niece are non-kosher and shouldn’t cause an erection.

Cia gasped and I knew she felt my storm trooper growing against her belly. 

I considered moving away from her but that would just expose the problem even more. Instead I tightened my grasp around her and closed my eyes.

When I opened them I gazed directly into her forest-green eyes. “Remember when I told you that showering with you might cause my body to react?”

“Yes,” she said, slightly out of breath.

“It doesn’t mean anything,” I lied.

She lowered her head, so I couldn’t see her eyes. I wished she hadn’t, because you can tell so much from looking into people’s eyes and I was dying to know if she was disgusted with me.

She unwrapped her arms from my neck. “I feel a little better now,” she said and reached for the shampoo bottle. For the past week I had washed and brushed her hair. She had even taught me how to braid it.

I reached for the shampoo. “Let me do it,” I said.

“No, I got it,” she muttered and turned the hot water up a bit. 

“Please.” I sighed. “Tomorrow you’ll most likely be a pre-teen so this will be my last time washing your hair. I want to do it.”

Her brows knitted together. “Why, Gabriel?” she asked and used my full name for the first time.

“Because,
Darcia,”
I reciprocated, “I like to take care of you.”

She gave me an incredulous stare and then handed the shampoo over. “All right. For the last time then.”

“Turn around,” I instructed and when she did I noticed how her nipples were hard and pointy despite the warm water. Was she still cold? Or was it a sign that I wasn’t the only one affected by the situation?

“Lean your head back,” I instructed.

She did and I gently applied the shampoo to her long golden hair. “How do you feel?”

I received a sound of satisfaction from her as I massaged her scalp, and I couldn’t help it when my fingers wandered down to her neck and shoulders and continued massaging her there.

“Too hard,” she complained

I softened my touch. “Is this better?”

“Uh-huh.” She let her head fall to one side, giving me a glimpse of her closed eyes. I was tempted to kiss her exposed neck, but instead I took the showerhead and rinsed out the shampoo from her hair. As I stepped to stand beside her I saw her face look relaxed with eyes closed. I know I shouldn’t but I still planted a kiss on her nose.

Green eyes popped open to look at me with great intensity. “I’m sorry I can’t give you what you need,” she said softly. 

“Me too,” I whispered because in that moment I wanted her so fucking bad. “I mean, no, that’s okay. I’m sure you have needs that I can’t fulfil either… you know, with me being your uncle and all,” I babbled.

She took the showerhead out of my hand and turned it on me. “Can I wash your hair too?” she asked.

I nodded slowly.

“Would you mind kneeling down? I can’t reach.”

That turned out to be a very bad idea, as I now faced her sweet perky tits and my hands were going into cramps from my trying to hold back from touching them.

I tried lowering my eyes so I wouldn’t see them but that only had me looking down at a part of her body that my hands were equally interested in. I had already touched that part of her body while bathing her but never skin to skin. I had always used a washcloth, and I was curious to know how she felt.

Her hands massaged my scalp and washed my hair. My hair is trimmed short so it shouldn’t have taken long, but she took her time.

“Stand up,” she finally said.

I rose to my feet.

“Do you want me to wash you, like you’ve washed me?” she asked and her eyes fell to my saluting soldier.

Yes!
my body shouted, but I remembered there was a camera in the room and forced myself to shake my head.

“No thank you, I think I’ll do that myself.”

If she was relieved, she didn’t show it. She just handed me the showerhead and stepped out of the tub.

Thank God!

⦓∞
⦔

Cia

Gabriel had been right, it had been his last time to wash my hair – because Bruce promoted me to a ten-year-old after our morning session, which meant I was finally a preteen and fully capable of grooming myself. Hallelujah.

Gabriel and I didn’t mention anything about our dramatic morning. We knew Bruce had it on video, but hopefully he had been too busy with his other clients to watch it.

Instead we three spoke about my nightmare, about my mom burning Hello Kitty, and once again, I felt like I had just run an emotional marathon with nowhere to hide from the crazy doctor’s annoying X-ray vision. “You’re a big girl now,” Bruce said when we were rounding up.

“So what is my role then?” Gabriel asked Bruce.

“You’ll still spend most of your time with Cia, but now you two can go on longer hikes, play pool, and you can even have a bit of time for yourself while Cia paints or hangs out with others. So enjoy that you’re off the hook a bit.”

Gabriel surprised me when he said. “I don’t know, I was just getting used to it and I kind of liked it.”

Bruce made a note on his paper. “I find that interesting and I want to investigate that a bit more in another session, but I think Cia has had enough for one day.”

I nodded.

“Just think about what I said, will you?” he asked. “I know you don’t want to see your mom, but carrying around anger and resentment will make you sick. If you could come to a place of forgiveness it would benefit you more than you can imagine.”

“Yeah, you already told me… anger and hatred causes anxiety, which makes me produce too much adrenaline and cortisum, which undermines the production of my cancer-killing cells and shit.”

“Cortisol,” Bruce corrected. “I’m glad to see that you understand it on an intellectual level; now all you need to do is let me invite your mom to come for a session.”

I got up. “You know, Dr. Bruce, I don’t mind admitting that it’s been good talking through some of all the things from my past, but I promised myself I would never have to see that woman again, and no one can make me break that promise.”

“I understand, Cia, but just remember that forgiving is not the same as condoning, and you don’t forgive your mother for her sake, you do it for your own.”

“Yadda yadda yadda… same answer. No!”

Bruce chuckled. “Very well, all I ask is that you think about it. If you want to walk out of this camp feeling light and free, I can help you. If you choose to walk out and still be weighed down by your past, then that’s your choice too.”

“That’s right; my choice!”

Bruce and Gabriel got up too. “I think Cia has done some great work,” Gabriel said to support me.

Bruce nodded but his brows were firmly knitted together in a thoughtful expression. “Yes, but it’s going to be interesting to see what pops up in her pre-teen years.”

A voice deep inside of me was whispering warnings but I didn’t stop to listen.

“Can I take Cia to the city and go shopping for a few hours?” Gabriel asked.

Bruce walked to his door that had the same brown color as the wood panels in the room. He opened it for us before he answered. “I would prefer if you waited a few days. I certainly can’t stop you if you decide to do it, but it’s important that you stay in your roles, and that will be hard to do if you leave the camp.”

Gabriel sighed. “I really want to see something else for a change.”

Bruce lifted an eyebrow and gave Gabriel a hard look. “Give it a day or two, but remember, I expect you to treat Cia with the same care and devotion as you would your ten-year-old daughter.”

“Of course.” Gabriel nodded and took my hand. “The day after tomorrow then?”

I nodded. Even though a change of scenery was tempting, I actually didn’t mind waiting a few days. I was physically drained from not getting much sleep last night and overwhelmed from the drama with Gabriel and the therapy session. There were about a million thoughts in my mind, and one of them was Gabriel’s raw reminder from last night that he wasn’t my boyfriend and I had no right to be jealous. Yet I was.

I was annoyed and on edge. Angry at Gabriel for making me confused. Angry at Bruce for making me think of my mom and even consider seeing her again. 

When we got outside Gabriel grabbed my hand but I pulled it away. “I’m ten, you don’t need to hold my hand,” I said.

“But I like to hold your hand,” he protested and tried to grab it again.

“Maybe later – right now I’m going to get out of this awful pink dress and take a nap, and later I’m going to paint. Why don’t you go for that long hike you’ve been talking about?” I suggested, praying he would take the hint and give me space to breathe and get my head straight. 

His face fell. “But I wanted us to do that hike together.”

“Yeah, well, I’m a preteen now, I need some alone time.”

“Okay, if you insist,” he said and went to pack his backpack to bring with him.

I watched him gear up while I stepped out of the puffy dress and got under the blanket on our bed.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come?” he asked a last time. “I’ll tell you some really gory stories from the war on the way, if you come.”

I gave him a tired smile. “Tell me later, okay?”

“Can a dad still hug and kiss his ten year-old?” he asked.

“I don’t know.”

He leaned forward and kissed the top of my hair. “Well, I’m doing it. Sweet dreams, darling, I’ll see you in a few hours.”

When he left, the room felt empty without him. Just like it had when I woke up from my nightmare last night.

I’m not stupid, I knew it was problematic that I had become addicted to his company; I suppressed the part of me that wanted to call him back and ask him to curl up with me and be my pillow of safety while I slept.

In a week I would be back on my own. Hell, after the trial I might even go to jail for a year. I needed to get a grip on myself, before I turned into a pathetic girl depending on a man to save me.

⦓∞
⦔

Two days later we finally went on a drive to do a bit of shopping. Gabriel wanted to take me to Olympia, which would offer the biggest selection of shops, but being so close to the ocean I begged him to take me there instead. Seattle has a lot of water, but it’s all lakes and Puget Sound, meaning that whenever you’re by the water, there’s a view with mountains in the background. I wanted to stand on a beach and see nothing but water, just like in the movies. No mountains in the distance, just blue ocean as far as my eyes could see.

We ended up in a place called Ocean Shores, which turned out to be a nice vacation spot.

Luckily, my clothes had been upgraded to something less girly, now that I had finally reached the age of twelve years old. I was wearing a simple denim skirt and a marine blue t-shirt with a cat wearing large purple glasses. Obviously not something I would have ever worn if I had a choice, but then again, I only wore black in the real world.

We had promised Bruce to stay in character and maybe for that reason, Gabriel asked me a lot of questions about my art project, which was almost finished and offered a safe topic.

It was the middle of May and one of those unusual warm days with almost eighty degrees, so the minute we arrived at Ocean Shores, Gabriel wanted an ice cream.

“What do you want, sweetie?” he asked and I looked around to see if anyone had heard him. It’s one thing to be called Sweetie, Sugar, and Candy back in the camp, but here, where strangers didn’t know that it was a role-play, I suddenly felt shy about it.

“You know people are going to assume that we’re a couple if you keep saying things like that,” I muttered low.

“I don’t care what strangers think,” he said and took my hand. “Come on, let me get my girl an ice cream.”

I chose a big vanilla soft ice, and we walked down to the beach and found a bench to sit and enjoy the view.

“Can I taste yours?” he asked and offered me his cone with pistachio.

“It’s good, right?” he said as I took a bite.

“It’s better than mine… I’m keeping this one,” I teased him and held it away from him when he wanted to swap back.

He laughed. “Hey, give me my ice cream back.”

“Never,” I said and took off running toward the sea, laughing out loud.

Gabriel was right behind me, balancing the soft ice while chasing me.

I didn’t stop when I reached the water, but kicked off my flip-flops and continued until the waterline hit my knees. Still laughing and with my hair blowing in the sea breeze, I stopped and looked back at him. He wore long pants and would get wet if he went after me. I on the other hand had the denim skirt that was just above my knees.