Black (Clashing Colors Book 1) (27 page)

I stood hypnotized for minutes, just taking in the beauty of Cia, wondering why I hadn’t seen this all along. I had considered her pretty, but never the most beautiful of my girlfriends. Something had changed and I couldn’t tell if it was my eyesight or her looks, I just knew that she was exquisite and that my whole body was buzzing with excitement.

After another ten minutes of drawing, she was done and handed the portrait to the parents. I was quick to step closer, wanting to be first in line to have my portrait made and get her to talk to me.

Cia took the money and thanked the father of the boy before she turned. The shock on her face when she saw me made me hold my breath.

“Hey,” I said and waited for her to speak.

She took a step back.

“Can I have my portrait painted?” I asked.

She looked around at the people in the crowd that seem to be scattering now that she wasn’t drawing.

“I’m sorry, but I’m on a break now,” she said and turned her back to me.

My hands acted by themselves and pulled her around to face me. “How have you been?”

“Fine,” she said but I didn’t have to be a psychic to know she was lying.

All the anger I had felt towards her seemed to evaporate in the summer sun.

“I miss you,” I said and looked deeply into her eyes. It was the truth.

A ghost of pain flashed over her face before she tensed up and looked to my right. I turned my face to see what she saw and found Caroline and Violet watching us.

“Are you ready to go, G?” Caroline asked.

Violet gave me a grim stare but said nothing.

I whipped my head around to explain to Cia that Caroline and I weren’t a thing but her face had turned into a hard façade again.

“Can we talk?” I asked.

“What do you want to talk about?” she said and turned to a Chinese couple who were looking at her portraits. “Would you like to have a portrait done? It’s fifty for one person and eighty for a couple.”

The couple exchanged a few words before they nodded and pointed to both of them.

“Just take a seat over here.” Cia pointed to two chairs and moved to pick up her pencil.

“Hey, I wanted a portrait painted – you said you were taking a break,” I complained.

“G, are you coming or not?” Caroline asked behind me and in that moment Cia looked up at me.

“I think your girlfriend is getting impatient.”

“She’s not my girlfriend,” I protested.

“I’m not his girlfriend… it’s just a casual thing,” Caroline said in what I assumed was intended as a helpful comment.

Cia looked at me and then back at Caroline. “That’s a shame, because you look just like his
type
.”

I huffed out air with annoyance, wishing I could have just ten minutes alone with her.

“Can I have your number at least?” I asked in a last attempt, but she pretended not to hear me.

“Cia, can’t you at least look at me?”

She turned her head and raw emotions shone from her eyes. “Please just leave me alone,” she said in a brittle voice that hit me hard.

I backed away, not wanting to cause her more harm.

Needless to say, I didn’t have dinner with Caroline. Instead I apologized to her and explained the situation. I had to try and make Cia talk to me and get some closure. Caroline took it well and gave me a hug before she walked away.

I went back to the marketplace and saw that Cia was still working on her portrait of the Chinese couple. Violet, however, was in between clients.

“Can I talk to you?” I asked her.

She pointed to the chair. “It’s thirty dollars for a ten-minute reading.”

“I don’t want a reading, but I’ll give you a hundred dollars if you give me Cia’s phone number.”

“Tsk.” She smacked her tongue.

“Okay, two hundred dollars if you help me get ten minutes alone with her.”

“Sit,” Violet ordered and I did.

“Why do you want her number?” she asked.

“Because I want to talk to her… I want answers.”

“What kind of answers.”

“Like where does she live? I’ve been at the motel and she doesn’t sleep there. I just want to know she’s okay. She’s still my niece, you know.”

She shook her head with a small grin.

“It’s not funny. Do you know where she lives?”

“Yes.”

“Will you tell me?”

“No. Do you have other questions?”

“Yes,” I said annoyed that she wouldn’t tell me.
“I still don’t understand why she would dress as a Goth that night. Was it a statement of some kind? I mean she dresses normally now.”

Violet looked thoughtful. “Give me your hands,” she said and I complied.

“You are a soldier, yes?”

I nodded.

“If a woman told you she loves a man in uniform, would you be flattered?”

I wrinkled my forehead. “I don’t know.”

“Let say you fell in love with this woman and she asked you to wear your uniform all the time; would you?”

I continued to frown, but didn’t answer.

“Now let’s say you’ve been wearing your handsome uniform for your girlfriend for weeks and she tells you that she loves you.”

“Yeah?”

“How would you know if she loves you or just gets excited by your uniform?”

“That’s easy. I would take it off,” I said quickly.

Violet didn’t speak for a while; she just looked at me expectantly.

“What?” I asked blankly.

“Ask yourself: did something happen between you two that would make Cia feel a need to test if you loved her or her uniform?”

I closed my eyes with a sudden clarity. I had told her I loved her and she had pulled this stunt on me. It had been a fucking test and I had failed big-time.

“Fuck.” I groaned and rubbed my face with both hands. “I screwed up.”

“Yes, you did,” Violet said and let go of my hands. “I’ve known Cia for a few years,” she said quietly, “and I was really happy to see her come out of her shell and curious to meet the man who would make her want to. When I saw her in the gallery that night as Black, my thought was that she was under pressure and needed the armor that outfit provides.”

“She was scared.” I pondered out loud.

Violet nodded. “Cia had a lot on the line that night. What if her paintings didn’t sell?”

“What if my family attacked her again?” I added.

“What if someone criticized her art, which was very personal to her?”

I crossed my arms and lowered my head, thinking a hundred miles an hour. For ten weeks I had been digging around in those questions without finding answers, and this crazy person had just given me those answers as if they were there for everyone to see.

Seeing her today had made one thing clear to me. I wasn’t over her and I needed to talk to her.

“How do I get her to give me a second chance?” I asked

“I think you’ll need patience,” Violet answered.

“I’m moving in three weeks. I can’t be patient, I need to fix this now,” I said, tapping my right foot with nervous energy.

“In that case, you might be out of luck.”

I felt chills down my spine. “Why? Is she seeing someone else?”

Violet was quiet too damn long. “Is she?” I repeated with a slightly raised voice.

“Those are things I can’t tell you.”

“So much for you being a psychic,” I said with a combination of sarcasm and desperation. “Why don’t you use your special powers and tell me how to win her back?”

She watched me closely for a few seconds before she spoke in a low voice. “I could tell you if I wanted to, but…”

I cut her off.  “I’ll give you three hundred dollars, if you tell me.”

Violet tilted her head with a small smile. “Show me the money.”

“I don’t carry cash, but I promise I’ll get you the money.”

“I’m afraid I don’t give credit. Get me the money and I’ll tell you how to win her back. But I warn you: you might not like what I have to say.”

I was back with the money ten minutes later and handed Violet three hundred dollars.

“So tell me what I need to know to get Cia back.”

Violet picked up the money and put it in her bag before she spoke.

“The first step is to apologize.”

“I can do that,” I said decisively just as a group of women with high pitched voices and loud grins passed the tent. Violet waited for the women to pass before she continued.

“The second step is to convince her you can give her what she needs.”

“Okay.”

“The third step is to empower her to take another chance on you.”

I summed up the steps. “Apologize, convince, empower… got it, but how do I do that?”

“Well, first of all, you need to know what she needs. Do you?” She drummed her fingers on a stack of tarot cards.

I thought of our time together at the camp and all the things I knew about her childhood. “She needs someone to love her unconditionally,” I said.

Violet nodded. “Don’t we all?”

I got up from my chair full of restless energy. “But how do I get her to believe I’m that person after fucking up so badly?” I asked with frustration.

“That’s where patience comes in, but since you’re in a hurry, you might have to speed things up a little.”

“How…? I can’t even get her to listen to me.”

Violet rolled her eyes and gave a long deep sigh. “I’m sorry, but aren’t you a military engineer of some sort?”

“Yeah.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be inventive and get rid of obstacles?”

I leaned back. “That’s hardly the same thing.”

Her light brown eyes narrowed. “So you want me to believe that you can go to war and come home with some sort of medal, but you’re not strategic, brave, or determined enough to get Cia alone for an hour?”

I tensed my jaw. “Military tactics don’t really work with civilians. I can’t just capture her and interrogate her to make her tell me how she feels and get her to listen to me.” 

Violet got up to stand in front of me. She was a head smaller but felt like she was towering over me with an immense force. “You can’t or you won’t?”

“You are crazier than I thought, if you’re seriously suggesting I kidnap Cia. That would make me a criminal.”

She gave me a wry smile. “Ahh, and what a pair of criminals you would be.”

I gaped at her when she clapped her hands. “I’m afraid this is all I have to offer you, because we’re closing up for today.”

At first I didn’t catch the hint in her voice, but then it dawned on me – that if Cia was off for the day too, she might have time to talk to me. I wasn’t even going to consider kidnapping her; that was just insane.

I hurried to Cia’s pavilion, where she was packing up her things. “Do you need help?” I offered but she just lifted her head and then quickly looked down again.

“No thanks.”

“I could use some help,” Violet called out behind me. “Would you mind carrying this table to my car?”

My eyes shot to Cia once again. I would much rather be helping her and getting close to her.

“All right,” I said and took the table from Violet, who surprised me by holding out her car keys.

“It’s the classic station wagon with a bumper sticker that says
They told me I’m crazy, but my unicorn says I’m just fine
.”

I took the keys she held out for me and started walking in the direction she had pointed to. How the hell was I going to get Cia to talk with me?

The answer came when I saw Violet’s car…

CHAPTER 24

Desperate Times

Cia

The moment I saw Gabriel I felt like I had been punched in my stomach. Why hadn’t he grown a humongous beard or gotten a beer belly or something? Why did he have to look as darn handsome as he ever did and why did he have to look at me like he had just found a long-lost treasure?

I was rude. I realized that, but what choice did I have? It would have been so easy to fall for the illusion that we could have it all. But I wouldn’t. Not this time. I was finally getting back on my feet, and with the money I was making on selling paintings through Darren and my street art, I was able to support myself. Of course it helped that I lived with Violet, who didn’t charge much rent for her couch.

Although I’ve known Violet for about three years we hadn’t been close until now. As Black I was never close to anyone, Daniel being the exception. But as Cia, I’m softer and more open to letting others in. In small doses.

Violet is freaky, though. She’ll say things that I have no clue how she knows. Some days she almost has me convinced that her psychic abilities are real, but then I kick myself for being so naïve. 

I haven’t forgotten about the spooky cleansing she did in Daniel’s apartment. Daniel is convinced she’s the real thing, but the more I think about it, the more it seems likely that she could have known the name of the man living there, what he did for a living, and even how he committed suicide. I mean, Daniel must have given her his address and that would have given her time to look it up… if she has access to the right IT systems.

But who am I to judge how she makes her money? I’ve hustled people in the past and stolen things, so if some gullible schmuck wants to pay Violet to read their future, talk to some dead relative, have a house clearing, or tell them the name of their spirit guides, then peace to them.

All I know is that Violet is the kindest and most generous person I know. She always does her best to make me feel better when I’m having a bad day. And I’ve had a lot of bad days after I lost Gabriel.

Some say it’s better to have loved and lost, but I say it’s better to live in ignorant bliss. The pain of having your illusions crushed will break you.

I think I would have broken too, if not for Violet.

But I’m still here… working, living, existing, and hoping that, someday, Gabriel won’t be the first thing I think about in the morning and the last before I go to bed.

I was annoyed that Violet allowed him to help her carry her things to the car and I insisted on carrying my own. You can’t both ask a man for his help and at the same time tell him to leave you alone, and I certainly didn’t want to send him any mixed signals. I had trusted him once and he had blown it. As far as I was concerned we were better off walking our separate ways.

When we finally got all our gear packed into Arion I got into the passenger seat without as much as looking at Gabriel, who stood on the sidewalk. I kept my eyes straight ahead and was fully focused on not showing how affected I was by his presence.

“Thanks for the help,” Violet called out to him and got behind the wheel.

“Let’s go! Hurry up and get this old thing moving.” I muttered, harsher than I intended.

Violet gave me a reproachful glance and stroked the steering wheel. “I’m sorry, Arion, Cia didn’t mean to offend you. We would appreciate if you could get us safely home.”

She turned the key in the ignition and it cranked but didn’t fire up. Violet turned the key again and it was the same thing. 

“See, I’ve told you not to talk poorly about Arion.”

That’s when I lost it. “Will you stop talking about this car as if it’s alive? This is an old crappy car, not some Greek stallion with magical powers. Normal people don’t name their cars and they certainly don’t speak to them.”

Violet narrowed her eyes. “I’m sorry if you were under the impression that I’m normal.”

Of course Gabriel chose that exact moment to tap on the window. “Is everything all right?” he asked.

I covered my face with both my hands, feeling the need to scream.

“He won’t start,” Violet said and got out of the car talking to Gabriel about what could be wrong. I stubbornly stayed in the car until Gabriel got in to try and start Arion. That made me get out.

“It’s probably the battery. Have you had issues with it before?” Gabriel asked.

“No, Arion never gives me trouble.”

“Don’t worry, I have a portable jump-starter in my car.”

“Great, can you go and get it?” Violet asked him.

Gabriel looked at me. “Sure, if Cia walks with me so we can talk. It’s only a few blocks from here.”

Violet looked at me with a pleading glance.

“Just call a tow truck company,” I said, not wanting to be pushed into a conversation that I knew would bring up emotions I was trying hard to suppress.

Violet did call a tow truck company. She called several in fact, but all of them had hours of waiting time, and in the end I was so desperate to get home that I agreed to walk with him to his car.

“Thank you,” Violet called after me as I walked stiffly next to the man who had been my first love. 

“Why didn’t you ever call me?” he asked.

“There wasn’t much to talk about,” I answered shortly.

“Did you ever consider that some closure would have been healthy for both of us?”

I shrugged…
God damn it, where is his car?

“Everyone has been asking about you.”

I knew he was referring to his family… but that was the double curse of my situation. I hadn’t lost just him, but the chance to be a part of my family too. Even if they would accept me into their fold, I wouldn’t go… because he would be there.

It hurt too much.

“Where do you live?” Gabriel asked and I told him it was none of his concern.

“Do you have enough money?”

“Yes.”

“Are you still off the drugs?”

That made me whip my head around and pin him with a dirty look. “You make it sound like I was a hard-core drug addict.”

“I’m sorry, I just worry about you.”

“Don’t, I’m fine.”
If heartbroken can be called fine.

When we finally got to his car, he asked me to get in. “The battery is heavy, I don’t want to carry it, so we’ll take my car back,” he explained.

I shook my head. “That’s okay. You drive, I’ll just walk back.”

He crossed his arms. “Are you really so disgusted with me that you can’t sit in a car with me for two minutes?”

“No.” Didn’t he understand that my coldness had nothing to with disgust and everything to do with self-preservation? 

He took a step to get in front of me. “Cia.”

I looked down, unwilling to meet his glance.

“I’m sorry, Cia. I’m so sorry that I hurt you.”

My eyes glanced up to meet his, finding only sincerity in his expression.

“Please accept my apology,” he said, low.

Some say that words are cheap, but for someone like me apologies don’t come by very often. My mom was about the only person who had ever apologized for all the shit she put me through, and that apology came much too late.

To hear Gabriel apologize was huge in my world and I was genuinely touched by it. I think that’s why I got into his car and agreed that we could drive to Violet together.

Of course that’s not what happened at all.

We drove off and because the streets were so narrow he went slow. I didn’t say anything, still trying to process his apology.

“Can I give you a lift home after we jump-start Violet’s car?” he asked. “I would like to talk with you.”

I was a tiny bit tempted to say yes because the truth is I still loved him, but there was the one thousand four hundred and ninety-five times these past weeks where I had promised myself I would never allow anyone to hurt me like he had. And this was exactly why I didn’t want to go with him in the first place. It would be no different from the first time Daniel gave me the Oxy pill. It feels innocent but gives a taste of more, and soon you’re hooked. If I allowed Gabriel to give me a ride home, it would be another forty minutes in his company, and I knew from experience how addictive he could be to me.

“Thanks, but no thanks, I’m going with Violet.”

He didn’t say anything but kept driving.

Two blocks later I spoke up. “Hey, you’re going in the wrong direction.” I turned my head in the direction we were supposed to go.

“No, I’m not,” was his short answer.

“Violet is waiting for us.”

“Then call her up and tell her you’re going with me.”

I got angry with him. “I’m not going with you. Stop the car.”

“No.”

“I tried to open my door, but as soon as my hand touched the door handle I heard the locking mechanism and it made me turn my head around. “Unlock this door,
right now
,” I demanded.

“No,” he said and kept on driving.

“G, I swear that if you don’t pull over and let me go right now I’ll call the police.”

He tensed up but didn’t stop or even look at me. I figured he knew I was bluffing, and he was right; I wasn’t interested in coming into contact with the police.

“I’m not going to harm you; I just want to talk,” he said, clamping onto the steering wheel so tightly that his knuckles were white.

“By freaking kidnapping me?”

He didn’t reply to that.

“I’ll never speak to you again.”

“Cia, you haven’t spoken to me in ten weeks. I already told you that I’m not going to hurt you and that I just want to talk.”

I crossed my arms and pressed my lips into a thin line, signaling that it would be a one-sided conversation. 

As I sat next to him contemplating what would make him do something as absurd as this, my phone rang.

“Is it Violet?” he asked but I ignored him and answered the phone.

“You won’t believe what G is doing.”

“What’s wrong?” Violet asked, concerned.

“He asked if he could give me a lift home and when I said no he decided to take me anyway. I’m in his car and I can’t get out.”

“Ohh.” Violet didn’t sound as shocked as I would have expected.

“Put her on speaker,” Gabriel insisted.

“I heard him, it’s okay,” Violet told me so I pressed speaker. 

“Hey, Violet,” Gabriel said out loud. “I’m sorry about the set-up but I took your advice, and now I’m going to drive around until she listens to me.”

“What advice? What the hell are you talking about?” I asked in a raised voice. “Violet, what did you tell him?”

She sighed loudly. “I just told him to talk things through with you and when he said you wouldn’t listen, I suggested he should be more inventive to make it happen.”

I gaped, unable to fathom that she would say something so stupid.

“Listen,” Gabriel spoke. “If you look under the driver’s seat there’s a small fuse that I took out of your engine. It’s really simple to put back in – just go get it and I’ll guide you on the phone.” 

For the next few minutes Gabriel patiently guided Violet and made sure her car was running.

“Will you take Cia to my house when you’re done talking?” Violet asked.

He gave me a sideways glance. “Is that where you live?”

I wasn’t talking to him… or her, so I said nothing.

“I’ll take her wherever she wishes to go, when we’re done talking.”

“All right, I’ll see you later, Cia,” Violet said and hung up. 

There was silence in the car as we drove across the bridge. Even though I kept my face turned away, refusing to look at him, I still noticed that we were going east.

“We could drive all night, or you could talk to me and be home in an hour,” he said in a placating tone. 

“I don’t negotiate with terrorists,” I said grumpily. 

He chuckled. “I don’t think you understand the definition of a terrorist.”

When I didn’t speak he continued. “A terrorist is someone who uses violence in the pursuit of political causes. My reasons are different so you can hardly call me a terrorist.”

“It’s still wrong to hold someone against their will,” I sputtered.

“You’re right. But it’s just as wrong to leave someone heartbroken and refuse to talk things through.”

“Heartbroken,” I snorted. “You looked all right to me when you showed up with your new girlfriend. Where is she, by the way – did you tie her up and dump her in the trunk?”

“I told you, she’s not my girlfriend; she was just a girl Nate set me up with because he was tired of hearing me moan about you.”

It gnawed at me that he had been with her, especially since she was much prettier than me.

“Cia, what you and I shared was special, don’t you think?”

“I used to,” I admitted and looked straight ahead watching the houses, the cars, the trees - well anything but Gabriel really.