Bleak Devotion (7 page)

Chapter Eight

A few days later, Jessica eyed the one-legged milking stool. “You want me to sit on that while under a cow?”

Kimberly honed her wide smile on Jessica. “Yeah. I know it looks different, but you'll get used to her. And you won't really be under Betsy.”

Jessica shuffled closer to the cow and Kimberly, who was holding the milking stool. Kimberly's green eyes shone with encouragement, but not enough to make Jessica reach out and grab the stool.

“You can do this, Jessica.” Zach had stopped mucking out a nearby stall to watch.

She tried to smile at him, but it came out more like a grimace. She wiped her clean hands on her jeans and reached out to take the stool. She pushed back against Kimberly's hand as the woman eased her closer to the cow.

“Ease up, darling,” Kimberly said. “I'm right here. I won't let little ol' Betsy hurt ya. Go right on ahead and talk to her if you like. It helps.”

Jessica fought the urge to roll her eyes. This cow was anything but little. “Nice to meet you, Betsy. I'm just going to sneak in here and get a little milk from you.”

Zach snickered, earning a frown from Jessica.

“
That's right,” Kimberly prodded, ignoring Zach. “But ya don't have to sound so afraid. Now, place your stool right here next to the cow and have a seat.”

Letting out a puff of air, Jessica placed the chair where Kimberly had pointed and sat down before she could change her mind. The black hair with splotches of white next to her face was too close for comfort. Gathering chicken eggs had been a much better chore.

Bending down, Kimberly patted and nudged Betsy's udder. “Gotta loosen her up a bit. Let her body know she needs to let down that milk.”

Jessica groaned. “I'm so glad I'm not a cow.”

“Me, too.” Kimberly chuckled. “Now, hold out both your hands with your fingers together and your thumb out. That's right, just like that. Take your hand and with your thumb and index finger clamp down on the teat just below the udder.”

Jessica closed her eyes and wrinkled her nose. Opening her eyes, she took a deep breath, trying to ignore the pungent smell, and reached her hands forward. Before she touched the cow, a big pile of dung splatted on the ground a few feet from her.

“Ewww.”

From somewhere close by, Zach snickered. She wished she could see him so she could stick her tongue out at him.

“Don't worry 'bout that, Darlin'. That's what Zach's here for.”

Jessica chortled. That was better than any glare she could have mustered. She brought her hands back up to the cow and clamped her thumb and forefinger around the top of the teat.

“Good. That'll keep the milk from goin' back up into the udder. Now, don't yank or pull on her. Got to treat her real gentle like. Give her a nice good squeeze aiming for the bucket.”

Holding her breath, Jessica squeezed her hand together. A thin stream of milk sprayed into the bucket. A giggle escaped her lips. She clamped her mouth shut to stop more, even though she wanted to keep going. It felt good.

“See. You're a natural. Go ahead and keep at it, alternating sides.”

As Jessica continued squeezing, the milk squirted out with more force. The sound of Zach's shovel scraping picked back up. Kimberly continued murmuring words of encouragement and pieces of advice. Soon Jessica's hands and forearms ached. She kept at it, ignoring the burning in her forearms and hands. She hoped it would be over soon.

“That's good,” Kimberly said. “I'll finish up. You did a good job for your first time.”

“
Thanks.” Jessica stood up and the cow stool fell over. “Oops! Sorry.”

“
It's easy to forget when you aren't used to it.” Kimberly picked up the bucket full of milk and handed it to Jessica. “Take this to the kitchen then go on and get cleaned up. Find a snack or something. I'll let you off the hook the rest of the day.”

Jessica bounced on her heels. “Thanks.”

Zach cleared his throat.

“Oh, all right.” Kimberly fluttered her hand. “You've done a good job, too. Get on with yah.”

Zach leaned his shovel against the wall and walked over to them. “Thanks, Kimberly. You're a doll.”

“And don't yah forget it.”

Jessica giggled. Turning her back to them, Kimberly picked up the milking stool and sat down to finish the job. Zach extended his arm toward the exit. “After you.”

She headed out of the small shack with the milk bucket in tow. The cold air nipped at her face as she crossed through the path to the garage. Some long boards and tarps were propped up to help keep the path sheltered during the winter, but it was still chilly. The wind howled, rustling the tarps, as it tried to make it to their exposed skin.

Opening the garage door, she scuttled inside with Zach close behind her. The temperature rose until it was slightly more comfortable. Before she found a flashlight, Zach closed the door, plunging them into darkness. A titter burst from her mouth as she blindly groped for the flashlight.

“Sorry. You want me to open it back up?”

“
No. It's freezing out there. I think I can find it.”

“
Let me help.”

His sneakers padded on the cement floor as he shuffled closer. His body heat radiated across her back, warming her further. The close contact unnerved her. She tried to control her feelings, but struggled. It was harder with feelings she wasn't used to. Her hand stumbled over an object, sending it crashing to the ground. She mumbled an apology, hoping the object wasn't broken.

“Don't worry. If it's something important, we'll tell everyone I did it.”

She snickered, easing the jitters. Her hand bumped against another object, but this one she caught before it could fall. She examined it looking for something that would tell her if it was the flashlight. Cold fingers brushed against her.

“Sorry,” Zach breathed, but didn't move his hand. “Looks like you might have found it.”

“
I think so.”

His fingers slid across hers until only his palm rested on the back of her hand. The only thought fluttering through her mind was the fact that her hands had just been all over a cow. She cringed and pulled away. She wondered if he would be grossed out too if he remembered. She hoped not. There was a rustle of movement, then the familiar sound of the flashlight winding up.

“Oh, good,” she said. “That was it.”

“
Yep. We found it.”

She wondered why he sounded almost disappointed as the winding slowed. The light cast eerie shadows through garage. A truck sat in the middle of the garage surrounded by shelves, extras of everything placed in an orderly fashion on them. Neat little rows of batteries, tires, filled gas cans.

Jessica hated them. Each arrangement was like a slash across her skin. It reminded her of something her mother would do, having everything so organized you could find what you were looking for at a glance. Guided by the bouncing light Zach carried, she scampered for the door.

“
You all right, Jessica?”

Jessica swallowed. She always kept her feelings in, but maybe she shouldn't. Maybe it was time to let someone else in. Zach watched her, his eyes soft and open. Her heart responded, as did her tear ducts. She faced the door so he couldn't see the tears forming and turned the handle of the door leading into the house before speaking.

“Not really. I—” The door swung open to reveal the alien monster standing before her. Her words caught in her throat like a jagged chip.

“
Zach.” Blade tilted his head in salutation, staring only at her. “Jessica.”

She glanced down, anger flushing her cheeks. The tears she had been trying to hold in spilled out, making tiny streams of coolness on her skin. Looking through her lashes, she tried to find an escape, but the monster blocked the way. She wouldn't be able to get past him without touching him. A tremble racked her body as she thought about his skin brushing against hers.

From behind, Zach put a hand on her shoulder. “What's up, Blade?”

“
Deborah sent me to get the milk. She needs it for her meal preparation.”

“
Jessica has half of it. Kimberly is still working on the other half.”

“
That should be fine.”

No one moved. Jessica's fingers felt like they were a part of the handle of the bucket. There was no way she was getting close enough to the monster to hand it over, but it didn't move out of her way either. Talking to it would set a bad precedent. She hadn't spoken a word to it since they had met. There was no point, unless the conversation could somehow lead to the monster being dismissed from the cabin. So, they stood there with Jessica's arm going tired from her load. She switched hands wondering why Zach didn't say anything. She glared back at him.

“Uh,” Zach said, “I guess Jessica will take the bucket to the kitchen for you.”

“
I can carry it for you, Jess,” the monster said.

She glowered at it. Every angry, hateful thought she felt shot out of her, diving straight for him. She didn't care if the emotion made it turn into the monster he truly was. Shortening her name like they were intimately acquainted had crossed a line. Hearing an endearing name on its lips turned any softening of her heart back to stone. It clunked in her chest, rapidly beating despite the heaviness.

She couldn't stand being around it another moment. No longer caring if she had to brush up against it or not, she plowed forward. In her haste, the bucket caught against the door frame. She yanked to the side losing her balance, milk splashing, and ended up with the monster's arms around her. A jolt zipped through her.

Her head tilted back against his forearm giving her a clear view of his hazel eyes. Her heart squeezed tight in her chest. With a laborious blink, her mind cleared. She twisted to the side, falling with a thump on the wooden floor between his feet. The rest of the milk spilled on the floor beside her, wetting her jeans.

Her cheek throbbed. Heat flared in her face as the liquid soaked deeper into her jeans. Footsteps raced toward them. Jessica silently cursed; her humiliation was going to have more than just Zach and the monster to witness it. She started to pulled herself off the floor, but then stopped. Let them see, she thought, let them see me lying prone beneath him and still say it's safe to be around him.

Sneakered feet came into view down the hall, stopping mid-stride. The foot hung in the air for a moment, then dropped to the floor. Two more pairs joined the first. Jessica forced out a groan, which wasn't hard. She really hurt. She just had to make herself be willing to let out the sign of her emotion around the monster. The anger had been easy to let out, but showing her pain was much more difficult. Others could do it, why not her? She could drive this small act out, he would show at least a hint of his true nature, and they could kick him out of the cabin.

Time seemed to drag. Jessica felt ridiculous lying on the floor with only minor bruises. She pulled herself up to her hands and knees, still gripping the bucket. A hand reached down to help her. She looked up to see the monster was its owner and swatted it away. Let it provoke him into changing.

Putting a leg under her, she began to stand. Suddenly, her foot slipped out from under her. The monster in front of her tensed as she fell as if to catch her, but stopped, letting her plummet to the ground a second time. Another groan escaped her lips, not needing to force it this time.

“Jessica,” Zach sounded frantic somewhere behind her, “are you okay?”

She dragged herself up into a sitting position with Zach's hands on her arms. “I'm fine.”

Snapping her milk-soaked head up at a burst of laughter, she scowled at Deborah, Erin, and the older woman whose name she couldn't remember. The two adults laughed uncontrollably, grasping their sides, but sweet Erin looked on with worry gleaming in her dark eyes. Bless the younger girl.

Zach continued buzzing worries in her ear. Her face throbbed. She leaned her head back against the wall, glaring up at the monster. He looked back at her with a predictably expressionless face. At least he had the sense to back up, though he would be smarter to leave the hall.

Warm milk dripped from her battered body as the laughter died down. Hoping every ounce of outrage she had was pouring out of her eyes, she kept her glare on Blade.

“
Alright, Jessica,” Deborah said from down the hall, “sorry we laughed. It was just too funny to resist and we could all use a reason to laugh these days.”

Without turning to look at the women in the hall, Jessica spoke through her teeth. “It's fine.” Barely aware of Zach helping, she stood. “If you'll excuse me, I need to go take a shower and rid myself of this monster's filth.”

Something changed on the monster's face then so briefly Jessica almost missed it. A pang of guilt resonated through her; he had only been trying to help, after all. Staring up into those eyes… No, this whole fiasco wouldn't have happened if he had left the cabin.

Jessica thrust the bucket toward Zach. Not bothering to stop and see if he got a hold of it, she marched down the hallway toward the bathroom. Deborah placed a hand on her arm as she passed stopping her. “Are you truly alright, hon?”