Bleak Devotion (9 page)

Chapter Eleven

Jessica finished drying the last plate and stacked it in the cupboard. Turning around, she saw Julie perched on a bar stool by the island, engrossed in a book. Jessica had to admire her; whatever she did, she did it with everything she had. Chores with her were proving to be a blast and Julie made the best roommate. The way she dove into her book made Jessica want to read, too.

“Julie, would you mind if I borrowed that book when you're done?”

Julie looked up. “I wouldn't mind at all, but you'll have to ask Blade. It's his. He's got a whole collection upstairs.”

Jessica rubbed her hands together. “He has more?”

“
Yup. A whole room full. I know he'll let you read them. He's let everyone so far except you and Ben, but that's only because you two haven't asked yet.”

“
You don't think he'd mind?”

“
Nope. But, you should ask first. As a rule we stay downstairs unless we talk to him. He says he doesn't need all the space to himself, but Deborah insisted. She wanted him to have somewhere to go to escape us emotionals.”

“
Talk to him…” Jessica played with the hem of her shirt to avoid chewing on her nails. The one conversation had gone alright, but that didn't mean she wanted to replicate it. Especially after his abrupt departure.

“
I can come talk to him with you if that's what you're worried about. I have some chores I need to do though, so I won't be able to hold your hand the rest of the day. I should have put my book down long ago to get them done. Deborah's already going to be miffed with me.”

“
That would be great. I don't want you getting in any extra trouble because of me. Thank you so much, Jules!”

Julie snickered as she closed her book and stood. “Jules?” She walked to the door with Jessica trailing after her. “I don't know what chores Blade has today, so I haven't a clue where—”

“Are you looking for me?” Blade's baritone sent Jessica's heart galloping. She looked at her hand, studying her nails.

“
Hey, Blade,” Julie gushed. “You know it’s dangerous to just appear out of nowhere like that. What if one of us screamed?”

“
I'd walk away from you wondering what your problem was. I'll try to be noisier next time.”

“
Good, cause you might be able to take it, but I don't know if Jessica can.”

“
Wow. You mean she changes into a lethal weapon when you scream, too? That should come in handy for her.”

Jessica scowled, but Julie giggled. “You know what I mean. Anyway, Jessica just found out about your library and is interested in finding something to read.”

Julie nudged Jessica in the ribs. Jessica looked up for the first time since Blade came in. One glimpse at his neutral face and coherent words fled. “If I can. I mean I can. Well, read that is. I can read, but if you don't mind me taking a peek and borrowing one. Of your books.” Her eyes darted to the floor.

There was an awkward pause and Jessica chided herself for being so disjointed. Just because her anger at him had washed away didn't mean she needed to act like an idiot.

“You're welcome to look at my library and pick out whatever you like. Erin and Zach both asked if they could go up after they finished their chores, so they'll join you soon.”

“
Great,” Julie chimed in, “that's settled. I've got to get on with my chores. I'll catch you guys later. Good luck finding something to read, Jessica.”

“
Thanks.” Jessica watched her roommate walk down the hall and enter the greenhouse, wishing she could tag along. She looked up at Blade. He motioned to the stairs. Wavering, she wondered if she should wait for Zach and Erin. Everyone thought he was harmless enough. She was even beginning to think so. If that was the case, she would have to get used to spending time with him. She slogged forward, ready to change her mind for any trivial reason.

Their footsteps thumped up the stairs. She was uncomfortably aware of his presence behind her. The back of her neck prickled. It took all her concentration to not turn around and walk up the stairs backwards just so she could keep an eye on him. If death came, she wanted to know it was coming.

As soon as she got to the top of the staircase, she twisted on the carpet to the side of the hall to get out of the way. Her pulse thudded in her ears. Blade paused on the last step shaking lightly, watching her. She jumped when he spoke.

“
It's this room here, on the left.”

He brushed past her, stirring the air with a musky sandalwood. The skin on her arms prickled. She rubbed them, willing them to go back to normal. With a deep breath, she followed after him, only to falter in the doorway. An “Oh” rushed from her lips as she gazed in.

Maple shelves brimming with books lined the room. Several wide chairs and a rocking chair scattered the inner area with an assortment of end tables accompanying them. Blankets were scattered among the chairs, adding to the cozy feel. A picture window extending the width and length of one wall, looking out over the snow-wrapped valley, completed the room.

Jessica stepped forward, the plush carpet masking the sound. Excited as she was about the book, she couldn't tear her eyes from the view. Even after spending a week here, she hadn't gotten a good look at the valley. It looked like it should have been a portrait hanging in a rich person's home. The forest climbing up the mountain must have been where she stumbled out of.

“You should see it in the spring.” Blade's voice jerked her attention to him. “The snow hides everything now, but in the spring everything comes to life.”

“
I suppose it would.” She stared out the window for a moment longer then turned her attention to the bookshelves. “Did all these books come with the house?”

“
No. There were some here when I arrived, but I picked up most of them.”

“
You picked them up? Where?”

“
All over. I leave every so often to get more supplies and every time I go I try to bring back as many books as I can manage to sneak in.”

“
Mmmm.” Jessica ran her hand along a row of books, reading the titles as she went. “Why do you bring so many back?”

“
Erin started it. She soaks things up. What little that was here she read in no time. I was still learning English at the time from Deborah, but as soon as Erin found out I was learning, she helped. Once she did, I don't know, things just clicked.”

“
I wondered why you spoke such good English.”

“
Good teacher. As a treat, I picked up some books for her while I was out. I don't think I've ever seen someone so happy before, and that was a challenge. Worth it, though. She read through those books faster than I thought possible. As she finished she started passing them around to the others. Everyone liked them. Said it was a good escape. From then on I started bringing back more books.”

“
That's really cool of you.” Jessica pulled out a book from the shelf and turned around. “Do you mind if I read this in here? It's such a cozy little room.”

“
Go right ahead. That's why I put it together. If you don't finish it, you're welcome to take it with you.”

Jessica plopped down on the closest chair and scooted around until her head rested on one arm of the chair and her legs draped across the other. “Thank you.”

“It's my pleasure. What did you pick?”

Jessica almost let a grin cross her face, but then she remembered who she was talking to. “The Princess Bride.”

Blade's lips twitched. “Good choice.”

A smile flickered across her face. She turned her attention to the book, reveling in the familiar story. As she read it took her not only to the story, but also to the places she had read it. Places around her family. Places where she was free to be herself.

After a few minutes of reading, she grabbed the heavy quilt and draped it over her. She curled her feet up under her and leaned her head against the back of the chair and continued reading. The homey words washed over her, leaving her with a contented sigh. A snicker escaped from her every once in a while.

“
Find anything good?” Zach startled her out of her fantasy world. She looked up to see him and Erin standing just inside the room.

“
Yes, I did.” She beamed.

Remembering Blade was in the room, she glanced over at him worrying about how her reactions to the book might have affected him. He sat with a book open on his lap looking at her, just as maddeningly aloof as ever.

“I haven't ever read that one,” Erin said, coming closer to Jessica.

“
What? They tell me all this great stuff about how you read so much, yet you haven't read one of the best?”

“
Well, with all the books Blade has brought back, I haven't been able to keep up.”

“
You're joshin' me!” Zach dropped his jaw in an expression of mock shock. “Even you can't keep up with all these books?”

Erin looked at her feet with a shy grin on her face. Sitting up, Jessica lightly swatted Zach's arm. “Leave the poor girl alone.”

Zach tilted his head toward Jessica. “As you wish.”

Heat flooded her face and she looked down with a chuckle. Though she had been able to feel some emotion since coming here, something about these feelings in her chest made her feel human again. Maybe it was the book. Or maybe it was the laughter and comfort she felt talking to Zach and Erin. Whatever it was from, she relished the feeling. She didn't know whether to stand up and dance for joy or melt into her chair with a sigh. Since these feelings were new, she went with the latter. Besides, she didn't think she should, or could, dance for joy with Blade sitting right there.

Erin and Zach shuffled around the room out of her line of sight, but she could still see Blade. Now that the difference of displaying emotion versus not displaying emotion all the time stuck out so vividly, she wondered what it must be like to be him. She watched him discreetly while pretending to read. His body trembled. Picking up his book, he began reading, and after a few minutes the quaking slowed until it disappeared.

Jessica wondered about his odd behavior, especially the shaking and his sudden departure yesterday. Then she realized what she was doing. So what if the others were right and he wasn't really going to kill them? That didn't mean she needed to analyze every thought and movement. She had less reason now that she wasn't trying to get him kicked out of the house. She snapped her attention to her book, willing herself to read.

Chapter Twelve

Jessica chopped the last potato into bite-sized pieces. She picked up the cutting board and dumped a large pile of chopped vegetables into a stock pot. Beside her, Blade poured water over the vegetables until they were covered and moved the pot over to the stove.

“One down,” Jessica said.

“
Eight more to go,” Deborah sang as she passed through the hall by the kitchen.

Jessica looked back at the now empty hall with a smile. Deborah knew how to keep the cabin prepared, yet keep everyone's spirits up. By the time they were done, the freezer in the hideout would be stocked full of soup and other goodies, along with all the canned food they had stored in there. Deborah insisted that they would all enjoy eating homemade meals if the need ever arose for them to hide. Jessica hoped that need would never arise.

Blade ambled over to the sink and started washing the next set of vegetables. Jessica took up the empty spot next to him so she could chop up the vegetables. Not long ago the close proximity would have made her boil with rage, but now she barely thought about it. Julie stood on the other side grabbing the vegetables Jessica didn't make it to. Blade would still be too fast for them and end up helping to cut up the last of them, but it worked out well. They were efficient.

“
You just have to get rid of the dirt, Blade. You don't have to scrub the skin off,” Julie teased.

Blade dropped the overly cleaned potato onto Julie's cutting board. “Sorry.”

Jessica laughed. “She's just teasing you, Blade. Chill out.”

“
And I thought she had something against naked potatoes.” Blade scrubbed another potato to perfection.

Jessica laughed harder, unable to control the fit of giggles. Julie chimed in. The jovial atmosphere warmed Jessica to the core. She was getting more used to showing emotion, but it was still rare for her or Julie to laugh. At moments like these Jessica could almost forget about her sorrows. Almost.

The laughter died down, but the festive mood remained as they washed and cut. A question that had been on Jessica's mind since she had grown more comfortable around Blade jumped to her mind.

“
How did you get your name, Blade?”

“
Deborah chose it.”

“
Deborah named you Blade?”

“
Yup.”

Julie snickered. “Can you believe that's what she picked?”

“Not really.” Jessica shook her head. “I mean, it's so obvious. It's a little much, don't you think? I mean a guy who has blades that can come out of his arms named Blade. Come on.”

Blade looked over at her and gave a shaky smile. A warm trill ran through her. It was getting easier to ignore the tremors he had whenever he expressed an emotion like that and something about his smile lightened her. It was strange to think that she had ever hated him.

“I like it,” Blade said.

Jessica returned the smile. “I suppose it does fit you.”

“What's your real name?” Julie asked, pulling Blade's attention back to the sink of dirty vegetables.

Blade let out an odd whistling noise.

“What?” Jessica wrinkled her forehead.

Blade snorted and with a small smile repeated the sound.

“Even better reason for Deborah to name you Blade,” Julie said.

“
So, how did you meet Deborah and become friends?” Jessica asked. “I know I would have never trusted you if no one else was around.”

Blade gave Jessica another quick, shaky smile. “She found me here. Right away I could tell that she was human. It was just after she lost her husband and daughter, so she didn't even try to hold her emotions in. She didn't know I was an alien though, not at first. When she finally saw the metal on my arms, she charged. About like you tried to, only there was no one there to stop her. When I didn't… change, she eventually stopped. From there things just kind of grew.”

“That's so weird. I can't picture it. I don't know if I could have stopped.” Jessica wondered what would have happened if it had been her. Just how much damage would she have done to him before she stopped herself. Or what if she had made him lose control. Looking up at him, she shivered.

“
I feel the same way,” Julie agreed. “The first time I heard the story, I didn't believe it. Now that I know them both of them it's more believable, but it's still so strange. I think I would have kept attacking him or run off.”

“
And if that would have happened, you wouldn't be stuck here doing chores.” Blade's comment drew snickers from the girls.

Julie's face grew serious. “I'm grateful to have these chores. I don't know where any of us would be without you. We owe you a lot.”

Blade looked down at the sink, his arms vibrating.

“
There's one thing I don't understand,” Jessica said. “The rest of the males of your kind morph into monsters the moment they detect any emotion. Why don't you?”

“
Practice. It is… difficult to handle, but I'm learning. Since I met Deborah, I have only responded to emotion when I'm far from the house. I can tell it's coming and leave before it happens.”

Jessica pondered what he had said. The running water splashed down on the carrot Blade was cleaning. The sound of vegetables being chopped filled the kitchen. The smell of a soup cooking drifted through the air, bringing a sense of comfort with it.

Feeling brave, Jessica bit down on a part of her lower lip and let out a rush of words. “I really don't mean to sound rude or ungrateful, but why do you even try to contain it? None of the others care about us, why should you?”

Blade placed the last carrot on Julie's side and rinsed the last grits of dirt out of the sink. Instead of grabbing a knife to help them cut, he backed up and leaned against the island in the middle of the kitchen. Jessica glanced back and him. His body shook. His left thumb traced the metallic square on his right arm closest to his wrist. The sight of metal on his arm sent waves of nausea roiling in her stomach. She forced herself to look up at his face, trying to forget the creature he could turn into.

“
I don't know why the others continue with the original plan.” Blade closed his eyes, his voice growing quiet. “Back on our planet, we were losing our lives so quickly. We knew we would not exist much longer unless we could do something we'd never tried before. A brilliant female uncovered this planet and a way to get here. She talked us into stealing ships from the aliens that attacked our planet. Some of us were caught, but most of us escaped.

“
When we got closer to your planet, we noticed your kind. We thought you were infesting the planet.” Blade hung his head and his shaking became more pronounced. “Our new planet couldn't be wasted by animals that didn't need it the way we needed it. There was no choice. Or at least we didn't think there was. They worked to find a way to destroy you before landing.

“
On the ship they discovered the alien's weapons. We knew all too well how they could destroy large areas. We lived through the effects first-hand. Then we used them on you. First targeting all the big cities and places of weapons, military bases I think they're called. We started taking over smaller cities soon after landing. Just like we had learned to do from those that attacked us.” Blade rubbed the back of his neck, the metal on the back of his arm flashing in the light.

The nausea rekindled in Jessica's stomach. A film of perspiration created a slick path across her forehead. Reaching up, she wiped it off and fanned herself with her hand, trying to ease the sudden flash of heat. With her other hand she clung to the counter, trying to imagine how humans could be mistaken for something like bugs. When she had talked about it earlier with Zach, it was almost a comical thought. Hearing it from Blade, with his arms bearing witness to his part in it all, made it more real. Memories of standing in her parents' attic looking down at her family burst through her.

She tilted forward and clutched the counter next to Blade with both hands. Attempting to keep calm so as to not startle Blade, she turned her focus to the fire she knew was going in the living room. Ben sat on one of the couches. He looked straight ahead so Jessica could see the rough profile of his face. It was knotted up, twisting into a rage-glutted man. His fists balled up at his sides, whitening.

His anger surged through the room. It mingled with Jessica's, making her own stronger. A bitter taste stung her mouth. The anger threatened to erupt inside of her. She slowly let out a breath of air and sneaked a peek at Blade, ready to unleash fury regardless of her recent softening toward him. She would face the consequences of her emotions, if they came.

His face drew into such remorse, the likes of which she had never seen. Tremors racked his body. The girls stood only inches away from him, right in the path of his destruction should he lose control, but Jessica did not fear for herself. The rage cooled a bit, freezing her in place. It melded into sorrow for both him and the human race as he continued in a hushed voice.

“
I was with one of the raids. Your kind was easy to spot. Too easy. We began to take care of the problem. One of you…” Blade shook his head back and forth, his voice warbling with emotion. “I couldn't understand her, but she reminded me of my mother. It just didn't make any sense. This woman protected her little one so fiercely. Did little good.

“
That was the last raid I was a part of. I tried to talk to the others, but they all thought I was crazy. I left. Found this cabin abandoned and stayed. Your kind seemed so like my own that I vowed I would never hurt another one of you again. That is when I started practicing control. Deborah found me soon after.” Blade opened his eyes and looked directly at Jessica. “I am so sorry. We couldn't understand. We didn't know. This never should have happened.”

Jessica swallowed past the thick mass in her throat. Hearing his experience related to his mother sent a wave of sorrow through her. She found herself taking a step forward even though tremors racked him. “You didn't know. And now that you do, you are trying to fix it.”

Someone snorted. Jessica peeked behind Blade to see Ben had left the couch to come stand by them. His features contorted in pure hatred. “We are being killed because you think we're worthless bugs? What a pathetic excuse! Your kind must be the stupidest to ever exist. No wonder someone came and attacked your planet. That type of stupidity shouldn't be allowed to exist.”

“
It's not like we haven't done the same to our own kind, or do you not remember World War II?” Jessica spat the words back at him, surprising herself at coming to the defense of the very monsters who had killed her family.

“
That was different. They were people. These monsters don't even come close.”

“
Not people?” Jessica's voice rose. “I hid among them for months not being captured because we look so much alike. At this moment, I'd say he looks more human than you do.”

“
Forgot one little thing that sets us apart and shows who the monster really is. Metal.”

Bile rose in Jessica's mouth and she forced a swallow. “Maybe, but at least he's controlling it. That's more than I can say for some people and their bad habits.”

Julie put her hands out toward both of them. “That's enough. Let's get this soup finished.”

Ben's face still twisted in anger as he sauntered back over to the couch. Jessica watched him go and then turned her attention back to Blade and Julie.

“That's the exact reason we never told him about the attack,” Julie muttered. “This is only going to make him worse to live with.”

Jessica locked gazes with Blade. He pushed off the counter, making his presence more defined in the room. The pain that was usually buried in the depths of his hazel eyes shone through. It was the same pain she carried for her family. She reached her hand out toward his arm.

The sharp snap of Julie's knife coming down on the cutting board clicked through the room, pulling Jessica to her senses. She whipped her hand back and whirled around to her own cutting board. Blade took up his own knife beside her and helped them chop the last of the vegetables. The conversation lagged. Heavy thoughts filled the air.

Jessica mulled over what Blade had said. She had more in common with him than she ever dreamed possible. What disturbed her more was the fact that she was aware of his every movement. His hand blurred with speed as he chopped up carrots. The tremors that had plagued him earlier abated. She paid more attention to him then she should, but she couldn't stop herself. He intrigued her.

She forced herself to finish cutting another carrot and reached for the last one the same time as him. Their fingers met. A tingle ran through her where they were connected. He scurried back as if she was poison.

Her skin still tickled where he had touched her. Picking up the last carrot, she looked up at him. Their gazes met. Something sparked within her, warm and strong. His tremors came back as they drew toward one another.

“They're coming!” Zach bellowed.