Bleak Devotion (8 page)

“I'm fine. Just a little bruised.” Jessica held up a hand to stop Deborah's next words. “And I don't fault the two of you for laughing. You're right, we all need a reason to laugh around her. Next time I just hope the humor comes from another source.” She looked pointedly back at the monster who stared back with his impassive face.

“
I'll grab some towels to clean up this mess,” Erin said.

Jessica turned toward the teenager and couldn't help but smile. The girl gave a shy smile in return and left through the kitchen's entrance. Jessica's smile faded as the girl left. What a disaster. And it didn't look like she was any closer to getting rid of the monster. With all her groans and the laughter, the incident probably reinforced the others’ thought that this monster was safe. Were they right? She walked down the hall, feeling the monster's eyes boring into her.

Chapter Nine

Jessica sniffed in quickly and then sneezed.

“
Bless you,” Julie said.

“
Thanks.”

Holding her hand as far from her nose as possible, Jessica held her breath while she finished dusting the corner. When the spot was free from dust, she gasped for air. This time her nose only tickled a little. She stood up and Julie helped her move the chair back into its spot next to the fireplace. Jessica headed for the cleaning bucket, but Julie didn't follow.

Jessica peeked up at the girl. Unshed tears shone in her eyes. A squeamish feeling struck Jessica. It had been too long since she had dealt with any tears except for her own. She tried to pry open her memories from before the attack, but nothing came to her. Looking at the dirty rag in her hand, she pondered what to do.

“
Oh”—Julie's voice cracked—“forgive me. I'm so unstable these days.”

“
It's alright.”

Julie sniffed.

“Um, did you want to talk about it?”

“
Are you sure you don't mind?”

Though she really did mind, Jessica found herself shaking her head. “If it makes you feel better, go ahead.”

“It's just that this”—Julie's hand swept around the room and toward the stash of cleaning supplies—“reminds me of how it used to be. You know, when life was normal.”

Jessica swallowed. When no words came to her, she nodded, hoping it would be sufficient.

“Do the memories ever overwhelm you?”

The hollow place in Jessica’s chest suddenly turned to a leaden, pain-filled mass. Her words came out so quietly, she didn't know if Julie would be able to hear her. “Rarely. When they do, I usually see their deaths.”

Julie quietly gasped. She reached over and rubbed Jessica's arm. “Oh, Jessica.”

Jessica shrugged and turned toward the bucket of supplies. She knelt down, meaning to grab them and head into the front room, but she didn't move. Little James and cookies came to mind. She absently ran her fingers over the rim of the bucket.

“I do remember some. My baby brother. His chubby little legs racing for me. But then anything good is overwhelmed by his slaughter.”

“
You saw it happen?”

Jessica nodded, unable to make the words form. Instantly, Julie's arms tightened around her. “I'm so sorry, Jessica.”

“Yeah, well, that's life nowadays.” Jessica cleared her throat. “Didn't you ever, you know, see them killing?”

“
Yes, but never anyone I knew.”

“
Were you close to your family?”

Julie leaned back with a sigh. “Not as close as I would have liked. I put a lot of distance between them when I went to college. Once I graduated and found a job, I bought a house. It was empty without roommates around and it was then I realized I missed my parents. I invited them to stay a couple days at my house so we could get reacquainted.”

“Did you get to see them before the invasion?”

“
No.” Julie's lip quavered. “They were on their way to my house when my neighborhood was first attacked. I hadn't a clue what was going on and hid. After watching them for a while, I saw some females. I almost went to them because they looked human, but then I saw who they were with the males. It was then I realized the females were completely flat. Then a girl in the middle of the group tripped and fell on a rock. She cried out in pain. The other females scattered faster than I thought possible and the males—Well, I'm sure you can guess what happened.

“
I didn't know for a fact then they had to see emotion to kill, but I had a vague idea. Mostly, I knew if they found me they would kill me, too. There was a spot close by my house where I hid, waiting for them to get beaten back. I kept thinking the army would show up any minute and the whole thing would just go away. I planned on still having that time with my family. Sometimes I still expect to see them, but I know they couldn't have survived. I was lucky to survive.”

“
We all were.”

“
We still are.” Julie stood, grabbing the bucket of supplies as she did so. “Let's put our good luck to use and get this finished up.”

Jessica followed her through the hall toward the front room.

“Hey, girls.” Zach sidled up next to Jessica as they turned into the entryway.

“
Hi, Zach.” Julie beamed.

Jessica lowered her eyes. “Hi.”

“Whatcha girls up to?”

“
Just cleaning,” Julie replied. “Deborah put me in charge of the front room and Jessica in charge of the living room. We thought that it would be more fun if we did it together.”

They turned into the living room. Jessica and Julie each grabbed a rag out of the bucket. While they set to work cleaning the room, Zach lounged on the couch.

“You missed a spot, Jessica.”

Jessica rolled her eyes. She knelt down behind a chair in the corner to dust off the baseboard.

“Would you like some help, Julie?” The monster's voice came from somewhere on the other side of the chair.

Jessica hunkered down, waiting for Julie to tell it they had everything under control and for the monster to leave.

“Thanks, Blade. That'd be awesome. Jessica is working on dusting and I'm almost finished with the windows. Do you mind vacuuming?”

Jessica silently cursed her roommate in the pause that followed. When the monster spoke, it sounded hesitant. “Are you sure I won't be bothering you?”

“Oh, please. We left the vacuum in the living room.”

Jessica waited until the monster's footsteps could no longer be heard and then flew out at Julie. “What are you thinking? I don't want to work with that mo—”

“I have asked you very nicely not to call him that. In any case, you should be happy that we'll be done sooner.”

“
I would rather clean the entire cabin by myself. Now I'm going to be looking over my shoulder the whole time, ready for it to attack me.”

“
Chill,” Zach said. “Nothing's going to happen. And if by some strange chance it does, I'm here.”

Jessica turned an icy glare on him. He sat up and reached for her hand with a grin on his face. “Really, Jessica. Don't worry about Blade. He’s harmless. Remember when you were in pain in front of him and nothing happened?”

“Yes, but—”

“
But nothing,” Julie interrupted. “You need to get used to him being around anyway.”

The sound of the vacuum rolling across the hard wood floor stopped Jessica's protest. She clenched her jaw and glowered at the monster as it rolled the vacuum on the carpet. It kept its eyes down.

A low growl escaped Jessica's throat. Zach squeezed her hand, but she didn't look at him. She kept her eyes focused on the monster. It slowly raised its head until their gazes met. Her defenses gave way. Her jaw relaxed, breathing deepening.

She searched for her anger in the fog of confusion clouding her mind. Something tugged on her arm. She wiggled her arm, trying to get whatever it was to stop while she kept watching the monster. The thing yanked harder on her arm. She glanced down to see Zach staring up at her with a worried expression.

“You okay?” he whispered.

Jessica looked back up at the monster, who was untangling the cord, eyes focused on the task. She nodded.

“Don't worry about him. He's really a good guy once you give him a chance.”

“
Whatever.”

Jessica backed up to the end table. Pulling himself off the couch, Zach blocked her view of the monster. She edged around the table until she could see the monster plugging in the vacuum. Her eyes never left him as she skirted around the room, trying to keep distance between them, but still getting her chores done.

As her rag wiped the last surface, Zach said, “Come on, let's go play a board game.”

“
Sounds fun.” Jessica looked at him, though she still watched the monster, who was winding up the vacuum cord, out of the corner of her eye. “What game did you have in mind?”

“
I'll let you pick. We have a whole stack of them. What about you, Julie? Wanna join us?”

“
I'd love to.”

“
Great,” Zach looked over at the monster and Jessica felt the enthusiasm drain from her. “What about you, Blade? Wanna play a game with us?”

The monster slowly raised its eyes until they looked straight at Jessica. He had no right to look so human. “No, I think I'll pass, thank you.”

Jessica wanted to feel relieved, but she remained fixed, unable to think or breathe. The monster broke off their locked gazes first. She gulped for air.

“
Jessica?”

She shook her head and looked at Zach, realizing he had been talking to her. “I'm sorry, what?”

“Are you ready?”

“
Uh—” She hesitated, distracted by the monster wheeling the vacuum from the room. As soon as he disappeared down the hall, her thoughts came back into focus. “Yeah, I am. Let's go.”

“
Yes!” Zach smiled at her and headed for the hall.

“
Thanks for your help, Julie,” Jessica said.

“
You bet. It worked out a lot better this way I think.”

Zach turned around. “Come on! You can chit-chat while we play.”

“We're coming,” Julie insisted, then whispered to Jessica, “He's really competitive.”

“
I heard that,” Zach called out from the hall.

Julie giggled and followed after him. Jessica tagged along after them, but her mind wasn't on the upcoming game.

Chapter Ten

Jessica yanked a weed out of the dark soil and flung it into a white bucket beside her. She reached up and with the back of her arm wiped away the beads of sweat that had formed on her forehead. Through the green-tinted plastic she could see the snow falling outside, but inside the greenhouse it was stifling.

Life was growing into a comfortable routine. She spent time helping to cook, clean, gather firewood, take care of the animals, and work in the garden. It was a chore she had hated at home. She didn't really care for it now either, but it offered time to think in solitude, making it worth the extra work. Sometimes others would help her, but the room was so large it was easy to escape to a corner alone.

The garden provided a bounty of scrumptious food year-round. There was more food than they could eat, but Deborah insisted that they can what they didn't eat. Those cans went into the hiding room, where they could be used if they needed to hide. She was always thinking of the future.

Today the greenhouse was blissfully empty. She was working on clearing out the carrots. They had thought the weed problem was under control, but more were cropping up in the new section. Deborah fretted over the infestation. Jessica didn't understand or care how they got there, she just vented her frustrations on the weeds.

Life in the cabin was peaceful. More peaceful than what she had known since the loss of her family. Despite that, seeing the monster on a daily basis festered her old and newly acquired wounds. Since the milk incident he'd become scarce, but it was impossible in such close quarters to avoid each other altogether. Every time she saw him, painful memories flared.

She blamed herself for Cindy's death. Cindy didn't want to go inside the store. Jessica knew the girl was frightened of what could happen in such close proximity to the monsters. She should have realized that the fear would end up manifesting itself while they were inside. She should have gone alone. Then Cindy would still be alive.

Jessica wouldn't be here though. The one time Jessica brought up the thought of leaving, Cindy had repelled the idea. She didn't understand it because she had wanted to leave all the memories behind. Everywhere they went in the small town, things would remind her of the way life had been. It left a bitter taste in her mouth and a sick feeling in her stomach. She respected Cindy's wish regardless of her own feelings and they had tried to make do in the town they grew up in. Only now the town was infested. She yanked out a weed with more force than necessary and dropped it in the bucket.

Jessica closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She imagined little James weeding with her, probably picking as many baby carrots as he would weeds and ending up covered in dirt. It wouldn't matter though. She would trade a few carrots and a big mess for his life. She could chase him around and tickle him, bringing out the delightful laugh she missed so much. Her eyes and nose burned.

His laugh. Her thoughts turned to the last time she had heard it. The horrid time when it had been cut short so dramatically. The constant ache in her chest opened up. Hot tears spilled off her cheeks and into the soil. She pulled weeds and cried. Every time the tears had come before she had stopped them. She had to keep them in because an alien might come and now she was usually around someone.

In the solitude of the greenhouse there was nothing to stop her. No monster to interrupt. The free flow of emotion was still foreign, but becoming more frequent. She could have let herself confide in Zach if the monster hadn't invaded the hallway. The thought angered her. Pushing it away, she let the free flow of pain return. It was oddly soothing.

A shuffling movement startled Jessica, abruptly halting the flow of tears. She yanked her head upward, looking for the source of the sound. With tears still wetting her cheeks, her mouth formed the shape 'O'. Fear swam through her, especially when she thought of her wild display of emotion the monster must have witnessed. The thing stared back at her, hidden pain shining through its eyes. Its frame shook slightly, but held its shape. She remembered Julie's story and the fear lessened, but didn't completely depart. The monster had invaded on her feeling again.

“Sorry.” The monster's deep voice carried across the room, assaulting her.

Hot fury drove through her and she worked to hide it, but her words still came out sharp. “Sorry for what? For interrupting my grief? Or for killing my family and friends? Or for infesting our home in the first place?”

She watched the trembling of the monster's body increase and her anger gave way to fear again. It was silent for a few moments and she watched its chest rise and fall in a slow, rhythmic way. Gradually the shaking decreased and the monster strolled toward her. Bile rose in her throat as it walked closer. It stopped about ten feet from her, turned to the bed of carrots she was working on, and began weeding. She followed its lead, focusing her attention back on the weeds, pretending the monster wasn't there.

“
I understand your pain.” The monster's voice startled her. “I'm so sorry for everything.”

“
You understand my pain?” Anger slipped back into Jessica's voice. “I doubt it. My family and home have been ripped from me because you monsters felt the need to annihilate us. I watched as my family and friend were slaughtered before my eyes. You have no idea how I feel and can't possibly understand the pain that is tearing me apart.”

The monster's hands shook again, but kept pulling weeds. “My mother was murdered by aliens when I was young.”

Jessica's hand froze over a prickly weed and she stared wide-eyed at the monster. It kept on weeding, not glancing up at her the whole time. “What?”

“
Aliens killed my mother while I had to watch.”

“
What do you mean aliens?” Confusion tore at part of her hostility. “You are the alien. Someone of your own race killed her?”

The monster glanced up at her briefly and then went back to work on the weeds. She resumed picking while she listened to its quiet story.

“A long time ago aliens, not like us but who look similar to your kind and mine, attacked my home planet. We were able to hold them off better than you humans have us. For centuries we fought. Sometimes winning, sometimes losing. Then we stopped winning. They gained on us. We lost millions of our brothers and sisters. Soon thereafter a change came over us like a plague. No one escaped its path. Men transformed into what I am. Weapons of war. It helped at first, but—”

Jessica continued pulling the weeds, inching farther along the row of carrots while watching him out of the corner of her eye. He looked away from her. His trembling fist clenched into a tight, white knot. A part of her was frightened by the ferocity of his quaking, but another part of her was strangely comforted. His story sounded familiar to her. Though the humans hadn't changed into monsters like his kind had, they had been through a similar fate.

Jessica watched his broad shoulders lift and fall several times before the shaking stilled. He moved back toward the patch of garden he was working on. Without a single glance up, he continued.

“
My race was losing. No one knew how to stop the monsters. I was young when they came. Too young to do anything. I couldn't change to fight back. My mother hid me from them, but I still saw what they did to her. It was beyond just wanting to kill her. They ruthlessly beat and tortured her before ending her life. There was nothing I could do to stop them.” He hesitated for a moment then whispered, “I didn't even try.”

Her eyes stung with tears, her heart softening. She thought of her own family and how she had watched them perish. It had been a quick death. Quick, yet a never-ending stab to her heart. The thought of having to watch them be beaten and tortured first was unimaginable. She let the tears trickle down her cheeks and into the garden. Could this killing machine feel pain from that?

From the corner of her eye she watched his hands shaking as he pulled weeds. It seemed he was certainly feeling something. She had only seen the males do two things. Wander around void of emotions and become mindless killing machines that slaughtered anything that got in their way. This shaking was something new. Something different. She had seen him do it before, but never gave it much thought. Maybe the others were right. There could be something more to him.

She took several deep breaths to clear the emotion from her voice. “I—I'm sorry.”

Blade looked up at her, his eyes tightening slightly. “You shouldn't be. It wasn't you and now we've turned around and done the same to your family. I just want you to know I do understand. That's why I'm on your side.”

Jessica held his gaze. Understanding passed between them. She had found a kindred spirit in him and it shocked her. She was supposed to hate this— this… No, she couldn't call him “monster” anymore. He wasn't a monster. She wanted desperately to cling to her anger, to throw it back at him. She wanted to take it and use it to get him kicked out of the cabin. But the anger was already gone. Somehow it had slipped away.

An emotion passed through his eyes that she couldn't read. He pushed the emotion further inside where Jessica couldn't read it and focused back on the soil. A comfortable silence passed between them as they worked. Her thoughts toyed with the idea that maybe the others were right. There was no reason to fear him. They slowly inched closer as the garden cleared of weeds.

“
I'm sorry that you can understand, but in a way I'm glad you do. I wouldn't wish that on anyone, but I feel like I understand you better.” Jessica's voice turned to a whisper. “Maybe even hate you a little less.”

“
I don't blame you for hating me.”

Jessica snorted. “Yeah, letting me crash to the floor in a pool of milk is a pretty good reason to hate someone.”

“I did catch you the first time and you threw yourself to the ground anyway. I thought you'd appreciate going straight to the ground instead of being tainted by me.”

She grimaced, but she didn't know if it was because of the thought of him touching her or of her own behavior. Replaying the event in her head, she decided it was her own behavior that bothered her. The few moments he had held her had been just fine. In fact, it had almost been kind of nice.

With a shake of her head, she tossed the last weed in the white bucket and straightened her sore back. Blade stood only inches from her. His musky scent mingled with the freshly worked soil. Her breath caught in her throat and her heart pounded hard in her chest. A strange emotion coursed through her where the anger had been only a short time ago.

A curious expression crossed Blade's face and he started shaking again. His words came out haltingly. “Thank you for letting me help.”

“It…” Jessica's words were lost in the whirl of Blade's movements. He bounded from her side and soared out of the greenhouse almost faster than she could see. She frowned as the door swung shut. “It was nothing.”