Blissful Surrender (12 page)

His face suddenly cracks into a full arrogant smile before he answers. “Now there’s the fire I’ve been looking for. Fortunately, all I see now is an image of you spread eagled, lying before me, begging me to take you.” He leans in until we’re almost nose to nose. “Tell me what it’ll take to make that happen.” He stands up straight and shoots me an arrogant smirk.

Before I know it, my palm connects with his cheek, making my hand sting. “You did not just say that! Seriously, Sean, you are the most arrogant ass of a man I've ever met. You're lucky your hand still wants to touch your own junk. Thank you for the meal, but goodbye and have a nice life!” I turn my back and stride away from him, thankful yet disappointed that he doesn’t come after me.

I walk half a block and turn the corner before hailing the first cab I see. Jumping in, I give the driver my address before resting my head on the cool glass window as he pulls back into traffic. Biting my lip, I try to hold back the deluge of emotion threatening to burst out of me.

Damn that man.

Sean

I watch Sam walk away from me as I war with the need to chase after her versus the need to give her the space she so obviously needs. I pushed too hard. I text my car service and five minutes later, a black sedan pulls up to the curb outside the restaurant.

Telling him to take me to the club, I drop my head against the back seat and scrub my face with my hands. I fucked up. I’m man enough to admit it, but fuck if I know how to fix it.

I thought dinner had gone well. She was quiet while we ate, answering my questions but focusing on the food more than anything else. There were a few times when I mentioned certain things subconsciously, not realizing how they may have been taken, that I noticed her pause whatever she was doing. A fork laden with food stopping mid-air, or her body tensing up when I mentioned my grandfather’s passing. I didn’t mean to bring up our past, or the moment when she walked out of my life, but even I know that if Samantha and I are to have any chance of moving forward, we’ll need to deal with why she broke up with me and the issues that caused it.

In the ten minute drive to the club, I think back to that day when I met Samantha’s mother, the last woman to storm out of a restaurant and leave me speechless …

Which is a big achievement. 

We’d met her at the restaurant of her hotel and straight away I knew I was in trouble. Sam had told me on the way there that her mom was stuck in her military ways and that she sometimes had trouble distinguishing between the military way of life and the way Sam chose to live hers. It had always been a bone of contention between them with Sam usually conceding to her mom to keep the peace.

Sam and I had talked about our families when we’d first started dating a year earlier, and Sam had met my brother and my grandparents. I hadn’t been introduced to her mother until then because her mom lived in Kentucky. She’d recently retired from the Army and had been based at Fort Knox but was thinking about joining Sam in Chicago, hence the visit.

When we walked to the restaurant I knew we were in trouble. Debra Richards, in her well-polished, rigid stance, was already seated at our table, looking at her watch intently before scanning the room and seeing us. Her furrowed brow at Sam was all the confirmation I needed. Her mom was pissed, and I’d made the worst first impression possible. I should have seen the writing on the wall then and there because the lunch only went from bad to worse after that. 

First thing I did wrong was ordering Sam’s meal. It was a habit I had gotten into early into our relationship. I knew what she liked and didn’t like, and she would just let me order for her whenever we went out. I didn’t think twice about it, it was just second nature, but the scowl I got from Debra following a loud unapologetic gasp let me know that I’d fucked up.

“Samantha, I was certain you knew how to order your own meal. Did I not teach you that?”

“Mom, Sean and I know each other well, and he knows what I like, so he orders for me. I find it endearing.”

“I find it controlling. Anyway, Sean, Samantha tells me you’re studying pre-law with her. Which law schools are you looking at?”

My eyes widened at Debra’s directness. She’d been abrupt with me since we’d arrived, yet she dived straight in there with the hard questions, questions that Sam and I hadn’t discussed in depth between the two of us let alone with her mother that I just met.

“I’m staying at the University of Chicago, Mrs. Richards.”

“It’s Ms. Richards. I never married the asshat thankfully.” My head shot back in shock at her retort. I held back a grin that I knew would not be appreciated in that moment, but I now knew where Sam got her dirty mouth from.

“Sorry,” I replied sincerely.

“So you should be.” Her eyes narrowed and suddenly I felt like I was on the witness stand at a trial. 

“Mom!” Sam admonished, her cheeks glowing red as she hung her head embarrassed. Her hand holding mine in my lap squeezed apologetically and I knew that she was struggling.

“It’s okay, Sammy.” That earned a raised eyebrow which I ignored as I continued. “
Ms
. Richards. I applied to the University of Chicago so that I could stay near Samantha.”

“Hmm. And Samantha? Have you decided what you’re going to do yet?”

She sighs resignedly, looking sideways at me then turning to face her stony-faced mother. “I still have a year to decide, Mom.”

“Humph.”

Thankfully, our meals arrived after that and Sam was able to steer the conversation toward more popular topics of conversation, namely about her mother’s retirement and plans for the future.

The next thing I did wrong was standing up as I was taught to do when Debra excused herself to use the restroom. She frowned at me then left. 

“I can’t seem to do anything right. I’m thinking it’s not just me though,” I whispered when her mom was out of hearing range.

“It’s not you. It’s just the way she is. I’ll smooth it all over later. You’re doing great. I love you,” she added, leaning toward me and kissing me gently, opening her mouth and allowing me to take over. It was a well-practiced dance that we had perfected over time. It was effortless, but still got my blood pumping in mere seconds.

Not realizing Debra had returned, we were interrupted by a stern throat clearing in front of us.

“Oh, shit,” Sam muttered. “Sorry, Mom. Didn’t realize you had come back.”

“Obviously. The young man here couldn’t have
mauled
you in private? Samantha, you know better than to conduct yourself that way in public. I’m no longer hungry. The bill is taken care of, so you needn’t worry, Sean.” She leaned down and kissed Sam on the cheek before nodding dismissively in my direction. “I’ll call you at twenty hundred hours, Samantha.”

“Well, that was an epic fuck up,” I declared. “Sorry, Sammy, but your mom is an A grade bitch. She disregarded me the minute she clocked me.”

She looked at me with those big, wide, green eyes of hers and I could see she was torn. “She’s just stressed. She’s retired from the job she says she was born to do, and now she’s at a loss as to what to do with her life. I’ll talk to her tonight. Let’s just go.”

And just like that, my meet the mother lunch was over and done with.

The car pulls up outside the club which looks busy with a line around the corner at least. Suddenly, the events of the night feel heavy on my shoulders. “Actually, can you take me to my condo? I don’t think I should be here right now,” I say to the driver.

He pulls out into the traffic and takes me home.

Now all I have to figure out is what the fuck happened with Samantha tonight, and more importantly, what the fuck can I do to fix it. But the one thing I know for sure is that Samantha Richards belongs in my life.

Sam

Me:
Hels, I’m screwed!

Helen:
Literally?

Me:
No! I slapped Sean across the face after a thoroughly enjoyable dinner.

Helen:
What the fuck, babe …

Me:
It seems like such a blur now, but he was in control all night, then he mentioned going for a walk and I was freaking out because he wanted to talk.

Me:
So I said it was great to catch up and now we won’t be awkward around each other. He accused me of trying to get out of talking about our past, I denied it. Then he said I still couldn’t be honest with myself.

Me:
I told him he was barbaric thinking I’d spread my legs for a nice meal. He couldn’t get that image out of his head and asked how he could make it happen. So I slapped the arrogant smirk right off his face.

Helen:
You finished?

Me:
Nope, just getting started. At home now, drinking water because it looks like Vodka and I have a shift tomorrow.

Helen:
Lucky you didn’t end up spreading your legs then ;)

Me:
*snort* Don’t see that happening anytime soon.

Helen:
I call bullshit, AGAIN. You need to sort your head out and claim your man. Sean IS the kind of man you NEED in your life, babe.

Rico:
Sam, you be with who you want to be with. Don’t let my fiancée bully you

Me (sent to both of them):
What the fuck, guys? Ganging up on me much?

Helen:
He stole my phone, blame him. All right, babe, might see you tomorrow. Sleep on it. Think about what that man does to you just by breathing, then you’ll have your answer.

Rico:
If he breaks your heart, I’ll kill him.

Helen:
At least tell me the food was good. Rico owes me a date night.

Me:
LOL. Food was awesome. Ethiopian restaurant, I’ll give you the details tomorrow. Love you guys. Thanks for letting me vent.

Helen:
That’s what we’re here for, babe. Just sleep on it. Everything will be clearer in the morning.

Me:
I fucking well hope so. That man pissed me off, turned me on, and scattered my brain all in the space of a few hours.

Helen:
So nothing’s changed then ;)

Me:
Shut up!

Helen:
Love you, babe, you’re just too pig headed to admit you were wrong and you want him back.

Me:
Shut UP!

Helen:
ha ha.

Me:
Enough. Sleeping now. Have a good shift tomorrow.

Helen:
Will do. Night.

Rico:
Night.

Me:
You guys are ridiculous.

Helen:
That’s why you love us. Now go to sleep!

I put my phone onto my bedside table, rolling onto my side and burrowing into the comforter. My brain is still wired though, so sleep will not come easily. I know I probably overreacted tonight. Shit. Okay, I
did
overreact, but that man knows how to push all my buttons. He said he wanted to see the fire inside of me … well, he got that back and then some!

I’m scared of losing that fire by submitting to any man, but especially to Sean. I was raised to always stay strong and independent and to never rely on a man for anything because they’re all rat bastards who will let you down. How can I let my guard down when the right man comes along … comes back? What if I can’t do it? What if it’s been up for so long that I can’t remember what it is like to be vulnerable again?