Bonds of Denial (19 page)

The harsh buzz rang through the loft, the deep sound bouncing off the open space to reach Rock in a hollow rumble. He jerked away from the computer screen, glanced at the computer clock, then swung the chair around to the computer behind him. He typed in the access code to the security camera that monitored the building entrance and was greeted by Deklan’s scowling face as he stared directly into the camera.

Rock chuckled and sent the code that unlocked the front door. Dek gave a short salute then disappeared from the screen. He’d never told the man he’d hacked into the building’s security network. Deklan just knew him well enough to know that he would.

He shut down the programs he’d been running on two of his other computers then closed down the windows on another. His home office was a windowless cave of technology. The builder had thought he was crazy, saying it would lower the resale value when he’d requested the inner room. Like that mattered to him.

He locked the door out of habit more than a worry that Deklan would go in there. It wasn’t a secret that Rock did contract work for the Army. It was the information he worked on that was.

The rap sounded on the door as he walked through the living room. He pushed the sleeves up on his shirt and unlocked the door.

“Hey,” he said as he stepped back to let Deklan in. “What are you doing here?”

Deklan hung his coat up and sat his tall frame down on the bench to remove his boots. “I was in the area, thought I’d stop in.”

Rock gave a snort and headed into the kitchen for a couple of beers. “Right.”

“You don’t believe me?”

It didn’t matter if he did. The man was obviously there for a reason. “What do you want?” He twisted the lids off and handed a bottle to Deklan before tossing the caps into the trash.

“A beer.” Deklan took a long swallow and smiled, his lone dimple appearing on his cheek. All traces of the stoic military man disappeared behind the boyish appeal. That one thing countered the beefy muscles and high and tight haircut that was only slightly grown out. “Got any cookies?”

Rock was already setting the container on the counter. Deklan popped the lid off, grabbed two peanut butter cookies before snapping it closed again.

“Thanks,” he mumbled around a mouthful of cookie. “I think these are my favorite.”

“You said that about the macadamia chocolate ones, too.”

Deklan waved his hand. “Whatever.”

Rock leaned on the counter and sipped at his own beer as he waited for Deklan to talk. For two men who didn’t care a whole lot for conversation, they managed to communicate just fine. What Deklan was saying now was he had something to talk about and he’d spit it out when he was ready.

Deklan went to the living room and plopped down on the big leather couch, making himself at home. He was the only person besides Rock’s little sister who ever did that. Of course, it wasn’t like he had a lot of visitors dropping by either. Not until Carter, anyway.

Yeah, Carter did that now, too.

Rock sat in the big chair next to the couch and studied his friend. There were stress lines around his eyes and a stiffness in his shoulders that went with the tight grip he had on his bottle.

Rock kicked out his feet and crossed his ankles, settling in until Deklan was ready to spill. If he did. There’d been times in the past when the man had shown up, drunk a beer and left with barely a word. Rock understood that too. There’d been more than one occasion when he’d done the same thing to Deklan.

He reached for the remote and clicked on the television. A search of the channels found nothing, so he turned the volume down and left a sports station on that was running highlights of last weekend’s games.

“I bought Kendra a ring.” There was no inflection in Deklan’s tone. It was just a flat statement that left Rock guessing on how to respond, so he didn’t. Deklan finished his beer and sat the bottle on the end table before he scrubbed his hands over his hair and sighed. “I never thought I’d want to marry someone.”

Rock gave a grunt of agreement. Marriage had definitely been off his list of things to do. He’d never entertained the thought, even when his denial was at its deepest. Spending his life with someone had always felt like a sentence of penance.

Until now.

He stared at his beer bottle, his gut clenching at the realization. He was having way too many of those shiny new realizations lately.

“I’m still not sure,” Deklan finally admitted. He dropped his head on the back of the couch and rubbed his eyes.

Rock shuffled through a couple of possible responses before he ended up saying his initial reaction anyway. “So hold on to the ring until you are.”

“Yeah.” Deklan dropped his hand to the couch but kept his eyes closed.

The low tone of the sports journalist flowed through the room, taking up the dead air without pressuring either of them to talk. Ultimately that was one of the best things about watching sports. There was never a requirement to talk about anything. You only had to cheer when appropriate and know enough to grunt an agreement or disapproval if someone wanted to debate a call or play.

“I don’t even know if she’ll say yes.” There was the doubt that was eating at Deklan.

Rock took a drink to hide his smile, not that Deklan was looking at him. “You won’t know that until you ask.”

“No shit.”

“So ask.”

“What if she says no?”

“If you really thought that, you wouldn’t have bought the ring.” Rock knew that for a fact. The man rarely moved without knowing what was ahead. His instincts were outstanding.

Deklan scoffed out a laugh. “Right. It’s impossible to know what a woman is thinking.”

There was another statement Rock couldn’t respond to. He might agree, but it wasn’t what his friend wanted to hear.

Deklan swiped his empty off the table and stalked to the kitchen. Rock shook his head when the man held up another beer in silent question. He still had work to finish before Carter came over that night. It was hard to believe they’d been “dating” for almost two months.

The weeks had blended into days of lunches filled with conversation that finished with hot sex and more and more nights of Carter staying over. Dinners at home, even the grocery shopping beforehand, had become events they shared. Things he looked forward to.

“What’s that look for?”

Rock jerked upright, instantly on guard. “What?”

Deklan narrowed his eyes. “That is the happiest expression I think I’ve ever seen on you. Who in the hell are you fucking?”

If the floor had dropped out beneath him, he wouldn’t have been more shocked. As it was, he was frozen in place, dread holding him in a death grip, a manic cackle of doom ringing in his mind.

He finally barked a gruff sound that was supposed to have been a laugh and rolled his shoulders. “Like I’d fucking tell you.” He knew he was caught, so full denial was pointless.

“So that’s why you’ve been taking so many nights off.” Deklan raised his beer in a toast as he sat back down. “It’s about time.”

The sick stew of self-disgust brewed in his stomach and he dropped his gaze, unable to hold the lie with Deklan. The man was his commanding officer, his best friend and someone he trusted with his life. But could he trust him with his secrets?

“Rock. What’s wrong?”

He couldn’t look at Deklan, even though the man had used his order voice. A good soldier looked his superior in the eye. And a good soldier wasn’t a pansy. He wasn’t gay.

And who the fuck made that rule? Who the fuck equated being gay with being a weaker, lower-classed person? Who the fuck defined that being gay was wrong? And why in the fuck had he listened to that crap for so long?

He snapped his head up, eyes drilling into Deklan with the hardness that had settled through him. His heart rammed against his ribs, the enormity of the moment beating through every nerve, despite the cold that had settled into his bones. “His name is Carter.” He waited a beat. “I’m gay.”

He’d said it and he still couldn’t believe it. His jaw ached, his stomach churned and he couldn’t move. His focus was on every tick, flinch and reaction that came from Deklan. Only nothing came. The man was immobile, his reaction nonexistent.

“You expect me to react to that?” Deklan never dropped his gaze and his voice held no inflection.

“Most will.”

“You say that like I’m most people.”

That got him and he should’ve felt bad. It was what he’d said to Carter and now he’d done the same thing to Deklan, but he was too ready for the attack to process that. He set his beer bottle down, his hands fisting as he waited for Deklan to move. Expecting him to.

Deklan slowly sat back and took a long drink of his beer. He shook his head before looking back to Rock. “Have I ever given you the impression that I was a bigoted ass?”

He analyzed the question, his mind shuffling through the facts filed within it to come up with a single answer. “No.”

“Then why are you sitting there poised for an attack?” Deklan raised a brow then took another drink.

Rock’s defenses slowly started to uncoil when Deklan didn’t say or do anything more. He straightened his fingers and pressed them flat to his thighs in an effort to relax. But he kept his eyes on Deklan, watching, waiting for the ambush.

Deklan heaved an exhausted breath. “I run a fucking BDSM club. I’m a Dom, for Christ’s sake.” He shook his head and focused on the flat screen, but Rock caught the twitch of muscles that bunched along his jaw. “I don’t care who you’re with or what you do. I thought you’d know that.”

The relief and embarrassment flushed away the adrenaline spike, leaving Rock jittery. He
picked up his bottle and swallowed down the last of the brew before he hung his head. The bottle dangled from his hand as he focused on the decreasing rate of his pulse. Deklan didn’t hate him.

“It’s taken you a long time to say that.”

Rock couldn’t look up, but he did manage a single nod of agreement.

“It’s okay, Rock.” The sports announcer’s voice rose in excitement as he described a play and it contrasted with the calm note in Deklan’s. “No one at The Den is going to judge you. You have to know that.”

There might’ve been a part of him that hoped for that, even knew that, but he’d never had a reason to test it before now.

“This guy’s pretty cool then, huh?”

Rock finally looked up, his brow furrowed. “Why do you say that?”

“He has to be someone special to get you to finally come out.”

And there it was. The heat ran up his neck to encompass his face faster than he could will it back. Shit. He looked away as Deklan’s low chuckle rumbled over the continued drone of the sports announcer. He caught himself smiling when he heard only amusement in Deklan’s laugh.

He said a low “Fuck you,” as he stalked to the kitchen, but there was no heat in his words.

“Do I know him?”

Rock tossed his bottle in the recycling bin and turned around. Deklan leaned on the bar, his curiosity displayed in his raised brows, but it meshed with what Rock defined as honest interest. He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the counter, debating. How much did he tell Deklan?

“Yeah,” he finally admitted. There was something freeing in being able to confide in his long-time friend. His shoulders relaxed and he smiled, not caring what Deklan thought.

“I do?” He straightened, his eyes widening before he flattened out the shock from his features.

Rock shrugged. “Where else would I meet someone besides the club?”

“I didn’t think you were into that lifestyle.”

“I’m not.” He was enjoying this. It wasn’t often he had one up on Deklan.

“Then he’s been to the club.” Deklan narrowed his eyes, and Rock recognized the look. The man was probably running through the club’s membership list, thinking of recent guests and racking his brain to identify who it might be. Deklan was the only owner who could name every member on sight.

After a minute or two, Rock relented. “It’s Carter Montgomery.”

“Tyler’s friend?” Rock nodded. “The guy who lives in my condo unit?” He nodded again, and Deklan dropped his head back to stare at the ceiling. “What are the odds?”

“Right?”

“It’s getting ridiculous.”

Rock grunted in agreement. There were a disproportionate number of people from Deklan’s condo complex who had showed up at The Den in the last year. “If I hadn’t done the security checks on everyone, I’d be suspicious.”

He gave a dry laugh. “If Edith and Newman show up at the club, I’m done.”

“Who?”

“An older couple who live in the building. They’re both in their seventies and I have nothing against age, but I think the coincidences would fry my brain.”

Rock understood that. The military trained them to never believe in coincidences. “I’m
starting to think you’ve been advertising the club around the building.”

“Like I want everyone there to know I’m a Dom.” He shook his head. “I chose that place so I could be anonymous.”

“How’d that work out for you?”

“Great, until Cali showed up at The Den.”

“Which led you to Kendra.” Rock let that statement sit as he swiped Deklan’s empty off the bar and tossed it in the recycling bin.

“Are things serious with Carter then?”

And they were back to that. He eyed his friend before giving a noncommittal shrug. “Serious enough for me to come out, as you put it.”

“So you’re okay with what he does?”

Of course Deklan would remember that detail. But that wasn’t his business at all. “Why wouldn’t I be? It’s like me being okay that you like to dominate people to get off.”

“But you’re not fucking me.”

Rock coughed to hide the shock of Deklan’s statement. He shouldn’t have been surprised. The man was always a straight shooter. Still…He let his glare speak for him.

Deklan rapped his knuckles on the counter. “Just be careful.”

“Yes, Mom.”

“Dick.”

Rock acknowledged the dig with a tip of his head. “Did you give Seth the same speech?”

Deklan moved to the door and sat on the bench to slip his boots on. “Probably. Then I told him he was being an ass for letting Tyler and Allie leave.”