Boss (12 page)

He practically inhaled half of the cigarette in a couple of seconds but he didn’t pull away.

Ezra’s fingers delicately pulled his fallen hair from his face, tucking it behind his ear. It was such a simple action but it spoke a thousand words. Everything Ezra did only served to further confuse Joshua.

“We can go back inside, if you want,” Ezra dropped his cigarette to the ground, stamping it out.

“No,” he said, “I can’t be bothered with the party.”

“Good,” he dropped his voice to a soft and silky husk, “I like it, like this.”

Joshua wanted to tell him to back off, that he had the wrong idea about him but he couldn’t speak. He didn’t feel cold because there was a fire burning in his chest.

“Ezra I -,” Joshua turned to face Ezra, instantly wishing he hadn’t.

They were so close, their eyes locked in a strange and silent gaze. He didn’t look down but he could see Ezra’s lips, glistening in the soft glow of the lights. It was the same feeling he had felt on the bed in
The Dorchester
. He had justified his stupidity by telling himself it was the alcohol and the bump to the head, so what was his excuse now? He had only had a swig of champagne and his mental function was intact.

In a silly attempt to shake the feeling, he shook his head but it didn’t budge. As his breath quivered softly, the hand stopped rubbing his arm but it didn’t leave. Ezra’s fingers gripped his shoulder, pulling Joshua even closer to him.

Ezra seemed so powerful and in charge, yet strangely tender.
Just pull away, Joshua. It’s not worth the trouble.

The protests jammed in his throat, never making their way out of his mouth. He could hear the party jumping below and he knew it would be easier to push Ezra away with people watching. He could use their judgemental eyes as an excuse.
Why did I agree to come up here?

On the terrace, they were the only two people in London and as Ezra closed his eyes, leaning in towards Joshua, all of his fears and doubts vanished. All he wanted was to feel Ezra’s lips touch his. When they did, it sent a burning desire running through Joshua’s entire body. It started at his lips before shooting deep into his core.

Being sober, kissing Ezra seemed different than he had remembered. The bravado and ego had vanished, leaving behind something more raw and immediate.

Returning the kiss for the first time, Joshua pushed himself forwards, feeling his dry lips crash against Ezra’s softness. He shouldn’t have wanted it and he didn’t know why he did but in that moment, it was all he wanted.

“Ezra,” Joshua whispered, ready to launch into an angry protest but not sure if he wanted to.

“Don’t resist me, Joshua,” he whispered, their lips still briefly touching, eyes still tightly shut.

“This isn’t right.”

“It feels right.”

“You’re a guy,” Joshua could feel his desires slipping away, as the fear and confusion started to creep in.

Joshua wasn’t going to deny that he had kissed guys before, but it had never been like this. Of course he had kissed guys, always when blind drunk. He knew most guys had done it but it was something nobody ever seemed to speak about in the harsh light of day. It had always been something funny, spawning from a strange place of curiosity. There had never been passion or intention, until Ezra Steele.

“I-I-,”

“Don’t,” Ezra silenced him again with his lips.

It was even more electric the second time and the doubt lifted. This time the softness and delicacy vanished, leaving them to truly explore each other. The hand tightened even more on his shoulder, the perfectly trimmed nails digging through the jacket into his flesh. He wanted so badly to touch Ezra in return but his arms were frozen.

Ezra’s tongue danced against his, tasting of champagne and the cigarettes they had just smoked. His mind flashed back to the alley and what he had seen Ezra doing behind the dumpsters. Tying shoelaces? Was that what was going to happen next?

“I can’t,” Joshua stepped backgrounds, out of Ezra’s grip.

Hands on his face, he wiped away the kiss from his lips feeling the shame and regret replacing his urges. Ignoring the slow pulsing in his jeans, he tried to rationalise everything. Could he really blame this on grief, when he didn’t even know how to grieve?

“Joshua, I know it can be -,”

“I gotta go,” Joshua pointed over his shoulder to the lift, shrugging the jacket off and tossing it in Ezra’s direction.

He caught it but he dropped it to follow Joshua.

“Go?” Ezra sounded desperate.

Whatever had happened, it can’t have meant anything to either of them; Joshua wouldn’t allow it. Joshua wasn’t going to let himself become one of Ezra’s conquests.
This isn’t real
.

“Is it Levi? Are you and him really -,”

“I already told you!” Josh snapped, “We’re just friends. He’s straight.”

“And you?”

Joshua felt a lump rise painfully in his throat. How could he dare call himself straight when he had done what he had just done? He had happily called himself straight even after making out with a couple of locals on his travels but that was never anything. They could have been girls as far as he had been concerned and he had never wanted to go any further. With Ezra however, he felt something, desire perhaps and that scared him; a longing for something different and daring. He didn’t want that, did he?

“I’m straight too,” he gulped, “you should really stick to your own kind.”

“My own kind?” Ezra laughed, folding his arms, “We’re all the same. We all want the same things. Sexuality isn’t black and white, despite what TV tells you. We all have desires.”

Desires.

Why did he have to use that word?

“I need to go,” he said again, setting off for the lift, “I have somewhere I need to be tomorrow.”

He pressed the button and the doors opened, the lift already waiting for him. He didn’t wait for Ezra to protest. Before he knew it, he was searching the party for Violet and Levi.

Levi was in the corner with his hand up a girl’s skirt, so Joshua wasn’t going to disturb him.
He’ll find his own way home
. He started to look around for Violet, wanting her to be with him. He needed her more than she needed him.

Joshua burst into the bedroom to see Violet on the bed with a guy on top of her. Anger raged in him that she would cheat on her fiancé like that but when he saw the wasted look in her face as the guy kissed her, the anger suddenly switched on.

“Get off her!” he cried.

The guy pulled himself away from tongue fucking Violet to see Joshua’s fist heading straight for his face. He tumbled off the bed and to the ground, the boner clear in his jeans.

“Violet? Violet, are you okay?” he slapped her cheeks as her head lolled from side to side.

I’ve only been gone for twenty minutes and there’s no way she got that drunk in that amount of time.

“Joshua?” she mumbled, eyelids twitching, “What’s -,”

“What’s going on?” Ezra appeared in the doorway behind him.

For the first time, he was happy to see Ezra.

“I think her drink’s been spiked,” he pulled Violet up to a sitting position but she could barely hold it, “I came in and that scumbag was on top of her.”

He pointed to the guy who was still on the ground.
Did I really hit him that hard?
Ezra peered over him before planting his shoe into his stomach. Doubling in two, he groaned and spat out blood. Had Joshua knocked out a tooth?
I hope so
.

“Violet, you need to stand up,” he tried to drag her up to her feet but she was resisting him more than he thought possible, “Ezra, I need your help.”

Without saying a word, Ezra hurried around to Violet’s other side. He yanked her dress down her thighs and wrapped her arm around his neck.

“My car’s still downstairs,” he nodded to the door, “let’s get her out of here.”

With Violet passed out on Joshua’s knee, her face squashed against the window, Joshua directed him to Violet’s house in Hammersmith. Aside from the directions, they didn’t speak even if Joshua was grateful for Ezra’s help.

“It’s just here,” Joshua pointed to Violet’s house.

Ezra slowed down outside a high, Victorian terrace in the heart of Hammersmith.

“Your cousin is doing well for herself,” he looked up to the house.

“I think it’s more her fiancé,” Joshua looked down at her, “but he’s away on business until the wedding.”

“So, you’re sofa crashing there?”

“Something like that.”

“You’re a good guy, Joshua,” Ezra nodded, “it’s obvious you really care about her.”

“Thanks for the ride,” he reached around Violet to pop open the door, “I can manage from here.”

Ezra watched him struggle with her but Joshua didn’t want his help.
You’re making yourself look weak
. Before he could protest, Ezra jumped out of the car and slowly walked to the passenger side.

“Let me help.”

With an arm each, they carried her up the steps to her front door. Joshua fiddled with the keys, falling into the hallway when the door finally swung open.

“Up here,” Joshua nodded to the stairs, kicking the door closed.

When she was tucked up in bed, he looked down at her, stroking her hair out of the way.

“She’ll be fine,” Ezra reassuringly squeezed Joshua’s shoulder, “she’ll wake up in the morning feeling like shit but she won’t remember any of it.”

He liked the feeling of Ezra’s hand on his shoulder.

After putting a glass of water next to her bed and a bin in case she decided to throw up, they headed downstairs. In the darkness of the hallway, they lingered awkwardly by the door, neither of them sure of what to do. At the party, Joshua had been trying to get away from Ezra but now he was grateful for the help he gave.

“I’ll go,” Ezra nodded.

“No,” Joshua cried out before he thought about it, “stay, you deserve a drink at least.”

Ezra smiled and bit his lip, slowly closing the front door. The moonlight filtered through the stained glass panel in the door, casting a mischievous glow across his face.

I have no idea what I’m doing.

“She’s got a nice place,” Ezra exclaimed when they walked into the kitchen, “you Silverton’s have style.”

Ezra walked confidently across Violet’s stone tiles, heading straight for the wine rack. Squatting down, he started to pull out bottles at random, examining the labels.

“You probably shouldn’t touch those ones,” Joshua stepped forwards, keeping his distance, “I think that’s her expensive stash.”

“She’s your cousin,” he winked, “I’m sure she won’t mind if you have a glass of wine. Plus, you just saved her from being date raped.”

Joshua waved his hand, letting Ezra choose a bottle. He didn’t know what he was expecting to happen but he did know he seriously needed a drink. He flicked on the lights, casting out the darkness.

“I should probably get some sleep myself soon,” Joshua was already starting the excuses, “I haven’t been sleeping much.”

“Are you scared you’ll actually have some real fun for once?”

Joshua knew exactly what he was scared of. He was scared of getting too close to Ezra. He watched as Ezra dug through the drawers to find a corkscrew, still unsure of how he felt about him.

“Help me out here,” he opened and slammed another drawer.

“I don’t know where she keeps her stuff,” Joshua shot back, leaning against the marble island, “try that one.”

Ezra opened the drawer Joshua had pointed at, but it was filled with envelopes and receipts.

“You sleep on the couch but you don’t know where anything is?” Ezra finally found the corkscrew.

He popped the cork on the red wine, tossing it onto the island next to Joshua. He gathered two glasses from the glass-fronted cupboard and set them on the counter, pouring them both two big glasses of wine.

“Here’s to change,” Ezra raised his glass.

“Don’t do that,” Joshua shook his head.

“Do what?”

“Act like we’re making progress.”

“Aren’t we?”

He didn’t know. In a way, it felt like they were but he didn’t want them to be. Progress meant Joshua would be easier to push over.
He could be using you, so you don’t challenge him
. They had just shared another kiss and it was so much more confusing than the first. Then, Ezra helped him get his cousin back home when he could have left them alone.

“I don’t know.”

“I think we are,” Ezra sipped his wine, “I hope we are. Don’t you?”

Joshua had no idea what he was hoping for. He had no idea why he wasn’t giving Ezra a firm and definite answer to anything.

“Why are you so interested in me? You ask so much but you tell me so little in return.”

“What do you want to know?” he shrugged, setting his wine on the island.

Joshua hadn’t expected that. He tried to search his brain for something he wanted to know, not knowing if he even wanted to seem interested in the man he was actively trying to hate.

“What family are you from?” he asked, “I know most of the other rich kids around here, and we’re similar ages. Why don’t I know you?”

“Really?” he raised his eyebrows, “I was born and raised in Hackney and that was before the Olympic Village moved in and bumped up the land value. I’m old school.”

“Hackney?” Joshua snorted, “Like, the estates?”

“You got a problem with that?” Ezra’s East End accent suddenly sounded thicker.

“No, I just -,”

“Joshua, I’m kidding,” he winked.

Joshua allowed himself to laugh for a second. Why had he thought Ezra was from money? Was it because he had his father’s money that he assumed he had come from that life to start with?

“From Hackney to Holland Park,” Joshua raised his glass, “Talk about doing it in style.”

Ezra joined in but Joshua noticed the same sadness he had seen when they had been on the terrace.

“You may think it was an easy path because of your father but it wasn’t.”

“Tell me,” Joshua wanted to know more so badly.

Sipping his wine, Ezra stared at him from under his brows and Joshua could tell he was trying to figure out how much to reveal.

“Let’s just say, I lost a lot of people along the way.”

“Like who?”

“Now who’s asking lots of questions?” Ezra laughed.

“I still hate you, just so you know.”

“I know,” Ezra shrugged, “that’s why it’s so interesting.”

“What do you mean?”

Ezra smirked, as if he knew something Joshua didn’t.

“You want so badly to hate me but it’s obvious you can’t,” he whispered, “you can feel it, can’t you?”

He could feel it but he didn’t want to. Pretending not to know what Ezra was talking about, he looked at the clock as he scratched his beard.

“Levi will be back soon.”

The excuse sounded lamer out loud than it had in his head.

“He’ll probably be gone all night,” Ezra rolled his eyes, “loosen up.”

Ezra set down his wine and started to flick through Violet’s
iPod
, slightly bent over. He didn’t want to stare at Ezra’s butt but he couldn’t help himself. He knew Ezra was moving his legs on purpose to make it shift under the tight material. It looked like it would be smooth and perfect.

“If I know Violet, it’s probably all girly shit on there,” Joshua whispered, not taking his eyes away from the round cheeks in front of him.

“Oh, that’s okay,” he glanced over his shoulder, “it’s good to dance to.”

The tiny speaker started to blast out a generic pop-dance song Joshua had never heard. It usually took a couple of months for the UK’s music to reach him when he was travelling. Ezra jabbed at the buttons, cranking up the volume. The heavy bass pounded through the kitchen and Joshua felt it vibrate around his chest as he clutched the wine glass.

“You’ll wake Violet.”

“She’s had roofies,” Ezra dismissed him, “the world could end around her right now and she wouldn’t wake up. Come on, loosen up!”

Ezra started to dance a little to the music. He was letting go in a way that Joshua had never seen before. The control and the poise were gone to leave behind somebody a whole lot sillier. It reminded him of who he had seen when they had been water fighting. Underneath the suit and the gorgeous, angular face, there was somebody just wanting to be a little more carefree.
I can see him.

Joshua smiled with Ezra, letting the music have a Prozac effect on his body.

“You’re leaving me hanging here,” Ezra started to sway over to Joshua, “you’re as stiff as a board.”

The emphasis on the word ‘
stiff
’ made Joshua feel like he was about to get stiff, but in a different way. Ezra slowly swayed over to Joshua with a sultry smile on his lips and his wine glass in the air. Brushing against Joshua’s body with his own, Ezra moved from side to side, making sure to make his cock press against Joshua’s. It made him lean even further back against the counter.

“I only dance when I’m so drunk that I don’t know what I’m doing,” Joshua felt his face flush.

“That can be arranged.”

Ezra backed off and pulled open the double fronted refrigerator. He dug through the food, yanking open the fruit and veg drawers, sloshing his red wine all over the dark tiles.

“Strawberries,” he announced, pulling out a plastic carton with one of hand, “expensive ones too. Your cousin is a girl after my own heart.”

“She’ll probably notice they’re missing,” Joshua scratched the back of his messy hair.

“So I’ll leave some money in their place,” Ezra shrugged, “relax!”

Nobody ever says no to this guy.

Ezra ripped back the plastic sheet, plucking a fat, juicy strawberry from the bunch. He bobbed it into his wine, before lifting it slowly and outlining his lips. The dark liquid dripped down his chin and onto the stiff collar of his white shirt. He slowly bit into the fruit’s flesh, his lips wrapping around the red skin as his eyes stared powerfully into Joshua’s, narrowing without blinking.

“They’re aphrodisiacs,” he tossed the green stem into the carton, before plucking out another, “try one.”

He shook his head and stepped back slightly. The growing semi in his underwear let him know that he didn’t need any aphrodisiacs.
Ezra Steele is a fucking aphrodisiac
. He wanted to rearrange himself but he knew it would only draw Ezra’s eyes down there.

“I’m alright,” Joshua bit his lip, “not hungry.”

“Just take a bloody strawberry,” Ezra shook the carton in his face with a wicked smirk.

This is how Chitty Chitty Bang Bang started. I’ll be in a cage next.

Joshua was about to dip his hand into the strawberries but before he had a chance, Ezra lifted the strawberry he was about to go for. Dangling it in front of Joshua’s lips, his brows darted up and down, as if daring him to eat it from his fingers. He stared at the strawberry, his eyes crossing as he looked down his own nose. Heart pounding, he told himself he wasn’t going to eat a strawberry from another guy’s hand. His tongue poked through his lips before sucking it back in.

The strawberry hung in front of him. It was so tempting. It looked so fresh and ripe.

“Go on,” Ezra’s voice dropped to a seductive whisper, “try it. Are you afraid you’ll enjoy it?”

Joshua was sure Ezra wasn’t just talking about the strawberry. His lashes fluttered, his heartbeat rising above the loud music. He dashed up to Ezra’s eyes but they were still fixed on him, like they always were. He wanted to pull away, he really did. Before he could stop himself, he was ducking under the strawberry, letting Ezra dangle it into his mouth.

Before it met his teeth, Ezra pulled it out of reach.

“Are you sure you really want it?” Ezra looked up at the strawberry, “Sometimes, they can be a little bitter.”