Boston Boys [01] - A Life Without You (9 page)

I must have revealed some of what I’m feeling on my face, because Jesse’s voice softens. “It’s just confusing, okay?”

“Are you going to leave?” I ask, my voice nearly breaking at the last word. I swallow hard to keep the tears back. I didn’t think that saying it out loud would cut off my air like that. It feels as though the room is falling in on itself with me just waiting to be buried under the rubble.

“Leave?” Jesse asks. He lies back down, propped up on one elbow. “No, I’m not going to leave. It’s just…I’m just very confused, you know?

“Is that why you’ve been so distant the past few weeks?” I ask.

“Have I been?” he asks, looking a bit baffled.

Yes he has been. When we went to the movies last week he wasn’t really watching and he barely says a word when we play A Life Without You
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basketball. Something’s been weighing heavily on his mind and I want to know what it is…and yet I’m terrified to find out.

“I’m sorry about that,” Jesse says with a defeated sigh. “It’s just that my head’s been spinning in these crazy circles. Especially since earlier today. I mean, I can’t deny that being with you does weird things to my head and body. I seriously don’t know what to make of it, whether it means I’m bi or what.”
That’s
what this has been about?

“Why don’t you just not think about it?” I ask, a wave of relief washing through every vein in my body so much that I shudder. “Just don’t think in terms of gay, straight, or bi,” I add.

“I can’t. Ever since I was a kid I’ve been taught that it’s boyand-girl, not boy-and-boy. When you’re near me, my rationality starts screaming that it’s all wrong, but everything else in me doesn’t agree.” Jesse sits up again and buries his head in his hands.

“It’s just that I feel like my whole world’s been turned inside-out.

I mean, I let you suck me off and I know it’s wrong, but it just felt so…so…argh, I can’t explain it. It’s so frustrating.” I have to clutch my hands on my pillow to keep steady.

Doesn’t this sound like the struggles of a gay man?
Bisexual
, I mentally correct myself.

“You have been sucked off before, right?” Jesse turns his head out of his hands and gives me an animated look of defiance. “Of course I have.” Then he exhales, his voice growing softer. “Just never like that.” I can’t help the corners of my lips from rising into a half smile. “You mean I’m better than your girlfriend?”

“I didn’t say that. I –”

“It’s only natural,” I interrupt before I turn his thoughts into more mush, even though I do love watching him squirm. “Don’t worry about it. I’m a guy, so it’s only natural that I know what guys like best, right? And I bet I have a lot more experience than she has.”

Jesse stays quiet for a while, his eyes searching my face. He’s
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so serious that I want to pull him into my bed and kiss him right there between those eyebrows.

“Experience, yeah. Do you always swallow?” There’s a ghost of innocent curiosity on his face mixed with something I can’t figure out. I chuckle and I can see that he’s about to argue my laughing because his chest rises, so I answer quickly.

“No, not always. But you taste…” – a slow smile spreads over my lips – “…like nothing I’ve ever tasted before. I’ve never wanted someone’s cock as much as I wanted yours.” I pause for a second, taking in his large eyes and slack lips. “As I
still
want yours.”

Our eyes are locked in a gaze for a minute, then Jesse huffs.

“God damn it, Adam. When you say stuff like that…” He ruffles his already messed up hair and rests his forehead on his knees.

Then he stands up, sheet tightly wrapped around his body, flumps his pillow down next to mine and slides into my bed. “Look, it was a mistake that time in the bathroom, but you were so fierce that I couldn’t stop you.”

“You didn’t
try
to stop me.”

“Yeah, that’s what I’m saying. Once you started I couldn’t.

My body wouldn’t. But it was just a one-time thing. I’m so sorry, because I know it hurts you to know that it’s not gonna happen again…I…” He ends his trail of words with a sigh.

I prop myself up on one elbow, so, so close to Jesse, but I make sure to keep my hands off him. “And you’re in my bed because…?”

I gaze down at him and he looks back. His eyes flicker like a gazillion things are rushing through his mind. Then he sighs.

“Because I can’t stop thinking about it. It’s driving me nuts. I just can’t focus on anything. I think about it all the time. And I hate that I do, but I do, you know?”

My heart is thumping like a war drum and there’s a continuous buzzing in my ear. I keep gazing into Jesse’s eyes and bend my body over his.

“Jesse,” I whisper. “Why are you in my bed?” chAPteR seven

Jesse’s mouth opens and closes several times. His eyes flicker about my face and then he quickly glances at where Chirpy’s pink-framed photo lies flat, face-down, before he looks at me again.

Maybe if I lower myself and kiss him his moral battle will tip in my favor, but before I can internally debate if that’s honorable or not Jesse closes his eyes with a sigh.

“Please don’t make me say it.”

I lower myself and when the tip of my nose gently touches his cheek, I whisper, “Well then, are you going to stop me if I do this?” I press my lips against his cheek.

He doesn’t answer, but I already know that this is what he wants. I can tell by his trembling hands, his rattling breath, and his swelling cock under the thin sheet. Not to mention the needy look displayed by the crease between his closed eyes.

My fingers weave through his soft hair as I push my lips against his. We stay leeched like that for a long time. When I release him I gaze into his eyes. They are half hooded, as if lost in a haze. The yearning to be touched is bursting through and mirrors mine, like the scorched earth gaping up at the cloudy sky.

Unable to torture myself any longer, I kiss him again and slip my tongue into his hot, moist mouth with a long, lusty groan.

He whimpers out his need. His tongue battles mine hard until softening into lazy laps.

I put my hands on either side of his body while he runs his palms over my shoulder blades and down my back. It sends tingles all over my skin. It drives me to delirium when he pulls me down to get me closer so that our chests slide against one another. He readily helps me unwrap the sheet from his waist until he’s free and my tongue is back where it belongs: in his mouth.

He’s mine.
The thought blows my mind and arouses the hell out of me. I suck on his lips, dive my tongue in, melt against
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his mouth. My body is so weak that I can barely keep myself propped up on my elbows. For now at least, Jesse’s mine. His body, his mind…his desires.

“You know,” I whisper into his ear, “Your words and actions don’t really go together.” I lick his ear with the tip of my tongue and make him shudder with a gasp. “It’s very misleading.” I push my knee between his, body sliding against body. I trace one of my hands down to his thighs and lift his knee, pulling it firmly against my hip. I kiss his neck hungrily with a deep groan, nibbling on the skin to make Jesse groan as well. This beautiful creature has laid out his body for me to explore. I want to ravish it in one serving, but I need to take it slow, to prolong our time together because there might not be another chance.

“Adam,” Jesse whispers when my hard dick rubs against the rim of his hole. His voice is small and weak with lust. “You’re not gonna…”

“No,” I breathe between lingering kisses. Maybe I should offer to let him fuck
me
– pain be damned – while I still have the chance. But I don’t want to scare him. Jesse’s body relaxes.

His cock is stiffer than I’ve ever seen it before. My hand slides from his knee, up his thigh, over his ass, and onto his cock. He whimpers when the tip of my fingers traces the silky skin of his length up and down. My own erection is begging to be touched as well, so I kiss my way back to Jesse’s ear and whisper to him.

“Will you touch mine, too?”

Jesse’s gasp against my ear sends jolts of anticipation to my lower regions and I’m worried that I might come right there. I manage to hold back just barely when his fingers encircle my cock and we jerk each other off with our mouths locked in a deep kiss.

I have never had trouble holding back my orgasms, but Jesse only has to whisper my name to bring me to my limit. “Adam,” he breathes between our kisses, his eyes as hazy as his voice. I dive in for another kiss with a groan when his hand moves faster around my cock. My speed increases to match his and his moan vibrates through my mouth. His naked body squirms under A Life Without You
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mine, his hand is firm on my precome-lathered cock, his other hand is clawing my back, while his tongue is in my mouth, hot and slippery around his rasping moans.

“Ah! Fuck. Adam. I –”

He bares his teeth, and his head tilts back with a choked moan. I have to hold my breath to keep my orgasm at bay, but I let out a ghost of a grunt which makes him work me faster.

I keep my eyes on his face. The building ecstasy is making it so hard for me, but I have to see it. I have to watch his face as I make him come. When he makes his final cry of ecstasy I release at the same time with a deep moan.

My body slumps down on his when my elbow can no longer hold me up. There’s warm, wet stickiness on our stomachs –

proof of our act just now. Our chests rise and fall as we try to catch our breaths. I bury my face in Jesse’s neck and nuzzle him as I clutch his body tightly. It’s all I can do, because I don’t want it to end. He strokes my back with his hands, sending chill after chill down my spine.

“I’m so sorry, Adam,” Jesse says, but I don’t want to hear it.

I don’t want him to pull back again. He’s mine now and I won’t give him up. “I’m not being fair to you,” he whispers against the top of my head.

My voice is a little muffled when I speak, because I’m buried so deep in his neck that he’ll have to pry me away. “What do you mean?”

“Adam, that was… I’ve never come this hard before. I probably won’t ever again. But I know how serious you are about me and it’s not fair because –”

No. Not this. If he decides to ‘help me’ by distancing himself from me, it won’t help at all. It will only make me miserable.

“Jesse, please don’t,” I say, swallowing at the desperation in my own voice. I cover his mouth with mine in a long, long and deep kiss. I’m hoping he’s forgotten all about what he was about to say when we break apart.

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“Adam –”

“No, Jesse,” I plead. I prop myself up on my elbows again and gaze into his eyes. Our bodies are still tangled. His foot wove around mine at some point and his hand is on the small of my back. “Please don’t move out.”

The space between Jesse’s eyebrows creases. “Adam, why do you always think I’m leaving? I’m not leaving. I’m just saying that, like tonight, I get these urges and come to you. That’s not me being fair.”

I breathe a laugh. “Is that all?”

“I’m being serious,” Jesse says, eyebrows still pulled together.

I bend down and kiss the creased space between them until his face relaxes and his breathing slows. I swallow down a moan when his warm hand slides up and down my back for a minute.

“It’s okay, Jesse. I’ll take what I can get,” I whisper against his forehead. I trace my hand to the nape of his neck and force his head backwards. Then I plunge in for another kiss, so deep that Jesse moans.

I untangle my body from his and before Jesse can continue talking, I dive down and take his cock into my mouth. All of it.

The head is already covered in sperm and it sears my throat as I suck it down. His cock swells quickly as I suck and lick and swallow.

Jesse throws his head back with a loud moan. I push his thighs apart and plant myself between them. One hand holds the base of his cock while the other slides over his thigh, to his hip, and to the small his back to pull him closer. The one holding his cock massages the very root of it and gently caresses his balls. I deep throat him until his cries are so loud that he pulls his pillow over his face to cover the sounds.

My own dick never really went limp in between, but it’ll have to stay untouched this time. I’m going to show Jesse what he’s missing if he insists on us staying apart. I want him to want me as much as I want him. I want him to crave my body at night so much that he won’t be able to sleep until he’s had his release. I A Life Without You
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want to infuse his mind with my presence until he can’t think about anything or anyone else.

I suck and I suck. I lick his cock from base up. I suck his balls into my mouth. I plunge his length into my mouth and deep throat him. Jesse’s protesting against my pillow, his body squirming, abs flexing as he does. His words are muffled, but I understand them enough to know that’s he’s about to come.

He wrenches the pillow from his face with a gasp. “Adam!

Adam...” My name sounds like a plea, but it only makes me suck harder. I want him; all of him. I want his seed in my body. It will make me feel good over the next days to know that I have some of him inside of me no matter how this night plays out.

“Ah-Adam,” he gasps and then his body convulses between my mouth and hands while my throat is filled with his hot, salty sperm. I swallow with a groan and suck a little longer, my hands releasing the hold on his hips and back. I slowly kiss my way up to his neck and rest my head in the comfortable spot I found earlier.

“Adam,” Jesse breathes while he tries to catch his breath.

“What the hell am I gonna do with you?” I purr a sigh of contentment against his smooth chest. “Use me whenever you want to. I’m happy to do it.”

“But that’s not –”

“Fair?” I ask, raising my upper body to see him. “What’s not fair is you lying in that bed of yours while I’m lying in mine, my body burning for yours. What’s not fair is me worrying every time I go near you that you’ll leave because you’ll want to distance yourself out of ‘consideration’ for my feelings. What’s not fair is that you like it when I touch you, and yet you won’t allow yourself to just go with it and give in.” My voice rises as I speak because my heart aches with every word. It must show on my face because Jesse reaches up to touch it and traces his fingers from my eyebrows down to my jaw. With a defeated sigh I lower myself back down into the crook of his neck.