Bound by Love's Gravity (32 page)

Sarah strode to the couch in his office then plopped down, not seeming to care that she was wearing next to nothing on a surface where he could easily fuck her. Not that there was anywhere he couldn’t or wouldn’t fuck her, if he decided to.

Crossing her legs, she sat back. “Deke has this notion that the whole BR fiasco is his fault. And he thinks that he can’t protect us. Blah, blah, blah. And you.” She pointed at him accusingly. “You have this fortress around you. It’s like you’re shutting down too, just slower than he is.”

That’s because you’re smothering me.

He didn’t realize he’d spoken—until Sarah threw a pillow at his head and snapped, “Yeah well, if I didn’t, you would do what Deke is doing.”

“And what is he
doing?
”

“He’s running away.”

Adam had to agree with her assessment about Deke. Their lover had slept on the couch every night for the past week, claiming his nightmares would keep them up. Technically, he was probably right. His hoarse bellows and unrestrained movements weren’t exactly conducive to sleep. But those didn’t matter. They would survive it as long as they were together. And Deke’s waking hours were spent away. He didn’t eat with them or do anything else with them. He barely even spoke to them.

If it weren’t for his belligerent attitude, Adam wouldn’t have let Deke get away with this bullshit. But every time Adam saw Deke, he ended up pissed off, angry enough that he didn’t want to be near him anyway. Sarah wasn’t any better off. Deke knew exactly what to say and how to act to keep Sarah at a distance. Guilt was generally his best weapon against Sarah. And he hadn’t been above using it when necessary.

Thinking about Sarah’s accusation though, Adam was offended. He’d done none of those things to her.

Crossing his arms, he leaned his hip against his mahogany desk. “I’m doing no such thing.”

Sarah snorted. “Sure you are. You’ll touch me and hold me in bed at night, but that’s it. You aren’t yourself. You don’t talk or share things with me. It’s all physical. And I’m fed up. If the two of you don’t do something, I’m going to…I don’t know just yet. But I will do something. And you won’t like it.” Sitting up straighter, she went right on. “I refuse to waste my time and energy on two men who can’t get their acts together enough to take what belongs to them. I want to be loved and cherished, and I want to do the same to you and Deke. But neither of you will let me. Neither of you will have me.”

Had he made her feel like that?
Of course you did, bonehead.
He’d been so caught up in his guilt that he’d gotten lost in it. He’d neglected her.
I’m a bastard.

“Oh no, you don’t,” she snapped as she shot to her feet and advanced on him. Poking him in the chest, she gave him a look that didn’t bode well. “This guilt has got to stop. Deke’s all mopey because he feels guilty about everything. And I do mean everything.” She pushed back the caramel strands of her hair that had fallen forward. “Sheesh, you would think he is Dom of the fucking world and all the little people who live there. But at least, I understand his sulking. You, I don’t get.”

He grabbed her finger and pulled it to his lips. He kissed the tip. “I feel like a failure,” he admitted. “I couldn’t protect you.”

Sarah huffed again. “So basically, Deke feels like he is incapable of protecting me, and you feel like you failed to take care of me. Well, listen here, buster. You two don’t get to do this. You don’t get to whine and crap. Do you see Sam sulking?” She shook her head. “No, he got stabbed, and he’s just been released from the hospital. But he is acting like a man about it. And me, I have the right to bitch and moan and go on. But you don’t see me doing it, either. If we don’t get to, you don’t get to. Man up, Adam, and get over yourself. That goes double for Deke. No. That goes triple for Deke.”

Offended at her declaration, he stood up straighter. “I need to get over myself?”

“Yep.”

“How is that the case?” He was dying to hear her answer.

“You two are not gods. Last time I checked you aren’t all-knowing, all-powerful, all-seeing, and always present. And you also don’t look like my friend Brooklyn, which means you’re not psychic. So…”

“So?”

“You need to get it through your thick skulls that you’re doing the best you can. I love you. I trust you. Isn’t that enough?” Her face fell. “Aren’t I enough?”

“Oh, God,” he groaned as he pulled her into his arms, encircling her waist. “Sweet pea, you’re everything to me, to us. We’re just…”
What?
“…struggling. Give us some time.”

“No,” she replied stubbornly, her face reddening. “If I let you and Deke wallow, you’ll never stop. We’ve worked too hard to get here. So I’m going to get in the club, and I’m going to fix this. Are you going to help me or not?”

He took a breath then asked, “What do you need me to do?”

She smiled. “Come a little closer, and I’ll tell you all about it.”

* * * *

When Deke entered The Edge’s dungeon, he cursed viciously. He wasn’t in the mood to deal with some bullshit tonight. And from the call he’d gotten from Hale, the problem was complete and utter bullshit. A sneaky sub didn’t rank on his list of disasters. Her Dom needed to get her under control, not him. He had better things to do.

Like what? Avoiding Adam or running from Sarah? Hiding in my office or drinking liquor?
He snorted. His life sucked. But the worst part was that it was his own damn fault. He knew it. He embraced it. He just couldn’t fix it.

Every time he closed his eyes, he saw Adam helpless and Sarah in BR’s clutches. And every dream he had tormented him with images of Adam in the wine cellar and Sarah in the bathtub. Not a second passed that he wasn’t consumed by the memories of that horrifying day.

Being around Adam and Sarah only amplified his remorse, deepened his guilt. He’d fucked up. He’d not protected them. And he’d nearly lost them because of it. What’s more, Megan
had
been murdered because of him. Even though he hadn’t loved her, she shouldn’t have died, not like that.

“God,” he growled. “I need to get a grip.”

“Hey, bossman,” Ansley called out as she jogged toward him. “I heard we have an intruder. Do you know who it is yet?”

Deke shook his head. “Not yet.”

“Ah.” She sighed. “Perfect. I didn’t miss the show.”

He stopped, a sudden sense of shit hitting the fan poleaxing him. “What do you know?”

Shrugging, she replied, “Nothing. I know nothing at all. But if I were you, I’d get a move on. The sub is supposed to be tied up.” She snickered at her lame pun. “And I heard she’s a feisty one. She’s even giving Adam hell.”

“Fuck,” Deke swore. Then, not wasting another second on Ansley, he sped up, working his way through the various round stages situated throughout the giant underground space. In his haste, he passed numerous bondage apparatuses. He practically ran over Doms and subs that got in his way. He broke through one crowd after another without even acknowledging them. Even the St. Andrew’s cross and spanking benches didn’t get a cursory glance as he barreled toward the back of the open dungeon. Apparently, he had some serious business to attend to, after all.

* * * *

“I changed my mind,” Sarah whispered to Adam. “I would prefer we did this upstairs—alone.”

By her side, Adam chuckled darkly. “You wanted to do this. We’re doing it.” He caressed her hair, the sensation of his big, strong hand running through the strands feeling amazingly good in her agitated state. “Unless you use your safe word, you’re stuck, sub.”

That wasn’t happening. She was
not
using her safe word. This really wasn’t that bad. Was it?

Looking at the crowd forming around the stage, she decided it was that bad. In all her life, she’d never felt this exposed, this vulnerable. People saw her, every inch of her, as she knelt on the floor by the bondage bed with nothing on her body except the ropes gently anchoring her elbows behind her back. They could hear her hyperventilate, probably smell her fear.
Oh, gosh. I can’t—

Before she had time to finish her though, Deke appeared, his face thunderous and his body stiff as a board. “What the fuck are you doing, Sarah?” He turned to Adam then demanded, “And why the hell are you helping her?”

As soon as she got an eyeful of Deke, she lowered her gaze to the floor submissively. “Sir?” She heard the tremble in her tone, but she didn’t comment on it.

Neither did Deke. “Sarah, you don’t have to do this. I know what you’re thinking.”

No, he didn’t. “Sir, you’re struggling with what happened. But you need to see you can take care of me and protect me.”

Using his hand, Deke tilted her head back until she had to meet his tortured eyes. “This isn’t the way, Sarah. You’re not ready for bondage. I know how ropes make you feel.”

She shook her head. “And I know that you need this. You have to understand that I trust you with my heart, my body, and my soul.”

“No,” Deke replied brusquely as he turned to walk away. “I don’t need this.”

Adam grabbed Deke by the arm. “Hell no, you don’t. This is too important for you to walk away again.”

Deke stared at Adam’s hand, his eyes cold. “Get your hand off me, Adam. This is not up for discussion.”

Tightening his grip, Adam snapped, “No. You will stay, and you will listen. Then you can walk away. But if you do, just keep going. I’m not playing with you anymore.”

Deke gave Adam the uncompromising
I am Dom, you are sub
stare that she loved so much. But Adam sent it right back.

Sighing, Deke relaxed marginally. “Fine. Talk.”

Sarah swallowed convulsively as she peered up at Deke. “I know how you feel, and I get it. But I don’t feel that way. I
trust
you. And if this is the way to prove it to you, I will, because I know you would never do anything to hurt me. You love me. You told me you do.”

He had told her. The night of the incident with BR, she’d confessed what she’d overheard. Upset, he’d apologized and admitted his feelings. He’d explained everything. And despite his recent actions, she knew he did love her. That was what had carried her through on the days that it seemed like he didn’t even like being near her.

Deke’s eyes softened. “I do love you, Sarah, more than my own life. But—”

“Then show me,” she whispered, knowing that she shouldn’t interrupt him but realizing if she didn’t, he would talk himself into walking away. “Show me, Sir.”

Deke stood there, still as a statue, for a minute. Then he changed, his whole demeanor transforming. “You do know that I will spank you for this.”

She nodded. “Yes, Sir.”

“And you realize that I expect you to submit to us in front of all these people.”

Immediately, she replied, “Yes, Sir.”

Adam released Deke’s arm. “She knows. I’ve already warned her.”

“Good.” Deke went for the buttons on his dress shirt. One by one, he methodically released them. When he was done, he removed the shirt completely and tossed it aside. “If you weren’t tied up, I would require you fold my shirt, sub. But since you are, I’ll make an exception.”

Sarah nibbled on her bottom lip. “Thank you.”

Deke arched an eyebrow. “Sir?”

She nodded. “Thank you, Sir.”

Beside Deke, Adam chuckled, much to her annoyance. But knowing when to keep her mouth shut, she never said a word. Instead, she lowered her eyes and waited.

Ominously, Deke began to circle around her. He gave her a wide berth at first. But with each pass, he grew closer. Adam joined in, walking in the opposite direction of Deke, and she worried her heart might just pound out of her chest.

“Nice chain stitch, Adam,” Deke murmured appreciatively. “Personally, I would have gone with something a little different.”

Adam smiled. “I thought that knot would be a good place to start. I wouldn’t want to push her too hard right now. After all, she is having playtime in public for the first time.”

Oh crap.
Sarah shivered. She’d forgotten about the group of people observing her with her two Doms. But remembering them, feeling their hot eyes on her, caressing her skin and burning into her flesh, had her anxiety morphing into arousal.

“Where would you like to start?” Adam asked Deke.

“Naughty subs get their asses spanked.” She heard the amusement in Deke’s voice. “I want to see our sub with red cheeks.”

Sarah clenched her thighs as moisture flooded her pussy. She had to suck in a quick breath through her teeth to ease the burn in her lungs from lack of oxygen.

“I knew you were a smart man,” Adam declared before lifting her from the floor as though she weighed no more than a feather.

“Eep,” she squealed.

Adam swatted her ass with a firm hand. “Quiet.”

Knowing she should listen to her Dom, she went silent. Save for her breathing, there was no peep coming from her.

“Good girl,” Deke murmured. “I think I’ll take off five for that.”

Curious, she had to bite her lip to keep from asking how many swats she was actually going to get. She figured that right now was not the time to be pushing them for anything, let alone frivolous answers.