Breach: The Boxset (42 page)

CHAPTER 14

I
t was almost seven when we pulled up to Trent and Erin’s home, a large two story in a nice suburban neighborhood. The walk up to the door was tense because we both knew Nathan’s dream held so much significance and were in desperate need of Darren’s guidance. It seemed like we couldn’t do anything without his input anymore; we didn’t want to screw things up again.

Erin answered the door, her bright smile slipping as she took in our appearance. I was sure we looked as off as we felt. “Hope you two are hungry.”

Neither of us said anything, but our fingers were intertwined as we stepped through the doorway.

Trent came down the stairs, his gaze moving from us to Erin, who shrugged her shoulders.

“Good to see you guys.” Trent stepped forward to give us a hug.

We moved to the dining room to find Darren sitting with Alec and Brennan, going over Alec’s latest drawings. Trent’s parents were on their way over to take the kids to dinner so there would be no interruptions.

Darren studied us, most likely trying to understand our behavior and need to see him, but he stayed with small talk for the moment. Erin and Trent looked at each other a couple times, but didn’t say anything. It didn’t seem strange to us, but maybe that was because we were in it together and knew what was going on.

We sat at the table and Erin passed out margaritas, which I began devouring. I was going to need it to get through the night. Nathan glared at the drink in my hand but didn’t say anything. I could tell he was mentally going through what medications I was still on. After a few minutes, he must have been satisfied the yumminess in my hand wouldn’t interact much with any of them, and the scowl left his handsome face.

He picked up the glass to join in, and I pulled it from his grip. He turned to me, surprised. “You’re on pain meds, and you’re driving.”

He gave a heavy sigh and nodded, while I moved the glass to my side of the table, happy to have the refill I was going to need.

Nathan had good days and bad days in regard to the amount of pain he was in, but the last few weeks the bad outweighed the good. Taking care of me and carrying me around, had taken its toll on his glued together body. The stress of it all had him in more pain than normal. Though it had been lessening since I’d become more independent, it still made me feel a little guilty I was the reason he ached.

“So, how are things going?” Erin asked, diving right into it.

Trent groaned, and our faces fell. Darren shook his head before saying, “Erin, I don’t think that topic is appropriate dinner table conversation.”

“I’m only asking a simple question.”

Darren chuckled. “Always the inquisitor.”

“What?”

“You know that question isn’t going to get a simple answer, and you’re being nosey,” Nathan said, pointing a chip at his cousin.

Erin pursed her lips, unhappy about not knowing what was going on. “Well, then, what can I talk about? What is a safe topic, Nate?”

I was munching on some of the chips and guacamole Erin made. “Oh, what about Erin’s cooking skills? This guacamole is fantastic!”

Trent mouthed a “thank you,” while Darren and Nathan chuckled. Erin’s face lit up and she went into telling me all about the ingredients she used.

It was a Mexican-themed meal with enchiladas as the main course—Erin’s specialty.

After dinner Darren led us into the den, directing us to the couch before closing the door and then sitting in one of the chairs. I pulled Nathan’s dream journal from my purse and handed it to Nathan, who in turn handed it to Darren.

We were both anxious as he turned on his doctor mode and spent the following fifteen minutes reading over Nathan’s dream, his face void of emotion the entire time. Every once in a while he would look up to Nathan and then turn to me before returning his attention back to the journal.

“Hmm,” was all he said, the only noise he uttered as he read the intricate details of Nathan’s subconscious.

He set it down and sat back in his chair, staring at the journal. It sat there for a few minutes before he picked it back up and read through it again.

My brow scrunched together.
That’s it?

That was when he turned to me. No, that was not it. “I assume you’ve read this. How does this make you feel? Do you have doubts about the sincerity? Are you scared? Tell me what’s going through your head.”

I clasped Nathan’s hand in mine and took a deep breath before spilling every thought that was running through my head since the previous evening. “I love Nathan, and I want to believe this is what we’ve been waiting for, but at the same time I don’t know if I can trust it. Do I take it at face value? I mean…can it really be true?”

Dr. Morgenson nodded. “It can, if you allow it.”

“How does one dream change a man overnight? He could wake up tomorrow and regret it, or decide I’m not enough. What do I have that holds him? Nothing. Because despite how much I try and how much I’ve healed, I still don’t have very much self-worth. So, why would this one dream make everything okay, make him want me, and want to stay with me? I’m afraid of what it could or couldn’t mean, and I’m afraid… ” I trailed off, my head dropping, tears stinging my eyes.

Nathan squeezed my hand as his other hand tilted my face up to his. “I can’t let go of all my guilt, but I’m ready to move forward. I think that’s what it means. I need to live again, and I want to do that with you. I can’t keep going the way I’ve been heading, and I can’t lose you. Honeybear, after everything that’s happened, I know I can’t be without you.” His thumb began to make small circles on my cheek, wiping away the tear that fell. I leaned into his touch. “I love you, and I want us to move forward and out of this purgatory
we’ve
created.”

I leaned forward and placed my lips on his. He pressed into me, his lips parting.

“I want that too, but you have to remember I’m always going to need constant confirmation you want me.”

“Then I’ll tell you every single day how much I love and adore you, how much I want you in every single way a man could want a woman.”

There was a throat clearing, knocking us out of the little bubble we were hiding in. We both turned to find Dr. Morgenson studying us. He leaned forward and placed the journal back on the table and tapped on it. “This? This has rendered me speechless. I mean…wow. I’m astonished, Nathan. This is the largest breakthrough I’ve ever seen with you, next to admitting you were in love with Lila. You seem to be doing well on your own. I almost feel like my children are leaving the nest,” he said, joking with us a bit before asking the question we wanted the answer to. “So, what’s the next step?”

Nathan turned to look at Dr. Morgenson. “We were hoping you would tell us that.”

“Well, you two have made quite a lot of progress over the past few months. While you both still have a long journey ahead of you, I believe you both may have passed your greatest hurdles.” He sat back, contemplating his next statement. “If you were ready to try a conventional relationship, I would encourage it. You two have only made the progress you have because of one another. The love and support you provide one another is healthy, even if your past relationship was not. I have faith in you two. It won’t be easy, but you’re moving in the right direction.”

Dr. Morgenson left us after that to check on dessert, closing the door to the study behind him. We sat there for a moment going over what he had said in silence.

Out therapist thought we were good for one another, that we helped each other. He was surprised by Nathan’s breakthrough and believed it to be true.

He’s the expert, so I should believe him… right?

I was so lost in my thoughts with my hand lying limp in Nathan’s, I almost missed the statement that would solidify my decision to be with him.

“I need lovey hugs.”

It was then I realized I was acting distant, that he needed almost as much reassurance as I did. I launched myself as best I could from my position on the couch and onto his lap. My arms wrapped tightly around him, my hands fisting into his shirt.

“I love you, Nate. I love you so much.”

“Lila, Lila, baby, you are my everything.”

We stayed that way for a few minutes before he helped me stand and walk back out to the dining room. Darren, Trent, and Erin were waiting for us. We ate cheesecake with cherries and caught up on idle gossip for about an hour.

It was nice to be with people in a normal setting, doing normal things, and I didn’t want the rest of the evening to seem rushed, but I was dying to get out of there and get home. I wanted nothing more than to be in bed, with Nathan between my thighs, his body surrounding mine.

We were getting ready to leave, hugging goodbye, when Erin whispered in my ear. “Much clearer.”

The drive wasn’t long, but the air was charged, our fingers entwined. We entered the building and stepped into the elevator that would take us up to my condo. The tension in the small space was palpable. It felt like any second the car would explode, but I had a feeling neither of us would mind. My eyes were locked on the panel, watching it change with each floor. Four, Five, Six, Seven.

Before we hit eight, my crutches were on the ground, and I was wrapped up in Nathan’s arms, pulled as close as possible to his tight chest. His lips found mine, and it was electrifying. I could feel his need through his fingers.

I’d missed his lips on mine, the connection we had when we were together. He set me on fire and made me feel alive. What we shared sexually was unique, ours, and I’d missed it all and ached to have it again.

The elevator pinged for our floor as Nathan picked me up. I wrapped my legs around his waist, one of his hands holding up my casted leg, while he picked up my crutches. We stumbled down the hall and somehow managed to unlock the door. He tossed the crutches to the ground and walked us back to the bedroom.

He threw me down on the bed and rid himself of his shirt before bringing his lips down to mine. His fingers worked at my waistband, pulling my skirt down over my hips and down my legs.

A rumble moved through his chest as he growled into my ear, “I need you, baby.”

My hand moved down his chest, pushing beneath the waistband of his slacks to find what
I
needed. He hissed when my fingers wrapped around his cock. He was hard and hot, and I was getting wet with every second his silky shaft was in my hand.

Hard, frantic hands ripped my shirt from me, and I was forced to let go of my prize. His mouth closed over my nipple, his teeth biting down and tugging, pulling on the sensitive flesh and sending sweet pleasure down to where his hand was working my clit.

I cried out and shuddered, my body begging for more. Heat trailed along my thigh where his cock brushed against the sensitive skin. So close, so close to where I needed him. My nails dug into his arms from the intensity of it all.

“That’s it, baby. You like that, don’t you? Fucking begging for it, because…because…”

His voice dropped as he trailed off, unable to finish his sentence, and his movements slowed, while his eyes grew wide. He dropped his forehead to mine, his lips pressed into a hard line. Fuck, he was warring with himself.  He was holding the beast back, keeping his lips sealed. I didn’t know why he stopped, but I was going to get him back on track.

“Talk to me, please. Please,” I begged, my hands roaming his arms and chest. I kissed along his tense jaw and whispered in his ear, “I need it. Tell me how much you love being inside me. How much you need me. How much you love to fuck me hard. How I’m a dirty little slut for letting you do naughty things to me. All the while you fuck me like the whore I am for you. Only for you. All for you. I want you, Nathan. Now. Hard.”

He growled, and my pussy clenched from the delicious sound. His hands were rough as they grabbed mine, pushing them into the bed while his body covered mine. He stared into my eyes, the tip of his cock at my entrance, hips thrust forward, driving him as deep as he could go.

My mouth opened in a silent scream as he filled me for the first time in months. An overwhelming feeling took hold, and I trembled in his arms.

Something clicked then, and everything was right.
We
were right.

“Because you are
my
dirty girl. Your moans are mine, your orgasms are mine, your body is mine,” he said through clenched teeth. “You are fucking
mine!
”